https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 19 May 2026 16:03:06 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/re-losses#post-2778896 Wed, 11 Oct 2017 10:55:22 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2778896@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Im so sorry. I remember a lot of those same feelings. I grieved the loss of the idea of pregnancy (what season, what the due date be, child spacing, etc). In general it all just kinda sucked. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/re-losses#post-2778877 Wed, 11 Oct 2017 10:04:29 +0000 GoGoSnoGirl 2778877@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So much :heart: . That all does suck &amp; I'm glad you have been able to advocate for yourself. It is startling to me that so many care providers have missed important details in your situations. :shocked: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/re-losses#post-2778866 Wed, 11 Oct 2017 09:24:53 +0000 arosebyany 2778866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>:heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/re-losses#post-2778862 Wed, 11 Oct 2017 09:11:58 +0000 mrskansas 2778862@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hugs mama :heart: Our stories are super similar.<br /> I hope you get your rainbow baby soon! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/re-losses#post-2778861 Wed, 11 Oct 2017 09:10:24 +0000 lilyofthewest 2778861@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@travellingbee: @periwinklebee: @bhbee: @jhd: Thanks for listening and being here :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/re-losses#post-2778748 Tue, 10 Oct 2017 20:06:40 +0000 periwinklebee 2778748@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/re-losses#post-2778739 Tue, 10 Oct 2017 19:36:56 +0000 bhbee 2778739@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m sorry. It’s awful. My back to back losses were not as wrenching as yours and I still felt so messed up by them. So hopeless and unhappy with myself.<br /> I have a lot of the same worries too. Passing my due date for this last loss this month really sucks. I never thought I would be here, no baby and no pregnancy.<br /> Mostly just :heart: for you </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/re-losses#post-2778728 Tue, 10 Oct 2017 19:11:50 +0000 jhd 2778728@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>:heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/re-losses#post-2778723 Tue, 10 Oct 2017 18:42:57 +0000 travellingbee 2778723@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m sorry. It does suck. My experience with back to back miscarriages was similar. I don’t feel like I lost a baby per se, just the pregnancies, so I wasn’t heart broken. I was frustrated and angry and disappointed and hormonal. They also thought one of mine was ectopic and were pressuring me to do the methotrexate. I firmly believed that was a premature call and denied. I was right. It’s hard, and stressful. It consumes you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/re-losses#post-2778718 Tue, 10 Oct 2017 16:48:40 +0000 lilyofthewest 2778718@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been thinking about whether to post something to Fb this month (infant &amp; pregnancy loss awareness month) and I'm still not sure. But, I wrote this and I think it would feel good to share it somewhere. </p> <p>Since March I’ve had two miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy. And it sucks. It doesn’t actually make me especially sad. Many people who experience pregnancy loss feel as if they’ve lost a baby. That’s not my experience: 12+ years of working in abortion care really differentiates embryo/fetus/pregnancy from baby. It can be really crappy without being especially sad though. </p> <p>I worry a lot about getting older and less fertile. And about the possibility of higher and higher rates of miscarriage and trisomies as time and aging plod along. </p> <p>I worry about having an awkward age gap. If that first miscarriage had been good, LO#1 and #2 would be just over 2.5 years apart, definitely close enough to be friends and play together. If LO#1 and #2 are more like 3.5 years (or more) apart will they be agemates enough to play?</p> <p>I worry about vain things. Like how if that first pregnancy had been good, I would have been cute-pregnant when we went to the beach this summer. Instead, I was stress-eating-chubby and bloated. </p> <p>And I worry that if I weren’t a medical professional, my care providers would kill me through ignorance and/or negligence. I’ve lost a lot of trust and respect for my care providers and I feel nervous about if I will feel comfortable seeing them and trusting their clinical judgment if I ever do get a viable pregnancy. </p> <p>With the second miscarriage, my beta hCG levels plateaued in a way that looked very concerning for an ectopic pregnancy. One of my midwives was totally unconcerned and didn’t even seem to realize that the labs looked bad. One was appropriately worried, but didn’t have the resources and equipment to do my workup or to treat me. The maternal-fetal medicine practice that the midwives referred me to couldn’t find any sign of a normal pregnancy, but they still just congratulated me and told me I was probably really early. </p> <p>I wanted everything to be ok, I wanted to be able to trust the expertise of the maternal-fetal medicine docs. But I knew they were wrong. </p> <p>I called an OB/Gyn practice I’d seen a few years before, they connected the dots the same way I had, and they squeezed me in for a procedure the next morning so I didn’t have to go to the emergency room. Luckily, despite all the signals pointing to an ectopic pregnancy, that one turned out be "just" an abnormal uterine pregnancy. </p> <p>The third time did turn out to be ectopic. The same OB/Gyn practice that took great care of me with miscarriage #2 completely missed an important lab value with the one that turned out to be ectopic. This resulted in delaying treatment by about 10 days. The really scary thing is that I only got treated as soon as I did because I was insistent that something wasn’t right; I came in for another evaluation 2 weeks before they wanted me to. If I had allowed myself to believe the assurances that things were looking good, I could’ve wound up in the hospital with a ruptured ectopic. Or died.</p> <p>The ectopic was treated more than 6 weeks ago and I’m still waiting for my pregnancy hormone levels to go all the way back down to zero. It could take a few more weeks. If this had been a viable pregnancy, I would already be in my second trimester. If the first pregnancy had been viable I would be 31 weeks pregnant. This is dragging on and on. </p> <p>Even though I don’t find it sad, it is sucky and stressful in so many ways. And it feels like it is taking forever. And I can’t escape pregnancy. I work in an abortion clinic. I go to a midwifery school. My life revolves around pregnancy; there’s no break. </p>