https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 15 Apr 2026 19:18:30 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pushing-and-general-roughness#post-2692737 Mon, 06 Feb 2017 22:32:48 +0000 MrsSRS 2692737@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: oh I yell too. But not as much these days because it truly does not help with LO1's personality. It makes him sad, but makes no impact on his behavior. And I get less frustrated when I have a clear plan to stick to and a script to use. The sibling interaction part is a long, hard slog to manage. But I bet if you remind LO that pushing isn't ok, and then LO pushes in class, and you immediately go home with no debate or second chances, that it will make a big impact. Good luck. We went through a similar stage when my mental health was crap and it is awfully freaking hard to parent well when you need help yourself. I hope you can meet/prioritize your own needs soon, too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pushing-and-general-roughness#post-2692719 Mon, 06 Feb 2017 21:20:33 +0000 Foodnerd81 2692719@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSRS: your novel is helpful :wink: I also think you are more patient than I am. But we do talk about needing some time to calm down- both her and me. Sometimes I do it the right way and we both calm down. Sometimes I yell. She knows if she's rough she has to go to her room and will do it without me bringing her. I know she wants more attention but dear god. I can only give each so much attention and sometimes I need to do things like pee or make dinner (i.e. Microwave something frozen). It's just so exhausting and frustrating. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pushing-and-general-roughness#post-2692692 Mon, 06 Feb 2017 20:23:21 +0000 MrsSRS 2692692@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Good grief. Sorry for the novel. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pushing-and-general-roughness#post-2692691 Mon, 06 Feb 2017 20:23:00 +0000 MrsSRS 2692691@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have kids the same ages, I think. When LO1 is behaving in a way we find inappropriate we calmly say, "you are showing me that you need some space for yourself. It is time to go play in your room." At this point he knows the drill so goes willingly, but we have had to take him there ourselves. We try to channel a benign robot. And we do mean play. He isn't in his room as a time out, he is free to explore and have fun. Usually his inappropriate behavior is a result of needing some decompression time and a time out doesn't work here.</p> <p>This works mostly because of conversations we have when LO is behaving well. We talk about how sometimes we need time to ourselves. We talk about how if LO2 is being a nuisance LO1 needs to ask for help from a grown up and/or walk away. When I can see LO1 getting close to his limit during play time I ask him to stop and think about what he needs. I usually suggest three things. For example, "it looks like you're starting to get tired/frustrated/whatever. Let's think about what you need. Do you need some attention from me, some alone time with your toys in your room, or some creative time at the art table?" If LO can't /won't choose I make the choice. </p> <p>And if pushing happened at a class, we would immediately and calmly leave. "Hands are for helping. You know it is not ok to push and you chose to push X. If you choose to hurt your friends I will take you home so you and your friends will be safe. Next class I hope you choose to use your helping hands."</p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pushing-and-general-roughness#post-2692635 Mon, 06 Feb 2017 18:12:38 +0000 littlejoy 2692635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's going to take time. If you've reacted strongly (yelling) in the past, LO is partly doing this to test you. I think it just takes time and constant vigilance ... if you can't keep them separated, you'll have to be right there to say things like, "We don't push/hit. If you'd like to hit something, you can hit this pillow." or "I won't let you hit." and extend empathy to your younger kiddo. You can ask your older one to check in. Talk about how it feels to be hit.</p> <p>I don't see a need for discipline, but rather, intervention until he realizes that hitting just isn't an option. </p> <p>This is a really hard stage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pushing-and-general-roughness#post-2692620 Mon, 06 Feb 2017 17:45:29 +0000 hilsy85 2692620@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: do you have an occasional sitter you can use for some time away? I totally commiserate--it is super frustrating when he just cannot keep his hands to himself. I do see flashes of them playing together now at 4y4m and 15 months so I think it will only continue to improve. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pushing-and-general-roughness#post-2692617 Mon, 06 Feb 2017 17:40:37 +0000 Foodnerd81 2692617@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: yes, it's way worse if I'm distracted. But as it is im hardly getting anything done, and to be honest my mental health isn't doing so hot as it is. Plus I want them to be able to play together and sometimes they love it. Then for no apparent reason a tough shove, and I lose it and start yelling. The other day a school friend hugged her a little too hard and she fell and hit her head and cried, so I try to remind her she didn't like that so she should rememberto be gentle with the baby. Doesn't seem to help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pushing-and-general-roughness#post-2692613 Mon, 06 Feb 2017 17:33:38 +0000 hilsy85 2692613@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is so familiar, my son was (and is) the same. The best way to handle it is honestly to just always be within arms reach. So I can remove one of them<br /> If the situation starts to devolve. But of course that makes it impossible to actually get anything done. I have found it is worse when I am in the middle of doing something else and he sees my attention is distracted. We talk a lot about hands on our own bodies and using words with friends. Again being within arms reach to physically intervene is most helpful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pushing-and-general-roughness#post-2692579 Mon, 06 Feb 2017 16:33:48 +0000 Foodnerd81 2692579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm at the end of my rope. What has helped you/ your preschooler when t comes to pushing and generally being too rough?</p> <p>My 3.5 yo is regularly way too rough with her 1 year old sister. Sometimes it's play that gets too crazy, which is annoying but understandable. Sometimes the baby is being annoying to her and trying to play with whatever big sis has and the big one pushes her away- not ok, but understandable at least. But sometimes they are playing really well together and out of nowhere she just pushes the baby, pretty hard. She also does it with her friends, particularly in a class they take together, usually over waiting in line and taking turns. </p> <p>I really don't know what to do. I do know that my losing my temper and yelling doesn't fix it. At home we do time outs any time she is too rough but it doesn't seem to have an effect. Sometimes I just take the baby and leave whatever room she is in because she can't play nice. In her class ivemadejer leave class and sit in the waiting room for five minutes while everyone else kept having fun. But it's getting worse and I am so sick of it. I have not heard of her doing it at preschool. Yet. </p> <p>Any advice? Do they make boarding schools for 3 year olds? </p>