https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 02 May 2026 11:11:09 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors/page/2#post-631666 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 16:30:39 +0000 photojane 631666@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, having family around was what really helped my baby blues. Our family was extremely helpful... bringing food to the hospital, spending time with S so we could get a few naps, making us dinners after we got home, etc. I loved having that support system when I was EXHAUSTED and weepy. </p> <p>Also, we only had family and our best friends at the hospital, but I didn't find it annoying at all. Of course they took turns holding her, but we had plenty of alone time with our girl. I loved seeing everyone oh &amp; ah over her... it made me very proud. :)</p> <p>So, I guess I have a little bit of a different perspective. Of course the first week was HARD, especially with our BFing issues, but I wouldn't have made it without our families. Being alone made things worse for me... I cried every time I showered! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-631611 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 16:16:48 +0000 Cherrybee 631611@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: I'm so glad your DH is finally on board. That's the key, having a partner who understands that you're not being unfair asking to keep visiting to a minimum, you actually do need this time to bond, establish breastfeeding, get into a routine of sorts... </p> <p>I'm not having quite the success you report! DH is completely not on board with setting "visiting hours" and, in fact, thinks I'm being unreasonable! And yesterday the MIL stepped it up a gear announcing that she will be dropping round a casserole or a meal to us every day when we're back from the hospital and will not be leaving until she's had "sufficient cuddles" (every freaking day!!). I'm going to commit murder, I feel it in my (hormonal) waters!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-631400 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 15:14:40 +0000 MsLipGloss 631400@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: I just told them that the baby was calmer with me and that I wanted it to stay that way. I also said that it was healthier for the baby to not be passed around. There were a few pissed/annoyed faces, but there isn't any comeback to a mother who is keeping her baby's best interests at the forefront. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-631246 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 14:44:48 +0000 littlebittyhouse 631246@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss: THIS!</p> <p>I had sooooo many people irritated with me because I didn't and still don't hand him over.</p> <p>I was completely honest and said I was feeling anxious and I felt better if I was holding him.</p> <p>Thankfully DH is not a pass the baby person either but I solidified it by talking to him all the time about how stressful it is for newborns to be away from their mamas for long periods of time. He is now such a papa bear! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-631130 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 14:20:46 +0000 Boheme 631130@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss: What did you say to people when you declined handing the baby over? Because I'm totally ok with asking people not to take him from me. I just don't know how to word it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-631060 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 14:04:30 +0000 mrsmenow 631060@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: "my smother in law though"</p> <p>OMG&lt; too funny. I am glad it sounds like your DH is coming around, if not send him to the bee and we can set him straight. His ideas with all these visitors was cray cray:) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-630899 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 13:13:50 +0000 Boheme 630899@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsLilybugg: that would be awesome! I would love a helpful list thread. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-630874 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 13:08:02 +0000 MrsLilybugg 630874@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a great thread!!! I'll be sure to reference it when I'm closer to due date. A little off topic so I'll start a new thread stemming off of this (re: helpful lists.) Unless there's already one. I'll search.<br /> @Grizz: OMG, I am soooooooooooo glad that your DH is starting to come around!!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-630310 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 10:34:33 +0000 Lozza 630310@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I kind of feel like one of the best things you can do for this kind of issue is to really get your DH on board with protecting your privacy, your time, and your preferences. After giving birth, I was too exhausted and stressed and hormonal to really be able to advocate for myself in a coherent way, but I was lucky that if I could at least tell DH some idea of what I needed, he'd figure out the details of how to get it. I had a minor freakout the last day in the hospital because I wanted to get up and take a shower, but I was still a mess and wearing the hospital gown and my mom and FIL were in the room and I didn't want to try to get out of bed in front of them, so I just started crying. DH got everyone out of the room so I could have some time to just be naked and gross and sore without an audience. We established drop in hours for friends (like, every Sunday from 2-4, you may stop by to see the baby... other days are off limits), and my parents were actually really good about taking care of me and the house, rather than just waiting to hold the baby. My dad did all the errand-running and meals, and my mom and sister did tons of laundry and set up all the baby gear.<br /> The only person who got on my nerves was FIL, because I didn't feel comfortable BFing in front of him yet (he didn't care, but I had to be totally topless to get LO latched for the first few days, and so it meant I felt like I had to hide out if he was around), but after I cried again about it to DH, DH gave his dad tasks to get him out of the house.<br /> My sister was also really good about being my advocate, and when she has a mission, you do not @#$% with my sister. Even if we had people over, if I started to get stressed or look panicky, my sister would shoo everyone away, get me whatever I needed, and keep everyone else out till I calmed down. I think it's really good to have a designated advocate or two during that time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-630217 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 10:14:55 +0000 Modern Daisy 630217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've already started to plan this out. My parents are the only ones who will come to the hospital, which makes sense and shouldn't hurt any feelings since my IL"s live far away and need to plan flights and hotels anyway. Then the first two weeks at home will be me and DH only, if we have visitors at all it will be seldom and only for like an hour at a time. No overnight and no out of town. </p> <p>After that my MIL wants to come stay with us to help out which I really do appreciate, but we are still deciding if we want her to wait until I go back to work or not. That is when we'll REALLY need help. And putting her up for a week + will be hectic and stressful even though she is super helpful. If we can delay putting the baby in daycare due to her visit, she will be worth her weight in gold. But at the same time I don't want to make her wait a full 3 months if she's anxious to come earlier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-630200 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 10:09:31 +0000 T.H.O.U. 630200@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: Another thing that REALLY helps with this is wearing the baby in the sling. A lot of people will ask to hold a baby in your arms, but if a baby is in a sling or carrier, they often will not ask. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-630178 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 09:57:43 +0000 MsLipGloss 630178@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: I know I upset several people, but I just didn't let my LO get passed around - EVER. I totally used the FTM/over-protective mama bear excuse, but I knew I couldn't handle it, and I didn't want my baby to have to handle it either. Even now at 6 mos. I won't just hand her over to someone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-630172 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 09:54:00 +0000 Boheme 630172@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: I would be so annoyed too! I don't know how I'm going to cope with people besides my husband and parents holding him...I really hate the thought of it. </p> <p>My OB said something at my last appointment about how its overstimulating and nerve wracking for newborn babies to be passed around, and that its hard to calm them later. I asked her if she would please repeat that sentiment in front of my husband, and she actually put it in my chart as a reminder! ha! She is awesome. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-630160 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 09:47:48 +0000 ladyfingers 630160@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss: exactly. They'd hold the baby and when he'd get fussy hand him back to me saying to him, oh you're hungry, I can't help you there, har dee har!! Meanwhile I'm scrambling to make myself some lunch so I can eat and make milk to feed my baby. How about making me lunch instead of getting in my baby's face for 10 minutes? I know he's cute and all, but sheesh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-630158 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 09:46:46 +0000 MsLipGloss 630158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: lol(!) at *s*mother . . . . </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-630146 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 09:43:46 +0000 T.H.O.U. 630146@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We were ok with visitors at the hospital because we knew it would just be our immediate family and close friends. However, we made it very clear that EVERYONE needed to call before coming. </p> <p>Our hospital implemented a "nap" time and kicked visitors out from 1-3pm. It was GREAT! It wasn't seriously enforced but it was really nice to have some quiet time. </p> <p>Once home, I agree with making a list of helpful things if you think people are going to stay for a while. I learned that if a friend was going to stay for longer than 15 minutes, then they needed to put themselves to use (aka, hold the baby so I can shower or load the dishwasher while I feed the baby). But I got fed up with just sitting there chatting watching them hold my baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-630145 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 09:43:38 +0000 Boheme 630145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband and I talked last night, and I just got brutally honest with him, and surprisingly he was more on board than he had been in the past. He got to the part in the baby book he's reading about the importance of establishing breastfeeding the first two weeks, so I might dare say he's *starting* to get where I'm coming from. He even talked about hanging a "Mommy and baby are sleeping sign" next to our doorbell! Progress! We'll see how he holds up to the pressure exuded on him from my smother in law though. Nope, not a typo ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-630137 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 09:37:57 +0000 NerdBee 630137@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If visitors are considerate, it is not so bad to have visitors post partum. For us, no one stayed longer than an hour and as soon as he needed to be fed, they gave him up and I took him away to nurse. The visitors usually left while I was nursing or made themselves useful by washing dishes. Our visitors also mostly came with food which really helped during those first couple of weeks when we had no time to cook. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-630117 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 09:32:00 +0000 pastemoo 630117@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I handled it poorly and like Vanessa, felt like a milk machine... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-630095 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 09:25:01 +0000 sorrycharlie 630095@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was very clear from the beginning (i.e., pregnancy) , and even so, when I followed through on those wishes it caused a massive issue in DH's family. Suffice to say, he's not on speaking terms with anyone but his father now. Yeah. I won't get into all the details publicly but all I wanted was no visitors the day or two after we came home, but then my mom and dad dropped things off for me, FIL saw and told everyone on that side (they live next door), and I was accused (2 months later, after being treated crappily in the meantime) of treating them differently than my family.</p> <p>Was also told I should have "sucked it up" by my SIL when I told her I was in pain and didn't want visitors (she tried to come over) the day we came home. She has had 2 kids, btw.</p> <p>Honestly, I'm glad I stuck my guns because I got tons of bonding time with DH and LO, but, I hate that they made it all so miserable for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-630069 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 09:14:00 +0000 buffalove 630069@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>we had a TON of visitors, which I was ok with, but it did take some management. I really took people up on their offers to help and let go of some of my more anal tendencies (for example, my sister wasn't putting the glasses away in the same way I do, but who freaking cares? well, I did, but I let go of it...her doing it meant that I didnt have to! same goes for dishwasher, laundry, etc). I also spaced my visitors apart. I knew we'd need some down time so I didnt allow too many in one day, and people were totally fine with this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-630035 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 08:58:42 +0000 MsLipGloss 630035@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: @ladyfingers: Nobody mothers the mother! Everyone wants to *help with the baby* when what should be happening is that everyone should be HELPING THE MAMA so she can take care of the baby! *augh* This has to be my single biggest complaint about visitors and parents/in-laws . . . especially those with children! Talk about disappointing!</p> <p>@grizz: Your request is sooooo not unreasonable! Take the time you need for your new family. If anyone is hurt or disappointed, well, that's their problem!</p> <p>@Mrs. Jump Rope: We had the exact opposite experience. *Everyone* (and by that I mean my parents and my in-laws) overstayed their welcome *and* disrespected our wishes. It was a nightmare, and while I am willing to forgive, several relationships have been irrevocably changed because of it (it is impossible to forget). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-630006 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 08:49:46 +0000 tlcbaby 630006@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That was a great post, I didn't even know she had a blog. :) This is something I worry about, too. I've already made it clear that there will be nobody in the delivery room besides my husband and myself and when the day finally gets here I am going to ask family to give us a few hours with the baby before they come to visit.</p> <p>Once we are at home, I like the idea that someone brought up of having "visiting hours" for friends and family. I really don't want to feel like I am having to entertain or that I have to give everyone else all my baby time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-629953 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 08:28:29 +0000 ladyfingers 629953@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: I am a huge people pleaser too - but there's only 2 people to please now, you and baby! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-629952 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 08:26:23 +0000 Boheme 629952@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladyfingers: This was a huge help! I can see myself falling into that exact pattern if I'm not careful since I'm a people pleaser by nature, and then I feel resentful about it. I hope you are starting to feel more like yourself again! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-629731 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 04:58:03 +0000 ladyfingers 629731@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can totally relate to her story. We didn't have a ton of visitors in the early days and my baby blues subsided by one month, but last week my MIL was in town, and while she didn't stay with us, my anxiety definitely came back while she was here. It wasn't her fault, but I felt self-conscious about feeding him so much because she didn't breastfeed so couldn't understand feeding on demand. I felt like she would think my feeding him was keeping him from her. As soon as I was done I felt obligated to hand him over, but I knew that soon after his feeding he'd get fussy and need a nap and that having somebody in his face and holding him upright and talking to him constantly would overstimulate him and make it harder to get him down. Then I felt weird about going to put him down so frequently and going to nap with him and then having to feed him again, etc. It made it worse that the house was a mess, nobody offered to clean or help with laundry, I was often unshowered, nobody offered to get me food or water while I fed, etc. When we have visitors, no matter how much people say - and mean - "be yourself, don't entertain us," I feel like I have to. So by the end of her weeklong visit I was a mess, hiding out in the bedroom, scowling at her, resenting DH, and crying in private.</p> <p>That being said, take the time you need and don't feel bad about wanting to be with your baby for more than just feeding. I slip into feeling like everybody gets the baby smiles and cuddles and I get him as soon as he's a hungry mess wailing for milk. Then he falls asleep eating or he's a tired mess crying while I put him to sleep, then he wakes up wailing for milk and I feed him to get him nice and fun fit others to hold. Rinse, repeat. This is all in your control. Hog your baby. Who cares if people are disappointed? You won't regret not giving others time with him - you will regret not giving yourself time with him.</p> <p>Oh, and totally tell people what you need when they ask. I always say, nothing, because I don't want to "burden" them. I wish I'd taken more advantage of help in those first couple weeks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-629703 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 02:00:58 +0000 lemondrop 629703@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We politely declined all visitors except our parents and siblings for a few weeks. Fortunately/unfortunately we had a few days of NICU time after the first day, so nobody would have been able to see him anyway. We were very vague when we would be coming home on purpose, we just wanted to be left alone for a while. </p> <p>Anti-social to some people, yes, but I was an exhausted hormonal wreck and just could not deal with anything besides breastfeeding for the first 3 weeks. My parents made a couple day trips to see us and my IL's stayed a week with us, but everyone did cooking and house work so I didn't have to lift a finger, not that I would have anyway. My MIL was seriously the best that first week, I got so spoiled and babied by her. </p> <p>I never had to ask to hold him, everyone respected that I got first priority for snuggles, so I got to take plenty of naps with him. There was still more than enough time for the grandparents to hold him while I pumped and napped on my own. I am rarely ever a diva, but I took full advantage of it during my post-partum period. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-629698 Mon, 11 Mar 2013 01:13:19 +0000 rrachael 629698@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was worried about this too, but it ended up not being so bad. Only immediate family and close friends visited in the first few weeks and to be honest, sometimes it was nice to have someone else hold DD so I could *shower* and feel a little human again! </p> <p>A friend gave me a good tip too ... have a list of things that need to get done waiting when your visitors arrive! That way they see it and will most likely be happy to help and you won't have to worry about even asking. </p> <p>Oh ~ and one more thing ... if you're feeling anxious and need alone time with the baby ~ scoop her up, say it's time to nurse and disappear into your bedroom for as long as you need! No one will question an hour long nursing session with a newborn! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-621568 Thu, 07 Mar 2013 15:56:25 +0000 Dandelion 621568@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You can set up "visiting hours" like they do in hospitals. In one hospital nearby, they deny visitors between 2 and 4 in the afternoon, to give mom and baby some time.</p> <p>At home you can say that tuesdays and thursdays between 12 and 3 are visiting hours (or whatever dates/times you pick) and be strict about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/post-baby-anxiety-amp-visitors#post-621534 Thu, 07 Mar 2013 15:50:40 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 621534@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: they stayed for all of 5 minutes. i think i scared them! </p>