https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 25 Apr 2026 11:48:50 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2369353 Wed, 25 Nov 2015 10:34:27 +0000 jape14 2369353@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@KayKay: totally agree! I was careful to phrase our partnership as equitable, not equal for that very reason. DH has a way more demanding job than I do (lawyer vs. academic), so after grad school I very strategically took a more flexible position with a less lofty career trajectory (research vs. tenure-track). I will probably end up going part-time once we have more LOs but luckily I'm able to be in a more flexible position and still be fulfilled professionally. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2369352 Wed, 25 Nov 2015 10:34:18 +0000 Pumpkin Pie 2369352@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for all the replies. It sounds like outsourcing, reducing work hours, and equal partnership are key. We have a cleaning service that comes every 3 weeks. I'm currently in an industry that basically thinks you should ALWAYS be working, even when you're not working, but I'm taking the first steps to looking for a new job. The equal partnership thing isn't going to work for us. DH tries to do as much as he can, but he has his limitations. </p> <p>We are in our mid-thirties, and living in a crazy insane expensive area, so putting finances and career on hold makes me cringe a bit. I'm at my current job because the income and benefits are great, and I'm honestly a little scared to loose it because it helps us a lot. Life is expensive. </p> <p>It has been really helpful reading this thread, because I was like "how does everyone do everything so well, and I feel like I'm always running around with my head cut off?". Remember that whole "lean in" trend? I wanted to strangle someone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2369345 Wed, 25 Nov 2015 10:29:04 +0000 BKCaribBaby 2369345@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't read anyone's answers but my husband has a demanding job, and we have no local family and almost no help, so it's hard. I started a new job when LO was 5 months old and that required travel, and DH also travels too. Here are the things that I think help us a little:</p> <p>1. I have had jobs where I've either had the ability to work from home or fairly regular scheduled hours.</p> <p>2. A helpful flexible nanny who can help out with other things as needed.</p> <p>3. A short, easy commute. We could move and have a bigger space, but DH and I cherish the fact that our commute is short, and we can get to LO quickly and easily. </p> <p>4. Having as many big or small household helps as possible: grocery delivery, a cleaning person, Amazon prime.. :)</p> <p>I feel lucky to have these choices and options to make my life easier, but even with it all it's still hard. </p> <p>The U.S. work culture and related systems really are still set up to have one person with a job much less two people with demanding ones. It can be frustrating. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2369244 Wed, 25 Nov 2015 09:50:34 +0000 autumnleaves 2369244@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's a struggle for us too! We can't afford a cleaning service. We do not have family help locally. A good chunk of my PTO has gone to staying home when LO is sick or staying home when I am sick thanks to LO. We thought we'd be able to work out 3 times a week but we can't fit that in. We'll probably have to dig into our savings to pay for daycare for LO2 for at least the first year. But we're having so much fun with our LO and we cherish our time with him - he's had a few rough times but overall he's happy. Even though there are a lot of things we don't get done, we really have gotten to do a lot with LO so far in his first 14 months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2369225 Wed, 25 Nov 2015 09:40:21 +0000 DillonLion 2369225@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It is hard!</p> <p>1) DH has a flexible schedule and can work from home/take time off pretty much anytime, which leaves me free to continue working (my hours are not flexible, but my boss is understanding if I have to take off occassionally)</p> <p>2) I meal plan and batch cook on Sundays so all we have to do during the week is re-heat</p> <p>3) We take the time we need to rest on the weekends. Sometimes that's only an hour or two, but we take it</p> <p>4) I try to exercise as frequently as possible to keep myself mentally stable</p> <p>5) DH helps bare the burden of most of the household chores and helps me with childcare a lot when we are at home </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2369202 Wed, 25 Nov 2015 09:31:13 +0000 snowjewelz 2369202@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It is definitely a constant struggle; you are not alone! I think I have to have a very realistic mentality; knowing that LO can suddenly not STTN, become cranky, throw tantrums, get sick, etc... And not take routinely good days for granted haha! I think this is why we are not going to have 2 under 2. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2369172 Wed, 25 Nov 2015 09:24:19 +0000 sungirl 2369172@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We only manage with family help...so if we didn't have that I guess we would have to hire out. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2369097 Wed, 25 Nov 2015 08:56:01 +0000 KayKay 2369097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pumpkin pie: if it makes you feel any better, i don't necessarily think that having #2 will make it more difficult. at least in our case, the big life change was having #1, and #2 just meant more $$ (daycare or sitters or whatever) and a little less alone time (divide &amp; conquer instead of taking turns).</p> <p>that being said, i think an "equal partnership" isn't always achievable or ideal. most couples i know where both work have one person's career take priority at any given moment. sometimes it can flip between after a set period of time (e.g., you work hard until you get promoted, then SO gets priority to advance, etc). in our case that wasn't really do-able (DH is a physician), so my job always had to be the flexible one -- all drop-offs and pick-ups for daycare, PTO for sick days, etc etc.<br /> since we have no family nearby, i would've had to hire out a LOT of help to keep my same job &amp; career trajectory. i ended up switching to something more flexible &amp; with no travel, which was then less fulfilling, and now i stay home because it's less stressful for our family.</p> <p>ETA: i meant that equal partnership isn't always ideal because it might mean that both of you are taking a step away from excelling at your jobs -- leading to less fulfillment and/or less advancement. sometimes that's fine, but sometimes it's not :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2369087 Wed, 25 Nov 2015 08:51:49 +0000 mediagirl 2369087@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raindrop: I'm with you there. When you work in a job that IS NOT AT ALL IN ANY WAY flexible, it makes the work/life balance really really difficult. It is a struggle every single day. One of us can't go part time, one of us can't work 4 days a week and so we work our 40+ hour weeks and we struggle through but we try to keep a smile on our faces at night when we are with our lo.</p> <p>I'm pretty sure I would lose my mind if we ever had another. I just don't think I could keep up with it all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2369069 Wed, 25 Nov 2015 08:45:40 +0000 My Only Sunshine 2369069@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Pumpkin Pie: It's so hard!! Honestly, I dropped down to a 75% schedule and salary to make our lives work more smoothly. I'm sure we would be surviving just fine if I was still full-time, but going part-time has taken the edge off. </p> <p>My husband switched his schedule to 6:30-4:00 which also helped. I work 7:30 to 5 or later. He's able to pick LO up from daycare and be home to start dinner and hang out with her before I get home on my full days.</p> <p>We also have a cleaning lady twice a week and bought a chest freezer so I could bulk cook when we have a free weekend. Then during busy periods, we have a bunch of soup, spaghetti sauce, and crock pot meals ready to go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2369011 Wed, 25 Nov 2015 08:01:21 +0000 looch 2369011@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The most successful women in the world (you know, the high profile actors, businesswomen, etc) are very open lately about having help. I think there used to be this thing that they really did it all, but you know what, they don't and they are just now beginning to admit it. I think it's refreshing that people in the public eye are finally owning up to the fact that they have a nanny, a personal assistant, a housekeeper, a cook, whatever. </p> <p>It's true when they say it takes a village, and that village does not just mean childcare! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2368991 Wed, 25 Nov 2015 07:12:20 +0000 Applesandbananas 2368991@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've struggled a lot and ultimately decided to put LO2 on pause indefinitely. We both work full time and LO1 has some health stuff going on, so it's been a challenging year. I think admitting I couldn't do it all and pausing TTC was the right choice, even though it was a tough choice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2368969 Wed, 25 Nov 2015 06:34:42 +0000 jape14 2368969@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Echoing some of the other posters, but our key to making it work is an equitable division of labor. DH is in a billable hours job but has a short commute and can do work in the evenings after DS is in bed. I have a longish commute but more flexible job. He is what we call the "morning czar" - he gets DS up, gives him breakfast, dresses him, feeds/walks the dog, and does drop-off. I am the "afternoon/evening czar" and I do pick-up, dinner, pack lunches, etc. We usually tag-team bedtime unless DH has to work late. The best thing about an equitable (not equal) division of labor is we each consistently feel like the other person is doing more bc we see it in action and have particular parts of the routine that we can point to as being the other person's responsibility. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2368961 Wed, 25 Nov 2015 06:02:28 +0000 catomd00 2368961@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I switched from a billable hours required job and management position to a regular 9-5 with no direct reports. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2368950 Wed, 25 Nov 2015 04:24:16 +0000 Cherrybee 2368950@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly? We don't make it work and something needs to give. My husband works long hours in an inflexible job, with a significant commute. My job is super challenging, full time - 25 miles commute each way - but it is flexible. This leaves me responsible for all drop offs and most pick ups. Come the weekend, we have so much to D (chores, grocery shopping, meal planning, DIY) on top of entertaining E, we bicker and argue constantly. We are both exhausted and miserable and something has to give. </p> <p>Once we've had this baby and I'm back at work we are going to get a cleaner. I might also look at reducing my hours somehow. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2368918 Wed, 25 Nov 2015 01:14:37 +0000 gingerbebe 2368918@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Both our families live away from us and while my mother has flown in a lot to help (its only an hour flight) she'll be stopping that at the end of this year. So we're in a similar position. DH works as a college professor 75 miles away a few times a week, plus he runs a law firm from home, and is finishing is Executive MBA. So he is BUSY. I am an attorney, but went with a governmet job that offered a lot more flexibility and benefits, so no hourly billing requirement for me. Nevertheless, we have 2 sets of law school loans, a 14 month old, and a house to maintain. And I'm currently pregnant with LO2.</p> <p>DH and I have just decided whatever preserves our spiritual and marital relationships (and thus our sanity/stress levels) is what's most important. If our bond with God and each other is strong, we can co-parent better, provide a more stable home for our son, and think more rationally when its stressful. So EVERYTHING is subservient to that in our decision matrix. </p> <p>Functionally, in addition to taking a lower paying government job, it means I've sorta hit the slo-mo button on my career. I took a full year off work for maternity leave with DS and found out I was pregnant again a month after I went back to work (super surprise)! I was sure I was going to get a lot of side eye so I just came out and told everyone early to them as much time to prepare staffing as possible, said it was totally unexpected (because it was), but then cheerfully said "at least I'm getting it all out of the way at once!" I don't expect to take the full year again with LO2, but I will take 6-7 months, so that's at least 18 months I've set myself back in terms of promotions and credits towards retirement. I'm also currently only working 3 days a week and will probably stay at this schedule until my kids are in school or we just feel comfortable with me going into the office 5 days a week, so that's another snag to building my pension credits. BUT it gives me the ability to see my husband on the days he works from home, we get to spend time together as a family, I can run errands and do some chores for the house - so its worth the paycut for us.</p> <p>DH for his part chose to structure his career in a way that would give us a combination of security (employment as a college professor) and flexibility (professor's schedule and running his own law firm). DH's commute sucks, but he's successfully argued to transition his classes to a hybrid format so he can teach one of his days fully online. So next semester he will only go in 2 days a week and this semester he's gone in 1 day a week. And while he works crazy hours for his own law firm, he sets his hours and works from home, so he's physically around a lot and can move appointments around as he needs. Oftentimes he works at night after DS goes to bed and helps me out in the mornings. His MBA is a time suck right now, but he did it because it would open up his teaching opportunities at other schools, and perhaps even one closer to one of our families in the future. Its an investment in future options and he'll be done right as LO2 is born!</p> <p>We also have our son on a schedule. He sorta dictated the need for a strict schedule as an infant, but its stuck and he does better with a very predictable schedule. But it also helps us because we all get up at the same time every day, we know how to structure our days (especially now that he's on 1 nap!), and we don't usually have scheduling hiccups because we know how our day is going to go. Sure he has MOTN wake ups occasionally or he gets sick, but really we all keep our sanity and are pretty well rested because we ALL stay on schedule.</p> <p>We have set parental tasks and chores. DH does park time, bath, and bedtime routine with DS. And if there's errands to run during the work day that he can take DS off my hands for, like the bank or the post office, he takes him to give me a break. DH also does bills, dishes, laundry, car maintenance, dealing with household repairs, and garbage. I do cooking, cleaning, shopping, meal planning, family gifts/holiday stuff, and travel planning. I also do most of the kid care and MOTN wake ups. </p> <p>I imagine with my mom not being around next year, we'll have to contract more stuff out. We'll probably look at hiring a cleaning service and we'll be putting DS in an in-home daycare for a few days a week as my pregnancy progresses. I'll also be hiring a mommy's helper to come in a few hours here and there when I'm solo parenting on business school days. DH also wants me to hire a post-partum doula or night nurse for LO2. All of this stuff is expensive, but we've agreed until the kids are at least preschool age, its more about surviving and paying whatever we need to in order to keep our sanity.</p> <p>So long story short, we've just decided financial and career goals are a lesser priority while we get through the weeds of the baby/toddler years. Once everyone is potty trained, able to feed and express themselves, and just generally become more functional human beings, we're just going to do what needs to be done to keep our marriage sane. As DH always says "let's just keep the pain train going and accept the next 5 years are just going to suck." Or our more recent mantra is "Let's just get everyone to 3. Just get to 3." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2368900 Tue, 24 Nov 2015 23:54:44 +0000 Mrs. D 2368900@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We just make do. Make every moment count.<br /> He works away, so I kinda do the single parent thing most of the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2368831 Tue, 24 Nov 2015 21:22:58 +0000 catlady 2368831@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's tough, I hear you. We're TTC #2 and I'm nervous. However, we are doing pretty well right now. I think these are some of the things that have helped us:<br /> - Both of us generally work standard hours but have flexibility to shift things around when needed. We can both work from home if need be. We both really like our jobs and neither of us has a terrible commute.<br /> - Equal partnership at home.<br /> - We let some chores slide or don't do them as often and we're both ok with that.<br /> - Meal planning. Plus we tend to cook super easy things and make enough for 2 nights at a time.<br /> - We finally found a babysitter and started doing regular date nights. That has really helped our mental states. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2368819 Tue, 24 Nov 2015 21:10:01 +0000 mrsjazz 2368819@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My daughter is very spirited :) I have a flexible start time at my job and don't take lunch so I can leave at a decent time. I do drop off, DH does pick up. But I usually handle emergencies and taking off of work. Our apartment is a mess 95% of the time. We do our grocery shopping online and/or pay for one of those meal service thingies like Blue Apron. Sometimes our daughter gets to watch a lot of TV when we both have to work on the weekends. </p> <p>Honestly, we've been discussing the idea of me working part-time/freelancing if we decide to have a second child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2368794 Tue, 24 Nov 2015 20:38:50 +0000 MOMTOLITTLEB 2368794@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that an equal partnership is vital. We really help each other and try not to hold onto the bickering and snapping that inevitably happens. Meal planning makes a huge difference for us. The weeks we don't meal plan are a mess. </p> <p>We do have a lot of family support and I don't take that for granted. We're thinking about another child but I feel like getting myself out the door at 7 am with one is quite an undertaking. Our son is 2 and we're mid thirties so it's probably time but we're not quite there yet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2368791 Tue, 24 Nov 2015 20:37:45 +0000 Mrs D 2368791@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Pumpkin Pie: it's a constantly evolving struggle. DH has a stressful and billable hours based job. I work in a male dominant industry in a male dominant field. What has saved us is:</p> <p>1) good help...we have family for our fun nights and a great sitter who helps us whenever we need it and is amazing.<br /> 2) I work for a woman who does not shame me or discount my career path for having parent responsibilities.<br /> 3) before starting a family I was able to build trust with my bosses...not physically being at work does not mean I am not working or available.<br /> 4) if they need me - I'm there but if it's kn my personal time it better be a need...not a want. It's a build up of two way trust. Plus I have a global role which allows me to work odd hours (late at night for Asia and early AM for Europe)</p> <p>All that said...we still struggle...we still butt heads...we try to co parent as best we can but it doesn't always work...and that's ok - life isn't supposed to be perfect! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2368787 Tue, 24 Nov 2015 20:35:38 +0000 MrsSRS 2368787@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We don't. But when I was a nanny they made it work by having me and a cleaning lady. A nanny meant they had help with school pick ups, groceries, laundry, meal prep, extra curriculars, having someone home for the plumber, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2368770 Tue, 24 Nov 2015 20:27:24 +0000 Raindrop 2368770@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is it okay to say that we don't make it work? Or can't make it work? And just commiserate with you? :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2368769 Tue, 24 Nov 2015 20:27:18 +0000 wheres_c 2368769@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are joint partners. I have a demanding job yet flexible schedule. When I travel for work, hubby is in charge. When I'm home I do daycare drop offs and pickups. It helps that while my job is demanding, it's family friendly </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2368767 Tue, 24 Nov 2015 20:26:14 +0000 winniebee 2368767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Leaning on family and hiring good help. </p> <p>My husband and I have typically high stress /high hour careers. He can't work part time, but I can, so I am and will until we are in a more manageable place. DS1 is 3.5 and DS2 is almost 1 (and rarely Sttn). Even with me working just 25 hours a week it's still crazy, especially because I like to eat cooked meals as a family and my husband works upwards of 80 hours a week. Our nanny works more hours than I work and does laundry, errands and housework where needed and that really helps us out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2368765 Tue, 24 Nov 2015 20:25:48 +0000 Madison43 2368765@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We couldn't - sorry :bummed: I have a billable hours requirement and my husband travels frequently for work so something had to give. I ended up reduced my hours and have a flexible schedule - I mostly work 4 days a week and have the ability to work from home as needed. That said, my reduced schedule is more than full time for most people and some of my work obligations are totally inflexible, so we hire out what we can. I have a nanny, a cleaning person, and a guy that cuts the grass. We have no family nearby that is able to help out, so my entire village so to speak is on our payroll :sad: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2368759 Tue, 24 Nov 2015 20:20:56 +0000 littlejoy 2368759@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Pumpkin Pie: I just wanted to let you know I feel for you. DH and I both have demanding jobs (which we need, financially). It's hard when you have a spirited child on top of that. </p> <p>We try trading off dinner/bath duties a few times a week. </p> <p>Reading "No Bad Kids" really helped me understand why my kid was being a "monster", and really, really helped overall. </p> <p>I meal plan, which helps with the stress of thinking of what's for dinner. </p> <p>We also give each other solo time each weekend.</p> <p>Thinking of you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2368753 Tue, 24 Nov 2015 20:16:16 +0000 sapphire 2368753@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A) an equal partnership. For example, I do daycare drop off and DH does pick up.<br /> B) a flexible or different schedule. I work 4 days per week so one day I run errands and get extra time with LO<br /> C) game plan for food (we have a meal planning system that simplifies things), hire a housekeeper, other time saving strategies like that<br /> D) we did move to an area with family close so we have back up care and a babysitter for date night<br /> E) I'll likely cut my hours to part time in the future</p> <p>It definitely hard but neither of us want to stay home so we make it work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/raising-a-family-and-career-how-do-you-make-it-work#post-2368737 Tue, 24 Nov 2015 19:52:15 +0000 Pumpkin Pie 2368737@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO is 14 months, and she is the child from hell these days, and I'm just guessing its some major teething (because I need a reason!). DH and I both work demanding jobs, and it has been pretty hard this past year trying to manage work, LO, and ourselves. We're thinking of having LO#2, but I just don't know how we'd be able to do it. It is really hard because we don't have family anywhere near by, or a close network. How do you manage raising your young family + managing your career + not losing your mind? </p>