https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 09:04:02 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pregnancy-after-high-risk-1st-pregnancy#post-2868567 Thu, 24 Jan 2019 11:25:24 +0000 Sams Mom 2868567@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ms.Mermaid: I like your husband! One of my sister's likes to remind me how bad my first pregnancy was too; and I'm just like, it wasn't THAT bad and you're not the one that has to be pregnant 🤷🏼‍♀️. </p> <p>@jhd: thank you. That does help me 😁</p> <p>It really is hard to stop TTC if a doctor tells you it's ok to TTC when you've been trying for soooo long. I also feel like my clock is ticking because early menopause is a thing in my family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pregnancy-after-high-risk-1st-pregnancy#post-2868559 Thu, 24 Jan 2019 10:54:47 +0000 Kaohinani 2868559@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sams Mom: 🤣 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pregnancy-after-high-risk-1st-pregnancy#post-2868556 Thu, 24 Jan 2019 10:51:28 +0000 Sams Mom 2868556@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Kaohinani: for being Mr ivy league he lacks common sense sometimes 😂 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pregnancy-after-high-risk-1st-pregnancy#post-2868555 Thu, 24 Jan 2019 10:50:42 +0000 Kaohinani 2868555@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sams Mom: I got that much ... I do not know the whole process, nor if it differs by state, but it is a sweet sentiment and would be lovely for your family! 😁 (PS. 2nd children STILL come before 3rd children, though. 😉😂) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pregnancy-after-high-risk-1st-pregnancy#post-2868551 Thu, 24 Jan 2019 10:39:57 +0000 Sams Mom 2868551@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Kaohinani: he wants to adopt one from the state for #3 so I don't have to go through fostering and having to give back a kid; because I can't do that. I don't know for sure that adopting a ward of the state is now straight forward, but he seems to think so. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pregnancy-after-high-risk-1st-pregnancy#post-2868548 Thu, 24 Jan 2019 10:35:41 +0000 Kaohinani 2868548@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sams Mom: Just chalk it up to that (1) he is worried about you ... which is really sweet, (2) he is "trying" to be supportive, and (3) logic (or mathematics?) isn't really his strong point at the moment (🙄🤣😂) if he is worried about a 3rd before a 2nd. 🤦‍♀️ Besides, guys are just weird sometimes. 🤷‍♀️😂 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pregnancy-after-high-risk-1st-pregnancy#post-2868538 Thu, 24 Jan 2019 10:22:11 +0000 Sams Mom 2868538@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Kaohinani: mine literally came up after a talk of kid #3, which I pointed out we need a kid #2 before we can have 3. He was being weird, and I'm just like... You know I'm not going to die right (being sarcastic)... Well that was it 😬 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pregnancy-after-high-risk-1st-pregnancy#post-2868535 Thu, 24 Jan 2019 10:16:44 +0000 Kaohinani 2868535@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yellowbeach: Honestly, it was a fairly organic discussion that sprang from me inquiring: "What is going on in your head?!?! Why all of this talk about getting the snip?" The comment was made after he made a series of appointments for getting the procedure after telling me once, "I think I am going to get a vasectomy." He had come back from an initial consultation with a bunch of flyers and I felt it was an opportune time. Before then, I hadn't put much thought to it but G was only 2 mos old and we weren't sleeping much so I chalked it up to he was done with kids; however, every time we'd see another child (baby), he would comment how great a big family would be. It didn't add up. I also KNOW DH. He avoids physicians like the plague (no offense 😘😂), so going in for an elective "precautionary" procedure made little sense to me. I finally had to ask since I knew he wouldn't say "boo" of it otherwise. DH and I have great communication so I knew he'd open up ... I just NEVER expected his motivation for wanting a vasectomy was an innate fear of losing his soulmate and mother of his children. 🤷‍♀️💜 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pregnancy-after-high-risk-1st-pregnancy#post-2868530 Thu, 24 Jan 2019 09:53:08 +0000 yellowbeach 2868530@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Kaohinani: Interesting to hear the evolution of his thinking and how you uncovered what was really driving his desire for just 2 (fearing losing you). Out of curiosity - did that come up with the help of a counselor of healthcare provider, or did that surface when you all were talking on your own? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pregnancy-after-high-risk-1st-pregnancy#post-2868523 Thu, 24 Jan 2019 09:16:58 +0000 Kaohinani 2868523@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sams Mom: So, from the POAS boards (and our emails), you know most of my story. Two high risk pregnancies, 2 csections (one was an emergency CS, and the other planned), and both times DH almost "lost" me (* His words, his fear). Here is the [still long] abridged version:<br /> With DD, I had severe preeclampsia. I was naturally laboring (with Pitocin) when my BP spiked and T's began to plummet. Due to the pitocin and change in BP, I began to seizure. I was rushed into the OR for an emergency CS. They couldn't put me under due to my BP so they had to stabilize me, sedate me slightly, and give me a spinal block ALL while monitoring T. The CS itself took less than 1 minute since it was an emergency ... T was whisked off (they even forgot to take her foot prints). My blood pressure began to tumble wayyy too low while I was on the table and they had a bit of trouble stopping some of my internal bleeding. It scared the crap out of DH and my mother. In the end, I was fine as was T.<br /> DH and I had no interest to try for another after all I went through with T. We were happy as a family of 3 ... then, oops!, I became pregnant with G upon DH's redeployment (* return home from service aboard). We were ecstatic but understandably nervous. Due to my seizures, edema (and prior preeclampsia), advanced maternal age, as well as Autoimmune disorders, I am automatically diagnosed as "high risk" even with a healthy pregnancy so my OBGYN scheduled a repeat CS. With G, everything was wonderful and textbook (with exception to slight preeclampsia). The CS day was perfect until they were sedating me. Once again, my blood pressure dropped too low and I passed out. My heartrate slowed way too much as well. They could not wake me and I began bleeding from my nose. They had to revive me before DH could enter the room. (This is all documented in my records of which I had to collect from the military when DH went from active to reservist. . . It is lovely to read in transcript. 🙄 My poor doctors!) To err on the side of caution, I received my block but was warned it was the minimum amount for my surgery. I couldn't feel pain perse, but I could feel far more than the normal pressure and tugging ... It is hard to explain. It was uncomfortable like almost like a burning but not excruciating. Anyway, after TWO terrible birth experiences, DH was ready for the snip. I was fine with it as well -- until after his initial visit. We hashed out "why" he was getting it. It wasn't because he did not want more children (3 was his magic number, as was mine), RATHER, he was afraid of losing me. DH wanted to take it upon himself to "save" me by insuring I never went through a CS again. We discussed that there were options, and while I really appreciated his thinking (very chivalrous in a weird way), he didn't have to go through with it. With some prompting, he canceled his appointment for surgery. Months later we discussed trying for a #3 and February of that next year (3 years next month) we began trying. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pregnancy-after-high-risk-1st-pregnancy#post-2868485 Wed, 23 Jan 2019 23:16:22 +0000 Sams Mom 2868485@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yellowbeach: that's a huge chunk of it. He knows what happens with widows in LODD, I think he knows and is confident that I'll be taken care of in that case... I just don't know if he can put himself on the other side of that, of surviving me.</p> <p>He is stuck on Pre-E amongst other things, and I didn't ever get that diagnosis with Sam. I got a ++ result on my protiens 4 days before my c section and the day of my c section along with some high blood pressure... So maybe that was coming too. 🤷🏼‍♀️</p> <p>I don't know if he has that letter yet, probably, because he's the planner and he was shot at. Hearings and trials are just around the corner for that too, didn't think that could be some of the trigger too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pregnancy-after-high-risk-1st-pregnancy#post-2868484 Wed, 23 Jan 2019 23:03:57 +0000 yellowbeach 2868484@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As you know, I had a high risk first pregnancy with HELLP and severe PreE. At the time, I remember both of us being very scared for me and DD. I kept running the scenario of a debilitating stroke through my head... which to me would have been a worse scenario than me dying. I think DH thought about that plus liver failure for me. Since we are both ER docs, we have bias in that we see these exact nightmare scenarios that do happen. They are rare relative to other people who don’t come to the ER bc they are perfectly fine, but that’s what we live daily. So we fear the zebras. </p> <p>As for a next pregnancy, we are relying on the advice of our multiple doctors. I make sure to bring the conversation up any time we change plans or protocols, just to make sure our vapid desire for a second child doesn’t bias or sway the physicians perspective. DH also attends all the important, decision-making appointments. </p> <p>Do you think DH in his line of work has a pretty clear picture plan in his head in case of LODD? I know he had that near miss. I know many cops and FFs who have written the “in case letter” to their spouses. Perhaps we can’t reconcile his just in case scenario with you not in it. Like DH and I, you guys live with knowledge of the dark , tragic things that can and do happen to perfectly good people. </p> <p>Sorry to sound dark and dreary - hope you guys can continue to discuss. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pregnancy-after-high-risk-1st-pregnancy#post-2868481 Wed, 23 Jan 2019 22:10:08 +0000 Ms.Mermaid 2868481@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband and I were both very nervous going into my second pregnancy - I had a complicated first pregnancy and a horrible second pregnancy but he mostly deferred if I was willing to do it again he would hold my hair back and eat low carb meals and rub my feet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pregnancy-after-high-risk-1st-pregnancy#post-2868474 Wed, 23 Jan 2019 21:08:06 +0000 jhd 2868474@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think my first pregnancy was considered high risk, but we had extra ultrasounds because of a diagnosis for DS1. I was healthy, but we ended up with a very traumatic delivery--shoulder distocia, meconium aspiration, and more scary stuff I won't get into. We had always planned on 2, but DH was completely traumatized and we agreed not to even talk about another baby until he was at least 1. At 1 we agreed we would maybe like to try for another one day, but we weren't ready yet. When he was just over 2 we decided to go ahead and TTC. </p> <p>But one of DH's major fears was me dying or the baby dying. After the shoulder distocia with our first, my OB insisted on a C-section for any future pregnancies. Anyway we did go ahead and TTC. It took 14 cycles and in the midst of that we had some other health concerns for LO1, but we felt we would just keep trying and see what happens. We were both still scared, but personally I know I felt that my desire for another baby outweighed my fears the longer and longer we waited. I'm not sure exactly how that changed for my DH though.</p> <p>My pregnancy with LO2 was high-risk due to my age and health concerns that LO1 had. We did have a C-section, and it went extremely well. </p> <p>Sorry for the novel and this may not be at all relevant, but I wanted to share in case it was remotely helpful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pregnancy-after-high-risk-1st-pregnancy#post-2868426 Wed, 23 Jan 2019 18:19:39 +0000 Sams Mom 2868426@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: a lot of his fears came from training he did with his new agency that covered emergency delivery. They happened to mention 2 of the issues I had and how severe they can be, and that's when he started worrying </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pregnancy-after-high-risk-1st-pregnancy#post-2868425 Wed, 23 Jan 2019 18:18:30 +0000 Sams Mom 2868425@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@kiddosc: he's been to all the important ones. </p> <p>I get he's worried about my health. It's just he's known from the start that my body will kill my thyroid, or a doctor will kill my thyroid. I know that sounds off handed, but it's just what it is. </p> <p>It's very hard to pause TTC after so long, and he knows I will under doctor advisement, we're just not there. Ugggghhhhhh </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pregnancy-after-high-risk-1st-pregnancy#post-2868424 Wed, 23 Jan 2019 18:13:41 +0000 Mrsbells 2868424@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sams Mom: my question is are his concerns valid or is he just an over worrier? Are these issues that your doctor is concerned about? I agree with @kiddosc: that having him present while your health issues get discussed witha doctor will be a good way to assess whether his concerns are reasonable and the next best steps </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pregnancy-after-high-risk-1st-pregnancy#post-2868408 Wed, 23 Jan 2019 16:41:22 +0000 kiddosc 2868408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sams Mom: I think his concerns sound valid and that it sort of sounds like you're just trying to brush them aside because you really want a second baby. Has he been present for the conversations you've had with your doctor about your thyroid disorder/potential thyroid cancer and whether it's reasonable to be pregnant through that process? If you can look at things objectively, does it honestly make more sense to pause TTC and get your health affairs in order? I really understand wanting a second child and it just not happening the way you'd have liked it to, but your husband should also feel comfortable with the process and it sounds like, at this moment, he wants to put your health concerns first...which is a good thing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pregnancy-after-high-risk-1st-pregnancy#post-2868404 Wed, 23 Jan 2019 16:02:44 +0000 Sams Mom 2868404@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrskansas: I'm working on all of the weight and reasons why, but I can't stop trying after so long when the doctors told me it's ok to continue. I have a thyroid ultrasound in February, and a biopsy if needed; and I think that is when we'll finally have a reason/something to treat. </p> <p>@bhbee: I am working on research based info to put in front of him about thyroid cancer (I've got a huge goiter that they're checking into), treatment of potential thyroid cancer, and the likelihood of repeat complications that were just random bad luck in my first pregnancy. My doctor told me that just because I had these problems the first time around, doesn't guarantee them the next time. Also, since I was high risk, I get more monitoring from the get go when/if I become pregnant again. </p> <p>I try reassuring him that I'm too stubborn to die, I have a great doctor, with a great relationship that I have no fear of asking too many questions of. My friend pointed out today that since my husband is in such a high risk job (cop), that maybe he's stressing more because he's risking enough that me risking anything stresses him out. 🤷🏼‍♀️ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pregnancy-after-high-risk-1st-pregnancy#post-2868389 Wed, 23 Jan 2019 14:26:43 +0000 bhbee 2868389@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not the same but my husband was super worried about another shoulder dystocia with our third, since we were likely to have another big baby and the first two had it (thankfully without any birth injury). I think it helped some to share with him the research I did to try to get a relative sense of likelihood and related recommendations. It was by no means conclusive but helped with perspective I think. In some ways more ttc months gives you time to focus on the negative which just sucks. Are you able to do more research (or get it from your doctor) and talk it through with him? Maybe then you could make a plan together that felt logical? Sending hugs this stuff is hard :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pregnancy-after-high-risk-1st-pregnancy#post-2868388 Wed, 23 Jan 2019 14:16:28 +0000 mrskansas 2868388@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can understand his fears. Would tackling the weight/health issues prior to conceiving help ease some of the anxiety for him?</p> <p>I've been TTC #2 for 2.5 years. I had a perfect first pregnancy but with the subsequent miscarriages and the issues getting pregnant my husband is definitely more cautious. He has the mindset that maybe my body isn't getting pregnant for a reason. He has way more fear about an unhealthy baby/medical issues for me than he did when we first started trying for #2. I will admit that most days I tend to agree with him though. We are still TTC but honestly neither of us believe I will get pregnant again so some of those fears are lessened. </p> <p>This is such a difficult issue... I personally wouldn't want to TTC unless my body was in prime condition but I also completely understand not wanting to delay TTC (especially when you've already been at it so long). :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pregnancy-after-high-risk-1st-pregnancy#post-2868385 Wed, 23 Jan 2019 13:53:44 +0000 josina 2868385@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This must be so hard! Hugs to you! I did NOT have a hard pregnancy and my husband still worries about those things and they are a big reason as to him wanting to be done with 2. Hopefully some bee's with similar stories can chime in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pregnancy-after-high-risk-1st-pregnancy#post-2868378 Wed, 23 Jan 2019 11:53:48 +0000 Sams Mom 2868378@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've been TTC #2 for 24 cycles now.</p> <p>My husband has been weird about it lately, but talks about more kids and maybe even adopting from the state for kid #3. </p> <p>I finally got out of him last week that he is afraid of me dying this time. Mainly because I have some health issues going on with my thyroid/autoimmune disorder. I've gained an unexpected/unexplained amount of weight in the last couple months. He's afraid that with my complications with our son, that they'll be worse since I'm much heavier than I was to start with him. That it will cause him to lose me and/or a baby.</p> <p>Has anyone had any experience with your spouse fearing a wanted conception due to a hard previous pregnancy? How did they come around? Did they come around? </p>