https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 10 May 2026 04:00:24 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/putting-so-first#post-1248376 Wed, 27 Nov 2013 20:50:16 +0000 apis 1248376@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aimed: those are great points, and very true. I think @mrs-sketchbook: put it beautifully as well: "Be an equal opportunity cuddler." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/putting-so-first#post-1248351 Wed, 27 Nov 2013 20:40:09 +0000 Boheme 1248351@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Aimed: I agree with all the other PPs. You stated it perfectly! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/putting-so-first#post-1248343 Wed, 27 Nov 2013 20:37:49 +0000 Smurfette 1248343@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Aimed: well said!! As hard as it is to get a sitter and leave her, it is so important that we do! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/putting-so-first#post-1248253 Wed, 27 Nov 2013 20:04:52 +0000 regberadaisy 1248253@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Aimed: @MamaMoose: ditto. As I am one of those that had said LO was #1 ALL the time in the first few months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/putting-so-first#post-1248212 Wed, 27 Nov 2013 19:40:42 +0000 Anagram 1248212@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Polish: agree with the other posters. It's more just about maintaining focus on your partner and not JUST your kids. I'm sure we've all known families where the husband is kind of left out in the cold after kids come along. One of my high school friends was super into extended cosleeping and her husband wasn't . So she and her two sons slept in the master bedroom and the husband slept in the guest room. He arranged a weekend away when the youngest was 1 year old and asked his mom to keep the boys overnight, but my friend refused to go on the trip and said she wouldn't even enjoy herself without her kids there. They are currently separated. =( there were a lot of other things along the same lines.</p> <p>None of the things she did were "bad", but she and her husband had a disconnect that isn't being repaired I guess. </p> <p>I think my parents were a good example of keeping your spouse "first", so to speak. My parents would take a trip each year alone without us kids (grandma would come stay with us). They would go to dinner without us when we were old enough to be home. My dad traveled a lot for work and when he came home he ALWAYS went and found my mom first to give her a hug and kiss before playing with us, and likewise my mom tended to cater to my dad's food preferences over ours. Like if dad wanted fish and we didn't, my mom was definitely making fish.</p> <p>Anyway, they were very happily married for 33 years before my dad passed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/putting-so-first#post-1248203 Wed, 27 Nov 2013 19:36:59 +0000 Mrs. Polish 1248203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Aimed: @MamaMoose: @Mrs. Sketchbook: @Freckles: this makes sense. Thank you all! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/putting-so-first#post-1248006 Wed, 27 Nov 2013 17:33:16 +0000 Freckles 1248006@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it means making sure you are not sacrificing your relationship with your husband for the sake of your children.</p> <p>I don't know, DH isn't one of those guys who gets jealous or feels neglected because of a baby. We both put our LO's needs before our own, and it works for us because we have the same views. DH is fine if i don't have time to pack his lunch, but cares if i packed LO's. </p> <p>But, we still make time for one another and make sure we have some alone time or dates to maintain our relationship. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/putting-so-first#post-1248005 Wed, 27 Nov 2013 17:33:09 +0000 loveisstrange 1248005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Aimed: Pretty much how I view it as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/putting-so-first#post-1248001 Wed, 27 Nov 2013 17:31:26 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 1248001@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Aimed: Well stated! </p> <p>I think it just means, think of your spouse first when you can. Don't be one of those parents who prides yourself on never taking time away from your kid...prioritize date nights. Don't hole yourself up on the couch with LO and leave your spouse shivering on the other side! Be an equal opportunity cuddler. Don't prioritize your LO's education so much that your spouse has to work long hours or take a second job to afford tuition to a fancy school. Stuff like that. An LO is only one member of a family, their needs can't be the only ones that are attended to.</p> <p>Now, easier said than done. Also, more easily accomplished after LO is over a year old and is a little more independent, ideally sleeping through. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/putting-so-first#post-1247998 Wed, 27 Nov 2013 17:30:14 +0000 MamaMoose 1247998@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Aimed: this! It's more the idea of not losing focus on your marriage and continuing to prioritize it. But I would say its more about making your relationship your top priority as opposed to making your husband himself your top priority. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/putting-so-first#post-1247991 Wed, 27 Nov 2013 17:27:13 +0000 dc yoga bee 1247991@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Aimed: This! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/putting-so-first#post-1247984 Wed, 27 Nov 2013 17:23:18 +0000 Aimed 1247984@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think that it really means that you neglect your child to iron your husbands shirt or something, I think it is a broader idea that you make time for your relationship with your partner, even if that means getting a babysitter once a week to go out and talk about something other than children, or taking a weekend away together without kids and just focus on one another.<br /> That is my interpretation of it in any event! I ensure that we do this as I believe that my marriage is the foundation of my family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/putting-so-first#post-1247911 Wed, 27 Nov 2013 16:20:54 +0000 illumina 1247911@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know what you mean-- on a day to day basis I would think of it as well Dh is an adult, he can either do without, wait, or do it himself... with a lot of things the child might not be able to do those things, so I would put the child first, no question. Although I wonder if this statement refers more to your emotional investment-- i.e. being "there for them". Either way, I don't really understand why someone would put their SO first especially when the child is so young and relies so much on their parents/caregivers to meet their needs.</p> <p>I always remember my Mum saying she put us above my Dad and they survived 45yrs of marriage and still going strong :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/putting-so-first#post-1247901 Wed, 27 Nov 2013 16:14:46 +0000 Mrs. Polish 1247901@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've heard so many people say they have to put their SO ahead of their children to maintain their marriage.</p> <p>Have you heard this/do you do this? What exactly does that mean? I have heard it often but have no idea how that works. I feel like if the baby needs a diaper change and SO needs something less important that can wait, I go to the baby first. </p> <p>I'm guessing I'm misinterpreting, which is why I'm asking. </p>