https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 20 May 2026 07:24:27 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities/page/2#post-801282 Wed, 22 May 2013 14:44:20 +0000 Mrs. Schoolbus 801282@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think HB is a very supportive and positive community. When I went through my 2 miscarriages, it was a great place to get support when I needed it and to just read about other people's experiences. I went through acupuncture for about 4 months to relax my body and I'm about to have my first baby any day now! @mrbee and @mrsbee, you guys have created a great site and I appreciate how you are always trying to make it better and better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities/page/2#post-801227 Wed, 22 May 2013 14:27:02 +0000 Dandelion 801227@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As far as loss, I think HB did a great job of making me feel supported. Loss is more rare than miscarriage and IF, so even though I'm one of just a few ladies on here that experienced it, I don't feel like an outsider all that much. There's not much that someone from the outside can do for women like me, but just being here to read/listen has been exactly what I needed from HB. </p> <p>If someone else loses a baby similar to my story, I'm sure I'll be the first to jump in there and let them know that I know what they're going through. And, I hope, that by me being here and everyone knowing about my loss, that they will come to me to talk if they lose theirs. I have a friend IRL that has had a stillborn and she was the first person I talked to about it. Cause, she was able to let me know that my feelings were spot on. It's good to know someone else has been through it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities/page/2#post-801200 Wed, 22 May 2013 14:16:13 +0000 ShootingStar 801200@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runnerd: I think if people haven't been through a loss, they don't know that you can still be dealing with the pain months later, especially if you're still struggling to conceive. I have some friends that in general are really awesome and amazing. But after I told them about the early miscarriage I had everyone was really sympathetic, but in the 6 months after that it took to get pg again, none of them ever checked in with me to see how I was doing. My poor husband took the brunt of my sadness and fear of never getting pregnant. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities/page/2#post-801181 Wed, 22 May 2013 14:08:52 +0000 raintreebee 801181@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: Well, for one, you could wave a bee wand and get us all pregnant. :) One thing that I like that other IF communities have is a signature line that lists your history of treatments, diagnosis, age, etc. It would be a lot easier for us to follow one another if we could just glance down and see these basic stats. I imagine it might be nice for the mothers to also refer quickly to the age, number of children others have. Just a suggestion.</p> <p>@Mrs. Jacks: Please don't stop commenting! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities/page/2#post-801105 Wed, 22 May 2013 13:50:21 +0000 Mrs. Polish 801105@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with pp about there is no right way because we're all different. I can write about IF until my fingers fall off, but the reality is I'll never make the personal connection with every single IFer because each of us are on a different journey. We're a small group of women. We have to accept that there will always be more mothers on a parenting website than there will be women with infertility. </p> <p>Personally, I feel like there are a lot more infertile and adoptive bloggers here than are representative of real life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities/page/2#post-800155 Wed, 22 May 2013 09:48:21 +0000 Caly 800155@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: Exactly, I'm not as active/a big commenter in general on these boards but I read all the comments before adding any input. Usually, by the time I see a thread what I would say has already been said so I don't comment. </p> <p>Like others have said, IF is so personal &amp; I'm always afraid of saying the wrong thing or offending someone - which would never be my intent. After having had a long IF battle I'm currently expecting from IVF &amp; while I still read the IF threads I wonder if my comments would be welcome since I'm on the other side so to speak (and hopefully stay) of it. I remember far too well the feeling in the back of my mind, "it's easy for you to say such &amp; such now that you're expecting/have a child." It's just such a sensitive subject. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities/page/2#post-799759 Wed, 22 May 2013 07:27:16 +0000 savanarunner 799759@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do think the new "hide a thread" function is a great feature that can help those who have had a miscarriage, IF, or just struggling to get pregnant. As someone who miscarried and is still trying to get pregnant 8 months later it's sometimes depressing to go to the boards and read some threads (I know the birth month is a hard one for most). On the other hand it's nice to see those like you successfully get pregnant. I think the community is supportive, it's just a hard thing to go through. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities/page/2#post-799745 Wed, 22 May 2013 07:18:26 +0000 Lozza 799745@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I'm the same way- I don't typically respond to a post at all unless I feel like I have something new to say, which is harder if it's a topic I don't have any personal experience with. Even when it comes to pregnancy loss, which I have experienced, I feel like I don't really have much to add besides "that really effing sucks, and I'm really sorry," so if there are already 10 posts saying that same thing, I don't usually chime in too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities/page/2#post-799698 Wed, 22 May 2013 06:42:07 +0000 looch 799698@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Here's the thing, at least for me....</p> <p>When I respond to a topic (I am not a huge thread starter), I read every single post before I actually reply. If there have been 10 comments that all express the same thing, I am probably not going to just repeat the sentiments for the sake of having commented. I think we all have personal pity parties once in a while, it's fine, don't get me wrong on that front.</p> <p>I also feel like I have to add disclaimers to my posts (I am older, I am the mom of a boy, I have no IF issues, I wear white before memorial day) lest I offend someone or they don't understand the background to my particular situation.</p> <p>I think the community is generally supportive, but think about it, if I start a thread about how to deal with my toddler's naps in daycare, and someone with no experience in that topic responds, how likely do you think I am to take that information to heart? Is writing "I understand" or "I feel for you" something that is going to make the situation better? Probably not. Is it nice you took the time to read the thread? Yes. Tha'ts community.</p> <p>I hope you guys can understand where I am coming from, please understand that there was no intent to attack or criticize. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities/page/2#post-799674 Wed, 22 May 2013 06:15:17 +0000 Shutterbug 799674@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: please don't stop chiming in! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities/page/2#post-799537 Tue, 21 May 2013 22:45:20 +0000 daniellemybelle 799537@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Another silent cheerleader here! Since I got pregnant without any IF issues, I don't feel like it's fair for me to chime in on IF discussions, but I do read them because I want to know how different members are doing on their journeys. It's so sensitive that sometimes it feels like the best thing to do is be respectfully quiet. Having said that, knowing that our ladies in the IF community want more participation in their threads, I'll try to chime in when I feel I can from now on! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities/page/2#post-799528 Tue, 21 May 2013 22:40:05 +0000 mrbee 799528@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>&lt;&lt; Oh, I guess I see blog topics with over 50 comments and compare those blog posts to the IF threads. &gt;&gt;</p> <p>@bluestriped bee: I just did some number crunching to look into this! Outside of contests/giveaways, only 25 blog posts have ever gotten 50 or more comments... most of those have been new blogger introductions and birth announcements!</p> <p>IF blog posts definitely get a lot of comments... the challenge for us tends to be around finding IF guest blogs? We'll keep working on it though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities/page/2#post-799519 Tue, 21 May 2013 22:30:45 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 799519@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: I comment on the IF threads all the time having had no personal experience. I always wonder if you guys think that I'm a butt-in-ski and should just be quiet ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities/page/2#post-799458 Tue, 21 May 2013 21:49:43 +0000 mlm2934 799458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@spaniellove: very good point. my best friend from college lives in another state and since the initial sorry 3 months ago for my miscarriage, she has not once asked how I was doing. Silence from those you expect to be in your inner circle is worse than any miswordes comment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities#post-799440 Tue, 21 May 2013 21:40:20 +0000 kentuckygirl 799440@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that HB has been supportive. If anything there just are not a significant number of members that have experience with certain aspects of IF, loss, and even adoption/alternate family building. I believe that as HB continues to grow there will be more people with experience to add their comments. I also appreciate knowing that members without personal experience are thinking of us and there for emotional support. Even just a quick comment to say you are thinking of us is very reassuring and comforting. </p> <p>I would also love to see more guest blog posts. Perhaps even from "experts" or others outside our membership if there aren't enough guest post submissions. I may try to re-sumbit an idea I had with some revisions based on the feedback above. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities#post-799221 Tue, 21 May 2013 20:04:18 +0000 mrsmate 799221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First of all, I think HB does a great job supporting those who have suffered pregnancy loss or IF. We experienced secondary IF before getting our BFP thru IUI last month, and it was so nice to have an anonymous place to share what we were going through.</p> <p>Second, I kind of cringe when I see "what not to say" type of articles, bc everyone is different and shouldn't be treated the same. And maybe I'm in the minority, but I'd much rather see the "wrong" comments and hopefully create some dialogue. I think it would be much better than having all these HBers staying silent bc they don't want to offend anyone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities#post-799179 Tue, 21 May 2013 19:45:46 +0000 wheres_c 799179@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel the same as several others. I read the IF boards and am a silent cheerleader but I am afraid of saying the wrong thing.<br /> I do struggle with PCOS so chime in on nothing related to that or to low progesterone.<br /> I do check in on some bees via their walls though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities#post-799070 Tue, 21 May 2013 18:56:57 +0000 banana 799070@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I read the IF boards but I'm also afraid of saying the wrong things so I don't comment on them. I'd rather offend someone by not saying anything than by saying something offensive. Not sure if that makes sense. I don't hide the IF boards because I like to know what's going on with other HBers but I haven't commented much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities#post-799057 Tue, 21 May 2013 18:51:04 +0000 citymouse 799057@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: @spaniellove: good to know. a friend of mine recently experienced her first miscarriage, and I think just texting her that I was thinking of her and there for her was helpful. I guess I am also worried that I will say the wrong thing, or not be sensitive enough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities#post-798857 Tue, 21 May 2013 17:21:26 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 798857@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like Mrs. Twine, I'd like to show my support in any way I can if that's preferable to being silent! </p> <p>There are so many boards/threads/blog posts about "what not to say" (to a pregnant woman, to an IFer, to a parent to an adoptee, etc) that sometimes it seems better to not say anything at all. At least that's the sentiment I get. I mean, we even have a board called "peanut gallery" for all the wrong things people say. And while some of it is quite ridiculous/funny... it's taught me to be very very careful before I open my mouth. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities#post-798850 Tue, 21 May 2013 17:17:48 +0000 Rubies 798850@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@spaniellove: Interesting perspective - As someone not experiencing IF, I think my biggest fear is saying the wrong thing. My friend is currently seeking treatment for her IF issues and sometimes she's forthcoming with updates and it makes it easier to ask questions but other days, she doesn't say anything so I don't want to pry. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities#post-798848 Tue, 21 May 2013 17:17:21 +0000 spaniellove 798848@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@citymouse: There are some good articles here:<br /> <a href="http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/" rel="nofollow">http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/</a><br /> One of the best things my friend did for me was to just let me know she was available to listen when I needed to talk. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities#post-798844 Tue, 21 May 2013 17:14:27 +0000 BSB 798844@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@citymouse: There has been, at least, one blog post about how to support IF. I forget who wrote it. </p> <p>For me a simple, "Thinking of you" has done wonders for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities#post-798834 Tue, 21 May 2013 17:10:09 +0000 spaniellove 798834@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This isn't a suggestion about HB in general, but more for anyone who isn't sure how to support a friend dealing with infertility. In my experience it is far more hurtful when someone knows about your infertility but seems to be ignoring it. Saying the wrong thing can be an annoyance, but not saying anything at all is deeply hurtful. DH and I have a family member who has known about what we're going through and we were there for her when she had her baby. In the beginning we tried to make excuses for her, but as the months went by we've felt more and more hurt by her silence. Trust me, it is always better to say anything, even the wrong thing, than nothing at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities#post-798827 Tue, 21 May 2013 17:08:02 +0000 citymouse 798827@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Im not sure if this is a good idea or not, but I would be interested in hearing about how to be sensitive, but still suportive of friends who have gone through this/going through it. Id love guidance on what to say, whats appropriate, etc... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities#post-798822 Tue, 21 May 2013 17:04:01 +0000 Mrs. Twine 798822@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If there are any women who feel like they would want or value support from someone like me (i.e. inexperienced), I would be so much more than happy to offer it. I have always been a silentcheerleader for all of you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities#post-798814 Tue, 21 May 2013 16:59:46 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 798814@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs.Someone: even though I don't struggle with IF, I'd be interested in reading about this too! I believe so strongly in alternative methods and grew up on lots of acupuncture!</p> <p>@bluestriped bee: I don't think the IF boards/blog posts are a "wet blanket" either - I always read, but I find it hard to comment because I've never experienced it myself and am just afraid that I'll unintentionally say something insensitive or hurtful (without trying to). Other times I don't want to come off like I'm pitying or feeling sorry for anyone because I'm not, and I know people wouldn't want that either. It's just really hard to find the right words sometimes and I feel like nothing I could say could ever take away the pain that IF brings to the HBers who struggle with it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities#post-798806 Tue, 21 May 2013 16:50:20 +0000 hellobeeboston 798806@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i also don't think the IF category is a wet blanket at all! I read through those boards often actually, but find I don't comment or contribute as much as to other boards.</p> <p>For me - I had some struggles getting pregnant and those boards were a lifesaver in the beginning, and now - my sister is dealing with infertility, and has been for the last 2 years - and I find reading through the threads, seeing what people are doing, and hearing what different interventions they are seeking, etc helps me be able to talk to her when I have a 7 month old at home and I am desperate to be as supportive as possible, without saying anything insensitive, and I feel like learning about all of the different things on the boards helps me be able to relate to her much better. sometimes i think she's surprised at how well I know certain things (I threw out something about ICSI and FETs and she was impressed!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities#post-798798 Tue, 21 May 2013 16:44:14 +0000 Shutterbug 798798@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Twine: this is really well put, and I do sort of think that this is a double-edged sword. If you say something, you run the risk of saying the "wrong" thing, and if you don't say anything, you run the risk of making the person going through IF feel like they're being ignored (or annoying). </p> <p>As someone who is currently going through IF, I think even just hearing here that people are reading the threads, and following along or pulling for us, is enough for me. I think that forced responses for the sake of tallying up responses would not be helpful.</p> <p>Mr. Bee - I really appreciate how hard you try to be inclusive, and I feel like overall the people on this forum are so sweet and caring that I don't really ever feel like I'm the leper in the corner because I don't have a baby yet, and I'm not pregnant yet. So thank you for that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/request-for-ideas-on-supporting-our-if-miscarriage-and-loss-communities#post-798792 Tue, 21 May 2013 16:41:18 +0000 MrsKoala 798792@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: I don't think the IF community is a wet blanket at all. I lurk on all of the IF threads as I have had a really close friend go through IF but I never comment because I don't have anything constructive or interesting to say! </p>