https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 26 Jun 2026 06:58:49 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pre-teen-daughter-advice-needed#post-1436394 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 12:06:38 +0000 snowjewelz 1436394@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsmenow: Just know that what doesn't kill her will make her stronger too! I was bullied (not severe but for lack of a better word) in middle school and it took me forever to find a group of people to hang out with and call my friends. It def made me more sensitive and nicer to others as a result. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pre-teen-daughter-advice-needed#post-1436378 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 12:02:21 +0000 mrsmenow 1436378@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dandelion: We have a dog, and she did have a hamster that died last month.</p> <p>@MaryM: Right now to get her to be in anything-sports, clubs, etc I pretty much have to tell her to pick something or I will pick. I give her free reign in what she can pick, but she has to pick something. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pre-teen-daughter-advice-needed#post-1436349 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 11:56:07 +0000 MaryM 1436349@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsmenow: I think what helped a little with me was that my mom pretty much forced interaction. Obviously if I felt like I had a BFF I'd be asking them to come over. But I think she knew when I was lonely and would create reasons for me to meet people she sort of knew. </p> <p>Like the girl whose mom she worked with...they brought us both to work and forced us to hang out for the day. They could have found other things for us to do, but used "I need you to come with me" as an excuse so it didn't feel like a play date or whatever. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pre-teen-daughter-advice-needed#post-1436330 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 11:50:15 +0000 Dandelion 1436330@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is going to sound out of the blue, but does she have a pet? You're not going to be able to foster relationships for her. It's just going to feel awkward for her. But, a pet can really help self esteem at that age. I had a similar situation, and in the middle of 6th grade, my parents got me a dog that really helped me grow more confident in myself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pre-teen-daughter-advice-needed#post-1436312 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 11:46:50 +0000 jedeve 1436312@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsmenow: I'm sure you do it with the best of intentions! It would be so hard NOT to say it when it's on your mind and all you want to see is the situation get better. But I would guess a fear of not being "allowed" to do stuff with friends isn't holding her back! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pre-teen-daughter-advice-needed#post-1436308 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 11:44:01 +0000 Mae 1436308@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think there is anything you can do. Middle school suuuucks. And I agree about not trying to push her into making new friends or making suggestions how to do so. I went through an awkward friend transition in middle school and every weekend when my mom would ask if I had made any plans or if I wanted to invite anyone over I would just feel so bad about myself that I didn't have anyone I felt I could invite over. I think it is impossible for parents to really understand the politics of middle school life and this is something she is just going to have to work out for herself. Unless she specifically asks you to do something, I think the best thing to do is not push her about finding new friends and just let her work it out herself. Could you maybe ask her if she'd like to do some non-school activities? (Not specifically to find new friends, but to find something fun to do that would just involve different people and maybe there would be friends there!). Like a community theater thing or some sort of intramural sport or even a volunteer program she could get involved in? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pre-teen-daughter-advice-needed#post-1436295 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 11:38:49 +0000 mrsmenow 1436295@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: Oh man, I have so suggested she invite friends to come over or to do things on the weekend, lol. That has been something that I have been afraid of, making her feel worse by offering help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pre-teen-daughter-advice-needed#post-1436277 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 11:34:44 +0000 cheert16 1436277@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Middle school is so bad.... I think my parents are still traumatized at how bad it was for me! I spent a lot of time in extracurricular activities- and tried to make new friends there!<br /> Hope it gets better for her (and you) soon! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pre-teen-daughter-advice-needed#post-1436244 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 11:27:09 +0000 jedeve 1436244@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was painful shy around that age. The few friends I had were pretty toxic. </p> <p>Honestly though, nothing my mom did helped. There was a lot of "well just go up and talk to them!" And "why don't you invite someone over for a sleepover?" It all just made me feel worse about not having friends and for being weird for not having friends. </p> <p>I would say just focus on her and building her confidence. If she knows that you believe she is bright/funny/smart/pretty/kind, she will develop the confidence to build relationships. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pre-teen-daughter-advice-needed#post-1436211 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 11:19:25 +0000 MaryM 1436211@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was your daughter in middle school. It was the WORST for me.</p> <p>I had a horrible situation where I was moved twice in elementary school (we didn't move, but my school closed, I went to a new one, the the old school reopened) so I made new friends at the new school, then was ripped away from them for 5th grade.</p> <p>When I went to middle school, I only knew one or two people in my class, and they were from the "new" elementary school and had made new friends in the 5th grade that I didn't know. </p> <p>One thing that helped, was that my mom knew the mom of one of the other students (they worked together) so they got us together outside of school so she was sort of an instant friend.</p> <p>Then things got a little better when I joined the band and got to see more people that I knew before I went to that school.</p> <p>Unfortunately, it got worse again in the 8th grade when a new school opened and all my new friends were switched to another school. Then when we met up again in high school, once again, my old friends had new friends. </p> <p>Honestly, I think that whole situation of moving kids around sort of traumatized me. I'm still somewhat reluctant to become too friendly with new people. </p> <p>Encouraging her to join groups is great. And if you know of other kids her age, maybe talk to their parents about getting the kids together outside of school </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pre-teen-daughter-advice-needed#post-1436188 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 11:14:30 +0000 birdofafeather 1436188@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>middle school was the worst for almost everyone i know. i expanded my friend group through classes and extracurriculars like dance, volleyball, soccer and softball outside of school. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pre-teen-daughter-advice-needed#post-1436174 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 11:10:12 +0000 mrsmenow 1436174@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't remember middle school being so hard, but to watch her struggle is the worst. On Valentine's day these mean girls she sits with all got each other a Valentine and completely left her out. She said the only Valentine she got at school was an eraser from her teacher. She was so sad it killed me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pre-teen-daughter-advice-needed#post-1436168 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 11:07:30 +0000 mrsmenow 1436168@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@locavore_mama: She was going to sign up for clubs, but got scared she wouldn't know anybody so she didn't sign up. When I found out she didn't sign up I told her she needed to pick some sort of activity to do so she joined the reading club, which was they only one open. There is 5 girls total in the group.</p> <p>@Greentea: @MerryC: She does do a volleyball club at our gym that will be starting up in March, so hopefully that will help</p> <p>At this point we have considered moving to a different neighborhood, with more kids her age. We have always planned on getting a different house within the next couple of years, but we might do it sooner so she can live near more people her age. Right now we live pretty far from everyone so its not like she can walk down the block and hang out with a friend. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pre-teen-daughter-advice-needed#post-1436140 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 11:00:31 +0000 Greentea 1436140@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsmenow: can you diversify the people she comes in contact with? (That was such a formal answer!) I just know that when we moved to a small town where everyone was from there and related ... it helped me to have another social outlet. Like maybe a sports team where kids are from different schools around town? Or an art league or whatever her interests are... so it isn't just kids from school she has to chose from? (I don't know if this helps, just an idea!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pre-teen-daughter-advice-needed#post-1436137 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 11:00:14 +0000 twinmama 1436137@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I lived a very similar situation at her age. Had awesome friends, separated at middle school, ended up hanging out with people that weren't really friends just because they were there. 6th grade sucked, 7th &amp; 8th were a little better. Those years made me really shy and uncomfortable in my own skin, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.</p> <p>My advice? Sometimes you just have to *get through* the school day, but does she have extracurriculars to get involved in? I played piano and tennis, and that did make a difference to have other friends and activities to look forward to. I didn't always hang out with people outside of my lessons, but it was still other friends I looked forward to seeing. And if she can maintain her previous friendships at all after school and on weekends, that may help too.</p> <p>The other thing is to help her with healthy coping mechanisms when she's down. I focused on school, which was good, but also turned to food, which was not so good, and ended up overeating and overweight, despite regular exercise. My mom did remind me often that middle school sucks in some way for just about everyone and she wouldn't go back and do it over for a million dollars, but it is temporary and it does get better. That helped me keep perspective. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pre-teen-daughter-advice-needed#post-1436116 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 10:55:37 +0000 snowjewelz 1436116@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Does her school have clubs she can join so she can start to assimilate to another group? You are being a great mom by trying to help! I work with pre-teens &amp; teens at church all the time and it's tough to see the shy ones struggling. She def needs to know that it's better off to sit alone than to be around the negative/toxic environment. Every year friendship dynamics change anyway so she WILL be able to find new friends! It may take a while but she is blessed to have a mom that is supportive! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pre-teen-daughter-advice-needed#post-1436109 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 10:54:59 +0000 Bookish 1436109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, poor thing. Middle school is the worst! Can you encourage her to join any clubs? I found my closest friends throughout school through extracurriculars. I think they are so helpful because you are surrounded by people you instantly have something in common with. I feel for her, because I was so shy throughout school and really had a rough time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pre-teen-daughter-advice-needed#post-1436108 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 10:54:50 +0000 regberadaisy 1436108@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That sounds so tough! Are there any clubs or sports she can join at the school? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pre-teen-daughter-advice-needed#post-1436101 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 10:53:00 +0000 MrsH 1436101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Does she sit by anyone in class that she can start talking to? She has to start someplace :( it's not like she has to make them a BFF she just needs to find something in common to start building new friendships. Better than hanging out with carry girls she doesn't like :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pre-teen-daughter-advice-needed#post-1436096 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 10:51:46 +0000 HLK208 1436096@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Middle school is so hard. Does she have semesters or trimesters? Can she wait until her classes change to see if she'll be with any of her friends then? In high school, I was in advanced classes and I didn't have anyone in my grade in those classes so I ended up hanging out with people who weren't so great. Looking back, I should have switched because those people really influenced me in a negative way. I know growing up is about learning to cope in different social settings but if she's really unhappy, maybe it would be best. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pre-teen-daughter-advice-needed#post-1436078 Thu, 20 Feb 2014 10:42:58 +0000 mrsmenow 1436078@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 11 year old daughter is painfully shy. She has always had a nice group of friends all through elementary school. This year she went to middle school and to say this transition has been tough is an understatement. Every single one of her friends is in a different group of teachers (there is an A and a B house that are in completely different sides of the school).</p> <p>So far this year she has been sitting with a group of girls from her elementary school that I wasn't really happy about, but the girl needs to have friends so I didn't say much, but yesterday she came home and said because of all of the drama in her group they are now going to be spending every Tuesday with the guidance counselor to mediate their problems. My daughter wants no part of this, seeing as she doesn't fight with anybody. She says she only hangs out with these girls because she doesn't have anyone else to talk to. And they aren't even nice to her. </p> <p>At this point I need ideas to help her feel more comfortable making new friends. She has done sports and knows people from previous teams, she just doesn't feel comfortable just starting to hang out with these people. I just don't know what to do. I know I can't fix all of her problems, but I am really worried for her self esteem if things don't get better. </p> <p>Any suggestions would be great. </p>