https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 31 May 2026 00:16:05 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-tantrums-whats-your-tactic#post-2041083 Mon, 26 Jan 2015 17:26:43 +0000 erinpye 2041083@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We leave. I've had other parents try that "aww it's ok, sweetie" stuff too, and it's not helpful, but I think they just feel badly and don't know what to say. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-tantrums-whats-your-tactic#post-2040995 Mon, 26 Jan 2015 16:35:48 +0000 LuLu Mom 2040995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It really depends on the situation. We had a meltdown at the library too (she was not done "working" aka typing on the kid computers) however it was time to leave. So we gave the incentive of letting her scan the books, which she did eagerly, but she threw a MASSIVE meltdown as we were trying to get out the door. Complete with spaghetti body and hitting/scratching. DH just carried her out while we got stares and then we addressed it in the car in private. </p> <p>We were at the children's museum yesterday and she refused to get off the stage and take off the princess dress. Other girls were waiting for a dress and she had that one on for a good 30 minutes. I tried bribery (Ice cream, ect.) and she just kept saying no. So I took her back to a more secluded corner and explained it was time to remove the dress, and she did while crying pretty loudly saying "my mommy is mean" but it was to the point she was in control and I wasn't okay with that and the dress needed to be taken off. So once we got it off we said she could push the button on the elevator to go home if she settled down and took a deep breathe and she thought that was good enough to leave without a complete meltdown. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-tantrums-whats-your-tactic#post-2040816 Mon, 26 Jan 2015 14:52:47 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2040816@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You got great suggestions, especially from @Jess1483: I'll add that I try to head off a tantrum usually with the kind of discussion/words Jess mentioned. In the example of the shakers, I may have tried to create a game (shake them all the way to the basket to put away; etc). When my son tantrums, I move out of the way, get on his level, speak low &amp; calm, help him take a deep breath &amp; count to 4 (Daniel tiger anyone?!) &amp; try to talk him through it.<br /> You might try doing this with at home tantrums sometimes, instead of ignoring them. It's helped me develop my "calm down" skills and teaches him how to work through his emotions in a safe, non-stressful environment. I feel like toddlers have little to no clue how to handle their feelings and adults really have to teach them what to do to get under control &amp; sometimes ignoring doesn't help with that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-tantrums-whats-your-tactic#post-2040743 Mon, 26 Jan 2015 14:25:59 +0000 tiramisu 2040743@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm SO worried about public tantrums too when my LO gets older. Has anyone tried the techniques in Harvey Karp's Happiest Toddler on the Block? I just started reading it but my daughter isn't old enough yet. Hopefully it's helpful since the 5 S from his Happiest Baby book was quite useful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-tantrums-whats-your-tactic#post-2040470 Mon, 26 Jan 2015 12:35:54 +0000 Mrs. Lovejoy 2040470@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You guys are incredibly wonderful and I so appreciate all your feedback. General consensus seems to be to remove them from the situation if possible and get on their level to talk it through with them. I did talk with her about it, but my 3rd option (and one I easily could have selected) to take her to the bathroom would have worked better. I think I will next time and that will allow us to at least have a quieter conversation. </p> <p>Whew, she's not even two though - please tell me these get better before she turns four?! :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-tantrums-whats-your-tactic#post-2040416 Mon, 26 Jan 2015 12:07:07 +0000 Applesandbananas 2040416@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lovejoy: I don't have any great tactics for managing the tantrum but I can totally commiserate on the feeling judged piece. I try to remind myself they've all been there and if they haven't, well they'll get a turn! Keeping my emotions in check helps me be more patient with LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-tantrums-whats-your-tactic#post-2040412 Mon, 26 Jan 2015 12:03:01 +0000 pinkcupcake 2040412@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In that situation, I think you did the right thing - I would take the shakers away. Like @Jess1483: suggested, it is very helpful to ease the transition by giving a little "warning" (for lack of better words) of the transition to come. If my LO kept crying, I would probably pick her up, acknowledge that she's upset, and if she didn't quiet down within a minute or so, would probably take her outside to calm down. </p> <p>Don't feel judged or anything by other parents - I'm sure *everyone* has been in that situation before :) And usually, when someone else's kid is having a tantrum and I see the parent trying their best to calm them down, I give them a sympathetic glance and say something like, "aww" not to be rude but to try to let them know it's okay, we've all been there, done that :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-tantrums-whats-your-tactic#post-2040411 Mon, 26 Jan 2015 12:01:29 +0000 blackbird 2040411@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>E had a monstrous meltdown in Target a few weeks ago because, well, i don't know why. I ended up carrying her sideways under my arm, outside the store, like a football, while she kicked and screamed and then she calmed down. Removing her from the location/situation seems to help. Ignoring works great at home, but I agree, just walking away from a tantrumming toddler in the middle of an aisle at a store isn't exactly a great plan, either.</p> <p>Every kid has done it or will do it, so...*shrug* Nobody has a perfect child ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-tantrums-whats-your-tactic#post-2040410 Mon, 26 Jan 2015 12:01:20 +0000 skipper2010 2040410@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're not the only one! Don't feel like a bad mom we've all been there! Or at least I have....hahaha! But really, like you if my 18 mo old throws a tantrum at home I ignore. If we're out it depends on the situation. If we're in a room that I can't easily make my way out of I try distraction. But typically I usually try and remove him from the situation. The last time he threw a tantrum we were at a restaurant and he was throwing his mac n cheese so we took it away from him. He had a fit so I took him out of his high chair and we went outside until he calmed down. When we went back to our seats he was fine. It is embarrassing, but kids that age don't understand discipline yet. This is not a reflection of your parenting. You're doing great! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-tantrums-whats-your-tactic#post-2040409 Mon, 26 Jan 2015 12:00:27 +0000 Maysprout 2040409@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would do the bathroom too. Get them away from the situation and the shakers. Once they calmed down we'd have a little talk about why the shakers had to go back and how we can go back in and play if she's ready. Otherwise if she kept crying after a bit of comforting and explaining why we'd have to go home I'd pack it up and go home. I packed it in a couple times in early toddlerhood, it happens and doesn't at all mean you're a bad parent. There's lots of lessons kids have to learn, they're not born well behaved. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-tantrums-whats-your-tactic#post-2040404 Mon, 26 Jan 2015 11:57:04 +0000 Jess1483 2040404@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have a couple super simple songs that really ease transitions (so I would have sung "shakers away, shakers away, it's time to put the shakers away.") so in general that might be helpful for you. But providing the tantrum has started, as a fellow parent, I'd rather watch you stick to your guns and follow-through, even if that means a tantrum. I usually kneel down on lo's level and get his attention, ask him to take deep breaths, and state very matter-of-factly what is going on, so "LO, it's time to put the shakers away. You really liked those shakers, and now you are mad. But it's time to put them away. Can you help me listen to what the teacher is going to say next?" Id give that 2-5 minutes and then give a leaving warning. I always follow through on what i say, so I won't threaten something I don't want to do. </p> <p>I found from 18ish months on that acknowledging lo's feelings (saying "you're mad") is tremendously helpful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-tantrums-whats-your-tactic#post-2040398 Mon, 26 Jan 2015 11:54:16 +0000 kiddosc 2040398@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If at all possible I take him away from the situation, usually to a bathroom when we're out in public. In your case, I probably would have taken him to the library bathroom if he hadn't settled in a minute or so. I know it's really hard not to feel judged when your child is pitching a fit in a public place, but I really think that most people are understanding as long as it's evident that you're trying to deal with it. Believe me, all those mothers at story time have dealt with a similar situation before. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/public-tantrums-whats-your-tactic#post-2040385 Mon, 26 Jan 2015 11:47:41 +0000 Mrs. Lovejoy 2040385@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The public tantrums have started (she's 20 months), and I'm still trying to get our stride with them. Hoping you guys have some advice, or at least some peace of mind that I don't have the only crazy child. </p> <p>I'm torn with what to do when they happen in public. When we're at home, we generally ignore her until she's stops melting down, then we'll try to appease her need/want (if its reasonable) once she settles. But, in public, it's always a different ballgame! I'll share an example below.. </p> <p>Last Friday we went to storytime at the library. There were a bunch of kids there, honestly all very well behaved. She's a pretty shy little girl and was pretty clingy so I stayed close to her while most of the other kids were up dancing or looking intently at the book being read. So, they get to a "dance" where the person in charge handed out shakers to each child. She finally had the courage to get up and get out there, so I was of course happy. But, then at the end of the song they collected the shakers back. No bueno. Every other kid happily gave back the shakers to the teacher (which kind of surprised me?), but mine had a death grip on not one but two shakers. I ended up peeling them out of her hands because I didn't think it was fair that she had them and would be shaking them while every other kid gave them back and went without. This ensued a serious crying meltdown. We were in a tiny/contained room and my only option was to stay or to go literally outside (but she didn't have her coat on). If I had left the room I would have gone into the public portion of the library and that felt more intrusive. What do you guys do? Do you try to comply so they don't cry? Or do you let them cry? I was surprised so many of the moms stared at me and her while she cried (some while saying "awww", making me feel like a worse mom). I was embarrassed and considering I'm a reserved person, hate having all that attention on us. But, I'm afraid it would have been the wrong thing to let her keep the shakers too. </p> <p>I know we'll go through this A LOT as parents, and was just wondering if you guys have tactics or words of advice when dealing with these? </p>