https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 17 Apr 2026 08:32:53 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision/page/2#post-1520744 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 16:12:14 +0000 mrbee 1520744@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@coruscations: Ah it's great to hear that things worked out for you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision/page/2#post-1520726 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 16:04:07 +0000 coruscations 1520726@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: Thanks for asking! I haven't been on HB in awhile. I did quit grad school last summer and am a SAHM. The stress from everything had taken a serious toll on my marriage, and I really think I would be on the road to divorce now if I hadn't quit when I did. It was absolutely the right thing for our family, and in fact I regret not quitting right after LO was born.</p> <p>Postpartum hormones are really amazing. When I look back now at everything I did in LO's first months and how little I slept, I am amazed that I didn't implode. </p> <p>I'm planning to be a SAHM until our kids are in school. When I return to work, it won't be to the same field I was pursuing in grad school. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision/page/2#post-1519754 Tue, 25 Mar 2014 11:21:03 +0000 mrbee 1519754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@coruscations: Just checking back in! :) How did things turn out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision/page/2#post-608419 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 17:27:50 +0000 coruscations 608419@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: Thanks for the tip. LO was born at the end of last semester so I had the winter break and didn't really take time off, but I did take incompletes in a couple of classes that I still need to take the finals for. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision/page/2#post-608350 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 16:40:56 +0000 Maysprout 608350@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@coruscations: Did you get to take any maternity leave from school or have you tried to go straight through? You might want to talk to HR or your diversity/educational equity office at your school, they might be able to help you get off the academic probation status since your situation is a bit different than most students. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision/page/2#post-608236 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 15:11:00 +0000 Honeybee 608236@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@coruscations: I'm glad you were able to figure out a solution that works for your family, and I hope things improve for you soon. :) Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision#post-608231 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 15:03:22 +0000 MrsH 608231@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@coruscations: good luck. It's very brave to do what is best for your family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision#post-608230 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 15:01:26 +0000 coruscations 608230@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I talked to my advisor yesterday and she was pretty understanding and supportive. I'm going to withdraw from my classes, maybe with the exception of one, for the rest of the semester and keep teaching. (Which will put me on academic probation, but I don't care.) I'll declare a leave of absence at the end of the semester and then reevaluate in a few months. She thinks it's still possible for me to finish my degree, and is finding out more for me on whether I can substitute classes next semester or take them via distance.</p> <p>Getting a night nanny is a great idea but it's not possible for many reasons. </p> <p>Honestly, having a career in the future is not as important to me as being there for my LO now. I'm turning into a raging bitch from all the stress and it's not good for my marriage either. LO is currently on a nursing strike and I'm developing mastitis for the second time, and I have no reserve of patience and energy to deal with these things. I have been giving the best of myself to something that right now, I hate, and leaving my family with this terrible person. It's not worth it to me to do that for even another month. Hopefully in a few months things will be better and my options will still be open for me to make a decision with a clear head. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision#post-607220 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 21:00:56 +0000 sarac 607220@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, you've got to finish this thing. Although, if you can't pass your qual, than you don't really have a choice. I was preparing to apply to grad programs in mol-bio, and my boss flat out told me that if I wanted to also have children soon, I should reconsider. I couldn't believe that - this woman was just published in freaking Nature. But she said that had she not already been on the tenure track, she wouldn't have come back after having hers. </p> <p>Regardless, you want this career. I think that if you can find any way to be rested enough to pass that qual, you've got to do it. I can't imagine teaching and lab work and course work and all, it sounds awful. But if you can swap a crappy year of your life for the future career that you want, I think it's worth it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision#post-606823 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 17:59:33 +0000 MrsH 606823@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agreed that if it is even remotely possible, you should finish.</p> <p>The night nanny idea is genius. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision#post-606395 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 15:31:25 +0000 Maysprout 606395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's completely normal to want to quit. I didn't face nearly as many obstacles as you and I wanted to quit. I had to basically threaten my husband daily not to quit (I would have been fine with it if he had quit early on but not in his last year or so). I also know that most areas of science do not support women with children. I'm surprised constantly with how blatantly this is stated, it's very sad but very true. I'm just saying it so you don't think it's you, it's not. Don't be afraid to take your comprehensive again, I know plenty of people who weren't 9 months pregnant who failed it once and went on to do fine. My husband is in an MD/PhD program and is always tops in his med school class and he had to redo his comps. </p> <p>But despite all those obstacles I would still try to finish. If you can find a mentor or two (other than your advisor) to try to talk to that may have been through a similar experience they may be able to help you come up with a plan to make your last year or so more tolerable. I'm guessing you've already put a number of years into your degree so I'd really try to finish it up. Once you're writing your thesis you'll have a lot more flexibility to work from home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision#post-606119 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 14:21:25 +0000 red_seattle 606119@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Honeybee: I have to agree too. Part of what keeps me focused is that I'm doing this for X. So that he knows how important it is for moms and dads to be as well educated as they want, that all things worth having take hard work. And I remember that X is not going to remember missed bedtimes or when I wasn't there for dinner. He will remember a few years later though. So if my plan is to go back to school, better now than later. Remembering my dad helps-- He got his college degree when I was 9. I remember days when my dad was wiped out from pulling an all-nighter studying or writing a paper and then having to go to work the next day. On one hand it was nice to have the example of seeing him working hard-- on the other hand, it would've been nice if my dad had been around more. </p> <p>OP, I know it's terribly hard on you, but it is truly better for LO if you stick it out. And you're more likely to finish if you don't stop. It sounds like you're in a very difficult position, and in the end, I think you should do what your heart tells you too. But if you're truly uncertain, I'd say try some of the things we're saying-- wait out this hard, hard pre-3/4 months phase, and get help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision#post-602319 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 18:01:31 +0000 junebuglim 602319@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi. I definitely understand how you feel. I am currently in a phd program and got pregnant with twins... They're 11 months now and I am still in the same place I was when I got pregnant with them. The juggle is hard! It took so long for me to adjus to having them and then to get back into the jive for school. I often question the motivation (lack of, that is) for my degree at this point but I want to and need to finish...for myself and my kids.</p> <p>It's hard but it will get better. We invested in some more help so I have set days during the week to do work/school but also days where im fully present for the kids - it makes a for struggle but I know it's for the best. </p> <p>You deserve a lot of kudos for all you're balancing right now - you are doing so much. I hope you hang in there! Definitely see when the latest you can take our exam - you will likely be getting more sleep at that point and be better able to focus then too. It's hard to imagine that at this point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision#post-602275 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 17:50:19 +0000 mrsmate 602275@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If there's ever a good time to accrue some CC debt, it's now. I am a sahm and I also had a baby w reflux and colic. It was all I could so to get through the day, and my DH works very reasonable hours and was home every night. Get a professional night nanny. Consider it an investment in your health and your family's future. Hopefully you will finish your degree and it will get you a well-paying job that will allow you to pay all your debts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision#post-602263 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 17:47:23 +0000 blackbird 602263@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yep, my mom was going crazy as a SAHM at that age. She wanted some mad money lol. But I remember not understanding why mom was gone, too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision#post-602213 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 17:33:51 +0000 Honeybee 602213@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: Ah, that's a cute story. It sounds like your dad was really supportive of your mom! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision#post-602200 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 17:29:09 +0000 blackbird 602200@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@honeybee, my mom dropped out of college when she was pregnant and went back when I was about 10 or so. I remember the nights she had night class. My dad made my brother and I dinner and we ate a lot of mac and cheese, waffles, eggs, and pizza. </p> <p>Everything you said is so wonderful :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision#post-602199 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 17:29:00 +0000 coruscations 602199@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sunny: DH only has 3 days of leave left for the year, since he took 2 weeks off after LO's birth. His job is very unforgiving, and his weeks are only slightly less hellish than mine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision#post-602189 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 17:24:01 +0000 sunny 602189@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Could your husband take a short leave from his job to help you out? Even if he could take a 2-3 week vacation, it would help get you through these tough first weeks. Life really did get so much easier after month 3-4. At month 5, my LO started sleeping through the night. Prior to that, she was waking up every 2-3 hours. </p> <p>Good luck. I think Honeybee has some great advice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision#post-602164 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 17:17:29 +0000 Honeybee 602164@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@coruscations: I wish I could give you a big hug. I know it is so, so hard right now.</p> <p>I'm home with my kids right now while I finish up my degree, and I still feel very guilty sometimes for being in school while they're so young. But I remind myself every day that they will not remember these days when they get older. However, they would definitely remember if I tried to complete my degree when they were older (say 8 or 10) and their futures would definitely be affected if I didn't complete my degree and give myself a chance to have a better career at some point in the future. Everything I do, I'm doing to make their lives better and to be a better example for them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision#post-602122 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 17:03:14 +0000 coruscations 602122@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Honeybee: Thank you, I really needed to hear that. I so wish my daughter could tell me what she would want me to do. It kills me that I will have to miss so much of her first year of life to finish school, which is something I swore I would never do. But I also imagine that she will be disappointed in me if I quit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision#post-602094 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 16:57:36 +0000 Honeybee 602094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been where you're at. Until I had my second child last March, I was working full-time, working on my grad degree and taking of my toddler. My husband also had a very demanding job, which meant I ended up doing a lot of the childcare and home care. I did that for a year while pregnant and only quit my job once I had my second child. Now, I'm about 1.5 semesters away from finishing my Master's.</p> <p>I totally understand what you"re going through. It's exhausting; it's frustrating; it's nervewracking, trying to get everything done and feeling like you'e failing in every area. But I promise it gets better. It sounds like, if you can finish out this semester, you have the rest of the year to complete your other two requirements. Trust me, your baby is going to start sleeping better before the end of the year, you will get more sleep, and you will be able to function again. It seems overwhelming right now, but your life is going to change drastically in the next 10 months, in a lot of really positive ways. </p> <p>Truthfully, my motivation for finishing my degree is often my kids. I want them to be proud of me and I want to be an example for them of pushing through, even when life becomes overwhelming. I want them to complete their degrees someday; I want them to see what I've accomplished and think, "If my mom could do it, so can I." Sometimes I feel so guilty that I don't get to spend as much time with my kids as I want because I have homework, or I feel like I constantly have to rush through our day so I have enough time to complete everything, but it really is a finite period of time (which is almost over!). They'll never remember those moments I had to choose schoolwork over playing with them, but for the rest of their lives they'll know how hard I worked to complete my degree and provide for them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision#post-602039 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 16:44:10 +0000 MamaG 602039@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Be mindful of your program. I moved during my graduate studies. I was limited to the number of hours I could transfer into my program. I was also time limited from starting my first class to completion. I say this to make sure you don't accidentally put yourself in a position of throwing away a lot of hard work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision#post-602027 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 16:41:16 +0000 coruscations 602027@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: The caring about my work is a big thing. I used to be really passionate about my work, but since I got pregnant, I started to care less and less. I tried not to listen though because I figured it was just my hormones talking.</p> <p>It would be easy to stay if I still loved what I'm studying, and I wish I did. I have been trying to make myself love it but I think it's just making me resent it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision#post-602011 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 16:37:40 +0000 blackbird 602011@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Your baby is still so young-I feel like at 10 weeks of age, you could be making a very rash decision because you haven't totally settled in. </p> <p>If you have a year to take your exam, you still have time. You will likely be far better suited to take them in six months. It's overwhelming to think about right now. </p> <p>So are you done with classes in May? Honestly, once you aren't trudging to class, a lot of your time will free up so that you can study and focus on your thesis and exam. All that commute time will just go up in smoke, so to speak.</p> <p>eta: does your degree have a non-thesis option? basically you could finish up your classes and 'cash out' with a non-thesis MS? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision#post-602000 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 16:35:14 +0000 Lately 602000@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@coruscations: I worked full time while finishing my master's degree (also full time). I didn't have any children, and I still know exactly what you mean when you say the exhaustion feels like dying (then again, I also had an as-yet undiagnosed B12 deficiency).</p> <p>In an ideal world you would power through the last bit and emerge victorious with your degree, but it sounds like it might not be physically possible under the circumstances. It also sounds like you're not so much looking for a pep talk as permission to do what you seem to have made your mind up to do.</p> <p>Can you make it through your courses and then take a leave of absence from your studies? That would allow you to regroup, rest up a bit, and return to face your comprehensive exam and thesis once your LO is a little older. Or maybe your priorities would change and you'll realize you're not as attached to getting the degree. You might just need some time to let go and reprioritize.</p> <p>Whatever you choose, please don't beat yourself up over it. It's good to get different perspectives, but only you can judge what you need to take care of yourself now and in the long-term. And if it's sleep and sanity now, that doesn't mean the degree or career can't happen--whether as you envisioned them or in a different form--later on. And time will dull any regrets you might possibly have one way or another. Do what feels right to you. The rest will fall into place. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision#post-601993 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 16:33:49 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 601993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@coruscations: It's so hard to feel like you want to continue with the issue you had with your exam. I'm sure that plays into your feelings a lot because it feels like an insurmountable obstacle... But imagine how you'll feel when you get through them. Don't make your decision based on that challenge, but on the overall goal and if you really don't like your field any more, then that's a different matter... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision#post-601981 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 16:31:08 +0000 red_seattle 601981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's not the same at all, but I'm in law school right now, and I started when X was just shy of 7 months. When I got accepted to school and X was 3.5 months, I couldn't fathom how it would work, but I just trusted things, and it did work. There's a huge difference between 10 weeks and 5, 6...9 months. I think everything before 3 months is sooooo hard, (and I didn't have a colicky baby like you-- you're my hero!) but in a few months, when things are easier, I think you're going to be kicking yourself and wishing you had powered through. </p> <p>Keep in mind, colic usually lasts to what, 3 or 4 months? You're almost done! I'd give it at least another month to see if the colic ends and things improve.</p> <p>You can do it, but it does sound like you need help. An overnight doula may be an option too? You mentioned needing another room ... why? The overnight nanny or doula can crash on the couch. (Our nanny used to nap on the couch when X napped. I didn't mind.) Another option-- once the reflux improves and you can start to work on establishing better sleep patterns, consider hiring a sleep coach. It's not cheap, but if a good sleep coach can come out and help you encourage baby to sleep better or help you sleep train (and I assume you don't have time to read books, or figure out how to improve sleep or sleep train on your own) then I think once you get more sleep, things will greatly improve. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision#post-601968 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 16:28:56 +0000 coruscations 601968@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Lozza: I can write my thesis anywhere, but there's a time limit on taking my comps since I already failed them once. I'm not sure when it is, but definitely within the year.</p> <p>@chanzi: I totally don't care about school or my career since my daughter was born. The only thing I care about is spending time with her, giving her the best of me, and keeping our family strong. That's why I never wanted to be a WOHM with young children. But I think maybe I might start caring about my career again in the distant future. Right now the only reason I am still in school is because I might need to provide for our family someday, and I might be better able to do so with my degree. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/quitting-grad-school-to-become-sahm-am-i-making-the-right-decision#post-601913 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 16:20:28 +0000 Sugar.Biscuit 601913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Finish your degree. I never finish college and now with my dh's health going down hill and us ttc its just not an option till my mom moves to town. I regret quitting &amp; wish I would have pushed through. I would have my degree by now &amp; be working in my ideal profession had I not dropped out. Looking back I could have done it if I would have just asked for help &amp; rearranged my schedule. </p>