https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 25 Apr 2026 20:33:38 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preferred-parent#post-2888961 Tue, 25 Jun 2019 10:03:35 +0000 Tionn3 2888961@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: When I have my DS alone everything is typically fine. I often have him alone on at least one weekend day because my DH has to work sometimes on Saturday. I take him to the grocery store, Target, the park, the zoo, pretty much anywhere and he is fine. I took him to Disneyland for 2 days by myself, and he was fine. The second my DH walks in the door my DS starts to whine and cry, mostly because he wants to be picked up and held ALL the time by DH. This morning when I came out for breakfast ( My DH does the morning routine, and I do night routine), I said " hello" to my DS and tried to ask him how he slept and he said " NOOOOO!" and started to swat me to get me to go away. -_- . This all happened when my son was trying to get my DH to pick him up and he wouldn't because he was cutting up some fruit. It is so discouraging. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preferred-parent#post-2888947 Tue, 25 Jun 2019 09:13:38 +0000 brownepiano 2888947@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My kids have strong mommy preference and have for life. It drives me nuts. We've done a lot to combat it. Bed time they used to fight over who got mommy so now it's daddy bedtime all the time. After a year of it they are used to it, although they think it's super exciting when I put them to bed.<br /> With things like water being poured by one parent, we don't bend. They can have the parent that got up to get it pour or have no water.</p> <p>With comforting in the middle of the night or times when they are upset, we usually give what they want but it is balanced by all the little times of enforcing that they have two capable, loving parents.</p> <p>ETA I think it would be good to have a conversation about it and about what jobs you could split at a time when emotions are not running high. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preferred-parent#post-2888909 Tue, 25 Jun 2019 06:53:53 +0000 LCTBQE 2888909@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tionn3: YES, my almost-3-year-old boy has a very, very strong daddy preference. I've almost posted about it like a million times. It was already brewing when I had my daughter (right when he turned 2) but ever since I brought the baby home it's been off the charts. It's actually not bad at all when my husband isn't home, but when he is home--I can't do anything. Some months are worse than others, and it varies between being annoying ("no DADDY can get me my water") and really hurting my feelings. My husband's typical response to months of rejection is, don't take it personally, he's two. Which I get, but it does hurt after a while. Re how you and your husband handle it, I don't really have any advice :bummed: but my son and I do fine, usually, when we're on our own. How is it if you try and do something just you two, like even the grocery store? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preferred-parent#post-2888906 Tue, 25 Jun 2019 06:45:37 +0000 LadyDi 2888906@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So with my 4 yo DH is definitely the preferred parent but he's a pretty easy going kid so it isn't extremely obvious. I am a SAHM so he spends a lot of time with me and when DH comes home from work that's just fun play time so it makes sense. He did tell me the other day though that he loved both of us but loved Daddy more. That stung a little but I tried not to take it personally. </p> <p>My 16 month old strongly, strongly prefers me in a way that is often difficult. He is much whinier and clingier with me but when I am not around and he's with other people he is very pleasant. When DH comes home and picks him up he immediately starts screaming, same thing happens if DH tries to take him to bed. DH basically fights through it. He takes DS2 around the house with him, crying and all, until he calms down. Sometimes I ask if he wants me to take over bed duty for him but he usually declines and DS2 calms down after a few minutes. I am not sure if it helps, but yesterday was the first day in a long time that DH picked him up and he didn't start to cry. </p> <p>It might be worth trying to talk to DH again about what you can do, whether it's comforting him or just spending more 1:1 time with him in the evening or weekends or whenever you can squeeze some in. The better it gets, the less overwhelmed you'll feel too. Hang in there though, I do think things like this are a phase and 16 month olds are completely irrational little beings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preferred-parent#post-2888813 Mon, 24 Jun 2019 13:17:07 +0000 JCCovi 2888813@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In our family it just goes back and forth. I’ve been spending a lot of time with the kids over the last month while DH has had some work events, travel, etc. So I’m the favorite right now. I’m traveling for work 2 days this week and I told DH I expect him to be the favorite by the time I come back.</p> <p>If you really want to change it I’d kick your husband out for the weekend. Let him spend time with friends, etc. Special time together really works in our experience! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preferred-parent#post-2888756 Mon, 24 Jun 2019 08:48:48 +0000 graceandjoy 2888756@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've experienced both sides, sort of? </p> <p>Both my girls heavily prefer me, but DD1 moved onto slightly preferring daddy ever since DD2 came along and she had no choice sometimes haha. </p> <p>I think as long as both parents are good quality time and bonding, it's not a big deal! Whenever my 4.5 year old tells me she is only daddy's best friend, I'm just like, ok, cool! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preferred-parent#post-2888745 Mon, 24 Jun 2019 08:10:10 +0000 ALV91711 2888745@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @erinbaderin, when he’s upset probably isn’t the best time to get in there. Work on the bond and trust when he is happy and then when he is upset he will come to you. It can be hard and tiring but preferences change. </p> <p>DS1 is 6 and always had a strong mommy preference. I’d say maybe closer to 4 he was more at ease with DH comforting him. So far DS2 who’s 10 months is fine with either of us but I think he’s going to be a daddy’s boy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preferred-parent#post-2888723 Mon, 24 Jun 2019 07:06:35 +0000 cake2017 2888723@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I get this from our 24 month old. He goes back and forth. I don’t take it personal. Just continue doing what you’re doing and they know you love them! ☺️ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preferred-parent#post-2888719 Mon, 24 Jun 2019 04:28:32 +0000 erinbaderin 2888719@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’be usually been the preferred parent, and it’s really hard on me when my younger son goes through an occasional daddy phase! But I don’t think that when your son is hurt is the right time to try to get in there - if he generally wants his daddy, let him have his daddy when he’s hurt or upset, and try for other times, when he’s calm and more receptive, for you to step in. I think you stepping in and trying to take over is actually a little disrespectful to your husband and son - you know what your son wants, and it’s implying that your husband can’t handle it.</p> <p>Above all I’d say try not to take it personally. They’re little. They’ll grow out of everything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preferred-parent#post-2888713 Sun, 23 Jun 2019 22:45:34 +0000 bees_knees 2888713@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sounds tough! Janet Lansbury has a a couple good posts about parental preference, I generally really like her take on things! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preferred-parent#post-2888708 Sun, 23 Jun 2019 22:20:35 +0000 Sams Mom 2888708@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have been on both sides of that. My husband would get so frustrated when he couldn't help with our son because our son would meltdown if he tried. </p> <p>Then our son decides that my husband is the only option in the world. It sucks, and sometimes I force him letting me help and other times it's just easier to let my husband deal with him. </p> <p>My son is just over 3 and has changed his mind about who the world revolves around at least 4-5 times. The longest a stint has lasted is maybe 5 months, I think. Now that he's older he's definitely more accepting of either parent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preferred-parent#post-2888704 Sun, 23 Jun 2019 20:18:27 +0000 Tionn3 2888704@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 16 month old prefers my husband over me and it's driving me crazy. It's been going on for 6 months. It's bad enough that my son prefers my husband, but when my son is upset, or falls down and gets hurt, my husband is the one that comforts him. When I try to step in and take over my son starts to freak out. So my husband won't let me take over or comfort my son at all most of the time. I feel like it is making the situation worse, and I also feel like it is super disrespectful to me. </p> <p>I've already tried talking to him about this and he just spins the conversation around and says that he does it because I get "overwhelmed", and I definitely do get overwhelmed, but I think I do a pretty good job of not letting it show, and everyone gets overwhelmed from time to time, and I don't think that is an excuse to not let me try to comfort my son.</p> <p>It just sucks and I want to know if anyone else has experienced the same thing. </p>