https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 03 May 2026 08:00:55 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-3002 Sat, 08 Oct 2011 09:32:12 +0000 LazyLightning 3002@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We get the heat a little bit....more from friends than family though. I have had people tell me that we're selfish for waiting so long, since we have the means to take care of a baby. They just don't understand why we don't have kids yet. Sigh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-2719 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 17:00:11 +0000 bykes187 2719@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JBHops @Adira -- I'm not holding it against her (woman just lost her dad and all) but yeah, it was pretty random! We aren't hardcore TTC #2 yet (we've been trying three months and I only charted the last month) but I had just started my period and was kind of bummed about it. But other than that both sets of parents have been great with withholding pressure! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-2706 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 16:25:11 +0000 MaisyMay 2706@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira - The fact that y'all were naked (albeit covered) didn't phase her at all! My gosh, this lady seems pretty oblivious.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-2681 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 15:06:36 +0000 PBandBaseball 2681@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira - I definitely think you win with the MIL craziness!! I hope that your husband can have a talk with her and get her to back off a bit. TTC is stressful enough without having someone constantly checking in with you and making it such a deadline type of situation.</p> <p>@tequiero21 - Over/under betting is a sports thing where people try to guess if a team is going to score over or under a certain number of points (I think this is right). At our wedding it was determined that 14 months from the wedding date was the set amount of time from wedding to baby. I guess people assumed we'd start pretty quickly. If we're successful this month it'll be 15 months. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-2664 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 14:16:57 +0000 Adira 2664@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tequiero21 - Thanks! She's definitely crazy, haha. And super annoying. I'm hoping I can go another year without seeing her... or maybe at least until I'm actually pregnant!</p> <p>But you're right. I think next time we're scheduled to see her, I'll tell the husband that if she mentions babies to me, he'll need to tell her to back off or I will! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-2660 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 14:10:10 +0000 tequiero21 2660@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@adira - okay, you win.... lol. she's CRAZY! i'm fairly certain if my parents or PIL found us naked together, we might not have gotten married haha.</p> <p>she seems like the type you just have to be blunt to. so i agree with jbhops - tell your husband to tell her to back off or you will. </p> <p>adira, i'm so sorry for you! =T </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-2655 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 14:02:25 +0000 Adira 2655@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jbhops - I WISH sex talk would make her uncomfortable, but it wouldn't. She's walked in on my husband and I once sleeping naked together (before we were living on our own and I'd sleep over his house), and even though we had blankets, it was pretty obvious we were naked under them, and she just came over and sat next to me on the bed and was all like "Time to get up! I'm making pancakes!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-2650 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 13:59:28 +0000 Adira 2650@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tequiero21 - I actually DID manage to go a whole YEAR without seeing her! She still badgered me in e-mails, but that was easier to ignore, hehe.</p> <p>@Jbhops - Good comeback! I wish that my MIL wouldn't be so obvious with her comments so I could do comebacks like yours!</p> <p>And honestly, my MIL shouldn't be so greedy. If my SIL hadn't accidentally gotten pregnant, she wouldn't have ANY grandchildren at the moment, just like my parents don't have any! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-2643 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 13:52:40 +0000 tequiero21 2643@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pbandbaseball and @jbhops - what's over/under? *clueless* </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-2640 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 13:49:38 +0000 mediagirl 2640@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira - that's what I said to my Mom for a long time. Maybe we won't have kids!! And then I would add - just stop it. Stop asking. It's annoying me. I would just be blunt with your husband - tell him that you don't want to talk to MIL about it and if he doesn't tell her to stop the comments, you will. My mouth does get me in trouble sometimes, though. :)</p> <p>@Bykes187 Oh my gosh. That's a really random comment but I guess you never know what grief will bring.</p> <p>@PBandBaseball - I love the over/under. That's awesome. :)</p> <p>I like @Tessabella76's comment because if you say practice makes perfect or anything that eludes to the fact that you actually have to have sex to have babies, maybe that will make her stop. Does anyone REALLY want to know their kids are having sex?? :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-2635 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 13:43:19 +0000 mediagirl 2635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My brother's wife is due in December. My mother said to me this summer: "Oh, it will be so nice. In 2 summers, we could have one grandchild that is a year old and another that is a year and a half visiting us." I just looked at her and said, "wow, she's going to make quick work of having grandbabies for you, isn't she?" (meaning my SIL) So, yes. I get the pressure. Just like we got the "when are you getting married" pressure. OY! Mothers! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-2633 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 13:42:14 +0000 tequiero21 2633@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@adira - you should tell your husband to tell his mom that you didn't want to see her anymore because she keeps badgering you and let's see how she reacts lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-2631 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 13:39:50 +0000 Adira 2631@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tequiero21 - no offense taken at all!!! I completely agree that she's being a total PAIN and totally rude for badgering me about it! My husband doesn't seem to understand how annoying she's being to me. She's not putting the pressure on him, she's putting it on ME! For some reason, she must think I'm the reason we're not having kids yet, not that WE made the decision TOGETHER. She's CRAZY. My husband just tends to ignore her, but I haven't gotten that skill yet, you know?</p> <p>@Bykes187 - yikes! I know your MIL is grieving, but that comment seemed kind of harsh, you know? Like you probably feel bad enough as it is and now she's laying on some extra guilt?? It's not like you don't already have a child! Bummer!</p> <p>I should just tell anyone who puts the pressure on us "Oh, we're not having kids." See how much they freak out, haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-2623 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 13:21:31 +0000 bykes187 2623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We headed off the chance for any pressure to develop when I got pregnant unexpectedly a couple months after the wedding, but we're now experiencing number 2 pressure! It's pretty benign right now, but yesterday was sad because my MIL's dad died, and she just stared at me and the baby for a few minutes then said, "I wish you were pregnant. To see that life goes on..." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-2614 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 13:05:15 +0000 tequiero21 2614@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@adira - UGH! no offense but your MIL would drive ME nuts. i don't think your selfish at ALL and i think it's really RUDE of people to keep asking because it is none of their business! pregnancy is something that should be shared only between husband and wife and IF they decide to include other people in. and whatever the husband or wife decides, NO ONE ELSE HAS A SAY! and i would totally get mad at my husband if he didn't speak to his mother and tell her to back off! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-2613 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 13:01:50 +0000 MaisyMay 2613@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Jeez - it's all about her plans to travel with kiddos? Yeesh. She sounds like a real charmer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-2610 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 12:58:24 +0000 Adira 2610@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tessabella76 - hahaha, I love that response - practice makes perfect, haha. Too funny. Also, I can't believe your SIL! It's none of her business if you guys decide to have kids or not and she certainly shouldn't be judging you for it! That sucks!</p> <p>I need to be better about being blunt and telling her to mind her own business, but I feel like she'd get really offended. PLUS my husband can be such a momma's boy sometimes and I think he'd be mad at me for being "rude" to his mom, as he would see it.</p> <p>I'm trying to get my husband to tell her to lay off, but it apparently doesn't bother him as much as it bothers me (probably because she usually asks ME about it instead of him).</p> <p>Apparently, my MIL has been planning on going on this HUGE road trip with all her grandchildren to visit a bunch of National Parks, and WE'RE messing up her plans by not having kids. She's worried that her current grandchild will be too old and not interested in going by the time OUR kids are old enough. Like we have no say in whether they go or not! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-2602 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 12:35:58 +0000 tessabella76 2602@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husbands parents have been great-my MIL has made it known that she is excited for us to start trying but she has also said that we should take our time and be ready. </p> <p>On the other hand, my two brothers wives are more persistant and nosey. A few months ago I was having some medical issues that if they had not been resolved, we may not have been able to have children naturally. I made a comment more or less saying that if for what ever reason having children wasn't a possiblity (and adoption wasn't financially feasable), that we'd be ok with not having children (we have 10 nieces and nephews &amp; 1 great nephew between us). SIL was very offended! Like how dare we even consider the possibility of not having children!</p> <p>Anymore when people ask when we are starting a family I'm either very blunt (depending on who it is) and tell them to mind their own business or say practice makes perfect and we haven't quite got it right yet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-2600 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 12:29:39 +0000 Shutterbug 2600@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're not getting too much pressure, but now I feel like everyone is always checking to see if I am drinking at social events to see if I'm preggo. I feel like I've made it worse though, because I've been having a drink purposefully to shut them up, and now they'll know for sure when I don't have that drink. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-2598 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 12:19:16 +0000 MaisyMay 2598@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Eeks. That's a hard one. Could you hint that you were having problems just to keep her quiet? Or could your husband just tell her to leave it alone? I've had to get my Hubs to tell him mom to chill on a few things, and she's been super respectful of that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-2587 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 12:03:45 +0000 Adira 2587@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I need a good way to shut my mother in law up, but I don't know how without sounding rude. We're not religious at all, otherwise the "It's in God's hands" would probably work!</p> <p>The other thing that totally annoys me is that <i>apparently</i> my MIL was putting the pressure on my husband and so he ended up telling her that we were thinking about trying in January!!! I'm sooooo mad at him for telling her! When we saw her in September, the FIRST THING she said to me was "Sooooo.... I hear you guys may be trying soon..." I had to lie to her to shut her up.</p> <p>My biggest worry is that she'll know we're trying and if we don't get pregnant right away, she'll keep ASKING me about it. I'll feel bad enough as is if we have trouble getting pregnant, but I don't want HER to be asking me about it all the time and expecting to hear that we're pregnant when we're not, you know?</p> <p>Is it selfish of me that I don't want to share out TTC timeline with my in-laws (or even my parents) and that I don't want people asking me about it when we ARE TTC? (You guys are okay, obviously!) I just don't want to have to explain to people WHY I'm not pregnant (once we start trying). I'd rather just be able to wait and be like "Oh guess what! We're pregnant!" than have to explain to people that we aren't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-2582 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 11:57:44 +0000 tequiero21 2582@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>well, my in laws (more MIL than FIL) used to mention it in the beginning. i kind of "shut her up" by saying it's in god's hands, not mine. we were trying but it wasn't our choice we weren't getting pregnant. which was true, but i kind of mentioned it before we were really trying. she always looked like she wanted to say something, but after i mentioned that it's not in my hands, she definitely didn't say much about it. i just told her to keep praying. lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-2581 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 11:57:27 +0000 PBandBaseball 2581@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We haven't gotten much pressure from our families. He has 3 siblings but none of them have children, so I'm sure his parents would like us to move the process along. They have not mentioned grandchildren or any sort of timeline to us so I assume that they also think it might be rude.</p> <p>My sisters both have children, so they ask me on occasion but I don't really feel pressure. My mom just lets me know that she's saved clothes from my nephew for us. My dad is not a kid person and I know that he'll never ask us about potential grandchildren. I'm hoping that he becomes more of a kid person when we have ours since he &amp; my step-mom are the only relatives who live close to us.</p> <p>The most pressure we have felt has come from our friends. There was actually an over/under discussed during the Best Man's speech at our wedding in April. We get asked about the kid forecast pretty frequently even from our friends who don't have them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-2580 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 11:56:45 +0000 MaisyMay 2580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're kinda the opposite in that everybody thought we'd wait a lot longer. We didn't tell them that we moved up our timeline, and it was a huge surprise to them. I'm wondering now if we'll get any pressure from them since we're about to TTC again, but I think Hubs' parents overall attitude is to let us do whatever. My mom has told me that she would like another grandbaby, but on our schedule.<br /> Good luck Adira! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-from-family#post-2579 Thu, 06 Oct 2011 11:41:34 +0000 Adira 2579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hope I'm not the only one going through this... is anyone else receiving pressure from their family to have children?</p> <p>My mother in law has been pressuring my husband and me to start making babies! She's been bugging me about it even before we were married (so she's been putting on the pressure for over TWO YEARS now). She already has one grandchild, and she apparently had dreams of all her grandchildren being close in age, and WE are screwing up that dream because my sister-in-law accidentally got pregnant six years ago and had a child and WE haven't joined in on the baby-making yet.</p> <p>My parents, on the other hand, have been really awesome. They haven't mentioned us having kids at all and they don't even have grandchildren. I asked them about it once (because my husband's mom was being particularly annoying) and my mom said that she thought it would be rude to put pressure on us and that we'll have kids (or not) when we're ready.</p> <p>Every time I see my husband's mother or I get an e-mail from her or whatever, she ALWAYS mentions us having grandchildren and how impatient we are that we get going.</p> <p>Anyone else receiving pressure from their family (or friends) to have kids? </p>