https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 03 May 2026 02:10:52 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman/page/2#post-2261380 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 23:06:38 +0000 mrbee 2261380@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't think this stuff was a big deal, but then I heard on This American Life that people have been complaining that NPR's female hosts have "vocal fry":</p> <p>&lt;&lt; Listeners have always complained about young women reporting on our show. They used to complain about reporters using the word like and about upspeak, which is when you put a question mark at the end of a sentence and talk like this. But we don't get many emails like that anymore. People who don't like listening to young women on the radio have moved on to vocal fry. &gt;&gt;</p> <p><a href="http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/545/transcript" rel="nofollow">http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/545/transcript</a></p> <p>I do think that women are held to a higher standard than men on a range of things... realizing that changed how I think about RBF and vocal fry. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman/page/2#post-2261083 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 14:56:00 +0000 agold 2261083@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: I tend to agree with all of what you are saying. </p> <p>Also, I think there are two separate issues here. Random men telling a girl to smile is pretty horrible. But RBF is more than just a girl who isn't smiling. Some people put off a total B aura about themselves. I work with a lady who has major RBF and acts as if she is miserable and disgusted all day long to be at the office. really, even a smile won't help her. But if she were to smile, i wouldn't appreciate it for my own viewing pleasure, but maybe just for the office morale. That being said, she at the front of the office, not wholed away in her own office. RFB away in your own office. :silly: I could personally care less if someone smiles! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman/page/2#post-2260989 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 14:06:55 +0000 Mrs.KMM 2260989@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: completely agree! I have random little mini chats with strangers while out and about all the time and love that I live where people are receptive to that. I lived in LA for a bit and people looked at me like I had two heads when I tried to chat there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman/page/2#post-2260987 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 14:06:13 +0000 plantains 2260987@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: meh I talk to strangers a lot. On the subway, while I am picking up at daycare etc. I just don't like men telling me to smile, and it really is just men doing it. Women don't tell you to smile, if they want to say hi, they say hi. There is a pretty big difference between striking up conversation and instructing someone to smile, but on this issue like so many others, your mileage may vary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman/page/2#post-2260986 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 14:06:12 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2260986@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@plantains: my experience is very similar to yours. Telling women to smile is a form of cat calling IMO. All of a sudden a woman hears a voice with a request. The attention is startling and definitely unwanted.</p> <p>With regards to BRF and Basic Bs (my idea is different than the article) I view these as funny sayings using the reclaimed "bitch." I don't generally use these terms yet I can appreciate the humor. There's nothing wrong with women not smiling and having other expressions. A non-smiling woman is not the opposite of BRF IMO, it's just a woman with a mean mug as her most of the time face. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman/page/2#post-2260973 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 13:57:29 +0000 Mae 2260973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs.KMM: lol jinx on the midwestern thing. I don't know I also just sometimes like talking to strangers..? Maybe that is weird but if I'm out running around it is sort of boring and snippets of interaction keep things interesting. I find that a lot of times if I smile at some random person they open a door for me or make some other nice comment and we chat a minute and it's just nice. It makes me feel like I live in more of a community and like most people are good/nice people. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman/page/2#post-2260967 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 13:54:26 +0000 Mae 2260967@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@plantains: Maybe it's the Ohio in me that I tend to think smiling = being pleasant :) </p> <p>Regardless I feel like there are a lot of things to be pissed off about in life and the idea of this happening just doesn't get me worked up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman/page/2#post-2260957 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 13:49:17 +0000 Mrs.KMM 2260957@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: "Maybe because when I make eye contact with people, even strangers, I generally smile. Because it doesn't cost anything to be pleasant. (not because my uterus commands me to be pleasant I just think it's a nice way to be..?)."</p> <p> This is completely me as well! Maybe it's because I grew up in the Midwest and now live in the South where I've found that people are typically generally more pleasant towards strangers they see on the street and in the shops around them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman/page/2#post-2260951 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 13:46:38 +0000 plantains 2260951@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: I think that is easy for you to say because it is not your experience in life. I don't equate smiling with being pleasant nor do I feel the need to communicate whether I am a nice person or not to people that I neither know nor am I interacting with. I smile when I want to not because some person thinks that they have the power to instruct me to do so. I'm not a puppet here for their entertainment. If you look at me and don't like what you see, look the other way. I can honestly say that after living in NYC for 10 years, I have been told to smile pretty much every day of my life. It has happened in Philly, Chicago and LA too.</p> <p>It really is harassment and I find it ridiculously demeaning. Like for real who are you little 17 year old boy on the corner to tell me to smile? Eff off. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman/page/2#post-2260950 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 13:46:36 +0000 Mrs.KMM 2260950@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: "Personally, I think it's because men are like "I don't give a fuck" and women are all like "OMG, YOU JUST CALLED ME A WHAAAAT?""</p> <p>I completely agree with this (and most everything you've said on this thread). I find that women like to create drama and turn things into an issue, where no issue really exists. I don't take any issue with the B word and find that most times when I hear people referring to RBF, they are saying it about themselves jokingly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman/page/2#post-2260899 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 13:06:28 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2260899@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@plantains: This is the best response ever!</p> <p>@Mae: I wasn't making eye contact with my co-worker when he just told me to smile a few hours ago. And maybe it's pregnancy hormones raging, but he would never say something like that to a man...why does he get to randomly say it to me when I'm not even looking at him? Why do I have to be happy and smiling all the time? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman/page/2#post-2260879 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 12:56:39 +0000 Mae 2260879@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: all of that. </p> <p>Also I've never had some random person tell me to smile. Maybe because when I make eye contact with people, even strangers, I generally smile. Because it doesn't cost anything to be pleasant. (not because my uterus commands me to be pleasant I just think it's a nice way to be..?). But even if people do randomly tell women to smile more than men.... man I can just think of so many more important things to be pissed off about. lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman/page/2#post-2260869 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 12:51:56 +0000 littlejoy 2260869@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Meh. The article is junk. I agree with PP that it's grasping ... My husband and I joke about RBF (which I totally have), but we also joke about Resting Asshole Face. There's a video online if you want to have a laugh. We live in a sexist society (against both sexes), and that's not changing anytime soon. I chalk this saying up to a funny observation, and that's about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman/page/2#post-2260863 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 12:50:52 +0000 nana87 2260863@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't read the article, but I don't find the term offensive, mostly because the only people I've actually heard use the phrase are saying it about themselves in a sort of empowering, like in a "yes this is my face, I'm owning it so back off and mind your own business" kind of way </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman/page/2#post-2260847 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 12:44:39 +0000 TrailRunner 2260847@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: Add me to the RBF club with your husband bc I have it too! I always look pissed off even if I'm just daydreaming. People tell me all the time that they find me very offputting when they meet me, but after they get to know me they realize how sweet I am. I try to make an effort to smile more and generally appear "happy", and when I do I notice that people are a lot more receptive and nicer to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman/page/2#post-2260841 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 12:39:46 +0000 blackbird 2260841@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This article feels an awful lot like people looking for things to be bitchy about, lol. Guys get called douchey. Women don't. *shrug* I totally have a resting bitch face. I don't care. I usually respond "I'm thinking". </p> <p>I think women also care more about what others say to them and what they think about them than men do, so topics like this tend to blow up a bit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman/page/2#post-2260791 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 11:32:05 +0000 plantains 2260791@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2PeasinaPod: hahahahaha. I see this starting to happen to my 3 year old DD too and it makes me so mad. But of course because she is a preschooler with no filter, her responses are great.</p> <p>Random guy to my kid : Smile kid it isn't that bad<br /> Lara to random guy: No I don't want to. Don't talk to me, I'm just walking with my mom. </p> <p>I could learn a thing or two from my child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman/page/2#post-2260790 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 11:31:36 +0000 LaughLines 2260790@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Though I guess i don't know where i stand on teh term RBF. I think some general awareness that "hey, this is how my face looks, back-off" is good. People should realize the "resting" face DOESN'T have to be a smile and THAT'S OKAY! </p> <p>But i do agree that the term bitch is meant to have a female-specific negative connotation. As if a women who isn't smiling is a bitch and not fulfilling societies standards for what a woman should look like. It's too negative of a term i think. </p> <p>If it were "resting serious face" that isn't directly negative, it's just descriptive (i dont' think serious is negative). It's just describing that some people don't always smile all the time and that's a normal condition without being a negative condition </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman/page/2#post-2260787 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 11:29:58 +0000 plantains 2260787@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@travellingbee: such a good point. That the sexism is coming from women doesn't make it any better. Judging Kristen Stewart and Victoria Beckham for looking 'angry' while never finding it strange that a man might have the same expression is baffling. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman/page/2#post-2260784 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 11:26:33 +0000 LaughLines 2260784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@travellingbee: agreed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman#post-2260783 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 11:26:12 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2260783@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LaughLines: Exactly...I just gave him a dirty look. No I will not smile because you told me to. Jerk. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman#post-2260781 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 11:25:21 +0000 ElbieKay 2260781@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@travellingbee: What on earth could you possibly be worrying your pretty little head about? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman#post-2260779 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 11:23:49 +0000 travellingbee 2260779@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LaughLines: @2PeasinaPod: well exactly... Because society still hasn't gotten over the idea that men are the real movers and shakers and women should look pretty. If we look too serious, that's not cool.<br /> Oh and back to RBF, so men will tell you to smile but women, who have also internalized that crap message, just silently judge the serious face as the woman looks pissed or bitchy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman#post-2260777 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 11:21:12 +0000 LaughLines 2260777@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2PeasinaPod: WHO just smiles all the time?! i don't get it. Like, oh i'm just analyzing these spreadsheets with a wide teeth-showing smile? No. Never. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman#post-2260774 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 11:19:42 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2260774@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@plantains: Can I just tell you that I'm sitting at my desk and was concentrating on something, and a male coworker just walked by and told me to smile? I wanted to punch him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman#post-2260773 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 11:19:35 +0000 LaughLines 2260773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@plantains: oh i've snapped. I did at the guy at my work cafeteria, haha. I wish it were eloquent but it's usually something like "you know it's rude to ask someone to smile" but really i don't' think that helps much because they obviously don't know that it's rude or WHY it's rude or they wouldn't do it. If you have a better come-back let me know! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman#post-2260772 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 11:19:24 +0000 ElbieKay 2260772@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't especially care about the "b" word, but I really want to punch people -- let's face it, it's always men -- who tell me to smile.</p> <p>I really can't stand the notion that a woman is supposed to fulfill some sort of aesthetic purpose/role for a man. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman#post-2260768 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 11:18:35 +0000 travellingbee 2260768@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LaughLines: woo! Exactly! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman#post-2260767 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 11:16:23 +0000 plantains 2260767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LaughLines: I think about it often too! It drives me nuts and I really have to restrain myself to snapping at everyone who tells me to smile. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resting-bitch-face-is-anti-woman#post-2260764 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 11:14:46 +0000 LaughLines 2260764@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@plantains: can you tell i've thought about this a lot? It comes up too often </p>