https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 19 Apr 2026 13:06:11 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1597061 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 11:38:07 +0000 LindsayInNY 1597061@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're kinda there... We ended up buying a condo north of NYC instead of renting in NYC like we always planned to do. If I knew we'd still be TTC after all this time, maybe we would've done things differently... Instead we have a second bedroom just sitting empty right now... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1596917 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 10:50:37 +0000 Mrs Spoon 1596917@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also just want to ditto what @gingerbebe said, with a 3 month old you would not be out living the SF life. We still are able to enjoy walks, parks and an occasional brunch with LO. But we always have to leave early and sometimes miss out on entire planned events cause DD is sleeping. So we're not living the SF life we had pre-LO. And sometimes that is hard because our friends sans kids just continue on as usual and get annoyed we can't join in on the fun. Having a baby is an adjustment regardless of where you are! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1596908 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 10:45:57 +0000 Mrs Spoon 1596908@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Interesting thread...we're just about to move from San Francisco to Seattle which is home. I'm also worried about missing city life if we just move to the burbs. But I've now also got a 7 month old and she needs a safe place to crawl and such. Our current place is a death trap for a baby!! So I think what we're going to do is rent a place in the city for 6 months before we buy. That way if I'm still tired of the hassles of the city, I'll be ready to move to the burbs without regrets. </p> <p>Thanks for sharing! It's hard to admit sometimes you're not happy. But also consider there are pros and cons to every location. Hope you find some contentment in the mean time while you're there. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1596294 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 00:39:50 +0000 gingerbebe 1596294@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsBeluga: We live in the same area and I agree it was a big adjustment after living in an East Coast city for several years before moving here. (And we don't even have the benefit of family nearby!)</p> <p>It does take several years to adjust to a really new environment and it sounds like you guys made a lot of big life changes at once, so its even tougher. I think it probably seems like its not worth it right now because you're knee deep in new baby stuff, so taking care of a big house is overwhelming. Plus your baby is so young that you're not really able to take advantage of the perks of living in the burbs yet. But I think once your baby is a little bigger, you'll realize how awesome it is to have so many parks to visit and weather that's warm enough to take advantage of the public pools!</p> <p>Practically speaking, I think your husband just needs to accept that this is his life for now. Making snide remarks about Sac or whatever isn't going to help make him feel better, you know? I also wonder how much of the unhappiness is associated with work vs. the adjustment to parenthood. Because its not as if you'd be out and about in SF sitting at coffee shops or whatever with a 3 month old anyway. </p> <p>I say contract out what you can (hire a housecleaner, hire a gardener, etc.) and simplify your life as much as you can until your baby is a little bit older. And make a concerted effort to find things to like about the area. Like you said, we basically have no traffic issues, for one thing. </p> <p>Take advantage of family nearby to go on a few date nights or weekends away. There IS fine dining in Sac that is quite good, and you're an hour from wine country (both in Napa and Amador). You're 2 hours from Tahoe and Lake Shasta (which are wonderful in the summers when its hot as Hades around here) and you can hit up the Davis Farmer's Market on Wednesday nights and Saturdays where there's tons of babies, live music, pony rides, and food to picnic in the grass with. We have local breweries and independent coffee shops in downtown and Midtown, and so much great produce and farm fresh food at a fraction of Bay Area prices through CSAs and the co-ops.</p> <p>On the flip side of this, I have a ton of friends who live in the Bay Area and are trying to swing it with a baby and it honestly doesn't sound like its much better. Pretty much all my friends are white collar professionals who make good money and almost all of them have had to move outside SF proper. Now, the rents in the East Bay are so expensive that many of them are considering Walnut Creek and Daly City. Add the commute time and the insane daycare rates, and they're just stressed out with the cost of living there. They're not going out to the nice restaurants and bars in their neighborhoods - they barely see their baby on weeknights as it is and it costs too damn much to get a sitter. Giants games? Niners games? Too expensive, too time consuming, nope. </p> <p>Just give it some time. Hugs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1596273 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 23:23:01 +0000 hummusgirl 1596273@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry to hear that! I definitely think you should give it time. As your LO gets older, you'll become more immersed in the community, find playgrounds, music class, etc., and you might have a completely different point of view. </p> <p>We're leaving NYC to move back to our home state to be closer to friends and family. It's been a grand adventure and I wouldn't change it for the world, but since having LO my perspective has changed. I'm now of the mindset that people matter much more than place to us, and I don't really care if I'm in a city with world-class museums and theater and the best restaurants, I just want to have close friends and backyard BBQs (if only those things weren't mutually exclusive for us!). </p> <p>Good luck to your husband on finding a new job. At least if his job improves and you still want to move back, you'll be doing it for the right reasons and not just to escape a bad situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1596207 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 21:25:42 +0000 Zbug 1596207@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel you. I'm having why did we buy a house and tie ourselves down regret. I like where we live okay, but there aren't many opportunities career wise for me and I'd rather be living abroad. I'm torn, however, because I have made some good friends here and it's a wonderful place to raise children (not the burbs but family friendly). No real advice but just wanted to empathize with you. I think we are going to give it a few years and reevaluate. Nothing is forever and you can always change your plans if something isn't working. Good luck to you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1596195 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 21:10:15 +0000 MrsBeluga 1596195@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoyfulKiwi: u are right on the grieving... We left dink life and headed straight to suburbia... New jobs, giant house, and a kid... and all in one year. Maybe I'll chat him up more and see if he will open up about it, instead of making snide sad remarks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1596187 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 21:03:35 +0000 MrsBeluga 1596187@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runnerd: I also like the idea of not moving back right away, but giving yourself an attainable goal. One year will go by so quick, and it will give you time to find an awesome place when you do move back! Plus it will be nice to have family around those first few months, really!</p> <p>@catlady: someone who went back! It's true, living in the city means tiny places, few bedrooms, and more expensive living in general. But you get such wonderful museums, cultural events, delish restaurants...which would be so great for raising an awesome and well rounded kid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1596105 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 19:59:50 +0000 catlady 1596105@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We lived in the city, then moved to the suburbs for a couple years and hated it, and now we live in the city again. We love living here but our LO isn't even crawling yet and our place already feels too small. I think the grass can always be greener. In a way, I wish we could have made the suburbs work for us because you can get a lot more for your money. So I guess I don't really have advice, but just perspective from the opposite side. We will probably stay with our small space for now and re-visit the idea of moving again in a few years. I hope you find something that works for your family! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1596038 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 19:19:44 +0000 mlm2934 1596038@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Me me me!!! We moved back to our hometown about 2hr from where we were living after my m/c while we were TTC, thinking it made sense to raise our kids close to family, and clean up some debts. Well I HATE IT SO MUCH!!! Now we are kind of stuck for the time being since LO will arrive in July. We basically are taking advantage of the cost of living to pay off student loans and save money. We've had a bunch of conversations, and want to be ready to move back to city by LO's 1st bday. I'm really struggling to be happy here, and not view life as a countdown :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1596034 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 19:16:06 +0000 Greentea 1596034@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoyfulKiwi: such good advice.</p> <p>@MrsBeluga: that's basically what we did. We have been here 5 years and we still don't love it. We have a plan to move in a few years. For now we are making the most of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1595955 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 17:42:29 +0000 immabeetoo 1595955@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I promise you will like the bigger space later on! We were in a tiny apartment when LO was born and it was fine but I sooo appreciate the house we are in now that he is running! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1595925 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 16:42:23 +0000 MrsBeluga 1595925@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sunny: It is true. In the valley you get a lot more sahm's who have the time to tote their kids to classes and sports from such an early age. We do want to teach our little one some sports, swim, soccer, and tennis... And we do want her to be musical and artistic too. I definitely do not want school or homework to consume her life though, and though schools definitely exist here. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1595918 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 16:32:39 +0000 sunny 1595918@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not sure if you were in the South Bay or in SF, but one thing I've heard is that parents in the Valley are so competitive. They hire tutors for their pre-schoolers/kindergardeners so that their kid is identified as top of their class. This is a huge concern of mine because we have considered moving down there for better job opportunities. I don't want my LO to be considered "behind" when she is developmentally appropriate and I definitely don't want that kind of academic pressure on her. Hope that makes you feel a little better! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1595911 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 16:25:07 +0000 MrsBeluga 1595911@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The one thing I am totally happy with is driving my own car to work! No more BART train, no more bus, no more walking to work in the pouring rain. It's the small things:)</p> <p>5 years of public transportation... Do not miss one bit! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1595910 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 16:24:27 +0000 MrsBeluga 1595910@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone for your kinds words, makes me feel better.</p> <p>I like the three year idea because even if we decided to move back, we wouldn't look like total job hoppers, and we would build some equity into our home.</p> <p>It is tough though. I wanted this so bad, and now that I have it, totally not all what I thought it would be. Grass is always greener! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1595904 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 16:18:57 +0000 Freckles 1595904@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It takes a while to get accustomed to a new city/area. Have you made friends in your neighbourhood? Have you developed a network of some kind yet(outside of family)? I think that will help ease some of your regret, and when LO is a bit older you'll meet so many families, especially at the playground! I do think DH's unhappiness with his job is something to take into consideration, especially if he is going to be the breadwinner.</p> <p>There is also nothing wrong with deciding to move back to the city if you and DH feel this isn't the best situation for your family. DH and I grew up in the suburbs and we have no desire to have the 3000 sq ft home in exchange for the long commute. A bigger house is always nice if you have a family, but it doesn't mean that you can't make it work with a smaller home (and such a small thing if you are happy overall). </p> <p>I hope you guys figure things out. Sac is actually not that bad and being 10 min from the city is pretty good! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1595805 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 13:57:28 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 1595805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We went from renting an apartment in a wonderful, eclectic, small town to owning a 5-bedroom home, with a large yard in a sprawling, generic city (for my husband's job prospects &amp; because we couldn't really afford to buy a home in our old town). It was a very, very hard adjustment. I, like your husband, hated my first job. Like, ended up in therapy because I was depressed, hated my job. It was a truly unhealthy place for me. Could you and your husband work out an exit strategy for his job?</p> <p>We also had a 7 year plan - we would re-evaluate if we wanted to stay in 7 years. We've been here 4 years now and it's feeling much more like home. I don't love it like I loved our last town, so it's nice to know that in 3 years we can look into making a change, whatever that may be.</p> <p>Something else I got from my therapist when we first moved was that I was actually mourning our old town, jobs, and life. She helped me realize I was grieving for something we loved and left. Thinking of it that way helped me process the move. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1595801 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 13:55:13 +0000 googly-eyes 1595801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You may appreciate the bigger house more as your LO becomes mobile! We spent Los first year or so in an apartment and one thing I always wished I had was a yard. (After A LOT of back and forth we opted to stay in the same town but moved into a townhome with a tiny patio area.) </p> <p>As for the new jobs/area... Promotions/job changes migh happen, and as you settle into your area you migh love it more. It's a transition period along with the new baby. We moved into our town just before LO was born and I think there is also something about familiarity when your life goes through the dramatic change of new parenthood. Maybe that could be part of it?</p> <p>And if after awhile you just know the city is for you, you can always go back (eta of course this might take awhile, but it can happen.) Kids live in the city too, and yor LO will adjust! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1595776 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 13:34:28 +0000 spaniellove 1595776@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: I believe that about it taking 3 years. We're 2 1/2 years in and I've finally stopped missing the city so intensely. Maybe our situation has made us appreciate our surroundings a little more and remember why we chose our exact town. </p> <p>@MrsBeluga: Definitely take advantage of the cultural opportunities downtown so you're not feeling like you're out in the sticks! And as soon as you're able, take baby on road trips! (The one perk of living in Sac :happy: )It is a huge adjustment having the responsibility of the house, and eventually you guys will settle into that routine. Every year it becomes a little less new and scary and a little more your home. I hope your husband is able to make things work on the job front! That's an unhappy place to be in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1595763 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 13:20:36 +0000 Kimberlybee 1595763@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am going through the opposite but trying to figure out a good solution. I grew up in surburbia and loved it. I still keep in touch with all of my closest childhood friends. In my heart, I wanted the same for my kids too, to grow up in a good neighborhood in surburbia. But when we bought our first home, we found the perfect fit in the city, a cute 1100 sq foot condo that was close to both of our jobs (5 min for DH &amp; 15 min for me). We put so much money renovating this place but with DD, it's become a bit small. I am hoping we can move to Surburbia soon but it depends on a couple of factors, if we can rent this condo out and having the money for down payment and maintenance on 2 properties.</p> <p>Looking back, I have tons of regrets too (putting too much on this condo are among them) but I do try to look at the bright side most of the time. Everything is so close by for us so I am finding joy and comfort in that. Hope you find a great solution too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1595761 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 13:19:25 +0000 Cole 1595761@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have moved a few times although not really under the same circumstances as you. One thing that stuck with me though is that I read somewhere that it takes 3 years for a new place to feel like home. Whatever I read pointed out that it takes a long time for you to run into grandmother faces at the grivet store, know how to get to IKEA without directions, know the best place for bagels or sushi etc and all of those things really contribute to a places feeling like home. </p> <p>I hope your husband can find a solution to his work woes though, it's hard to be content in a place when you're spending 40+ hours a week in a situation that you don't like. Best wishes you you guys, I know that resettling can be really hard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1595757 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 13:16:21 +0000 Greentea 1595757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Can you move back? I am not trying to be ridiculous but I think sometimes things are ying yang and we take risks and don't always know how we really feel until we try something new. </p> <p>If not, then I am sure you can work to make it better and it will get better for your effort (new career plan, etc).</p> <p>Eta: If something isn't right for you, no shame. No shame in trying to make your life better. I am not a suburb person but if that is what you have to work with for now there are always positives to be found. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1595728 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 12:51:58 +0000 MrsBeluga 1595728@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@spaniellove: we live ten minutes from downtown! Yay Sac!</p> <p>And to all of you ladies, I think you are right, I think the bigger problem here is DH's unhappiness with his career. I think he resents the move and our new life because he hates his new job so much.... And his unhappiness is making me unhappy too.</p> <p>Also little one isn't crawling or walking yet, and it might be really nice to give her all this space when the time comes soon.</p> <p>Thanks for the good wishes and advice, crossing my fingers this gets easier! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1595697 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 11:59:53 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 1595697@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hilariously enough I am going through this right now , except more extreme: small arty city to middle of nowhere. We are formulating an exit strategy. My feeling is, after living here three years I have no doubt that it isn't for me. A lot o people will have different values than you or wonder why you don't appreciate the benefits of the lifestyle you have which seem obvious to them. You may feel this way also. It is a battle trying to rid oneself of those defeating thoughts! I hope after some time you can decide how you feel and not feel bad acting on your feelings rather than making decisions based on fear! That's something I struggle with so much! Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1595693 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 11:54:32 +0000 reverie 1595693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's hard to change your lifestyle, but I think you'll really appreciate the space as your LO grows! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1595670 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 11:26:05 +0000 spaniellove 1595670@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I went through this. We lived in the city for several years, loved our little condo, and then moved to the suburbs to get more for our money. It was a bigger transition for me than I expected to not be able to walk anywhere or have that easy constant interaction with people. And yes, the home maintenance is unending! We moved from 800 to 3000+ sq ft and DH is always in the yard. </p> <p>I noticed where it is you moved back to - I actually grew up there too and think it has to be tough living there again after having a life in the Bay Area. Did you move way out in the suburbs or at least closer to downtown? Is there a way to preserve some of the way of life you were used to? We kind of kept a foot in the door and spend a day in the city every now and then reliving our old life which helps a little. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1595660 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 11:12:32 +0000 keepcalmcarrie 1595660@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We moved from a city neighborhood to the suburbs when my son was 3 months old - he's 13 months now, and at least for me, the suburbs are a much better fit. More space for him to practice crawling/cruising/walking. Nicer parks for us to visit. Not having to lug a stroller up and down lots of steps or on public transport. It's not for everyone - the city has more character! - but I love the convenience. I think the problem might be his job! I hope he finds a new one soon :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1595649 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 10:56:38 +0000 AmeliaBedilia 1595649@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That sounds really rough. Have you found friends and things to do around where you live now? Working in a job you don't like makes everything worse. Also, as your baby gets bigger, more space will be nice. Hugs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/regret-relocating-to-suburbs#post-1595644 Sun, 27 Apr 2014 10:53:32 +0000 MrsBeluga 1595644@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So as the title says DH and I regret moving, a lot. </p> <p>We were living in the Bay Area, had fabulous jobs, but a tiny apartment. We knew babies were on the way, so thought it best to relocate back to my medium sized hometown (two hours away), so we could buy a bigger place, raise our kids in a more family friendly area, and be closer to family.</p> <p>A year later, the mortgage and house maintenance are both stressful. We see my family as much as we used to. DH is extremely unfulfilled in his new job. The baby could care less if we lived in our old apartment or our 2400 square foot house.</p> <p>Did any of you go through this?</p> <p>Our baby is only three months old, so perhaps it will get better? I often think if DH just found a job he even liked, it might solve a lot of our problems.</p> <p>Boo for living with regret:( </p>