https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 21 Jun 2026 19:33:59 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-to-have-a-second#post-858350 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 11:23:28 +0000 cascademom 858350@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yep, lots of pressure for a second one. I've always wanted two. DH wants two. For us, it's more a matter of timing than anything. We're still working on some marital issues before we TTC again. Hopefully with another couple months of marital progress, we'll be in a happier spot to consider a second. He really doesn't want the 7 year age gap he has with his brother, so it's a consideration for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-to-have-a-second#post-858335 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 11:16:09 +0000 googly-eyes 858335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah I have heard that when I was adamant about only 1. I had a really rough beginning. Now the only reason we are thinking we're having another one is because of dd. But my mom pointed out to me that there is no guarantee when it comes to siblings, and that if the parents didn't really WANT the second, they'll know. I think she's completely right, so now it's up in the air. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-to-have-a-second#post-858255 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 10:47:03 +0000 .twist. 858255@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh do I ever wish people would just zip it. </p> <p>It's selfish if you have too many and it's selfish if you don't have any/not enough. </p> <p>This is such a lose/lose battle it seems. Sorry you're dealing with all the pressure! Do what's best for your family! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-to-have-a-second#post-858158 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 10:12:23 +0000 yin 858158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As soon as LO turned one, I had a lot of pressure from DH's aunts and uncles to start trying for a second. I would usually just brush it off. Oddly enough we had no pressure from our parents. My in-law's trust our fortune telling uncle and probably assumed that it would all work out according to his predications. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-to-have-a-second#post-857780 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 08:14:36 +0000 heartonastring 857780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You know, I think it's ridiculous that people pass judgment on this. I think it's a lot less selfish to recognize that one is your limit than to have a second just because that's the societal expectation and then, potentially, be unhappy and resentful as a result. </p> <p>We may very well be in the one and done camp and, quite frankly, it's no one else's business. It doesn't mean I am passing judgment on anyone else's choices or that I don't see the value in siblings, I just don't think multiple children are right for everyone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-to-have-a-second#post-857707 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 07:48:26 +0000 cheert16 857707@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My nutso MIL told me I had to have a second, this was hours after having my first! I had a traumatic delivery and lost a ton of blood because my placenta would come out, then when it did I was hemorrhaging - so needless to say- we are in no rush. Always said I wanted 2, but I think I would be ok with just DS. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-to-have-a-second#post-857647 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 07:20:01 +0000 Dandelion 857647@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've only had one person talk to me about DS and telling me to watch out for "only child syndrome." This was when I was freshly divorced and never even had met DH yet. I wanted to slap her.</p> <p>My only pressure if from myself...DH has said he wants to be done having babies when he's 35 and he's about to be 33 now. I was ok with it when I was pregnant with S, because I felt done with her inside me. Now that she's gone, the pressure is back on.</p> <p>Either way, both kids would have only child syndrome, cause DS will be at least 6 or 7 by the time another baby comes along. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-to-have-a-second#post-857638 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 07:13:59 +0000 Bookish 857638@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yep, I'm pregnant with #1 and it's amazing how many comments/pressure I've gotten from people about working on #2! It really aggravates me when people tell me I 'have' to have a second baby. Says who? What if I'm unable to conceive a second time? What if we can't afford it? What if I just don't want another one? It's been really getting on my nerves lately! I don't understand why people can't just mind their own business.</p> <p>I just hate that no matter what you choose to do, whether it's have 1 or 5, you get judged. Family planning shouldn't require an explanation!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-to-have-a-second#post-857472 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 01:56:54 +0000 erinpye 857472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How old is your first? We always planned on 2-3 babies, then had our DD and it was a nightmare due to a lot of traumas. We had a very rough first year, and DH said that's it, one and done. It broke my heart because I wanted another one for sure, but I knew I couldn't force him into it, so I decided to give it some time. Then, out of the blue, a couple months ago when DD turned 1, he told me he was ready for another one. Here we are, expecting baby #2! The reason I ask how old your LO is, is because sometimes a new baby is just overwhelming, but you get to the place around 1 year where they become much easier, and just get so fun and interactive, and that's about the time a lot of people think about another one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-to-have-a-second#post-857435 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 00:11:55 +0000 lomom 857435@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We haven't decided. Our LO is 2 months old, was an IUGR preemie, was in NICU, has hearing loss, struggling with breastfeeding/weight gain... I think at this point, if someone told me I had to have a second, I would probably become violent to that person. </p> <p>Given everything that's gone into caring for LO, I can't imagine a second. I know that we probably won't have the same set of circumstances with #2 but if we did, I don't know how we'd survive, trying to care of a toddler and a newborn. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-to-have-a-second#post-857390 Thu, 13 Jun 2013 23:27:39 +0000 lovehoneybee 857390@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh for sure. Apparently the only way I could be more selfish is if I didn't have any at all! (Because that's selfish?) </p> <p>I'm in a similar position--I want a second, DH doesn't. The door isn't shut yet but I have a wonderful son and if he's all I'll get I might be a little bit sad but not heartbroken. But sweet baby Jane whenever any family members hear that we're on the fence about a second we immediately get told that we HAVE to have a second! When asked about it now I just tell them that we're in no rush and are just enjoying E. Works for now anyway! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pressure-to-have-a-second#post-857353 Thu, 13 Jun 2013 23:00:05 +0000 Mrs. Fox 857353@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I find it amazing is how many people go out of their way to tell me having only one is a selfish choice. People, both casual friends and strangers, are amazingly judgemental. I find there's a lot of pressure to have a second one. Does anyone else have that experience?</p> <p>I am a very happy only and my husband is the eldest of five. I'm actually leaning towards having a second, but DH says he's done. In the end, I'd rather have a happy marriage than a second child. Sometimes I feel sad about only having one but I can't honestly say I've suffered in any way. </p> <p>Has anyone else experience social pressure to have a second? </p>