https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 10 Apr 2026 20:42:37 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preschool-troubles-seeking-advice#post-2632800 Thu, 06 Oct 2016 10:38:56 +0000 Bluebonnet 2632800@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ms maths: Hopefully other bees with montessori experience for this age group can comment. </p> <p>Are there other kids close to his age that are also new to the class? How are they doing?</p> <p>Hopefully the director can shed some light on if this is an adjustment issue (it takes some kids longer to adjust than others) OR is if she thinks it isn't a good fit for LO.</p> <p>The tuition think is tricky - I can't believe they would hold you liable for a year's tuition. Is that the norm for schools in your area? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preschool-troubles-seeking-advice#post-2632789 Thu, 06 Oct 2016 10:26:11 +0000 Ms maths 2632789@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: Thanks for sharing that perspective. If the director decides that he is too young and asks him to withdraw from the program, we would consider that a reasonable resolution. (We are reluctant to bring up this option because the contract language indicates that if we initiate withdrawal, we are responsible for the full year's tuition.)</p> <p>@Bluebonnet, he is two turning three in a month. The school enrolls students who turn 3 by December 1. This is the enrollment cut-off for kindergarten, so--unless a child in the room isn't starting kindergarten on time--some of the children may be turning 5 this year but none are 5 yet. My understanding is that a mixed age class is a cornerstone of the Montessori philosophy, although I can't say much about how it works in practice for this age group. Non-napping children have a second work period (that is, doing other quiet activities). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preschool-troubles-seeking-advice#post-2632777 Thu, 06 Oct 2016 10:15:39 +0000 Bluebonnet 2632777@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ms maths: I'm confused. Is LO 2, but turning 3 next month? Or 3, turning 4 next month?</p> <p>A few thoughts:<br /> - Could you ask to schedule a conference with the director (as solving this over email doesn't seem to be working)?<br /> - It sounds like its a combination of LO adjusting to the new school/class AND being one of the youngest in the class. Our kids moved classrooms this year (not schools) and it took at least a month for everyone to be comfortable with their new classes and routines (before that we'd often pick up overtired kids).<br /> - Like others have said, that seems to be a big age range (the older kids probably don't nap consistently, and LO may not want to sleep - FOMO). What are the kids that don't nap doing at nap time? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preschool-troubles-seeking-advice#post-2632743 Thu, 06 Oct 2016 09:20:57 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2632743@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It may be typical toddler behavior but I can also see why the teachers may be struggling with this.. I just think he might be a bit young for that particular class. And that age gap may be fueling his behavior as well. Dd took some classes at that age that went up to 4 and she struggled being the youngest. Even in her preschool class last year she was the youngest but this year she's about in the middle and she's doing much better after only about 6 weeks in the new class. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preschool-troubles-seeking-advice#post-2632651 Thu, 06 Oct 2016 08:09:04 +0000 Ms maths 2632651@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSRS: The "angry face" and their response (which is to tell them they don't like angry faces and to stop) was definitely a wtf moment for us. And it seems contrary to anything I've read about helping child's emotional development.</p> <p>@Kemma, I agree. They clearly do regularly provide one-on-one attention to children, so this seems to be her short-hand, dismissive way of saying they can't or don't want to deal with my son's particular behaviors. </p> <p>We don't get a bad vibe from the other teachers, but we also don't have much contact with them. There is no opportunity for interaction in the morning, and the drop-off teacher says very little in response to my questions or suggests I contact the director. I'm going to more consistently try to talk with her, though, to hopefully get a better connection to his day.</p> <p>At this point, we can't remove him without considerable expense. Unless the director decides to remove him from the program, we are on the hook for the full year's tuition. (And our understanding is that she will pursue it legally.) So I think our current thinking is that we maybe need to be more assertive in our communication with her to better advocate for our son and see where things go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preschool-troubles-seeking-advice#post-2632599 Thu, 06 Oct 2016 07:04:09 +0000 KayKay 2632599@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ms maths: ugh - that director sounds super-frustrating and unpleasant. agree that i'd try to put him down for the night a little earlier to see if you can sneak in some more sleep (either as he drops his nap or adjusts to napping in a new place). are the teachers/assistants in the classroom as unhelpful as the director? could you work directly with them instead of having to communicate with her? i'd still probably lean towards giving him a little more time to adjust (and, i guess, basically just ignoring the director since she sounds so unhelpful!). but if you are getting a really bad vibe from all of the adults there, i'd probably consider going back to where you were -- mostly because they seem ridiculous, not because i think your LO is doing anything abnormal!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preschool-troubles-seeking-advice#post-2632555 Wed, 05 Oct 2016 21:58:42 +0000 Kemma 2632555@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ms maths: the whole "we can't provide one on one attention" sounds like bullsh*t, sure they can't provide it all day (and I'm sure you don't expect them to!) but they should be able to spend some individual time with a child when they need it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preschool-troubles-seeking-advice#post-2632554 Wed, 05 Oct 2016 21:51:52 +0000 MrsSRS 2632554@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe if you think the nap is on the way out you could move bedtime earlier? An extra 30-60 minutes of sleep might help. Almost every child goes through 3-6 weeks of an adjustment period where their behavior is sketchy. It baffles me that they don't have methods to handle potty refusal/nap refusal/hitting/angry face(wtf on this one? this is a reasonable expression of emotion). Have you reminded the teacher "I know you can't do 1 on 1 at school, I'm just telling you what has worked at home so you have an idea of where we are coming from." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preschool-troubles-seeking-advice#post-2632514 Wed, 05 Oct 2016 19:35:44 +0000 Ms maths 2632514@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Looch, only 6 out of 18 students nap and he has shown some readiness to drop his nap. We tried moving him away from a nap while he was on a two-week break from school. He did ok with that but definitely needed more attention from us later in the day. Then when he started school, the extra stimulation seemed to really wear him out and so a nap seemed in his best interest. </p> <p>@KayKay, he was in a Montessori school before. It was in the toddler program, though, so less intense. Also, they had more staff so they were able to work more closely with individual children. And I am sure a new environment takes some time to get used to no matter what.</p> <p>We've been emailing with the head teacher/director--unfortunately she only communicates by email--and it just hasn't felt like she wants to work with us. She has asked us for suggestions, but when we share what we do at home she just keeps reiterating that she cannot provide 1-on-1 attention for any child. (Of course, many of the things we do involve 1-on-1 attention, and I get that they can't dedicate a teacher to our son. But it's a frustrating exchange to have with her.) And she has also indicated that no other children are having difficulty following the classroom rules and that in her long experience children learn the classroom norms quickly. It feels like she is not interested in working with us to solve this issue (other than having him come less). It's been a very frustrating few days communicating with her on this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preschool-troubles-seeking-advice#post-2632495 Wed, 05 Oct 2016 18:44:27 +0000 MrsSRS 2632495@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ms maths: I work in a daycare, and this is totally nornal behavior. They should be able to manage it, what the heck?! No good advice, but maybe reiterate that DS has a much easier time behaving when he is rested, so they should focus on that, and ask how they helped other kids through the transition stage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preschool-troubles-seeking-advice#post-2632118 Wed, 05 Oct 2016 09:52:42 +0000 KayKay 2632118@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agree with others that it all sounds within the realm of normal for a 3yo starting a new school. Plus Montessori ones are different than other play-based programs, and I think kids definitely adjust on their own timeline and in their own way to that new environment (any new environment, really). Napping in a new place is always weird, and tired kids act out. I'd give it at least a month to see if things start to improve as he gets to know the materials/environment, his classmates, and his teachers better! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preschool-troubles-seeking-advice#post-2632117 Wed, 05 Oct 2016 09:51:18 +0000 looch 2632117@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you have an idea of how many kids are actually napping? My son dropped his nap at 3 years 8 months of age, so I would suspect in a mixed age class where you have kids up to 5 years of age, some are not napping at all. For the kids that are not napping, what are they doing? </p> <p>The behaviour that you're describing, about taking a long time to fall asleep at home (at night?) was also the big clue for me that I had to have my son drop his nap. When he did drop it, he began falling asleep at night within minutes and was okay during the day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preschool-troubles-seeking-advice#post-2632044 Wed, 05 Oct 2016 08:08:24 +0000 Ms maths 2632044@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@808love: Sleep is definitely a major contributing factor, although maybe not the only thing. Unfortunately, we haven't been able to figure out a solution :( It's one of the things we'll keep working on, though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preschool-troubles-seeking-advice#post-2631946 Tue, 04 Oct 2016 21:23:48 +0000 808love 2631946@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe just get to the root of the sleep<br /> issue. I think the director naturally will explore alternatives but you seem to have a handle on the causes so you can work from there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preschool-troubles-seeking-advice#post-2631873 Tue, 04 Oct 2016 19:14:17 +0000 travellingbee 2631873@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agreed. I think this seems like normal behavior and similar to my LO. This is behavior any school should be able to handle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preschool-troubles-seeking-advice#post-2631869 Tue, 04 Oct 2016 19:01:25 +0000 Ms maths 2631869@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for the replies. It's comforting to hear that others see his behavior as normal. </p> <p>The director/lead teacher has a reputation of being difficult to deal with as a parent but having an amazing relationship with the kids. Which made my son's behavior seem really worrisome and makes me very careful how I handle my interactions with her. So it's helpful for us to have a frame of reference before talking more with her. We will talk with her more to see what else we can do, although she wasn't super-receptive to our suggestions/ideas when he had the first difficult afternoon at the beginning go the year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preschool-troubles-seeking-advice#post-2631854 Tue, 04 Oct 2016 17:53:02 +0000 nana87 2631854@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sounds like totally normal behavior that they should be able to handle...esp re: nap struggles, which are so common. have you noticed hitting when you're with him? Lo went through a phase around 2 where she was hitting when she was frustrated-- but only hitting me, she never did at school or with anyone else. We had a book that helped-- "hands are not for hitting" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preschool-troubles-seeking-advice#post-2631844 Tue, 04 Oct 2016 17:19:18 +0000 Mama Bird 2631844@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That sounds like very typical toddler behavior, maybe with a nap transition and sickness and adjustment to a new place thrown in. The day care should really be able to handle that, and certainly should have more patience with him and try new strategies instead of just pushing for him to go part-time. So maybe talk to them and see if they can think of some new way to deal with his behavior. If all else fails, maybe they can give him a book or some blocks if he can't sleep, and just make it quiet time. And if they can't adjust to a toddler being a toddler... yeah, maybe they're not a good fit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preschool-troubles-seeking-advice#post-2631827 Tue, 04 Oct 2016 17:02:56 +0000 Ms maths 2631827@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi, all! I used to be more involved at Hellobee and recently took a break as part of my plan get more done at work ☺ </p> <p>I’m posting again, though, in hopes of getting some advice.</p> <p>Background: My son started at a new preschool this fall, 9AM-3PM. It’s a Montessori school, with three teachers and 18 3-5 year-olds. My son is the youngest child in the class, turning 3 in November. He is also in the midst of napping troubles, often not falling asleep at home or falling asleep after a lot of struggle. When he is not well-rested, he has much more impulsive behavior and he can be very challenging at home. </p> <p>He has had a couple of incidents at school where he did not nap and has had some difficult behavior at school. He was also mildly sick both days. (Today, he would not rest, standing up and trying to run around the nap area. He also refused to use the bathroom when asked, hit the teacher when she tried to settle him, and used an “angry face” at some point to indicate his displeasure with the situation.) The school director seems to be pushing for him to go half-days, something that I can manage work-wise in the short-term, but not in the long-term. </p> <p>Pending being able to get out of our current contract, we could send him back to his old school. We were happy with the old school; it was just much more expensive and less convenient. They never reported behavior problems for him there, either because he didn’t have them or they handled them differently. But he really likes his current school, so we don’t want to rashly move him.</p> <p>We’re trying to sort out what to expect and what to do: how much of what’s going on is atypical behavior for a toddler, how much might be age-related (so that he might do better in a month or so), related to a nap transition (and, again, maybe once he gets through his current nap troubles, things might be better for him), something preschools should be able to handle, or the school not being a good fit for him.</p> <p>If anyone has any thoughts, I would really appreciate hearing them! </p>