https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 11 May 2026 02:48:27 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-556106 Fri, 08 Feb 2013 08:50:32 +0000 Mrs. Polish 556106@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: I love this. I always answer "I'm from Indiana" when people ask. Born and raised. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-556105 Fri, 08 Feb 2013 08:50:05 +0000 Mrs. Polish 556105@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Train: That is horrible. I cannot even imagine how I would respond if someone said that to me!</p> <p>I don't know if it has been said or not, but never call bio children "real children". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-552427 Wed, 06 Feb 2013 15:00:08 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 552427@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Train: That's probably one of the worst things I've heard! I'm so sorry someone said that to you :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-552363 Wed, 06 Feb 2013 14:25:21 +0000 Mrs. Train 552363@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Polish: we were told that all the time. My response to people was. If I get pregnant right away then we will be even more blessed and it will never change my love for my child.</p> <p>We did get pregnant right away with twins and everyone told me I told you so. I even had someone ask me if I regretted adopting instead of just waiting a bit. I was socked. I just said never in a million years would I regret adopting, do you regret having your first son just because you had a second? People just don't think before they talk. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-551694 Wed, 06 Feb 2013 09:46:45 +0000 Mrs. Polish 551694@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@loveletter: I finally had to tell my mom that it may happen, but it also may not. Some people just don't get pregnant, and I may be one of those people. Oh well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-551647 Wed, 06 Feb 2013 09:33:15 +0000 loveletter 551647@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Polish: Me too! I swear, I get that comment almost everytime someone finds out I am adopting! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-551329 Tue, 05 Feb 2013 22:21:29 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 551329@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Polish: seriously! I just remind myself that people don't know any better... But it is really lame! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-551325 Tue, 05 Feb 2013 22:18:43 +0000 Mrs. Polish 551325@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: I wish I could get people to stop telling me that I'm going to get pregnant as soon as we bring our baby home. Biggest pet peeve. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-490402 Wed, 09 Jan 2013 04:51:14 +0000 mediagirl 490402@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Cowgirl: thanks for the link to the post! @Oceanis723: thank you both, I was hoping I would hear from some moms who had adopted! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-490184 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 22:49:08 +0000 Mrs. Train 490184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't mind when people ask about our adoption. I think when did he join your family is good, or bring him home. It is a little rude to say when did you get him. It makes it sound more like a purchase than an adoption. But I am not sensitive about it and some people really are. So I would always be on the cautious side of things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-490105 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 22:22:54 +0000 mrbee 490105@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't ask about it directly! I'd leave it up to the mom to bring it up if she felt comfortable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-490095 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 22:18:36 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 490095@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MRS. LEMON-LIME: You are a teacher! Good job. You must be very patient. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-490087 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 22:16:18 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 490087@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: I do the same thing when people ask me. I say my birth city and the follow up question is "no, I meant where are your parents from?" I then share their birth cities, all happen to be in the US. And after successfully frustrating the person I help them word their question, which almost always has nothing to the task at hand. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-490027 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 21:55:42 +0000 daniellemybelle 490027@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I get "what are you?" or "where are you from?" a lot, because my ethnicity is ambiguous. I usually clarify their question and say, "Are you asking my ethnicity?" which is usually a gentle hint that their question is rude and poorly worded. Then I tell them. On occasion, I get feisty and say, "human," or "I'm from Tennessee." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-490023 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 21:54:14 +0000 derevival 490023@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjacks: that is hilarious! I love that. Great reply </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-490014 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 21:50:44 +0000 DillonLion 490014@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Cowgirl: ah, perfect! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-490008 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 21:45:48 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 490008@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@derevival: To a few particularly annoying folks, I've responded, "She's human. What are you?" But I only reserve that for the malicious and not the clueless. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-490004 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 21:44:50 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 490004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Cowgirl: You pretty much nailed the list. Oh, and people had me terrified that I actually was going to get knocked up somehow while M. was an infant. Luckily, adopting a baby did not alter my reproductive capabilities! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-489995 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 21:41:01 +0000 Mrs. Cowgirl 489995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@derevival: that's a great reply and a great way to change the subject! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-489993 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 21:40:49 +0000 Anagram 489993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well, we aren't adopting, but I anticipate a few "what is he/she" comments anyway, sine our baby will be mixed race and brown/ tan and I'm very white =)<br /> I'm weird and like that question tho. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-489990 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 21:39:59 +0000 Mrs. Cowgirl 489990@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@highwire: @Mrs. Jacks: i wrote this post back in the summer: <a href="http://www.hellobee.com/2012/08/08/what-not-to-say/" rel="nofollow">http://www.hellobee.com/2012/08/08/what-not-to-say/</a> but i feel like it's a great topic to always revisit! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-489983 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 21:37:06 +0000 derevival 489983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sometimes I get annoyed, mainly because I've been asked a million times already. Then I try and remember this person doesn't know me and is just curious. </p> <p>On occasion I've said, "Im an American, but I was born in S. Korea. Where were YOU born/where are you from?"This moves the direction of the conversation at least. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-489971 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 21:32:17 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 489971@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@highwire: I'll work on one! It's easy because I hear some of these things on a daily basis :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-489969 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 21:31:19 +0000 DillonLion 489969@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think this topic would make a great blog post! If I ever meet someone who has adopted a child, i would love to be a little more educated on what is respectful and what isn't (I would have easily used many of the phrases on your "no" list before seeing this @Mrs. Jacks: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-489966 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 21:30:13 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 489966@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@derevival: Thanks for sharing. Do you have any good comebacks? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-489953 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 21:26:46 +0000 derevival 489953@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As an adoptee, I think your question for the mom was fine. You are definitely being sensitive, so thanks!. I agree with @Mrs.Jacks about her no list. I think though those are very common questions people have and they really have good intentions. I still get asked those questions now as an adult. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-489941 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 21:20:32 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 489941@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd let the adoptive mom take the lead. If there is a new baby, just say "Congratulations!" and see where they take the conversation. You could always say, "Would you mind sharing your adoption story?"</p> <p>Things not to say:<br /> -When did you get her?<br /> -She is so lucky to have you!<br /> -Who are her real parents?<br /> -What is she? (meaning her ethnic background)<br /> -Anything about birth parents having problems or being "messed up".<br /> -You look like you could be her real mom (that's because we are their real moms!)<br /> -Oh you had a baby the easy way! (Pet peeve of adoptive parents since it isn't any easier, I can tell you having done it both ways!)</p> <p>Hope that helps! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-489934 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 21:16:24 +0000 Mrs. Cowgirl 489934@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>that sounds just right in my book :) another way that i also ask is "when did she come home?" or "how long has she been home?"</p> <p>thank you for being sensitive about this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/proper-way-to-ask-about-an-adopted-child#post-489926 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 21:14:25 +0000 mediagirl 489926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our neighbors adopted all three of their children. I recently saw the mom and her three kids at the playground and stopped to say hello. It was the first time I had met their youngest daughter so, after saying hello to the other kids and asking the little one's name, I asked, "When did Amelia join your family?"</p> <p>Was this a good way to ask that question? If you have adopted, would you prefer that question be stated differently? </p>