https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 22 Apr 2026 14:28:48 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis/page/2#post-292382 Wed, 12 Sep 2012 15:58:44 +0000 Rescuemom10 292382@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>((HUGS))</p> <p>I remeber my best friend going through this. Her and her DH are now closer than ever. I wish you the best. I think you are def taking the right direction with this and best of luck dear! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis/page/2#post-292369 Wed, 12 Sep 2012 15:52:31 +0000 regberadaisy 292369@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@EmmesMama: I've just seen this for the first time. You're an incredibly sting woman. Best wishes to you and your family! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis/page/2#post-292325 Wed, 12 Sep 2012 15:27:36 +0000 jedeve 292325@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@EmmesMama: My heart breaks for you - I feel like I have the "perfect husband" too, but I know realistically that stuff like this can happen to anyone. I'm sorry you had to go through that. </p> <p>I keep picturing some movie I saw a million years ago where an old man is admitting to his son that there was another woman years and years ago but they moved past it. It makes me wonder how many marriages have stories like that. I hope yours is one that makes it through! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-292303 Wed, 12 Sep 2012 15:11:06 +0000 Adira 292303@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@EmmesMama: Thank you so much for coming back to update us! I'm so happy for you that you both are willing to work through these issues and continue counseling! It takes a really strong person to admit they need help and be willing to work out issues like this, so I'm happy you both have been able to do this! Good luck to you! I hope that everything works out for you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-292292 Wed, 12 Sep 2012 15:04:15 +0000 littlebug 292292@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@EmmesMama: Glad to hear you are continuing to work on your marriage. I think it's a wonderful sign that neither of you have "given up" yet. It shows a real commitment on both your parts. I hope everything continues to work out for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-292275 Wed, 12 Sep 2012 14:54:55 +0000 EmmesMama 292275@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi everyone! It's been a while since I've stopped by, and I wanted to drop in and provide a brief update, and also thank everyone again who provided encouraging words five months ago in those first weeks. They meant so much to me then, and even reading through them again now, I can't help but feel encouraged again.</p> <p>It's hard to believe that it's been nearly six months since I discovered my husband's affair. It has been, by far, the most challenging, heart breaking, sad, confusing time of my life. But with all those emotions, I can also report that I am becoming much stronger, confident, assertive, communicative, and humble. We are still working through this together. We continue to go to marriage counseling twice a month and both of us are in individual counseling at least twice a month as well. It has not been an easy rode to travel, that's for sure. There have been a lot of rough patches on this journey, but we are taking it one day, one week and one month at a time (sometimes even one hour at a time). </p> <p>Do I know if we'll make it through? Honestly, I'm not sure. But I'm still holding onto hope. I know he loves me. I know he wants to be with me. I know I want the same. It is going to take a long time to get back to "normal", but I'm holding onto hope that we will. Happy times are returning, we are enjoying being together, and our marriage is getting stronger. And best of all, we have a gorgeous 10 month old now that brings smiles to our faces even on our sad days.</p> <p>Perhaps, someone might stumble across this post one day and read my story. Perhaps it can provide a bit of hope that they are not alone. It hurts. It hurts so incredibly bad. But, you know what, I will be okay, no matter what. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-119513 Thu, 12 Apr 2012 14:43:40 +0000 Dash 119513@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A blog to read...<br /> <a href="http://www.hisgiantmistake.com" rel="nofollow">http://www.hisgiantmistake.com</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-117597 Tue, 10 Apr 2012 21:56:51 +0000 Mrs. Blue 117597@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so incredibly sorry you are dealing with this, but like previous people have said, I really admire you trying to work through this. You are definitely not alone. I only know second hand what you are going through, but I did watch my best friend go through a very similar situation (husband &amp; co-worker, sexual relationship, and some lying). At first she was going to divorce him, but they ended up working through it and several years later, they seem to be in a much better place then they were even before the affair. I both hated that she was with him and loved her for it. It's hard to watch your best friend go through that and it's hard for people who are close to you to forgive them for hurting you. I can only imagine the conflicting emotions that you have. I really hope that your husband will see what he has done and start being really honest so you have a real chance to make this work. Hang in there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-117123 Tue, 10 Apr 2012 14:50:22 +0000 daniellemybelle 117123@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'll join the chorus in praising you for being a smart, strong woman! You are clearly a wonderful wife and person, and I hope your husband sees that.</p> <p>My husband and I had a rough spot not too long ago, although there was no infidelity and trust was not broken to this extent. Still, I understand that feeling - "This could never happen to us." And even though our situation was much different, after counseling we both realized that "this" and much worse could happen to us, despite our love for one another. The beautiful thing that is even with "this," our love and commitment is still intact and we are able to stay together and be happy. So rather than mourning that our relationship was struggling and that my husband is far from perfect, I actually ended up glad it all happened because I realized we were stronger than I initially thought.</p> <p>Many hugs and wishes for a brighter future! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-117082 Tue, 10 Apr 2012 14:26:34 +0000 banana 117082@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>All I wanna say is that I have the UTMOST respect for you for trying to work it out. It must be so unbelievably hard and I don't know many women who can go through what you're going through but still have hope and still want to stick with their vows and make it work. Whatever the end results is, at least you know you tried your best and that's all that can be expected at this point. HUGS!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-116951 Tue, 10 Apr 2012 13:34:06 +0000 Modern Daisy 116951@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm rooting for you! The thing about cheating is that the grass always seems greener, but rarely is. You have been there for him, you are his true partner and vowed to stand by him no matter what. If he doesn't appreciate that and chooses to disrespect you ultimately it's his loss. But I'm hoping that he can see the light and with time you can get back to normal! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-116867 Tue, 10 Apr 2012 13:04:12 +0000 kml636 116867@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry. I would just say give it time. Time for you to assess his intentions and emotions, and time for you to see how/if you can heal. Sending good vibes your way! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-116847 Tue, 10 Apr 2012 12:57:29 +0000 EmmesMama 116847@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@miss-spunkin: Thank you so much for your comment.</p> <p>@MrBee: You are so right that trust is the most important thing. Unfortunately, the trust is gone, but hopefully just temporarily. From what he says regarding still having contact with her, he (wrongly) believed that non flirty emails that were just "friendly" wouldn't be crossing a line at this point, yet he knew that I didn't want him to have contact with her--which is why he lied. Again, the trust thing comes back to haunt me.</p> <p>@Looch: I totally agree, and that's what I've been telling him--I need him to be completely honest with me. I think after yesterday he is finally realizing that. It hurts more that he hasn't been totally honest and upfront than the actual revelations at this point.</p> <p>The funny think is that "sticking it out and making it work" was something I never imagined I'd have to do. I just never imagined this would happen. You watch the shows and movies with cheating and think that you'd never put up with that and leave him right away. But, when you are thrown into the realities of an affair, it is a much different experience. I can't just up and leave him for many reasons, but above all I love him so much (that just doesn't go away) and made a commitment on our wedding day to stick with him through the good times and bad. I just didn't think that he would be the cause of those bad times. With that said, I also have enough respect for myself that, even after putting in the effort--the counseling, the conversations at night, the affection, the love--that if he betrays me again that I could likely never get over it, and thus, would have to move on.</p> <p>Thanks again for the support and words of encouragement. I hope that this string will possibly provide someone with the hope that they're not alone if they ever go through this, particularly at such a vulnerable time after just having a baby. It isn't easy. I wish it would all just go away. But I am hopeful that, with time, things will get better, and we will come out on the other side stronger. Hope is all I have at this point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-116290 Tue, 10 Apr 2012 04:56:44 +0000 tequiero21 116290@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hope u and ur hubby can get thru this... I'm with @looch... Lying is something that's hard to forgive because you can't trust and trust is one of the most important things in a relationship. I really hope your husband means what he says and sticks to it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-116278 Tue, 10 Apr 2012 02:10:20 +0000 looch 116278@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@EmmesMama: I think you're really brave for posting about this topic, because as you know, you open yourself up to all kinds of opinions on the subject, some of which are different to your own.</p> <p>Lying is the one thing in my marriage that I will not tolerate nor forgive. I would like to think I can look past an indiscretion as big as cheating, but in order for me to move past it, there must be total honesty. I can put my big girl panties on and deal with a lot of things, but unless I know the truth, no matter how painful, I wouldn't be able to fully process what happened. I would always have doubt, and to me, that's dangerous.</p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-116192 Mon, 09 Apr 2012 23:19:58 +0000 mrbee 116192@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@EmmesMama: I'm so sorry to hear this! Someone once told me that the most important element of a relationship is trust. I hope that your DH is able to earn your trust once again! Hopefully he understands that it's going to take time and effort to get there...</p> <p>I can understand to some degree why he would not be fully honest about the extent of their physical relationship (although of course I don't condone it) One thing I don't get though: why would he lie about not having contact with her since then? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-116122 Mon, 09 Apr 2012 21:39:52 +0000 Mrs. Pen 116122@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@EmmesMama: I feel like my heart just broke in two reading this. I cannot even imagine what you're going through. I am so soo so sorry. </p> <p>I commend you for wanting to stick it out and making it work. It can't be easy, but it shows your character and devotion to your vows by you not leaving and wanting to work it out. But don't expect yourself to trust him again anytime soon, you can give yourself time. It's okay to be angry, it's okay to be hurt and it's okay and right to let him know that. Don't EVER blame yourself or become insecure because of what he did. You are a strong, beautiful, confident woman who obviously deserves better - that's why you are sooo amazing for working this out. Truly you are an inspiration to me, and probably all the other ladies on HB.</p> <p>Sending you love, hugs, prayers and blessings. I can tell just by reading your post that you WILL get through this and come out a stronger person on the other side. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-115998 Mon, 09 Apr 2012 20:11:48 +0000 singingbee 115998@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@EmmesMama: I'm just now coming to this thread to post. I don't have any good words to say for advice, but I'm hoping everything works out for the best. I know it's hard going through this and especially with the new information that has come to light. (((((HUGS)))))) to you!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-115983 Mon, 09 Apr 2012 20:03:14 +0000 EmmesMama 115983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi everyone. Just thought I'd pop in and give an update (and ask for a bit of hope again). Husband and I have been going to marriage counseling for three weeks now. My husband has also been going to individual counseling. I'm also reading the book Not "Just Friends" which I'd highly recommend.</p> <p>I felt like we were really making some great progress. Our communication was getting better and better and intimacy had returned to our relationship, and then today happened...</p> <p>After a bit more detective work, I decided to get into his email to confirm that he had cut all ties with the other woman as he claimed he had. Well, he hasn't. Although the only thing I discovered was an email to her about a concert lineup. He admitted that they have had contact via GChat and emails, but all but the concert email have been work related. He knows that this is a no-no unless absolutely necessary for work. He had told me up until today that he'd only seen her once at a meeting since I discovered his cheating and hasn't had any other contact with her. Lies, lies, lies...</p> <p>But even worse, after I have asked him over and over again if their relationship was limited to just "making out" and telling him that I need him to be honest, and him denying it was anything more, I discovered that it was in fact sexual. There were countless dirty SomeECards sent by him to her that I discovered. After confronting him this afternoon, he said he didn't want to tell me that he had sex with her for fear that I would leave him.</p> <p>This is so HARD. I am committed to making this marriage work, and he says he is too. I just wish I could fast forward through all this pain and hurt. I love him. I married him for a reason. He is not a guy you'd expect to cheat. From the outside, he seems like the perfect husband and dad. This side of him is just so confusing to me and him.</p> <p>Luckily, through all of this, I can say that we have been great parents to our baby girl. She is amazing and happy and brings me joy on my saddest of days.</p> <p>Thanks again for all of your support. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-98046 Wed, 21 Mar 2012 09:46:18 +0000 Modern Daisy 98046@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No one is perfect and you aren't the first and wont' be the last person to go through this. Good for you trying to make the marriage work, I feel like we live in a society that gives up once something goes wrong. Everyone goes through tough times and all you can do is work on it and try to come out stronger because of it, which you're doing. Good luck and hang in there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-98005 Wed, 21 Mar 2012 09:02:43 +0000 MrsLMA 98005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@EmmesMama- glad to hear things are scheduled and you're feeling good about the movement foward. You're in our thoughts! Remember that we're always here to be a sounding board, lend a shoulder, or just to listen:) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-98002 Wed, 21 Mar 2012 08:50:21 +0000 EmmesMama 98002@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>To everyone who has commented so far, thank you SO much from the bottom of my heart. With no one to turn to in my life for fear of ruining any relationship they have with my husband, it is so nice to find comfort in you all .Your words have been encouraging and give me hope. I appreciate all the book suggestions as well. </p> <p>To give an update, we have our first marriage counseling session on Friday, and husband has his first individual session on Monday. I will talk to our counselor on Friday regarding whether she thinks individual counseling would be beneficial for me as well (I'm guessing it would be). It's hard as I have no time off from work since I used it all during maternity leave, but even if I have to take time off without pay, it'll be worth it to give our marriage and family a chance. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-97996 Wed, 21 Mar 2012 08:46:25 +0000 EmmesMama 97996@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@eiko2010: Thanks so much for sharing. I too am hopeful that we will come out stronger on the other side. But I wish I could just fast forward to that point, because the pain I'm feeling right now is just so overwhelming. :-( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-97993 Wed, 21 Mar 2012 08:44:33 +0000 EmmesMama 97993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsLMA: Thank you so much for your comment. It really gives me hope to hear of others who have been through similar situations and moved past it. You are so right when you describe the "punched in the stomach" feeling. I have felt so sick to my stomach since I found out on Friday. And the anxiety has moved up into my chest. It's definitely weighing heavy on my heart.</p> <p>I have a feeling that my husband will discover similar things as yours did. I believe that a lot of trauma in his childhood is bubbling up (dad cheated on his mom multiple times and left her and him). Of course, that is no excuse for what he has done, but I think him exploring where this came from will be extremely helpful in us moving forward. </p> <p>Anyway, again, thanks so much for your comment. I really appreciated you sharing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-97883 Tue, 20 Mar 2012 20:27:19 +0000 littlebug 97883@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@EmmesMama - My husband and I went through something similar before we got married. He reconnected with an ex-girlfriend and had a affair (not physical). I moved out of the house we bought together so we could both take some time to figure out what we wanted. After time, we realized we wanted to work through it together and move past it. It took lots of talking and tears but we got through it and a year later we got engaged. </p> <p>It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but truthfully, I'm so glad we went through it. It made our relationship so much stronger. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-97861 Tue, 20 Mar 2012 19:27:31 +0000 katdevargas 97861@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So sorry that you are having to go through this. I'm very glad that it sounds as though it's a mutual decision to work it out, though. Kudos to both of you for that. I think that the counseling is def a step in the right direction &amp; would also recommend seeing a couselor seperately. Some books that the husbone &amp; I have both read &amp; would highly recommend as well are "for women only", "for men only", &amp; "the 5 love languages". Best of luck to both of you &amp; I hope that this only makes your relationship stronger, being strengthened by fire. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-97837 Tue, 20 Mar 2012 18:34:56 +0000 mrs. wagon 97837@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>so heartbroken for you... :( I'm so sorry you have to be going through this, especially while raising your first child together. But it sounds like your husband is definitely taking the right steps and doing individual counseling, which is fantastic. All I can say is I hope you both can work hard at keeping your relationship together. </p> <p>As for personal experiences of friends, I only know of one couple with infidelity with a coworker. The cheating party actually refused to cut off contact with the coworker and so they are separated and will eventually divorce. They've been married for 8 years and have 2 kids. The cheated on party forgave and started working on their marriage. They went to counseling but the cheating party stopped going and the cheated on party was attending counseling alone. </p> <p>As you can see, your situation is so different and it really sounds like you guys are on a good track to get through this and strengthen your marriage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-97732 Tue, 20 Mar 2012 15:36:59 +0000 tequiero21 97732@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>=( i'm so sorry you have to go through this alone. we're all here for you. i can't say i've been in your situation but i can imagine how i'd feel if i found out that my hubby was cheating on me. </p> <p>i'm not saying it's okay, but i'm glad it didn't go further than kissing. i'm also glad that he's willing to work things out. that he doesn't have feelings for this coworker. i just hope he's willing to get past this like you are. hope for lots of healing... for you. figure out why he did it in the first place. maybe he felt alone because you guys just had a kid and you spend a lot of time on the LO? good luck! hope for the best. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-97683 Tue, 20 Mar 2012 15:00:21 +0000 heffalump 97683@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So sorry that you are having to deal with this! I think counseling is a great idea, and hope everything works out for you both! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-crisis#post-97681 Tue, 20 Mar 2012 14:58:58 +0000 MrsLMA 97681@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@EmmesMama: Before DH and I were married we went through a very similar situation. While DH is adamant that nothing physical happened, he had a very intimate relationship with a co-worker. I am so sorry that you're going through this. While reading your story that "punched in the stomach" feeling came back like it was yesterday. I think that until you experience the shock that comes along with having this happen to you, it's hard to even imagine!</p> <p>With that said, DH and I have moved past his indiscretions. It was difficult, and we spent a lot of time in couples counseling. He had a similar logic as your husband- it was a rush and exciting. Our counselor really encouraged him to look at what was lacking IN HIM that made him feel that he needed that outside attention and worth. What DH got out of the counseling sessions was that it was HIS responsibility to make himself feel good about himself.</p> <p>What I got out of the sessions, was that this was IN NO WAY my fault. I am (and was) a loving, attentive, supportive, exciting partner and nothing that I could have done or offered would have changed the situation. I really think that once you TRUELY believe that, it allows you to "let go" of some of the anger. A lot of what I was upset about was feeling that he expected more than I was able to give- and that really wasn't the case. I also learned that, unfortunately, no one can be trusted completely. I love my husband more than anyone in the world, but I do know that no one can be trusted to never hurt us. </p> <p>I want to send you tons of hugs, strength, and hope. YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS and lead a wonderful, joyful, fulfilling life with your husband and child. </p> <p>Feel free to message me if you want to chat privately:) </p>