https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 09 May 2026 11:13:59 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it/page/2#post-2744422 Tue, 06 Jun 2017 15:14:28 +0000 gingerbebe 2744422@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agree with everyone above - if you are having marital issues already, adding financial strain is a no go. It sounds like there are way bigger issues at stake and as I said before, you have to think about what's best for your child - which is two parents getting along. I'm really sorry you are going through this - hopefully you guys can get some help and discuss ways to prioritize your nuclear family and your child and your marriage over living near his family in a high COL area or whether or not you get to stay at home part time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it/page/2#post-2744381 Tue, 06 Jun 2017 14:14:00 +0000 jomarma 2744381@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: @yoursilverlining: @Coral: @Truth Bombs: thank you all. I know this has taken a turn from job share to my relationship and ppd/papa (which I might have... I definitely have anxiety) I think this sudden opportunity threw me for a major loop and what was once an exciting prospect now is just another stressful thing. I have a lot to think about, and not just about the job share. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it/page/2#post-2744363 Tue, 06 Jun 2017 13:41:36 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2744363@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jomarma: The first year of being a parent HARD. Set your expectations for your husband's role in childcare and look into PPD as pp suggested. When my first was little I wanted to work but because of PPD and not wanting to do ALL the childcare myself I didn't and I tried to do everything at home and I came to greatly resent DH and his job. He was that dad that almost never watched our kid by himself. It turned out that even when I did work we had many of the same types of issues and I blame that partially on not making my expectations known (partly on him and partly on my needing to control things at the very beginning!) That time I became more verbal (plus we had already gone through it before) and things were much much better. He needs to know how you feel for better or worse, imo. Whatever you decide with work or your marriage know you are not alone! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it/page/2#post-2744356 Tue, 06 Jun 2017 13:29:19 +0000 yoursilverlining 2744356@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sounds like there is a LOT more going on than deciding whether it makes sense to take a short-term financial hit. If you really think there is a reasonable chance you may separate or divorce in the next few years, there is no way I would ever cut to part-time work. </p> <p>If the chief resentment against your husband is that you don’t want to work for the first year of your child’s life; I would suggest seeing someone about those issues and figuring out the root issues - - the why. The resentment is likely only to get worse with time if you don’t treat it now, because you’ll find “excuses” to back-up your resentment. (for example, you’ve said you feel like you are definitely going to miss your son’s firsts - - when that inevitably happens, will you be even more resentful towards your husband?). </p> <p>I will say, as a FT WOHM that I never felt like I missed my LO’s firsts (but, it also wasn’t something I placed much value on, because the first time *I* see it is just as magical whether it’s technically the first or second time she’s done something). That said, one of my daughter’s biggest firsts happened while we were on vacation to my MIL’s house and I left the room for 5 minutes to grab something from the kitchen. You just can’t win sometimes, no matter what your work situation. No matter what you do, you WILL miss something - - and (baring depression) you are in control of how much you let this consume you. You can frame things differently. </p> <p>From reading your subsequent posts, I don’t think that moving to PT will give you what you’re really looking for. It sounds like a bandaid to deeper/bigger issues. Good luck :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it/page/2#post-2744355 Tue, 06 Jun 2017 13:28:59 +0000 Coral 2744355@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jomarma: First of all, hugs. :heart: It sounds like you have a lot going on and I can't imagine the stress. I think your first step should be individual counseling to help you sort some of these things with your husband and, perhaps, the possibility of ppd/ppa. Then, I would seek couple's therapy. Having a baby is REALLY, really hard on a marriage. My husband and I were often at our wits end with each other and we are usually pretty passive people. The game changer for us was when I went back to work. If your marriage is worth fighting for, you need to find out what the "game changer" is. </p> <p>If your marriage is really, truly over, I *would not* take the part time job. You need to prepare yourself for single parenting and that likely means working full time. I understand that you can return to full time next year, but I have seen people screwed out of their ft jobs in my district and I would hate for that to happen to you. Plus, all the time you would spend lesson planning and collaborating would be unpaid as opposed to teaching a subject/grade you have taught before and likely have to do less planning. </p> <p>Just for reference, I am a ft teacher and I pick up my son at 3pm every day and he started daycare at 6 months. I still feel like I get TONS of time with him (he's nearly 2 now.)</p> <p>Whatever happens and whatever you decide, I hope you know you have all of our support and are here if you need to talk things out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it/page/2#post-2744342 Tue, 06 Jun 2017 13:10:16 +0000 Truth Bombs 2744342@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jomarma: Have you considered the possibility that you may be suffering from post partum depression? It seems like you have your mind set on being miserable and resentful of your husband for ending up exactly where it seems like you were always set to end up (needing to work after baby because you live in a high cost of living area). I think being this angry at an expected situation may warrant talking to your OB or a psychologist about how you are feeling. What you describe doesn't sound healthy for you or fair to your husband and child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it/page/2#post-2744341 Tue, 06 Jun 2017 13:10:03 +0000 jomarma 2744341@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: I know, I'm very fortunate. I just can't stop feeling like I'm going to miss so much. It probably doesn't help that all my friends who have kids get to stay home. I just never really liked my job, resent living in this area, and want to be around more for my baby's first year. It's looking like an impossibility though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it/page/2#post-2744331 Tue, 06 Jun 2017 12:53:53 +0000 Adira 2744331@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: Agree! I really wanted to work part-time once we had kids, but my husband felt really strongly against it. He's already sacrificed so much for our family and our happiness, my working full-time to help him out was a no-brainer, even though it wasn't my ideal. I have zero regrets. We're a team!</p> <p>@jomarma: Keep in mind that you're already very fortunate in that you already took 12 weeks off and now have the whole summer ahead of you to stay home with your child. Even if you returned to work full-time, you already got ~6 months at home, which is a lot more than most people (in the US, at least)! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it/page/2#post-2744329 Tue, 06 Jun 2017 12:51:51 +0000 jomarma 2744329@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: I know, right? We're in such a rough patch in our relationship. I'm the definition of hating my husband after baby and it sucks. I definitely think we are not going to last, which blows, but I'm very unhappy. I thought staying home part time would alleviate some of that resentment. Looks like it won't happen, so I'll resent my job and my husband. We're going to have such a miserable year ahead of us. We've had to endure so many challenges together, and instead of getting stronger we just get weaker. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it#post-2744317 Tue, 06 Jun 2017 12:31:15 +0000 ShootingStar 2744317@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jomarma: This statement struck me as very odd, "dipping into savings for my happiness or me most likely falling into depression/resenting my husband for many reasons (namely making us stay near his family in a very expensive area when I wanted to move somewhere more affordable) and having more money"</p> <p>This does not sound like a great dynamic to me. So both of you are being selfish and you're positive you're going to resent your husband if you don't get your way? Marriage and parenting are about working together and finding a compromise. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it#post-2744076 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 19:18:33 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2744076@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jomarma: is it possible to do a nanny share or babysitter share or alternative child care besides a large center? Those usually cost less, if you can find someone you trust. </p> <p>It sounds like a good opportunity since it is temporary.. as long as you KNOW for sure you can go back to ft. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it#post-2743928 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 13:57:20 +0000 gingerbebe 2743928@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: I guess we will have to agree to disagree. I'm assuming what the OP says is true - that her husband issupportive of her working part-time to spend more time with their child for the first year, but is anxious about the money. In that case, I don't believe its harsh and unreasonable to tell OP's husband to explore ways to increase the family's income elsewhere. If nothing else, because then he would be more empowered and educated about whether this was legitimately a viable option. Its simply not productive to say "I want you to be able to do this" and then just fret about the money instead of doing something proactive. </p> <p>I'm not saying OP shouldn't look into ways of making extra money too (which it seems like she is) and I'm not saying the responsibility of coming up with more money is solely on her husband's shoulders either. What I AM saying is if OP's husband is worried about the money, he should do something about it. Its just math.</p> <p>If deep down, he's truly just not crazy about the idea for whatever reason, then that's a whole other ball game. But if he really DOES want her to have this opportunity, then look into how you can make it happen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it#post-2743909 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 13:31:24 +0000 Truth Bombs 2743909@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: The harsh and unreasonable part from my perspective was "he needs to find a way to make more of it". I think putting the onus of finding a solution on the husband when the OP is the one who wants to change the plan is completely unfair. Perhaps that line should have read "you need to find a way to make more of it" . I just don't think it makes a husband a bad guy if he's not willing to do whatever it takes so that his wife can stay home more. We certainly would never assume that a wife needs to "find a way to make more money" if her husband decided he wanted to stay home. </p> <p>@jomarma: It sounds like there is a lot more at play here than just a job sharing opportunity. If your husband not being comfortable with you working part time at a financial cost to your family would cause you to fall in to a depression and resent him, then you need to make some bigger changes. Perhaps look into a different career that will bring you more fulfillment, or one that will pay better so that you can still bring home some income over child care costs with part time hours. You say you wish you could stay home full time but that you need to bring home income, so if that's true, then this job sharing situation isn't the right one for you, because from a financial stand point you're better off not working at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it#post-2743896 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 13:21:00 +0000 SweetiePie 2743896@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: agree. I didn't read the @gingerbebe comment as anything insulting. It was just another potential solution to their issue. It's not like OP said she wanted to stay home but they can't make it work and gingerbebe said "tell him to man up, he has to make more money, it's his problem". She was saying that if he feels strongly and WANTS her to do it, another possible scenario is that he finds additional income so that they feel zero strain. But if he doesn't feel like he WANTS her to do this then it's prob not a good idea. </p> <p>@jomarma: To answer your question, I think it sounds like a good opportunity and it doesn't sound like you'd be in dire straits because of it. It would just be a little tight and only for a year. If you think you can both make some sacrifices or get creative to make it happen, AND your husband can confidently assure you he's ok with it, I say go for it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it#post-2743894 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 13:19:35 +0000 jomarma 2743894@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: Job sharing was something we discussed when I was pregnant, but no one at my job site was interested. I got a call about this job share a week ago. We always considered it, we just live in a very expensive area where there's a negligible difference between full and part-time childcare costs. I wish I could stay home full-time, but I need to bring home some income. My husband is anxious in general about money, which I understand. It's a tough decision: dipping into savings for my happiness or me most likely falling into depression/resenting my husband for many reasons (namely making us stay near his family in a very expensive area when I wanted to move somewhere more affordable) and having more money. It's a really tough call. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it#post-2743884 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 13:09:40 +0000 jomarma 2743884@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: I'm definitely looking into side gigs, like SAT essay grading or tutoring. I also have a usual summer job (that I declined this year, but could go back to next year). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it#post-2743881 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 13:06:31 +0000 Cole 2743881@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wonder if you could take the job share for the year and supplement your income a bit with tutoring either in person or online. I live in a pretty low col area and tutors make $40-$60/hour (even at the elementary level) so if you could manage two hours a week it might really help bridge the gap for your family without taking a ton of time away. There are several programs that are online based that don't pay quite as much but would certainly give you more flexibility. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it#post-2743876 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 12:58:33 +0000 gingerbebe 2743876@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: I think you're trying to pick a fight with me where there isn't one. I didn't say bro should go work double shifts to buy her a Lexus just because she wants a fancy car on a whim. And I emphatically said several times on this thread if her husband can't or won't enthusiastically support her in this endeavor she should not do it.</p> <p>OP stated "he said he will support me and wants me to be happy, but I can tell he's already very anxious about the money. I'm anxious too, but I do want to have this precious time with my baby." All I'm saying is that if he is supportive of her staying home part time for one year, but has anxiety about finances in a situation where it doesn't seem like its THAT much of a cost differential (i.e. OP alluded to the fact that they would be a few hundred dollars short a month in a situation where they do have some cash savings) it seems like the easiest way to alleviate that anxiety is to have some extra money come in somehow. Cutting back on expenses can help alleviate some of those fears, but making some more money helps, too. Some people just need a concrete plan on how to make something happen and I think looking at ways to cut expenses, creating a solid liveable budget, and looking into side gigs and extra sources of income could go a long way in that decision matrix. OP herself could find a side hustle too - I didn't say she couldn't do stuff on nights and weekends to supplement the family income either. If OP's husband has anxiety about the matter, he should do something about it. Your solution for the anxiety is to not take the part-time position - fine. But a perfectly viable and reasonable alternative is to deal with the anxiety by replacing her lost income some other way. I don't see why that's harsh or unreasonable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it#post-2743873 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 12:54:35 +0000 Adira 2743873@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: I think what @gingerbebe: meant was that if this situation (OP working part-time) was something that her husband also truly wanted for her, then he also has to step-up and figure out how to make it happen. But, based on what OP has said, I'm not really sure that's totally the case. Of course her husband wants her to be happy, but it might not be at the expense of their own financial security or the expensive of his mental health.</p> <p>I wanted to work part-time too after having kids, but the financial burden would've just been too much and my husband wasn't happy at the thought of my not working full-time. In the end, I opted to continue to work full-time because that's what was best for my family and my marriage. I have no regrets. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it#post-2743853 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 12:30:47 +0000 Truth Bombs 2743853@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: Damn. Your statement "I think if your husband says he wants you to be happy but he's stressed about the money, he needs to find ways to make more of it." is pretty harsh and totally ignored the facts of the situation. I want a yacht and a mansion, should my husband find a way to make enough money to buy them for me? That's great that YOUR husband wants you to stay home, that doesn't mean every husband should or does feel that way. I assume that when the OP and her husband agreed to have this baby, the assumption was that she would continue to work full time after maternity leave. Now the OP is changing the game and saying she'd like to work part time which would in fact COST them money (not just not make money like staying home full time would). If she stayed home full time, she would at least take the full burden of caring for the home off her husband, but this scenario leaves her still juggling two responsibilities and costing the household $ to do it. I don't think it's anywhere near fair to say that because she stated that this new scenario might make her happier, that her husband should be expected to just go magically find a way to make more money to make her happy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it#post-2743792 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 11:23:59 +0000 juli7 2743792@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would do it. It's only temporary, and I find working full time very difficult with kids. Not the same thing, but I took unpaid time to extend my maternity leave. It was a tough few months financially, but it was 100% worth it to have more time with my baby. Can you start saving now to cover the months your salary will be less? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it#post-2743775 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 10:59:37 +0000 gingerbebe 2743775@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jomarma: Like I said, the determining factor is going to be your husband's support. Time with your baby is precious and wonderful, but it is NOT worth straining your marriage over. Your child will never remember the first year of their lives but they'll feel the repercussions of a stressed out marriage forever. If there's any hint that this will lead to some kind of resentment or fighting or whatever, its not worth it. </p> <p>I think if your husband says he wants you to be happy but he's stressed about the money, he needs to find ways to make more of it. My husband ran his private law practice with a full case load, worked a full time job as a law professor with a 150 mile commute on teaching days, and did an Executive MBA program at nights and on weekends for 18 months during my leaves (he got paid for doing that program through his GI Bill benefits) - so essentially he worked like 3 jobs while I had our babies and stayed home. He did it without complaint because he wanted this for our family, but didn't want to be worried or stressed about money either. So if your husband WANTS this for you, but is stressed about the money, he or both of you are going to have to hustle up some extra cash somehow. </p> <p>DH worked on making more money and I worked on making what we had stretch as far as possible. I would get giant boxes of toilet paper shipped to our house on weird deals, we're still working through shampoo and mouthwash and soap I bought 18 months ago, and I took advantage of the fact that my kids are young enough not to notice what we don't have (and honestly they have everything). We cut cable, we bid out our insurance coverage at least once a year to get better rates, we don't go to Starbucks, we take food for our kids with us when we go out to restaurants to eat, we haven't gone on vacation other than seeing family, when I was home I didn't wear makeup, get hair cuts or mani/pedis, I didn't buy clothes, etc. For birthdays or Christmas our Christmas lists were things we needed (clothes, shoes, stuff for the kids in the next size up) or we asked for gift cards to restaurants so we could go out to eat for free. It was actually fun - it was like a game to see how much money I could save. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it#post-2743767 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 10:47:42 +0000 MrsBucky 2743767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think everyone had contributed above what I would weigh. Ultimately it's not perfect, but really nothing is. I'd make a weighted pro/con list which includes the above considerations weighted to how important each one is to you as a couple. In my field (consulting) I have always heard part time salaried work tends to end badly- a pay cut for as much work. I went back to work FT when my son was 6 months because my husband's job was not secure. He started a new job with much greater security, so I left my job to take the summer off and pursue part time (hourly/ contract) work in the fall. I have no idea how it will go, but I felt like I could always go back and wouldn't know till I tried something new. It was a long time coming though and my DH was 100% on board. I hope you come to a decision that feels good and works for your family. Hugs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it#post-2743763 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 10:38:43 +0000 skinnycow 2743763@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Working part-time is challenging... I went on a reduced schedule at work after maternity leave and it did not work for a number of reasons. It sounds great in theory, but I pretty much ended up working 100% for less pay.</p> <p>ETA: I now WOH full-time and don't feel like I'm missing any additional quality time/firsts with DD. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it#post-2743756 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 10:32:52 +0000 Adira 2743756@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the fact that it's a different grade than what you used to would be a huge turn-off. I'm not a teacher, but my best friend is, and by far, the hardest year teaching was the first year, when she didn't already have all her work-plans figured out and had to come up with a lot of the material from scratch. How much "extra" work will you have to put it to teach a grade you've never taught before? And how much of that will cut into the time you were planning to spend with your child?</p> <p>I'm a WOHM and worked full-time and I don't really feel like I missed any "firsts" with my kid. It kind of felt like my kids saved their "firsts" for weekends and evenings. First time rolling, first time crawling, first time walking - those things all happened at home (or daycare just never told me they happened there until after they had happened at home, haha). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it#post-2743722 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 09:42:05 +0000 petitenoisette 2743722@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a teacher, the main breadwinner and I so wish I had had this type of opportunity the year after I had my LO even though it would have made things difficult financially. I just found it really difficult to give my all that year and was just doing the bare minimum a lot of the time. I would be pretty anxious to leave pretty much as soon as school over at the end of the day. Compare that to this year (year 2) and I am so much more relaxed and fine to be here after school. I know very well that there is nothing wrong with being a WOH mom and I would not like staying at home full time but the first year especially I wish I had had more flexibility. There is nothing wrong with feeling that way. </p> <p>The financial aspect seems like the toughest - Do you know exactly how much childcare costs will be? It sounds like you need a more exact idea about this to make a decision. Also can you get on your husband's insurance plan? Are you paid year round or just over 10 months? </p> <p>When are you due? How much maternity leave will you have? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it#post-2743674 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 08:28:00 +0000 avivoca 2743674@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The only way I would do it would be if I could get a part-time job over the summer and bank everything, and then figure out how to trim the extra few hundred you'd be short every month. Maybe it means you don't eat out at all, you give up cable, whatever makes it happen. </p> <p>While I'd love to job share, it's not something I could comfortably do with two in childcare and I have seen just how quickly savings can dwindle if you aren't making all your bills every month with your income. It's one of the reasons I am considering selling my house and moving to a cheaper area within an hour of my work. Even with the added commuting costs and purchasing a second vehicle, we would save so much money every month with reduced childcare and housing costs due to the reduced cost of living in that area. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it#post-2743659 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 07:39:49 +0000 Pollywog 2743659@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't. I would either stay home or go back full time. Babies are so expensive and you don't want constant money related fights and stress. If it were me and you were a tenured teacher, I'd do the bare minimum for one year. I'd see if DH could start his day late and you could leave right after the bell, so the kid would only be in daycare from 9-3 or so. I'd do as much grading and lesson planning at home as possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it#post-2743642 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 06:40:38 +0000 Truth Bombs 2743642@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't do it. Honestly, if you want to be home, I would take a year off and then get back in. I wouldn't work just to come up short every month. But if I were in your shoes I would go back full time. The biggest reason I say this is because it sounds like your husband is very weary of being the sole earner (which he essentially is since your pay doesn't even fully cover necessary child care). Fully supporting your family is a lot of stress to put on one person, especially when he's not on board. If something unexpected were to come up, $30k can be spent surprisingly quickly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/potential-job-share-worth-it#post-2743608 Sun, 04 Jun 2017 21:37:46 +0000 Mrs. Goose 2743608@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Because you're only planning on doing it for a year I would say go for it. It will be nice to share the teaching load and get that special time with your child. It sucks that it will take a financial toll, but it is not forever. </p>