https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 12 Apr 2026 22:52:30 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd/page/2#post-2544689 Mon, 09 May 2016 15:10:24 +0000 mrsrain 2544689@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with most of what has been said. Also, o currently have a 2 year old and a 2 month old. It's a big adjustment for everyone! I think something like being away from you that long would just make it even harder on your LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd/page/2#post-2544685 Mon, 09 May 2016 15:06:07 +0000 catomd00 2544685@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's pretty upsetting! Even if DH doesn't agree, he'd never throw me under the bus like that! In our marriage, whomever parents it is is who deals with the issues. We support each other no matter what, even when we don't agree with each other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd/page/2#post-2544649 Mon, 09 May 2016 14:23:58 +0000 gingerbebe 2544649@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband would never do something like that because HE WOULD GET SLICED IF HE DID and he knows it. That was a dick move fo sho.</p> <p>Also, my son is 20 months old right now and I know there's literally no way he could deal with Disney World for a week even with all the stars aligned and me orchestrating every move perfectly. Much less letting him go with his grandparents without us AND with older kids in tow who have vastly different interests and abilities. One or more grandparents would have to leave for naps or do something separate with your kid the entire time and they would be MISERABLE. And they would probably complain later about what a pain your kid was and then somehow blame your parenting as the cause or something. </p> <p>No. No, no, no. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd/page/2#post-2544612 Mon, 09 May 2016 13:57:55 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2544612@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Miss Ariel: your husband 100% shouldnt have said that. He should have presented it as a "we are still thinking about it." It was disrespectful to set you up as the "bad guy" and I'd be furious about the "fight your own battles" thing! You are married, he should support you, and HE should fight any battles that arise with his own family. I'd definitely be talking to my husband about this if it were me. </p> <p>As for the trip itself, I think your instinct is right here. When my son was a few months shy of 3, my dad flew with him a state away to spend time at their house. They left on a Saturday &amp; I arrived the next Wed evening. It had been fine &amp; my son was mostly okay, but those few days weren't easy and the most taxing thing they did was eat at a restaurant! My son missed us most at bedtime (so, tell your DH that cousins and Mickey mouse won't help there!) and had more tantrums than usual. I'm glad they went, but a whole week apart, with all the madness of a big excursion like WDW would make me say no. (My mom asked if she could take him cross-country to the beach this summer, and he'll be almost 4 but I said Hell No). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd/page/2#post-2544552 Mon, 09 May 2016 13:21:18 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2544552@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah uncool of your husband for sure</p> <p>Also maybe it's just me but OMG I would die before letting my son go to Disney with my inlaws. He is a runner and they cannot keep up. My mom barely could. I wouldn't let her either. </p> <p>Just say you'd miss him too much, sorry! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd/page/2#post-2544532 Mon, 09 May 2016 13:09:11 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2544532@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@smocks: Exactly! At least at their house, I knew they had a bathtub with an anti-slip mat and an area for a changing pad and baby safe toys, etc. </p> <p>I would get nervous about a week long trip (just the logistics) with a 2 year old going through the airport, hotel and theme park! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd/page/2#post-2544519 Mon, 09 May 2016 13:02:48 +0000 smocks 2544519@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: Good point on them taking her to a theme park alone - I wouldn't be cool with this.</p> <p>My IL's have taken DD for 2 week-long trips. But they were at their house and in that comfort zone. And they were when she was almost a few months shy of 3, and maybe a month after she turned 3. She did fine both times, but was really home-sick by the end.</p> <p>I can tell you, I have gone on vacation with DD and my parents when she was 2, and she was a HANDFUL. Like, constant supervision. Not a 5 second break. She was literally running off wherever and whenever she felt like it, I had to chase her down and it was not relaxing at all for me. And this wasn't at crowd-heavy place like Disney. I don't think their vacation would be as enjoyable as they think it would be, and I would be paranoid the whole time. For a day? Sure. A week? Omg no.</p> <p>Not worth it IMO without at least 1 parent there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd/page/2#post-2544482 Mon, 09 May 2016 12:32:29 +0000 Adira 2544482@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: haha, exactly! No matter what happens, I want to be the one to experience it with my kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd#post-2544481 Mon, 09 May 2016 12:31:41 +0000 Truth Bombs 2544481@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be furious. His response that "he shouldn't have to fight my fights" would piss me off even further. You're married. You're a TEAM. Your fights are his fights. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd#post-2544480 Mon, 09 May 2016 12:27:38 +0000 looch 2544480@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: I think no matter what happens, those memories make for a good story. The pictures we have are hilarious, my son is scowling in every single photo. We look at them now and he's like "why is my face like that?" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd#post-2544472 Mon, 09 May 2016 12:21:29 +0000 Adira 2544472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: haha, true! It could always turn out terrible! But if there's even a chance it's going to be awesome, it's going to be awesome with me there! :D </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd#post-2544467 Mon, 09 May 2016 12:18:41 +0000 looch 2544467@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: I've been having a good laugh thinking about our first trip to WDW with our son. It was one of those trips where everything was going wrong and my husband and I actually got to the point where we considered cutting the trip short and just going home. So much for those fun experiences, huh? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd#post-2544458 Mon, 09 May 2016 12:13:27 +0000 psw27 2544458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Grrr that's so awkward of your DH to do that to you. I would not be happy. When it comes to ILs, I am always trying to make sure I don't look like a jerk or my DH doesn't look like a jerk. We definitely disagree on parenting but we try to do it behind closed doors. </p> <p>Also, I totally get your concern about a week away. It's just too long at that age. It would be one thing if you and DH went away (meaning, she was at your house with his parents - in her usual surroundings) but to be in a hotel and sleeping in a different place, etc. that just seems like a lot! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd#post-2544455 Mon, 09 May 2016 12:11:22 +0000 Ajsmommy 2544455@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Total jerk move, but my DH would do the exact same thing to me!!! I would however not mind telling FIL that I don't want DD to be away from me for so long. I would just say I trust them to care for her but it's me not wanting her to be away from me and I also wouldn't want to miss her first time at Disney. My DD is 2.5 and there's no chance I'd let her go without me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd#post-2544449 Mon, 09 May 2016 12:06:17 +0000 Eko 2544449@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah that was unfair. If the decision was still undecided then he just should've said you were still thinking about it. There will be plenty of other situations like these and it needs to be a joint choice. ETA: i would personally not let the grandparents take LO on a Disney trip without us. That's a big and special trip and those things I think should be done as a family. It's not like they are taking your kid to the zoo for the day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd#post-2544444 Mon, 09 May 2016 12:01:43 +0000 Miss Ariel 2544444@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@kiddosc: he actually said doesn't care either way, so in this specific case that isn't quite what's going on, although I could see something like that happening in the future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd#post-2544442 Mon, 09 May 2016 11:58:41 +0000 Miss Ariel 2544442@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: I think that's a lot of it, and I care too much about what people think. I think regardless of what dh said, the thought would likely be that I was the one who said no. But I need to work a little more on not caring about any emotional response. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd#post-2544441 Mon, 09 May 2016 11:56:10 +0000 kiddosc 2544441@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that was a dick move to throw you under the bus... but, it also doesn't sound like you're interested in making this decision together. It sounds like your DH would be ok with her going and you're not. So instead of talking about it together and coming to a decision, you just want him to agree with you. He may be upset that you've made the decision without regard to his feelings. Just playing devil's advocate here, and I obviously don't have the whole story. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd#post-2544438 Mon, 09 May 2016 11:49:26 +0000 Maysprout 2544438@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Miss Ariel: we had a situation like that where my IL wanted BIL to fly my 2 year old overseas and then her visit them for a week then fly back with my IL. My DH said that could work but we'll have to talk about it. So it was pretty clear who it was that was against the plan. Honestly both our parents, while lovely and generous in a lot of ways, attempt to be very controlling and act hurt when they don't get their way. For the first couple years I tried to spare feelings or side step around issues. I just don't have the patience for it anymore so I answer pretty directly. its made both relationships change but it had to happen. My main concern would be talking to DH about why you're not on board. As far as the IL go you just have to kinda say that's very generous but no thanks and just be a bit unfortunately hardened to the emotional response or attempts at changing your mind </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd#post-2544425 Mon, 09 May 2016 11:28:27 +0000 Miss Ariel 2544425@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@stiletto_mom: I like that! So simple but it def gets to the point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd#post-2544423 Mon, 09 May 2016 11:24:18 +0000 stiletto_mom 2544423@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yea, dick move on your DH'S part. It's nor about fighting your own fight, but not showing division because that can be used as leverage against you.</p> <p>You're kids will recognize it and may use that rift to play one of you against each other. Similarly, a united front gives your family unit more respect.</p> <p>In a case like that, I would say "Actually, we make decisions together. So this is something we will discuss later in more detail." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd#post-2544417 Mon, 09 May 2016 11:19:07 +0000 Charm54 2544417@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm okay with being away from my girls, but there is NO WAY I would let them go to Disney without me. We took C (2.5) to WDW in March and it was the most amazing time, one of the best trips ever- I would not have wanted to miss it! I don't care if that makes me selfish, but I want to be a part of those experiences with her </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd#post-2544416 Mon, 09 May 2016 11:15:27 +0000 snowjewelz 2544416@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Miss Ariel: I'm also not sure if they truly understand what they're signing up for either! At this age, they don't remember how much fun they've had, but they will remember (ok well prob not but still) if they were missing mommy/daddy and crying for them at night! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd#post-2544412 Mon, 09 May 2016 11:10:04 +0000 josina 2544412@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Miss Ariel: I would just explain to FIL that it's got nothing to do with them, but that you're not ready and don't think DD will be ready to be away from you for an entire week.<br /> ( I have yet to let DS be away for one night, let alone a week, a plane ride away, and would definitely not be comfortable with it even in 6 months.)</p> <p>I think your DH should've stated your reasons for not wanting to let her go as mutual, and not tossed the blame to you, especially since it was his parents. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd#post-2544410 Mon, 09 May 2016 11:09:50 +0000 Jess1483 2544410@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Totally unfair of DH to throw you under the bus.</p> <p>With ILs, I'd probably just tell them it's not about trusting them, it's about her being able to handle that long time away from you.</p> <p>If DH is stuck on her going, I'd insist he go with her or it doesn't happen. He'll have to decide whether his hatred of Disney or his desire for his daughter to go is more important. </p> <p>I trust my parents 1000% with DS, he regularly spends the night with them, AND he's 3.5, but there is no way I'd let them take him anywhere for an entire week without one of us. Just not happening. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd#post-2544409 Mon, 09 May 2016 11:08:51 +0000 Miss Ariel 2544409@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaG: I've kind of mentioned most of my reasons in various comments, but it's basically I'm not sure she'd be ok being away from us for a week. He thinks she's be fine especially since her cousins would be there. </p> <p>I don't want her to think she's being replaced by a new baby, which he doesn't think she would be.</p> <p>And that I'd rather be with her on her first wdw trip, which he thinks I'm making more about me than her. Which I agree is partly true.</p> <p>As for the trust issue, I'm sure things would be different than if we were there, but I'm not worried about something actually bad happening.</p> <p>If she were to freak out while she was there, well no idea how we'd hassle that except hope it's get better and would be over soon? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd#post-2544406 Mon, 09 May 2016 11:06:38 +0000 catlady 2544406@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ick. Not fair of your DH to do that. I would definitely have a talk with him about presenting a united parenting front. That is something that is really important to us too. We have had to work on it (sadly, probably more on my end than his) but are getting better.</p> <p>In terms of the actual trip, I will just share that we brought my LO to Disneyworld for the first time at age 2.5 a couple weeks ago. She had a blast...but by day 3, she was already asking to go home. She was just totally overwhelmed. This was with us there with her, AND we kept her schedule (long nap in the hotel and early bedtime every single day), AND we didn't overdo it at the parks, AND we basically let her interests guide the whole trip. If she had gone without us, with older kids, and was probably overdoing it every day, it would have been melt-down city. So one argument I might give your ILs is, are they prepared to pull everyone down to a 2 year old's pace for the entire trip or else deal with the consequences? If not, she should probably stay home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd#post-2544400 Mon, 09 May 2016 11:00:28 +0000 Miss Ariel 2544400@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: his thought is more I'd be keeping her from something she'd enjoy because I couldn't be there. And I'm sure there are cases where I'm willing to make that sacrifice. Also I technically did get to take her to Disneyland in California last summer at 9 months, so it wouldn't be her first Disney experience. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd#post-2544399 Mon, 09 May 2016 11:00:14 +0000 Adira 2544399@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Miss Ariel: Part of becoming parents is getting to experience all the FUN stuff with our kids! We don't just do the hard parts and then let grandparents have all the fun. How is that fair?? You brought her into the world and are raising her. You get to decide who gets to participate in fun experiences like WDW!</p> <p>My in-laws really wanted to take all their grandkids to WDW too. They wanted it to be a fun experience for them and the grandkids. I flat out said NOPE, not happening! Part of the reason I had kids was so that I could do those fun things with them! There's no way I'm letting someone steal that from me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/presenting-a-united-parenting-front-wwyd#post-2544396 Mon, 09 May 2016 10:59:04 +0000 MamaG 2544396@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It seems like there are a couple of issues at play here to me:</p> <p>1) What are your reasons to not send DD on the trip? Does DH understand them and agree with your reasons?</p> <p>2) If DH doesn't agree, how does he see the trip as a feasible option? Meaning how does he think the trip will go, what happens if she doesn't want to be with grandparents, how do you remedy that situation?</p> <p>3) Do you trust the grandparents to care for DD in this situation and age?</p> <p>We've had similar issues where DH doesn't understand my point of view or doesn't agree with it. It's not been anything this large as we are both pretty protective of our kids and who they can spend time with, without us. I got into a battle with my Dad on parenting recently and I simply told him, my child, my decision. He's the grandparent and he had the opportunity to parent me without grandparents making his decisions I deserve the same. </p>