https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 28 Apr 2026 05:40:22 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1481294 Sun, 09 Mar 2014 02:56:51 +0000 SugarplumsMom 1481294@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have to add that if we died and both grandparents have also passed, I'd want LO to go to a friend (also her godmother). It's unlikely since thankfully, everyone's healthy, but you never know. </p> <p>After I speak to DH about it, I'll talk to my friend. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1481286 Sun, 09 Mar 2014 02:03:14 +0000 SweetMamaM 1481286@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're just in the process of trying to work this out... I don't really feel like there's any clearcut answer if both of us died :sad: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1481207 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 23:34:05 +0000 googly-eyes 1481207@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@scg00387: Yikes, I guess we need to get something in writing too. I think in a few years I might change it to my brother, but he is just too young and couldn't handle it (and wouldn't want to!) right now. Hopefully this never actually happens... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1481204 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 23:33:15 +0000 gingerbebe 1481204@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH has a lot of life insurance and if he died, we'd be fine financially and we'd move near my folks. If I died, I'm not sure what DH would do. I don't have a lot of life insurance, but we're in the middle of trying to figure that out and I don't think it will be a problem bc DH would cope by working all the time. DH says if I died, he would try to keep things stable for the kids and stay in place wherever we were living and hire someone to provide childcare. He says moving near my folks would be weird just because it would be painful for everyone. If we both died, we've agreed my brother and my family is better suited to raising our kids full time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1481201 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 23:30:37 +0000 immabeetoo 1481201@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@googly-eyes: we made a legal will/decision because in rare cases, we were told a child could go to third party foster care if communication difficulties arose between family, even if they were willing/ready to take the child. Our LO would go to my parents, at present. It has been a long, hard discussion without a clearcut answer. I wish one of our closest friends would get to a place where she would be a good fit! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1481195 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 23:22:30 +0000 googly-eyes 1481195@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I suppose I should also say that financially dh and lo would be ok, I only worry about it because lo and I would be so much better off (if he died than if I did), and I know dh would have to make it work on his income.</p> <p>It's interesting to read this... I wasn't sure if people were going to say it would be unfair to make my parents raise another child/children. They're "young" though, so I guess that helps. As of right now I just don't trust anyone else. Our siblings are clueless about kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1481144 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 22:13:02 +0000 bunnylove08 1481144@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sister would have custody of Lo if both of us were gone. Lo is my beneficiary for my 401 and annuity</p> <p>If one of us passed away we would stay where we are since our family live close to us </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1481141 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 22:10:11 +0000 Weagle 1481141@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@googly-eyes: I guess it's a good thing I was thinking about it. We were asked by friends tonight to be legal guardians in case of their death. Weighty, for sure. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1481052 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 20:53:04 +0000 Mrs. M 1481052@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This topic definitely resulted in interesting conversations before LO was born. If we both died LO would live with my sister and BIL and my parents would be the next people in line. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1480982 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 20:16:08 +0000 mrsmate 1480982@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If DH died, we'd be financially set. I'd move to NYC to be near my family if the girls were still young enough, but if they were settled with friends and school we'd stay put.</p> <p>If I died, they'd also be financially set and nothing would change, except DH would probably need live-in help while the girls were still young (I SAH).</p> <p>If we both died, the girls would go to my sister and BIL. They have 2 girls of their own (who are each 5mo older than my girls, so it'd almost be like 2 sets of twins) but my parents live down the street from them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1480920 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 19:18:24 +0000 shopaholic 1480920@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If I die, I think DH would eventually move a little closer to his parents and sister for help. </p> <p>If DH dies, I would probably stay put or at least nearby. We're close enough to both sides of the family for me. </p> <p>If we both died, my sister and BIL would become legal guardians, though I'm sure my ILs would help them too. It needs to be set in writing though and I keep telling DH we need to do it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1480843 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 18:13:56 +0000 MamaMoose 1480843@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If one or the other of us died the remaining parent would likely move back to Mass to be closer to our families for help. But we have plenty of life insurance to cover us so finances wouldn't be a concern. </p> <p>If we both die LO goes to my brother and SIL. We have confirmed our choice with them and they have accepted. It's formalized in our wills. All of our assets (including life insurance payouts) would go into a trust for LO with my brother as trustee, which would turn over to LO when she hits 30. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1480820 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 17:47:31 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 1480820@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If DH dies, I would stay in the same city, but would probably move closer to my sisters. If I die, DH would probably do the same. If we both die, LO would go to my older sister along with legal rights to manage inheritance until LO was older. We do need to get this formalized though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1480732 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 16:34:16 +0000 Fronkinzankinsbride 1480732@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We aren't pregnant yet but we have to get everything in legal documents before we have kids which would still not really withstand any sort of legal custody situation and our kids theoretically could be separated based on the biological mom. However our families will be in agreement to the plan we make with our lawyer and I don't anticipate any problems. Its still a scary thought. </p> <p>If my wife dies I plan to move to Chicago to be by my wife's mother. I'll get a whopping 100k for life insurance... except that since I'm not FAMILY it will be hugely taxed. So its really closer to nothing. And the house and any other property will be owned by my MIL.</p> <p>If I die, my wife says she will move to Oregon to be by my family but I suspect it wouldn't be right away, depending on our babies ages. In any case a state that will legally let us adopt our kids would be preferable to Louisiana.</p> <p>If we both die, I think we may plan to have my brother take custody of the kids. He doesn't want kids of his own and plans on adopting so win-win. ;) He will have to figure out living situation and everything though so he would probably have a lot of help from my parents. </p> <p>Being gay and having my wife in a dangerous job this is seriously something we have to think about regularly and plan for accordingly. :crying: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1480698 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 16:13:06 +0000 googly-eyes 1480698@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@krispi: @Weagle: @808love: Interesting that we were all thinking about this yesterday. I wasn't sure I wanted to post anything about it but I just wondered what others think. Someone dh knew died yesterday and wasn't the first since lo was born so it got me thinking. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1480618 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 15:34:24 +0000 MrsH 1480618@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We need to talk about it and put it in writing now that LO is here. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1480287 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 11:52:41 +0000 808love 1480287@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We finally decided and asked the chosen couple last night. So relieved because I just know it is the best choice. I think I will make it official at some point this year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1480174 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 10:36:56 +0000 rattles 1480174@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If we both die, LO moves to live with my parents. We have adequate life insurance for both of us. If DH died, I'd have a lot of financial cushion to deal with things and get on my feet. I'd start working again and would probably move down to be near my family. If I died, DH would stay here near his family and would have the insurance to cover child care. We set up an estate plan after DD was born. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1480140 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 10:04:33 +0000 Grace 1480140@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO goes to my sister and BIL if something happens to us. If DH died, I would stay here unless his life insurance wasn't enough to nearly pay off the house. I don't think I could afford my mortgage on my own plus daycare. Yikes. If I died, I'm not sure. My family is here, but his isn't. Hopefully, he would find my family to be a support that would make him want to stay. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1480107 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 09:38:49 +0000 loveisstrange 1480107@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes. Being a military family and with both my ILs passing away in the past few years, it was a reality we had to face. If we both died, C would go to my best friend, along with more than enough money to support her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1480060 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 08:58:43 +0000 LovelyPlum 1480060@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If we both died, LO and the dog will go to my sister and BIL. We have already asked them, and they agreed. I'm not sure what we would do if only one of us died re:.staying here, because we are far from family.</p> <p>We need to deal with life insurance. Thanks for the reminder! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1480050 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 08:54:03 +0000 snowjewelz 1480050@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If either one of us died, assuming we have kids are they are young, we will prob need to sell our house and move in with our parents. If both of us died, I would obviously want our kid(s) to go with my parents, but his parents could work too I guess. Def have to think about God parents! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1480037 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 08:47:41 +0000 yoursilverlining 1480037@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We each have enough life insurance to adequately buffer the other if one of us died. My husbands parents are moving out close to us this spring, and once they do, all of the parents will live within a half hour drive, so we would both have lots of family support. If both of us died soon, LO would go to a grandparent (probably my parents); but as the grandparents are all near/over 70; we also need to develop a longer term solution. :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1480018 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 08:40:53 +0000 Weagle 1480018@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was just crying about this last night :)</p> <p>If just I died, DH would probably stay here for a while and LO would go to daycare then school. Eventually, he may move closer to his hometown. If he died, I would definitely move closer to my family. I would need to restart a career, and that would definitely be easier with family support. If we both died, LO would go live with my parents. It would mean moving her away from her current home and friends, but they're the best option for the future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1480016 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 08:36:23 +0000 Cole 1480016@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our little one isn't here yet but from our brief conversation on the topic I think if we both died it would go to my bil and his fiance. If just I died I think my sister would come out here to be a nanny until my dh could figure out a better long term child care solution. I don't know that he would move closer to family but I imagine he would consider it. If he died I would probably move to the closest big city to both of our parents. We have life insurance but mine isn't much so we will increase both when the baby is born. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1479986 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 08:10:03 +0000 krispi 1479986@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Funny, we just talked about this last night over dinner. I think if it was just one of us, we would stay where we are because family isn't too far away. If something happened to both of us, I would be inclined to leave them with family. He thought friends would be better. Luckily, we aren't even TTC for a few more months, so we don't have to decide right away. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1479955 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 07:14:17 +0000 junebugmama 1479955@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have a will if both of us die, however, now that has to change. We originally were leaving them with a friend, but now that there will be another one, it's probably too many for them, since they recently had their own child (were trying for 13 years) and are talking about having another. I just think that is too many.</p> <p>We've decided that they will now go to SIL. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1479953 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 07:07:05 +0000 Silva 1479953@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If one of us died, we'd probably just move closer to family (we are only an hour from his and 1.5 hours from mine, but even closer for more regular support would be good). We both have life insurance policies, although mine is smaller than his because his job does/will pay substantially more than mine.</p> <p>If we both died, our close friends would become our child/ren's guardian and also the manager of any $ until the kids are 18. We haven't had our will notarized yet and are still working on it- but our friends and our parents are all aware of our wishes regarding guardianship. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1479915 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 04:05:58 +0000 SugarplumsMom 1479915@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If I died, DH would stay where he is or move closer to ILs (they're an hour away). If DH died, I'd move back to California where my mom and friends are. </p> <p>If we both died, if depends on where LO is at the time, because I prefer to not move her from whichever grandparents she's already staying with (otherwise, it would mean an international flight to move her). But this may change when she gets older. For instance, if she's obviously closer to either set of grandparents.</p> <p>Nothing's legal, but I have it written down in my will.</p> <p>Eta: DH says he probably wouldn't want to stay in our town. :crying: OMG, why did I answer this thread so early in the morning. Sob. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sad-topic-if-one-or-both-of-you-died#post-1479907 Sat, 08 Mar 2014 03:39:35 +0000 googly-eyes 1479907@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What would the plan be for your LO(s)? Do they have godparents? Have you made your plan legal/official??</p> <p>If I died, dh would be in our current city an probably use MIL for childcare (as well as sending her to preschool at two, half days.) My life insurance policy is only about 50k so not much, which I sort of in the back of my mind worry about. </p> <p>If dh died, LO and I would be in the same city as my family and I would go about my plan to WOH full time. We would be financially set.</p> <p>If both of us died, I think LO would go to my parents, but honestly we don't have any official choice. I don't know for see what we will do (as far as choosing someone) but the thought is scary. </p>