https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 16 Apr 2026 01:56:40 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2871343 Mon, 11 Feb 2019 10:39:26 +0000 Twolittlemen 2871343@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So my son is one of the youngest in his grade. We live in the south and he's a boy so I think that's a factor. His birthday in 7/25 and cutoff is 8/15. The big reasons I decided to send him is he is very smart and I feared he would be bored. Also he went to two different preschools and in one he was the youngest in the class and the other he was oldest. He seemed to do better with older children than younger. </p> <p>I really hesitated to send him. And he is in class with kids that are up 29 months older than him. He is not a rule follower and has a hard time concentrating on work. (But effortlessly has one of the highest grades.) </p> <p>He's in first grade now and I honestly can say I don't think holding him back would've helped. His personality is just his personality, and hasn't changed with age. He gets bored in class and I can only imagine how much more bored he'd be if he was a year behind or I had held him back. </p> <p>For what its worth I have a late December birthday and started at four and went to college at 17 and finished a challenging degree in four years. I had friends that were over a year older that had to take breaks from college and/or took 6 years are changed majors several times. So I don't think 17 at college is a terrible thing. </p> <p>Good luck with your decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2871167 Sat, 09 Feb 2019 19:44:12 +0000 Andrea 2871167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is she getting enough sleep at night?</p> <p>If you don’t feel like the social issue will change by retaining her, then I wouldn’t do it if she’s at the top of her class. </p> <p>PS - We sent my DD on time with a 12/31 cut off and 12/30 birthday. She was ready ... she’s halfway through 1st grade and so far so good. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2871165 Sat, 09 Feb 2019 19:42:16 +0000 SugarMaple 2871165@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You decide what feels best. I don't think you would ever regret holding her back.</p> <p>Not the same, but my son (4) is a summer birthday. We started pre-k and as the 2nd youngest in his class, it shows. He does great academically, but socially/emotionally he looks immature compared to his peers. He sounds like your daughter in that she does not seek out to connect with others as friends. He will when told too, but doesn't initiate. I think he has picked up that he is 'supposed' to play with friends, and he makes comments. I'm worried it will hurt his self confidence even more.</p> <p>He will be staying in pre-k another year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2871160 Sat, 09 Feb 2019 19:04:50 +0000 808love 2871160@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You clearly heard the teacher and know your child’s opinion that competes against your personal worries. You have what it takes to decide what is right for your child’s education. Think about what she will need 6 months from now -when school starts and take it from there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2871122 Sat, 09 Feb 2019 12:43:01 +0000 gotkimchi 2871122@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@honeybear: that’s a great idea. As someone who was smart and focused i would have thrived in college at 17 and was often bored in school. I was very driven and got my doctorate at 24. I personally would probably leave her as long as she is doing well academically </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2871119 Sat, 09 Feb 2019 12:01:21 +0000 honeybear 2871119@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: She wouldn't have to go to college at 17. There's always the option of a gap year. I would not repeat a year at this point because of college. That can be addressed later on if necessary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2871108 Sat, 09 Feb 2019 11:18:47 +0000 Elizabear 2871108@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: Wow, that's great! It's like any big decision, you won't know if it was "right" until the future. You can only make the best decision with the info you have. I love the idea having my kid home for another year before college. But also, since there is no clear cut "right", there also isn't the wrong decision :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2871107 Sat, 09 Feb 2019 11:13:14 +0000 Becky 2871107@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Elizabear: Apprently in our district they leave it up to the parent which is nice. I wish one option was more clearly better than the other right now! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2871105 Sat, 09 Feb 2019 11:12:07 +0000 Elizabear 2871105@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also, as a pubic school teacher, retention is very, very uncommon. It would be surprising if you were able to retain your child without an academic need. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2871104 Sat, 09 Feb 2019 11:10:02 +0000 Elizabear 2871104@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Kindergarten teacher here! There will never be a clear cut answer just one option seems better than the other. Please look at it as giving your child a year to grow not "holding back". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2871100 Sat, 09 Feb 2019 10:47:54 +0000 Becky 2871100@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I spoke to her teacher this morning. She said academically my DD is one of the top in the class, and as her teacher she wouldn’t recommend retaining her. But as we talked more and I brought up concerns about her being young down the road (being 17 when she goes to college, and stacking up against peers who are up to 22 months older than her throughout elementary-high school), she said she thinks we should think really hard about how we feel about that. She thinks the social issues are just my DD’s personality and her concern is that retaining her will not change that and could potentially exacerbate it as she already grasps the academics so her mind might wander. I guess DD is still at the first stage of social/play development, and doesn’t play with other children or notice what they are doing. She said it doesn’t seem to bother DD though. She brought up the book Star Girl which I’ve heard of but never read, and said that DD reminds her of Star Girl—she does her own thing and doesn’t really care/isn’t bothered by what’s going on around her. Now I feel I’m in the boat of grappling with her just having a unique personality which won’t change by retaining her, but also struggling with thinking of her being so young down the road. Sooo I’m not any nearer a decision, but need to make one by 3/1. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2870901 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 23:06:26 +0000 808love 2870901@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't read the other responses yet. I'm a teacher and don't have experience in retaining students but my brother was held back in first (by choice) and I was the youngest in kindergarten. What is your DD's sleep like? Is it 11 hours a day with consistent wakeup and sleep? My instinct is to keep her advancing and not hold her back since she is academically solid. Social life and getting enough rest are temporary, environmental fixes.</p> <p>Just read the responses and sounds like I'm a little too late to the conversation. Again, to reiterate- being at the correct academic level is very important because that is what you are in school for. You don't want your child being bored and resistant. That's worst case scenario. Facing the challenge of stamina and making friends is just part of navigating growing up. Also it's just slightly past half the year...so you have way more time to decide. A lot can happen.</p> <p>ETA: I was academically strong in K, small and had confidence and social (introverted and not strong family network) issues so relating and advocating based on personal experience as a child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2870883 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 18:53:18 +0000 jape14 2870883@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: not my personal experience, but my good friend held her son back in 1st grade this year due to speech/language/reading difficulties, and he has thrived and doesn’t seem to be bothered by it socially. They are so happy they did it and just wished they had done it before K. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2870864 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 15:06:34 +0000 Mamatimes3 2870864@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: All the teachers told me that kids at that age don’t notice like adults do. They don’t make a big deal about it like adults do. In my experience, she was right. My son made new friends but also still sees and plays with some of the kids he knew from last year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2870857 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 14:30:30 +0000 Becky 2870857@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I so wish I had her start K later. What I’m struggling with now is how she would react to being held back. She does have some friends who will be starting next year, one of whom was redshirted. If anyone has feedback on how their child felt (or more people on how you felt) that would be fantastic! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2870855 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 14:27:51 +0000 ChiCalGoBee 2870855@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: Exactly. Kindergartners in 2019 are expected to do what those of us in the late 80s/early 90s had to do in 1st grade (read a non-patterned book, among many other things). I should add that I'm a mid-September birthday who went ahead, and my mom still thinks she should have held me back for maturity purposes. I think your daughter will definitely benefit from the extra year!</p> <p>The way I phrase it to parents is the difference between a kid who turns 5 on August 31 vs. a kid who turns 6 on September 2nd is that the 6-year-old has lived nearly 20% longer. That's huge. As they get older the disparity isn't as big, but when they're little it's significant. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2870854 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 14:19:37 +0000 MLE81 2870854@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As a Grade 2 teacher (past five years) in Ontario, Canada, where we have a two year full-day K program, I also think that having her repeat Kindergarten sounds like the right choice. Every year I have at least one student who I feel would have benefited from an extra year of K or Grade 1, and although it is rare for students to repeat grades here (for the most part due to policies that require “age appropriate” grade placements), I also don’t think kids would be phased or make too much of an issue about a classmate who was a year older being in their class. In addition, any “gaps” (social, emotional, academic, etc.) only tend to widen as students progress through the grades, so better to close as many as you can, as early as you can, IMO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2870843 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 13:40:01 +0000 DesertDreams88 2870843@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think all the other posts above cover it, but as a former 5th and current 8th grade teacher, I say hold her back without much hesitation. I think you've made a clear case above. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2870839 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 13:26:45 +0000 Foodnerd81 2870839@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ChiCalGoBee: the 12/31 cut off makes no sense to me too (without any of the actual research that you have done). How can a 4 year old be expected to do everything that they are expecting if kindergardeners these days?? </p> <p>@Becky: we opted to hold my daughter (late summer bday, 8/31 cutoff) and I’m definitely glad I did, but she is in her junior K year now so I can’t say how it will be in kinder. I hope your teacher has some advice that helps. And when you mom talks about it, she’s probably remembering what kinder was like when WE were in it. Everyone says it’s totally different now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2870822 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 10:46:07 +0000 crazydoglady 2870822@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: As a person who repeated kindergarten, I say go for it. I was a 10/25 baby and our school year cut off was 11/1, so I was 4 for a good portion of the school year. I have had absolutely no adverse reactions to being in kinder for two years. Like your child, I just wasn't socially mature enough and I remember not having many or any friends. They were just in a different place than me. I remember so very little about it. My second year was AWESOME because I already knew the way things worked, had a new teacher, knew which monkey bars were the "best" etc. I remember feeling very confident. I was so young that I really didn't have a concept that I was supposed to go ahead to first grade. This was my first educational experience outside of a few months of preschool, so I didn't know any better. In the future, I did see some of my classmates who were like "weren't you in my kindergarten class?" and I think I mumbled something about being too young and needing to take it again. There was a speck of shame in that. so I would emphasize the age thing to your child and not what they did or didn't do. As far as puberty, there were other girls who starting developing on the early side so it wasn't like I was the only one. I was only 6 or somonths older than most of my friends. so it wasn't that big of a deal. </p> <p>In the end, it would have been best if I was sent to kinder at age 5, but repeating was the second best option. Anyway. I know anecdotal evidence isn't evidence, but I thought it might help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2870817 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 09:56:29 +0000 Becky 2870817@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all so much for the feedback. It’s definitely a hard decision. I made the mistake of mentioning it to my mom last night and she made it obvious she thinks repeating would be a terrible idea. It was only the second time I had to have a “This is mine and DH’s parenting decision and I cannot have you make me feel badly about this.” Ironically after I posted this I ran into a friend of my husband’s family who ended up having 3 of her 6 kids repeat and she was basically like “Do it.” I have a call with her teacher tomorrow so will go from there. Ugh so frustrated with the education system ☹️</p> <p>Edited to add: puberty was a small factor in our original decision. I hit puberty before any of my friends (I was 10 almost 11) and most of my classmates. It was only difficult because I was embarrassed to talk to my mom, and none of my friends knew what to do. And I was in elementary school so there were no receptacles or anything. That shouldn’t be an issue with DD. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2870814 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 09:51:33 +0000 ChiCalGoBee 2870814@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: Former kindergarten teacher here, and happy to talk more one-on-one if you’d like. I don’t have your kid in front of me, of course, but I have had kids repeat and the parents’ only regret I hear is not having delayed kinder in the first place. She is young enough that she probably won’t really know what’s going on, but I think it’ll be such a benefit to her later on. These 12/31 cutoffs baffle me, honestly. I did my thesis research on age of entry at kinder, and the consensus seems to be they should be 5 by the time school starts (no matter the cutoff). Like you hit on, academics are rarely the issue-it is almost always social/emotional. My son is a November birthday so will be almost 6 when he starts school, and my daughter is a July birthday. I’ll likely send her on time but will be watching for any maturity issues that arise. Best of luck with your decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2870811 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 09:37:20 +0000 Pollywog 2870811@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have a kid in your shoes,but my sister's best friend growing up was E. E was the youngest in his kindergarten class and one of the smartest. He was a good kid, but so exhausted and unhappy about being asked to do things he just developmentally wasn't ready for (like sit still). He was so shy and shut down. His parents held him back in 1st grade. It was probably the best decision of his life. He excelled, loved school, and was so happy. He graduated at the top of his class, MVP for his soccer team, and Eagle Scout. He went to the Naval Academy and is thriving in the military.</p> <p>There were 5 kids held back in my kindergarten class (so I joined them on their second attempt). All of them say it was a good decision. They were all much more social as older kids. Plus no one needs a 17 year old in college.</p> <p>ETA: I have a January birthday, but was the first to hit puberty in my class. Being a foot taller than my peers with a C cup and the only one with my period made 5th and 6th grade hell. But in my experience puberty varied so much that I wouldn't hold back because of it </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2870806 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 09:24:31 +0000 Mamatimes3 2870806@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son has a 9/19 birthday and the cut off is 9/30 in our area. We had him start school on time. He goes to catholic school which starts in PK so he was 3 about to turn 4 when he started school. He was definitely one of the youngest. When he moved on to K it was evident pretty early on that he was behind in the phonics and reading areas. The teacher suggested we wait and see as a lot can happen in a year. At the end of the year we decided to have him repeat K. It was a maturity issue but not discipline wise. He was young and not interested and I think he just truly wasn’t grasping it yet. His teacher noted he was smart but uninterested. I didn’t want him to start 1st grade already behind. </p> <p>At our school the teacher makes a recommendation but ultimately it’s the parents decision. His teacher suggested he repeat. We knew it would be best. </p> <p>I was very worried about having him repeat because of the social aspect of it. Would he get upset to see friends move on? Would he get made fun? </p> <p>Honestly it has been the best decision for him. I can see such a huge difference. He is more confident and it’s no longer a struggle. He says he had to start K over but isn’t sad about it. There were a few other kids who also repeated. </p> <p>I think it’s a personal decision based on each individual child. I would also trust your gut instinct about it. Even before the teacher recommended it, we knew it was what he needed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2870693 Wed, 06 Feb 2019 15:34:04 +0000 looch 2870693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@castilrm: This is the case in the district my son is in. In his school, it seems they hold back on average about 3 kids per class of 120. </p> <p>I would say that the kids and their parents seem to be thriving and are not experiencing any kind of social issues in relation to their friends moving on and them staying back. I don't know if that's unique to the environment though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2870688 Wed, 06 Feb 2019 15:07:13 +0000 castilrm 2870688@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Will the school allow her to be held back electively? Generally public schools (at least where I am) only hold back based on grades, so if she’s meeting academic standards (however that is measured in kindergarten!), they will probably pass her on unless you voice concerns. So if it’s a social and emotional reasons hold back at this point, then you’d probably have to advocate for it and they may still refuse. My husband is a high school teacher and is a huge advocate of holding back kids with late summer (and later) birthdates, since even if the kids do well in the beginning, the biggest differences (both socially and academically) statistically arise after junior high. Our youngest has a fall bday, and we’re planning on having her do T-K twice (once at her current preschool, and once at her public school). If you’re able to get the school onboard with repeating kindergarten, it may help to set her up for a less stressful experience in the long run, especially if she’s already expressed that concern herself.</p> <p>Just editing to add, that this is a personal decision and even in light of stats or trends, every child and family is different and you’ll be able to make it work! For what it’s worth, I had a late summer bday myself, and never felt incapable of keeping up or fitting in. The only times I really noticed a difference is at the point when friends got their drivers licenses first or turned 21 well before I did, and suddenly I felt left out for a few months. But those were hardly huge issues to overcome! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2870680 Wed, 06 Feb 2019 14:47:49 +0000 Anagram 2870680@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: This is a very, very personal decision. And ultimately, you and her teachers have the best insight into how your particular daughter will fare in either scenario. What does her current teacher think?</p> <p>I have two girls who are young for their classes (september cutoff, 1 July birthday and 1 August birthday). I haven't had any teacher complaints about stamina and neither girl has had trouble making friends. For *sure* I have noticed that they are the youngest in terms of physical development stuff--they each have kids in their class with early October birthdays, so those kids ten to be taller, and sometimes more emotionally mature (not in terms of listening to the teacher, because that's one thing my kids are decent at doing...but more in terms of social stuff. Like more "mean girl" type behavior that my kids weren't previously exposed to).</p> <p>Anyway, since boys are more typically held back, this type of conversation is sometimes dominated by parents of boys. I work in a middle school, and one thing some people may not realize is that "older looking" girls do not always fare well socially in school, the way boys do. A girl who is bigger, taller, more developed than the average can actually experience more social awkwardness, so being older doesn't give an advantage the same way being a bigger boy might.</p> <p>Having said all that, the puberty thing would not be a deciding factor for me personally...we would work through that if we got to that point. I think speaking to your partner and your kiddo's teacher is the best thing. Their teacher is with them all day long and has likely had several years experience.</p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/repeating-kindergarten-pros-and-cons#post-2870676 Wed, 06 Feb 2019 14:37:15 +0000 Becky 2870676@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Let me start by saying I'm asking so many questions about this on here because I'm the first of my friends/family to have kids!</p> <p>My daughter has a late bday--10/31 and the cutoff is 12/1. We went back and forth about whether or not to hold her back, but ultimately decided to send her on time. The big factors were that she was very excited to go, and we would have had to find a new daycare to put her in twice per week and didn't have great options. While she is now doing very well academically, she is very obviously the youngest in the class (second youngest in the entire grade). She is exhausted and as her teacher put it, she just doesn't have the stamina of the other students. She is struggling with confidence and making friends which breaks my heart. </p> <p>I majorly regret not holding her back, and everyone keeps saying "You could always have her repeat Kindergarten." Has anyone had a child repeat Kindergarten? Was it for academic or social reasons? I'm obviously very concerned about how it could potentially negatively impact her. Would she be mortified? She doesn't really have close friends so I don't know if that would help. I'm also wondering how much to involve her in the decision. She's expressed hating being the youngest--should I let her have input? Teacher input would be fantastic! </p>