https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 11 Aug 2026 13:30:28 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-409472 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 13:33:43 +0000 Mrs. Pen 409472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely one of my greatest fears in life is this: losing my husband. Obviously because he is my husband, best friend, rock, support, father of my child etc but additionally my only source of income!!</p> <p>If I lost DH I know I would never be homeless though; I have way too many family and friends that would help us. I would probably move in with my parents and my mom would watch DS while I went back to school and eventually started working. </p> <p>We would probably struggle for a very long time, possibly forever, but at least I know I would never go hungry or homeless..</p> <p>situations like that woman you posted about, where she is homeless make me wonder - didn't she have any family, any friends? I mean even my friends would help me I'm sure of it! And in the same token - I would NEVER allow any of my friends to be homeless. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-409456 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 13:27:20 +0000 Bao 409456@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband has a decent amount in life insurance, so for a while we would be ok. I am a SAHM so would eventually need to get back to work. If he were to leave me for a divorce, I'd be screwed and would need a job ASAP. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-409437 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 13:14:52 +0000 sarac 409437@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd be covered financially, and my family lives nearby, so I'd manage that stuff. The rest, ugh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-409068 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 10:06:16 +0000 tororojo 409068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have thought about this before! I find it terrifying but I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.</p> <p>I would need to find a much better job and put my degrees to work...which wouldn't leave me much time with LO I don't think. Would probably rely on parents for some support and move closer to mine. I think I could provide a good life overall, just not the life I had in mind! Currently we have savings and life insurance; I guess we're doing just about everything within our means at the moment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-409055 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 10:00:21 +0000 prettylizy 409055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have pretty decent insurance policies so financially we'd be covered if one of us passed but emotionally I'd be a nightmare. So lets just live in a world where we're 'covered' but never want to imagine that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-409041 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 09:55:36 +0000 mrsjazz 409041@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been thinking about this a lot because I might be going part-time with work, which would be a considerable hit financially. I've been replaying various death scenarios with DH and it's not fun! My dad sells life insurance and has been trying to convince my DH to buy some--I have life insurance. DH doesn't think he needs it because of what he has with work, but I found out what he has with work is something measly! I asked him, "So you would leave us high and dry, that's only enough to cover a funeral and some other expenses!"</p> <p>We're going to be sitting down with my dad to discuss more life insurance and our 529 plan for LO.</p> <p>We don't own any property. I could continue on full-time, there are many jobs in my field. My family is here in NY so that would be no problem in terms of support. We could even go live with his mom for a bit, she has offered us a home before and would do that for her grandchild.</p> <p>I could make it. Especially because I watched my mom raise 4 children by herself--it's hard, our lifestyle would have to change, but LO wouldn't lack for the basics that she needs to grow up healthy and happy. well, minus her dad :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-409021 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 09:47:54 +0000 Adira 409021@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: @yoursilverlining: I'm the same as you ladies. I never wanted to be 100% dependent on someone else because there are always those what-ifs out there. I'm an Engineer and I actually make more than my husband, so I would probably be okay, financially. Plus we both have life insurance. It would definitely be TIGHT because we bought an expensive house, so I might have to sell the house and downgrade to something smaller, but otherwise, I think we'd be okay. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-409009 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 09:40:13 +0000 SugarplumsMom 409009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: You're right. Now that I think of it, there was a similar thread on HB a few months ago (before LO was born). Because of it, I made sure to be more financially aware and took control of our expenses more. I wouldn't actually need to sell the house and if I stay in Sweden, childcare and education is covered, but I won't be able to stand living here alone. I'd definitely move!</p> <p>The scenario I "covered" before giving birth would allow me to not rush into anything and take my time BUT it definitely won't cover the next 20 years of DD's life. </p> <p>It wasn't long-term. Tonight, DH and I will plan for long-term. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-409003 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 09:36:53 +0000 loveisstrange 409003@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If DH dies while in the military, I'd be set for life. He has a very good life insurance policy and the military would continue to provide me part of his salary, survivor benefits and health insurance until I die.</p> <p>Thankfully, we own a home (with no mortgage) back home in St. Louis. I would move home and be able to at least pay the bills while I got myself together and figured out what the heck to do. </p> <p>If he was to pass away after we were out... we have been very good about savings, so I'd be alright for at least a little while. He got a sizable inheritance from his dad, so I would at least have that money to save for C and not have to worry about paying for college. There is also the house too, which would help a lot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-408982 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 09:25:40 +0000 ValentineMommy 408982@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I bought my house before DH, and I could afford it after him, although, I would probably downsize to make finances easier. I am lucky to have family close by. Other than that, I'd be a total mess. I'm going to go call DH now and tell him I love him lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-408974 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 09:20:50 +0000 yoursilverlining 408974@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like Blackbird, I’ve always thought about this, in part because my mom was a SAHM mom if something had happened to my dad we would have all been screwed. Before LO, I wanted to always be financially independent to protect myself, now I want to be financially independent to protect myself and LO. </p> <p>My husband’s life insurance would pay off our mortgage and leave a little nest-egg money. On my salary alone (especially without a mortgage payment) I would be financially ok. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-408969 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 09:17:18 +0000 savanarunner 408969@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Blackbird I laughed out loud at "if he turned out to be a douchebag and left me"</p> <p>I'd have to sell the house and would move close to home or in with family for emotional support and to sort out my financial situation. Money would be tight, and a career change might be necessary to provide more but I feel like for your kids you make it work no matter what the situation. I don't think I'll change anything today in case of this what-if scenario </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-408959 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 09:10:37 +0000 blackbird 408959@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@crumbs, doing something NOW is better than doing something never :) </p> <p>My mom was a SAHM and I always thought, "wow, if something happened to my dad, we would be screwed"...so that was always my experience. And when one of my friends' fathers died of liver cancer early, her mother struggled to keep things going. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-408942 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 09:02:06 +0000 Weagle 408942@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would need to sell our house and move home to make it work. I would hate to leave here, but I would want the support of family. Plus, the chances of me getting a job here that would pay enough are much lower than back home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-408935 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 09:00:24 +0000 mamabolt 408935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Neither DH or I could afford our home alone right now. If something happened to him I would sell the home and move closer to my parents. I'd hope I could keep my current job and work remotely. I could probably provide a relatively nice life still if I had my current or an equivalent job, especially if my mom helped out with child-care so I didn't have that expense. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-408930 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 08:55:15 +0000 Foodnerd81 408930@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have a good life insurance policy now, especially for Dh, an we will prob upgrade it once we have a baby and I'm a sahm. So finincially I'd be okfor a few years. I would probably move closer to my parents and siblings though for emotional support. If Dh fell into a coma and I didn't get TW life insurance- I don't know. He has long term disability insurance, so maybe that would cover it? Something to look into for sure before baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-408922 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 08:37:16 +0000 Bookish 408922@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've thought about this a lot since I got pregnant, and it does worry me. I only make about 60% of what DH makes, and although he has *some* life insurance, it would really only be enough to pay off our debts (minus the mortgage). I'd have to sell the house and move in with family, which sounds horrible to me. That's a main reason I'm working on my Master's right now- to get a better paying job and have the ability to support myself if the unthinkable happens. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-408920 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 08:33:55 +0000 SugarplumsMom 408920@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: Wow, I'm impressed by how practical you are. I wish I could be more practical in that way, especially since I know ppl that had to go through that ... it's easier to do it though, with LO here, that is.</p> <p>It's one of those things I'm kicking myself for not preparing 100% for before she was born. I guess I'm lucky to be able to plan for it now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-408909 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 08:11:51 +0000 blackbird 408909@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Actually, this is one of those things that I've always had on the backburner. I definitely wanted a career that allowed me to support my family if my husband died, if he turned out to be a douchebag and left me, if he just disappeared, who knows. I didn't want to be one of "those women". Things happen. I hate the idea of being 100% dependent on someone to the point that I couldn't pick up the pieces if I had to. Tragic things happen every day. </p> <p>I'd have to live simpler, but I would still be able to provide a good life. I might downgrade to a smaller home, but it wouldn't be necessary, financially. I still think I'd be able to pay for college and such, because I have single mom coworkers (whose husbands don't do jack/contribute any money at all) who are able to save for their kids' futures. They still go on vacation and have good lives, too. </p> <p>I wouldn't move back near my parents because they live in the boonies and there are absolutely no engineering jobs for me. So I'd have to stay here, but DH's family lives 30 minutes away.</p> <p>We have talked about getting life insurance, though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-408908 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 08:11:25 +0000 chopsuey 408908@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Dh has a life insurance plan that should take care of us financially until .. Forever? I'd sell our house and his car and move back to ca to be close to my family.<br /> I'd struggle emotionally, but would be strong for my kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-408901 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 07:57:44 +0000 Cole 408901@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Aside from the emotional issues, I think I would be ok, we have significant life insurance now and we will upgrade it further once we have little ones. I think, but will check today, that if something dramatic like a coma were to happen we have enough insurance to get us through two years. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-408899 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 07:57:18 +0000 SugarplumsMom 408899@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would have to sell the house and move close to my family. But the money I'd get for our home wouldn't be enough to live comfortably for long. Houses in my hometown are more expensive compared to where we live now and the cost of living as a single mom would be a lot more too. I would probably be able to afford a small place, but then there's other living expenses. I'd have to find a job and find/pay for childcare, meaning I'll likely miss out on a lot of DD's growth. My mom isn't retired yet, so she can't help take care of her. My grandma is too old, but I know I'll get help just as long as I'm close to my family.</p> <p><i>What kind of life will you be able to provide?</i> I won't be able to take long, yearly vacations overseas. She'll have the basics (and with my mom's help, more) but saving for college <u>and</u> a nest-egg <u>and</u> retirement would be very, very tricky if not impossible. For sure she won't be able to go to private school.</p> <p><i>Will you be struggling?</i> Yes. It depends on what kind of job I'll be able to secure. I haven't worked in my field in years - it'll be tough. If I continue to be a teacher instead (what I switched to doing), I'm afraid it won't pay enough.</p> <p><i>Are you doing anything to help alleviate the financial burden if the worst-case scenario happens and you lose your SO?</i> Currently, no. I think DH has some sort of life insurance, but it's definitely not enough for long-term. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-408898 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 07:49:49 +0000 mediagirl 408898@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If he or I fell into a coma and was hospitalized for a long period of time, we would have SERIOUS problems. If he passed away (or if I did) he or I would be fine with our lo. We both have life insurance that will cover 10 years of our salaries. We agreed to wait 6 months after something like this happened (God forbid) and then sell the house and move closer to work, probably to a townhome or condo. </p> <p>If this happened to me, I could see his Mom making the executive decision to move up near him to watch our lo instead of sending her to daycare (save money). She would probably come with or without his Dad, honestly. If it happened to him, my Mom and Dad would probably come and stay with me for a while to help get us back on our feet and adjusted. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-408896 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 07:44:55 +0000 Rubies 408896@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would have to sell my house and definitely downsize but I do think I would end up being financially alright. Emotionally, I would be a wreck. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-408895 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 07:40:53 +0000 Andrea 408895@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH has life insurance so I would not be struggling financially, but I would probably sell our house anyway and move to Hawaii to be with my family so that they could be my emotional support (for me and the kids). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/practicalities-what-kind-of-life-would-you-be-able-to-provide-for-lo-alone#post-408893 Wed, 21 Nov 2012 07:38:28 +0000 SugarplumsMom 408893@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just watched something that made me think about my long-term responsibilities as a parent. Specifically, what would happen if I suddenly became a single mom. Emotional and physical hardships aside, would I be able to take on the financial burden to support my DD? What kind of life would I be able to provide for her? Will I be struggling? How badly?</p> <p>This reminds me of a recent family friend I had gotten to know. Her husband suddenly fell into a coma and she was left with 2 small children and a mortgage she couldn't afford on her own. She said she had to be a machine back then, taking on at least 2 jobs at a time, doing whatever she could. She ended up losing her home and even now, she still has a hard time explaining those days (it was many, many years ago and her daughters are now grown). I can't even imagine how hard that was for her.</p> <p>This also reminds me of a made-for-TV movie I watched back when we were still TTC. <u>Note:</u> his example is the <b>utmost extreme</b>: it was also a mom with 2 girls and her husband suddenly died in an accident. She was a SAHM and didn't handle any of the money. She lost their family home and became homeless. The story was about her youngest daughter that was adopted and her sister that ran away and their contrasting lifestyles as an adult. The adopted sister had a good life, while the other had frequent run-ins with the law. It was such a sad, sad story because it eventually explained their mother's death (they thought she just left them). Argh. </p> <ul> <li>Emotional and physical hardships aside, how would <i>you</i> be able to take on the financial burden to support your LO(s) alone? </li> <li>What kind of life would <i>you</i> be able to provide? </li> <li>Will <i>you</i> be struggling? How badly? </li> <li>Most importantly, are you doing anything to help alleviate the financial burden if the worst-case scenario happens and you lose your SO? </li> </ul>