https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 05:25:33 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rant-rant#post-2902075 Mon, 11 Nov 2019 18:43:44 +0000 smuckers 2902075@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: we actually ended up getting an offer today for just under asking! We listed on Friday, so that’s AMAZING! Need to confer with DH and our realtor but I think we’re going to accept. Feels very vindicating for all the work we put in and all the staging I did (I also took the listing photos myself!).</p> <p>The offer we had in on another house got rejected, unfortunately (bank decided that they’re taking back the house from the owner and they don’t accept contingent offers), so now onto packing and finding a place for ourselves! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rant-rant#post-2902073 Mon, 11 Nov 2019 18:32:46 +0000 LCTBQE 2902073@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@smuckers: you deserve a gold medal. that's such good news about the condo looking great and that you feel like between the two of you that you guys can handle it. and sorry (!) about being so adamant and bossy about the Trump thing.. I know too many people who are truly triggered to a level of incapacity by reading all the shit. Also so positive that it's a seller's market for condos where you are-- makes the pain of selling worth the while. good luck with the (eventual) transaction. I have been there too with the commute being your only me time, it's rough. and IMO it doesn't count ;)</p> <p>@foodiebee: I wish I didn't feel like this was the case, but at least for me keeping up with politics and keeping up with my own house/life/babies is a zero-sum game. I still read the physical newspaper most days but I'm not in tune nearly as much as I used to be. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rant-rant#post-2902040 Mon, 11 Nov 2019 14:37:56 +0000 foodiebee 2902040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: That's a good suggestion re: husband's news hangup. @smuckers: I get the politics part of this so much, and it was me in 2017. I had to quit a 10-year-going morning news reading habit that I LOVED because it was impacting my mental health. It took time, but finding a balance with being informed and realizing when you need to pull back is a must during this administration. No politician deserves your husband's mental health. </p> <p>(For me, it helped to stay off all news sites/TV and allow myself one single source each day that I had to trust would keep me informed. For me it was the email newsletter What The F*** Just Happened Today.) </p> <p>Maybe the next time he needs to vent, tell him to scream into the Void: <a href="https://screamintothevoid.com/" rel="nofollow">https://screamintothevoid.com/</a> :wink:</p> <p>ETA I'm so very sorry about your moms. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rant-rant#post-2902000 Mon, 11 Nov 2019 09:36:56 +0000 smuckers 2902000@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@shabang: @pachamama: @YogiRunner: @Mrs. Starfish: @graceandjoy: @Mama Bird: @LCTBQE: @ALV91711: </p> <p>Thank you ladies, so so much, for responding to my wall of text. I honestly feel better having typed it all out. </p> <p>We had our first showing this weekend. DH was basically a superhero; totally stepped up and between the two of us we had the condo sparkling and tidy. Now that we have a baseline, it should be fairly simple to keep on top of it for showings' sake. We also specified that we need 24 hours notice on showings (or at least no same-day showings) since we have young kids, so hopefully that makes life easier.</p> <p>To answer a few questions: No room in the budget for a housekeeper. Letting the mess slide is, unfortunately, not an option while we're actively showing the condo. DH is not hindered day-to-day by the Trump stuff, it's just an extra layer of anxiety for him. 15 minute commute is about the only time I get to myself, if that really counts? Breaks at work (including lunch) are for pumping. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rant-rant#post-2901949 Sat, 09 Nov 2019 22:05:14 +0000 ALV91711 2901949@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You do have a lot on your plate. I just want to give you a virtual hug and send some love. We are here to listen whenever you need it. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rant-rant#post-2901916 Sat, 09 Nov 2019 13:25:31 +0000 LCTBQE 2901916@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@smuckers: this is *so* *much* pressure on you. I can't believe how many angles you're getting hit from right now, lady. The sleeplessness is so unbearable and I really empathize with how exhausted and taxed you must feel. Can you lean on your husband to do shifts with you at night so you can get 6 hours of sleep straight? (or try to with the insomnia?) That's where I would start. </p> <p>Trump: I get it that your husband feels like he needs to absorb this and suffer in the name of being not ignorant, but have you considered telling him flat-out that you need his support more than the country needs him right now, and that it is truly dire and non-negotiable that he just (temporarily) quit? If it's triggering his depression and distracting him from his duties/capabilities/support role, then flat-out, it's an indulgence and he can't afford it while you guys are in triage mode here. He isn't wrong that "people need to be informed"--but YOU need him more. ??</p> <p>Clutter/dirty house: I would designate a closet or get a couple huge plastic bins, and every night for ten minutes, go through the house and just shove all the shit into it. Don't try to organize it, just throw it in there, or throw it in the garbage. Just do a few minutes a night, don't feel like you have to keep at it until the whole house is done. all laundry in laundry baskets *inside* of closets, even if it's clean and unfolded, just get it up off the floor. Maybe your husband can commit to putting all the toys away at the end of the day, and then your baseline is under control, at least.</p> <p>Kids: we have a 24-month age gap and it is hard as hell to have a newborn and a young toddler. it will get easier with them, and totally agree with @Mrs. Starfish: that 2.5 is a VERY difficult age. </p> <p>I hope your mom and your MIL both recover and particularly that your mom's chemo goes as you hope. Hang in there. And you will not be without a roof over your head, the house stuff is super stressful but after winter everything will have worked itself out :heart: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rant-rant#post-2901910 Sat, 09 Nov 2019 10:34:15 +0000 Mama Bird 2901910@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, that is a lot on your plate. I hope everything works out, your moms get well, baby starts sleeping and you get the house. If the offer falls through, can you take your condo off the market until your other life stuff settles down? I know it's a seller's market, but your sanity is worth more. </p> <p>Also, try telling yourself to ignore the mess, just for now. I also get anxious when I'm surrounded by clutter, but when things get really tough and I can't keep up, I just keep telling myself this is temporary.</p> <p>And do you have any me time at all? The commute? Lunch at work? Anything? Hold on to it even if you're busy. Taking care of yourself is also a priority. I remember, when things were really bad two years ago, taking at least half an hour every night to work on a quilt. I was exhausted. Technically, an extra half hour of sleep would have been better, but I noticed that if I do something that makes my heart sing, it keeps me going even more than the extra sleep. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rant-rant#post-2901902 Sat, 09 Nov 2019 01:16:52 +0000 Nutella 2901902@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@smuckers: hugs to you. I read your post and just wanted to say, you have a LOT on your plate and I’m so sorry you don’t have more support right now. do you have others you can call on for a bit of relief? May sound silly also, and completely crazy, but you could also force yourself to go out with some friends for dinner or lunch or coffee...I find that helps me even when I really don’t feel like I have the emotional (or physical) energy, it is a nice change of scene and gives me some perspective. Sorry if that advice sounds random and out of line! But wanted to say you’re doing a fab job, that sounds like so much at any given time...let alone when nursing at night! Take care :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rant-rant#post-2901847 Fri, 08 Nov 2019 12:02:26 +0000 graceandjoy 2901847@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Girl, we hear you. Take a deep breath! Life is A LOT for you right now. And I have an almost 3 year old so I totally feel you on the epic tantrums! So much is out of your control; try to make a list, however small, one things you CAN affect. Like really telling DH to give it a break. He hates Trump? Make sure to vote. There's really nothing else to be done day-to-day wise. Any room in the budget to get a house keeper? Make some other chores automated from the time-being? Any siblings, etc to help care for both your moms? I am sending you sooo much love as you get through this one day at a time :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rant-rant#post-2901842 Fri, 08 Nov 2019 10:34:05 +0000 Mrs. Starfish 2901842@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That sounds like a lot! My comment here is mostly around the 2.5-year-old. I REALLY felt like I was losing my mind when my kids were exactly at that age. It was so defeating and I would cry when people told me to "just wait until they're 3 because that's when it's really bad". </p> <p>I really agree with previous posters with the sentiment "when you're going through hell, keep going" and I'm here to tell you that for my kids at least, age two was TERRIBLE but age three is much, much better. So I guess all this rambling to say: 1) this sounds like a pretty shitty season of life for you and you have every right to vent, and 2) I am here to give you hope that - if nothing else - at least the 2.5-year old difficulties will end!! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rant-rant#post-2901841 Fri, 08 Nov 2019 10:23:11 +0000 YogiRunner 2901841@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>GIRL. That for real is a LOT. </p> <p>I agree that a lot of this is temporary, but maybe now is a good time to a) practice being assertive with your doctor to let them know that normal PPD/PPA is most certainly exacerbated by the above and a lil extra help with a therapist could be huge. And b) hire a house cleaner, have them come often. My mental health is so much better with a cleaner house, and you need to anyway for showings.</p> <p>But all in all, you’re doing great. It’ll get better. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rant-rant#post-2901836 Fri, 08 Nov 2019 09:54:41 +0000 pachamama 2901836@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also, encourage DH to stop with the news. He probably feels like it is his duty to watch (the destruction of our democracy) but there is nothing he can do. It's not his battle. Cut the TV down and ask him to hide the news apps on social media. I had to do this 2 years ago and it really really helped. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rant-rant#post-2901835 Fri, 08 Nov 2019 09:53:12 +0000 pachamama 2901835@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Friend. Friend. I totally get this. I'm glad you came here to vent. I could have basically written this (except substitute selling your condo for a $27,000 water leak, a hoarder mom and I am home, not working.. some days I wish I was).<br /> Do you feel a little better? I see a therapist and tell her things like you've just told me and she gave me one strategy of kind of accepting that of course, you are anxious. And to accept it as something that is temporary. You are not "you" 3 months pp and on the Mirena. FWIW, I think that combination of hormonal shifts is particularly difficult... Google "Matrescence" to understand the drastic changes your neurology, endocrinology, etc are undergoing, even with baby 2<br /> The condo will sell. Trump will be defeated 👌👌. Baby will eventually not nurse. Toddler will stop tantruming.<br /> But do do things you love to keep your sanity. Do not ever feel bad - you don't have to be perfectly happy (fuck that expectation, in all seasons of life) but you are entitled to having some peace. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rant-rant#post-2901834 Fri, 08 Nov 2019 09:50:14 +0000 shabang 2901834@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wish I knew you and could just give you a hug. It sounds trite, but my mantra in situations like this is "the only way out is through". Or, "if you're going through hell, keep going." </p> <p>When it's crazy, it helps me to shift my focus away from the what might happen into what is right in front of me. I know that's easier said than done. Hang in there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rant-rant#post-2901833 Fri, 08 Nov 2019 09:29:46 +0000 smuckers 2901833@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I got less than 4 hours of sleep last night so please forgive me if I miss words or misspell words or don't make sense. Baby nursing + insomnia due to anxiety = tired. </p> <p>Life is kind of shit right now. Well, it's not but it is. My husband is an amazing, kind, patient stay at home dad who also has depression. And you know what his major trigger is right now? Trump. He watches news shows and reads articles about what's happening and gets so upset. I tell him to put it away, just turn it off, and I get a "THATS EXACTLY WHAT WE CAN'T DO. PEOPLE NEED TO BE INFORMED OF THE BULLSHIT THAT IS HAPPENING." He's not wrong. I'm also not wrong. It's a no-win situation. </p> <p>So husband is depressed. Kids are great, but also. My 2.5 year old is just SO VERY 2 (tantrums! so many tantrums!), probably because I only really see her for an hour every evening before bedtime and for half of the week I am cooking dinner during that time (the other half DH cooks). 3 month old is an adorable lumpkin who wants to nurse non-stop. And pulls and chomps and my nipples just hurt so badly. It's probably a bad latch, but I don't know what to do to correct it. I've started wearing a nipple shield again. I did with my daughter for a year, and it was just so nice to not have to this time. </p> <p>Usually we would depend on our moms for some help when we were having a hard time. But, both of them are having equally terrifying health crises at the moment. His mom has a 100% clogged carotid artery, but failed her stress test so can't have surgery, but might need surgery anyway to prevent a stroke/heart attack? Who knows. Waiting on her cardiologist to schedule something. My mom was diagnosed last week with stage 3 ovarian cancer, has already had 1 surgery, and starts chemo next week. Both of us care close to both of our mothers.</p> <p>Then there's me. 3 months postpartum. Might have had PPD with my 2 year old around nowish, but impossible to tell due to circumstances at that time. Might have PPD this time around, but impossible to tell due to circumstances at this time. Got the Mirena IUD 2 weeks ago so could be that (Nexplanon played a huge role in my anxiety last postpartum period). Love my kids, love my husband, no plans to do anything to harm anyone, including myself. Just sad and anxious all the time. And before you say so, yes, I've tried to mention it to my doctor, and kind of get brushed off as "that's pretty normal postpartum, let us know if it gets worse". And because #America, I don't have any PTO left after my maternity leave, so literally cannot take any time off to try to mentally recharge without costing us money / risking a write up at my job, which provides our only income. </p> <p>Did I mention that we're also selling our condo and buying a house? And that that's been in the works for months, before all this crazy? And it's a seller's market for condos in our area, so really now is the time? We put in a contingent offer on an amazing little place that would be perfect for our forever home. It needs some work but honestly we fell in love. Got news last night that, SURPRISE, the reason the owner is selling is because the bank threatened to take back the house. Apparently it's been on the market long enough that they started that process and the homeowner has now lost the ability to say yes or no to our offer, and the bank needs to decide if they're going to accept or not. That could be great for us, or could be bad for us. Just one more thing to be anxious about. Best case scenario, they tell the owner "Cool, ok to accept this offer and just get it out of our hair ASAP". Worst case, they say "we'll handle this" and then drag their feet (as banks are wont to do) and we sell the condo quickly and end up without residence for a few days/weeks/months. When we initially talked about listing, my mom offered that we could stay with her for any time we were without residence. That's now off the table (because, you know, CHEMO). </p> <p>On top of that, my family is MESSY. My husband really, honestly does try, but most clutter is just invisible to him. And the house needs to be kept "show" ready for people who want to see the condo. I have a list for him of the day-to-day stuff he needs to do before a showing, which he's great at handling, but honestly the big stuff? That's on me. While I work 40 hours a week and nurse a baby and love on a toddler who JUST WANTS MAMA PLEEEAAASSSEEE MAMA PLEEAASSEEE. DH will do whatever I ask him to do but sometimes asking him and explaining what needs to be done is literally just as much work as just doing it and I usually do a better job anyway, so I'm just going to expel that energy doing it instead of delegating. </p> <p>Thank you for reading this wall of text. I think just needed to get it out somewhere. Because this is A LOT. A LOT is going on in my life and most of it sucks. </p> <p>TLDR: Life is a lot right now. Good God I need some sleep. </p>