https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 27 May 2026 14:37:30 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/redshirt-a-june-birthday#post-2879057 Tue, 02 Apr 2019 10:54:17 +0000 KT326 2879057@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Momof3peas: I have a July birthday and when I was in preschool the teachers wanted me to do another year because I was so extremely shy. I had no friends, I always played by myself. My mom refused and sent me to Kinder on time mostly because I was ready but also because my teacher was my Grandmother's best friend! So she knew how to bring me out of my shell. </p> <p>I'm still a shy person, that is just my personality. But having a teacher that understands that is just what I needed. When my oldest started Kindergarten one of the papers we had to fill out was what are some things I (the teacher) should know about your child? Something like this could be very helpful for your daughter. Just opening the conversation with her teacher and making sure that person knows your child isn't a social butterfly could help a lot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/redshirt-a-june-birthday#post-2879056 Tue, 02 Apr 2019 10:41:30 +0000 LCTBQE 2879056@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Shantuck: yeah, that stuff is so specific to individuals—my husband is the same too, late August birthday (a few days before mine) and always the youngest. It never affected him whatsoever, but he’s physically large and one of those people who’s annoyingly confident to begin with. I only brought up myself as an example because like the OP’s daughter, I was not at ALL a social butterfly. I guess I just wonder sometimes how holding kids back who are just shy is going to help, but my kids are still babies so I haven’t been there as a parent (although I will be, both my kids are late late August).<br /> Also I’m half joking and half serious, but I think a case could be made that being a bad athlete and unattractive to the opposite sex in high school are the bedrock of having a good sense of humor as an adult??</p> <p>Eta, OP, sorry for the thread jack! 😬 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/redshirt-a-june-birthday#post-2879055 Tue, 02 Apr 2019 10:31:17 +0000 LCTBQE 2879055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: I’d bet if she’s not the only one who’s older than the mean it won’t be a big deal, and way better to wait if she needed it! Even one other kid also being older/younger makes such a difference. I would think it’d be tougher if you were head and shoulders way older/bigger than *everyone*, you know? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/redshirt-a-june-birthday#post-2879042 Tue, 02 Apr 2019 08:26:11 +0000 Foodnerd81 2879042@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: you’re right- that’s a point of view you don’t hear often. And it’s actually something I slightly worry about- I mean, I know my girl needed this extra year, but I am worried for when she starts to ask why. Luckily she hasn’t noticed yet that half her same exact age friends are in K and she isn’t (luckily a few of her closest friends also waited though). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/redshirt-a-june-birthday#post-2879041 Tue, 02 Apr 2019 08:17:43 +0000 Shantuck 2879041@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: My husband also has a September birthday and started school earlier than his peers. He also excelled academically. His only gripe about being younger related more to his physical size, which he felt made him less of an athlete and less attractive to the opposite sex since he was scrawnier than his peers (though less of an issue with girls and also growth can be really person specific). With that said, I was old for my class (November birthday) and he was way more successful in sports than I was and had many more girlfriends in high school than I had boyfriends. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/redshirt-a-june-birthday#post-2879039 Tue, 02 Apr 2019 07:20:46 +0000 LCTBQE 2879039@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was always the youngest in my grade (September birthday with a Labor Day cutoff) and was academically in good shape but socially unhappy until I was in college. I remember very distinctly feeling a sense of confidence, even in early grade school, that I was younger than everyone but doing well with the actual work. I am completely certain that being held back would have made me wonder what was “wrong” with me and would not have helped with my shyness, I think being the oldest in a group of younger socially more outgoing kids would have made me feel even more like an outsider. When I started college at age 17 I felt like I had a leg up in a minor way. Just wanted to share as I rarely see anyone remarking from the kid’s POV in the redshirting conversations. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/redshirt-a-june-birthday#post-2879023 Mon, 01 Apr 2019 19:18:36 +0000 pachamama 2879023@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Momof3peas: I am a teacher and determination can be quite rare. Good on her :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/redshirt-a-june-birthday#post-2878961 Mon, 01 Apr 2019 10:13:07 +0000 graceandjoy 2878961@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Shantuck: I just wanted to say, don't be so hard on yourself? I know it's hard, even for myself. I have a Nov birthday and was never redshirted (plus moved to a different continent with different mother tongue and was still not held back haha). Growing up where I was, red shirting simply does not exist. I will never know whether being young has made me an average student, or I'm average no matter what. That does not define who I am at all :happy: And I consider myself decently "successful"; at least I am able to provide for my family! Also, one of my best friends has an Oct birthday and a whole year older than me in the same grade (so she was red shirted), and I had a higher GPA than her. So I feel like as long as you didn't ignore any glaring red flags; you are doing what's best :heart: I am sending my 4 year old to K with a Dec birthday. And trust me in a world of pro-redshirting sometimes I felt like I should just hold her back since that's what everyone does but I've been carefully considering it since she was in pre-school last year and we do think she's ready.</p> <p>ETA: I def think teachers are such a valuable resource. Not just the main teachers but any assistants or any other adults that interact with them consistently. EVERYONE I talked to said she's more than ready, and MORE ready than some 5 year olds that are def going to K. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/redshirt-a-june-birthday#post-2878960 Mon, 01 Apr 2019 10:05:39 +0000 Shantuck 2878960@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have a son with a late June birthday and a school with a Sept 1 cutoff. We debated redshirting but went ahead and sent him and he is now finishing up first grade. We have always been more concerned on the academic front rather than the social front with him. He started at his elementary school in a pre-K 3 program and we have asked his teachers at the pre-K 3, pre-K 4, and kindergarten levels for their thoughts and we've been told to stay the course. He's very social and close with his classmates so we were worried if we made him repeat a preschool or kindergarten while his friends moved up that it would be socially difficult for him. My husband has expressed some regret that we didn't redshirt and I'm still undecided. He struggled with reading last year in kindergarten but this year in first grade has found himself to be squarely in the middle of the pack academically. We also struggled a bit with behavior issues in kindergarten as he's definitely a class clown type and will do anything to get a laugh from his classmates. However, he either has a more patient teacher or is finally getting the swing of things in first grade.</p> <p>It's a difficult decision and even a couple years into our decision, we're still second guessing. My biggest worry is that our decision will yield his being average at everything rather than thriving but I know it is still early. I will say that a lot has changed from kindergarten to first grade but unfortunately you kind of just need to make a decision without that visibility.</p> <p>ETA: My son shares a birthday with his 32 year old aunt, who was redshirted back in the 80s. She was a talented athlete, student, etc. growing up so I think the redshirting really suited her. Although bright, she was never "bored" which I know people cite as a big reason not to redshirt. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/redshirt-a-june-birthday#post-2878939 Mon, 01 Apr 2019 08:27:42 +0000 bhbee 2878939@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn’t really have the option to redshirt but just agreeing that a lot can change in kinder. I was so nervous about sending my oldest who suffers from anxiety and often really struggled in preschool (just part time 3days/wk) with managing it. But somehow the expectations/norms of a new environment really worked for her and she had less trouble transitioning than others I know, and she blossomed in an amazing way. I think given what you’ve said it is probably worth a try. I agree with above that kinder expectations are often too high - as such, many kids struggle with behavior, there is a lot of crying, etc, at least what we saw - but that may help your LO not stand out while she adjusts and gets a year to mature. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/redshirt-a-june-birthday#post-2878936 Mon, 01 Apr 2019 08:15:55 +0000 Pollywog 2878936@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm generally very pro-red shirting. I think kindergarten expectations are largely not developmentally appropriate for the age range of the students.</p> <p>Without knowing your district, I'd be inclined to send her on time. What I would do is talk to her teachers and any parents you know who have had kids going to kindergarten in your district. If it's a play based curriculum where kids get a lot of wiggle time, I'd send her on time. If it's worksheet city/no recess/no play time then I'd consider holding her back. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/redshirt-a-june-birthday#post-2878930 Mon, 01 Apr 2019 07:12:59 +0000 Foodnerd81 2878930@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One thing I would want to get a sense of is how many other parents hold their summer birthday kids back. If she wouldn’t even be the oldest, I would think differently about the decision than if it isn’t that common and she would be the oldest by 3 months, if that makes sense. </p> <p>How is she when she doesn’t get her way? When she ha to come inside instead of staying out and eating snow? Or when she has to stop working on a project she’s really into? Those were some of my late July birthday girls trigger points where she just lost it- transitions like that are hard and the biggest reason we held her. </p> <p>It doesn’t sound to me like you have any glaring reasons to hold her, especially if the teachers say she is ready. FWIW I had fully intended to send my daughter until her preK teachers suggested I think hard about waiting. Now she is in jr K (like a transitional k I guess) and the difference since last year is huge. She will still have struggles throughout school- she’s very smart but also very stubborn, has big big feelings, hard time staying on task if she isn’t really into it (but if she is into it she focuses intently and throws a fit if she is to stop early). But I feel like she is emotionally much more ready for K now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/redshirt-a-june-birthday#post-2878929 Mon, 01 Apr 2019 07:09:20 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2878929@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I completely agree with others, go ahead and send her. What you're describing is very much personality, and that evolution happens differently for everyone, I think. My daughter is an early June birthday too, and has very similar tendency toward obliviousness (runny nose, shirt tucked into her underwear, etc.), which makes me think that's just an age thing, they just aren't bothered by much. Mine is very extroverted and an only child, which comes with its own set of challenges because she's often frustrated by having to compromise on how to play with others, and sometimes feels left out if others are doing things without her, and I think she needs that experience to learn how to socialize. Kinder has been good for her to work on those social skills, so I think your daughter will be just fine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/redshirt-a-june-birthday#post-2878928 Mon, 01 Apr 2019 06:56:22 +0000 Momof3peas 2878928@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you so much for the responses! You all are making me feel so much better.</p> <p>@JCCovi: Her teachers last year, in a very part time 3K program, brought up the idea of holding her, which is what started it all for me. They did say they bring it up to all parents of kids with summer birthdays. They mentioned she was clearly on the young side (which she is!), but weren’t able to give us many examples of why she might benefit from holding. When I asked for specifics, they seemed to draw a blank.</p> <p>@Becky: THANK YOU so much for that perspective! Your DD sounds a lot like mine. I’ve been struggling the most with whether holding her going to help, or is it just who she is? I’m totally happy with her little personality, but as a parent, I obviously want her to get through childhood as unscathed as possible. I’m actually a middle school teacher, and have to say my favorite kids are almost always the quirky ones. I will have to read Star Girl. Thanks!</p> <p>@pachamama: Thank you! Her personality cracks us up. Her determination and persistence is something people always mention to us, and is one reason I think she will probably end up being just fine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/redshirt-a-june-birthday#post-2878925 Mon, 01 Apr 2019 04:40:39 +0000 pachamama 2878925@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think for an academically prepared, early June girl, you don't need to red shirt her. I think she probably just has a quirky personality and maybe going to K will help her grow out of some things.<br /> FWIW, I think she sounds like a hoot. Yeah she might go to the beat of a different drum but the world needs more unique personalities like her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/redshirt-a-june-birthday#post-2878923 Mon, 01 Apr 2019 04:15:58 +0000 Becky 2878923@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You could be writing about my daughter. I did a post I think back in January if you want to see it—there were really helpful responses. Our cutoffs are different here: she’s born 10/31 and cutoff is 12/1 so I do wish I had held her back because 4 is too young for starting kindergarten IMO. However, when I expressed to her teacher we were thinking of having her repeat K because of social immaturity (she usually plays on her own; she’s oblivious to what is going on around her—sounds just like your DD), she said she thinks it is just her personality and that holding her back when she was already doing very well academically could possibly exacerbate that. She’s also super supportive of my daughter’s differences and appreciates them. Not every kid is super outgoing and wants to be part of the in crowd, and plenty of us are introverts. She recommended I read Star Girl which I did and you might like it. It did break my heart a bit thinking that Star Girl could literally be my daughter but it also opened my eyes a bit to the fact that my daughter doesn’t have a problem. </p> <p>After the chat with her teacher about her personality I shifted my outlook a bit. My DD is probably going to struggle down the road socially at some point because of the fact that she’s oblivious and in her own world. At some point someone is going to make fun of her clothes (she wears some very interesting outfits) or the fact that she’s spinning in circles on her own while everyone else is building a snowman together at recess. I’ve stopped trying to gently nudge her back on the path of conformity, and instead am embracing her differences and working with them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/redshirt-a-june-birthday#post-2878921 Mon, 01 Apr 2019 00:11:12 +0000 JCCovi 2878921@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sounds like her personality. I think it would be very unusual to hold a girl that far from the cutoff back without some serious concerns. </p> <p>You mentioned the teachers have notice she has some introverted tendencies, but have they recommended she needs another year? If for nothing other then peace of mind, you can always get her evaluated. Those evaluations can be pricey (up to $5k is what I’ve heard) around here though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/redshirt-a-june-birthday#post-2878917 Sun, 31 Mar 2019 21:36:36 +0000 Momof3peas 2878917@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lamariniere: Thanks for the feedback. It helps to hear someone else’s opinion. I agree that she’s definitely introverted.</p> <p>It’s also good to hear how things can change. I just don’t want her to struggle unnecessarily which is where the concern is coming from. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/redshirt-a-june-birthday#post-2878916 Sun, 31 Mar 2019 21:26:05 +0000 lamariniere 2878916@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Based on what you have written, I would send her on time. These just sound like personality quirks and I don't think they will hinder her in school. She will probably grow out of some of them too (like noticing her nose is running). Maybe your daughter is somewhat of an introvert, and that's fine too. </p> <p>My DD's birthday is one month before the cutoff. In our system, kids go to preschool for 3 years before they start the equivalent of kindergarten. We were new to the school last year when my DD started year 2 of preschool (she was almost 4 when school started), and the teacher's main "negative" feedback about her was that she was very shy and introverted. Fast forward a year and this year's teacher says she's a chatterbox, plays with everyone, contributes freely, and sometimes she even has to remind her to stop talking to her friends and pay attention! Things can change quickly at that age. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/redshirt-a-june-birthday#post-2878909 Sun, 31 Mar 2019 20:55:28 +0000 Momof3peas 2878909@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry, this is long.</p> <p>We’ve gone back and forth on sending our oldest daughter, an early June birthday, to school on time or to hold her back. Our school cutoff is early September.</p> <p>Last year we really struggled with whether or not to send her to 4K, and for a variety of reasons, decided to go ahead. </p> <p>I’ve been pretty happy with that decision and have noticed a huge amount of growth this year. We had conferences this week, and although nothing really bad was said, I’m going back and forth on whether we made the right decision.</p> <p>Academically we have zero concerns. She’s at or above where she is expected to be in every area. She loves to be read to and is very attentive during story time. She is the kid who gets excited and wants to talk/share a lot, sometimes not on topic, although when I’ve been there volunteering, she’s not alone in that.</p> <p>Socially is where I worry. She’s always been very independent and happy to play on her own, and her teachers noticed that as well. They mentioned that she doesn’t seek out anyone to play with and will go to all of the stations in the room on her own. If someone is there she might play with them, but she doesn’t seek it out. She’s not shy, and she has friends outside of class that she loves to play with, so it’s not that she doesn’t play or interact with kids, but in that setting she doesn’t show much interest. Because I overthink everything, there’s a part of me that’s concerned that she’s not interacting with others. On the other hand, I don’t think extra time is likely to change that. Both my husband and I are quite content to be alone too, and she’s a lot like us.</p> <p>Another bigger reason I worry about her because she’s kind of oblivious, and I don’t know if that’s something that’s just her personality or if she’ll outgrow it if given time. For example, she is oblivious to the fact that her nose is running seemingly ALL the time this winter, despite the fact that we remind her constantly to wipe it. Her teachers said other kids have noticed, and that makes me sad for her. I wasn’t that concerned at first because I figured in 4K she couldn’t be the only one, but maybe she is. She’s also the kid outside eating snow...</p> <p>She does spend most of her time outside of school at a small in home daycare, and the other kids there are her younger sister, a 1 year old, and a 3 year old. She’s BFF’s with the three year old, and sometimes I wonder if being around someone younger is a hindrance. If we did send her to another year of 4K, we would likely send her to an all day private 4K, so she would be around more kids her age, but it would be $$$.</p> <p>In my gut, it’s her sweet, oblivious nature that makes me the most nervous. The playing alone doesn’t. But I don’t know if that’s something that’s really going to change with time.</p> <p>Things she has going for her are that she is so independent and she’s also incredibly determined. If she wants to do something, she’ll do it. She also aims to please though, and wants to do well, and generally is very well behaved.</p> <p>Anyone who has been down this road have any advice to share? If she were an August kid I would hold her for sure, but she’s three months before the cutoff. I really can’t tell if I want to hold her for legitimate reasons, or if I’m worrying too much about things that are simply her personality and won’t change over time.</p> <p>Thanks! </p>