https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 15:24:10 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rules-for-grandparent-caretakers#post-22894 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 11:42:16 +0000 cyndistar3 22894@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When my lo was younger I didn't have much problems with letting her stay with her grandma but now that she has rules to follow I try not to let her stay there much... She always comes back acting far worse than before because grandma lets her get away with EVERYTHING! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rules-for-grandparent-caretakers#post-22876 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 11:29:39 +0000 heffalump 22876@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're not even to that point yet and I'm nervous about this. My mom is very "as long as she's happy..." but she needs to realize that sometimes we do things for the kid's own good and it might not make them happy! Like other's mentioned, nap time, letting them eat all sorts of sugar that will give them a tummy ache, etc. So there will be rules for us!</p> <p>Right now I don't like to leave my LO too much so we don't have to worry, but we're learning with my dog :) My mom dog sits and he'll come back smelling like butt. She let him roll around in some dead animal or poo or something "because he was having so much fun!" Ok, but it's gross! And that's when our rules started. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rules-for-grandparent-caretakers#post-2197 Mon, 03 Oct 2011 14:04:36 +0000 bakingAbug 2197@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you guys for all the different points of view. I feel like my mom is a baby whisperer so I'm not too nervous. She is also open to learning the new "rules". I don't think she or my MIL would ever do anything to harm our Bug but it's always good to prepare for co-parenting with our parents.</p> <p>Plus, like Mrs.Bee mentioned, once they see how good he functions on schedules, etc. they aren't going to want to make things harder on themselves. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rules-for-grandparent-caretakers#post-2194 Mon, 03 Oct 2011 13:59:53 +0000 graciegrace2000 2194@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's been over a year since both sets of grandparents have been watching my little guy. I think it's important to have rules in place where everyone can agree (i.e. schedules, food, etc.) before the baby is 1. Reason why I bring this up is because babies are pretty smart and they know how to manipulate the situation. </p> <p>For example... my MIL lets N get away with anything, so after a point in time (before he was ready to) he stopped taking his second naps on the days she watched him. He had no problems going down with my parents or with us. We had issues where on a few of those days, he would have a later bedtime since when we got him he would be cranky and we would have to put him down for a nap for at least an hour. </p> <p>I think in the beginning its important that grandparents try to follow the rules of the parents, but as the child grows up, it's ok to be more flexible and allow the grandparents to "do their thing". I know how hard it is for them to be discipline him when all they want to do is love him. :D </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rules-for-grandparent-caretakers#post-2175 Mon, 03 Oct 2011 10:31:07 +0000 Mrs. Bee 2175@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always thought I knew best for Charlie but when he wouldn't sleep (he was 1 at the time), my mom got him down for naps like a master. A MASTER. So I've definitely learned to let go of "my way" of doing things as Charlie has gotten older. There were some things I wouldn't let my mom do (like put him to sleep with a blanket as s newborn), but sometimes she does know best. Also my mom respects my way of doing things much more once she saw how great of a sleeper Charlie was, and how much easier it was for me because he stuck to the exact same routine/schedule every single day. She understands now about the importance of routine/schedules/sleep which is the one thing that is most important to me.</p> <p>We'll see how it works out when she comes later this month... she's supposed to watch him while I'm in the hospital giving birth to baby #2! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rules-for-grandparent-caretakers#post-2170 Mon, 03 Oct 2011 10:06:25 +0000 Mama Ek 2170@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom watched my son 3 days a week from the time he was 3 months old to 1 year old. The other 2 days he went to an in-home daycare, the lady (let's call her M) was pretty strict with scheduling.</p> <p>Of course my mom wouldn't always go by the schedule and not wake him up when she was supposed to or let him sleep earlier than the schedule. So when he went to M's house, I always got a report back that he didn't nap well. I know she does "cry it out" for naps so I can just picture him crying for who knows how long :( I finally told my mom that if she doesn't follow the schedule he cries all day when he is at the other place. She finally listened to me. It was frustrating that I always had to check in on her when i was at work to make sure she was doing it, but I shouldn't complain because I wasn't paying her.</p> <p>Sorry, this doesn't address your specific situation but just sharing my experience. I loved that my mom watched him because she loves him more than anyone does except his parents. She also did our laundry, cooked and cleaned while I was at work. Ugh I miss that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rules-for-grandparent-caretakers#post-2125 Sun, 02 Oct 2011 23:39:47 +0000 MamaDreams 2125@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it depends... I think it would be good for grandparents to have some flexibility, like the fun things they do, or special treats. But when it comes to naps and bedtimes, I think they should follow the parents' requests. Because if they have a day or night where they get off schedule, the parents are the ones who suffer the next day (after the grandparents give the kid back!) because the kid is cranky and off of his/her schedule. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rules-for-grandparent-caretakers#post-1947 Sat, 01 Oct 2011 16:14:51 +0000 Laneybugsmommy 1947@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband takes care of Laneybug while I'm at work but about once a month one set of her grandparents take her overnight to have some bonding time and give us a mommy/daddy break. I know I'm being harsh but my standard rule is if you want the baby to stay at your house you follow my rules. Its too hard to get her back on her schedule/routine after a weekend completely off. I know you're in a different position because they'll be the full time caregivers while you're at work but I still say you need to come up with a consistent set of rules that you want followed. It may not matter to a small baby but eventually it's going to be confusing for the baby to have different rules in different environments. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rules-for-grandparent-caretakers#post-1944 Sat, 01 Oct 2011 15:59:55 +0000 Katm558 1944@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally agree with Geek In Heels! Although I live hundreds of miles away from both sets of grandparents, they have been here to help out with Indy (22 months) while I am on bedrest. We are fine with how they have been handling Indy, but they definitely let him get away with more, and are quite relaxed with disciplining him when he acts out. But my husband and I are totally fine with the way we were raised, so we don't think that the grandparents really need "rules."</p> <p>But, we it comes to feeding Indy, there are definitely guidelines that I expect them to stick to. My brother-in-law has a daughter the same age as Indy, and because of her medical issues, she eats very differently than Indy. My in-laws live very close to them, and watch my niece all the time, so they are used to feeding her. But, I am doing my very best to feed Indy homemade, low-fat, organic food, and I absolutely refuse to feed him traditional fast food. Well, while in the hospital two weeks ago, my MIL outright lied to me and told me that the nuggets that she had packed to feed Indy during a visit were the vegetarian nuggets that we always feed him. Nope, they were McDonald's fried chicken nuggets!! I wouldn't really have minded, but I left specific instructions regarding what we feed Indy, and she stated, twice, that they were his nuggets.</p> <p>You can't fight every battle, or expect people to follow all of your rules, but I think that if you were comfortable with how you were raised, that your family will do the same things they did when you were little. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rules-for-grandparent-caretakers#post-1929 Sat, 01 Oct 2011 10:32:29 +0000 geekinheels 1929@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am still struggling with this too, so I am interested to see what others have to say.</p> <p>My mother is COMPLETELY whipped (for lack of a better word) by Claire and will let her get away with murder. Claire is now 1 year old and my mother STILL has trouble putting her to bed! (And Claire knows this too, so she will refuse all naps and bedtimes with her maternal grandma.)</p> <p>On the other hand, my MIL is a firm believer that it's never too early to discipline a child. Not with spanking, but in saying "No" frequently, taking away anything aside from food that she puts in her mouth, etc. She says that it's easier to form good habits now than try to break bad habits later. But because she's probably the biggest disciplinarian that Claire currently has in her life, Claire dislikes her the most.</p> <p>I think that I'm on a middle ground between these two, and as much as I try my best to tell my mother to be more firm, or to tell my MIL to loosen up some, they are both set in their ways and while they *may* listen to me when I am around, I am pretty certain that they do whatever they want when I'm not there.</p> <p>I always tell my friends that if given a choice between a grandparent and a nanny, it's easier to go with a nanny. Because at least then, you are paying them and it's their job to listen to you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/rules-for-grandparent-caretakers#post-1870 Fri, 30 Sep 2011 17:53:59 +0000 bakingAbug 1870@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I should start off and say that I am really lucky to have my Mom and MIL live so close and be willing to provide childcare for Bug when I have to go back to work. That being said, this is our first baby, their first grandchild and everyone is extremely excited and emotional. </p> <p>We were hanging out a few weeks ago and my Mom mentioned that at Grandma's house there will be her rules, not ours. I'm actually OK with this since I don't have any rules to enforce but Hello_Josh, my husband, was not. (Can you really make rules for a newborn?). </p> <p>I think what my mom meant to say was, at her house, the rules will be different and less stringent than at our house. When pressed further on her "rules" they seemed to be in alignment with rules/teachings we would have at our house anyways. The bottom line is, She wants to be able to have fun as a grandma and not so much as a disciplinarian/parental figure. I totally get that.</p> <p>Does anyone else have their children watched by close family members? If so, what rules do you have in place? </p>