https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 17 Apr 2026 18:25:49 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahd-is-depressed-any-experiences#post-2798294 Fri, 19 Jan 2018 14:17:50 +0000 smuckers 2798294@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetCaroline: @2littlepumpkins: You ladies are so sweet :heart: Thank you so much for the support! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahd-is-depressed-any-experiences#post-2798088 Thu, 18 Jan 2018 19:40:14 +0000 SweetCaroline 2798088@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nutmeg36: you are amazing. Don't you think for 2 seconds that your self-care is selfish. You are very smart and wise to make time for self-care. I was going to suggest that, but as I read through the thread I see you know how important that is. You have a high level of grace. My husband has been physically recovering from an accident for the past 3 months (nothing compared to what you are going through), and I am struggling big time. If I had.been better at self-care, I would be in a better place.</p> <p>You are amazing. Keep on keeping on and do what you need to do to keep yourself sane and to keep that sweet baby safe. You are doing a great job as a wife and as a mother. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahd-is-depressed-any-experiences#post-2798077 Thu, 18 Jan 2018 18:14:29 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2798077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nutmeg36: I'm sorry I don't have advice to give but just wanted to send your family some love. I had pretty bad PPD/A with my first baby and I was a full time SAHM and my MIL helped us out a lot but it was still hard. I never thought about harming my baby but I also was so anxious I was afraid to be left alone with her. I just thought I literally wouldn't be able to care for her. I didn't trust my own decisions even about small stuff. Anyway I'm really sorry you guys are going through this. I'm sure you must be way overworked and probably under appreciated too. I know I didn't express my appreciation well but I really relied on my DH a lot and appreciated much more than I expressed. I hope he is able to get some help. And please please don't feel selfish. What you're going through is seriously difficult. Times like these I wish I could actually help! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahd-is-depressed-any-experiences#post-2798076 Thu, 18 Jan 2018 17:50:55 +0000 smuckers 2798076@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@annem1990: @MrsSCB: Thank you ladies for the support! It's definitely hard, but I'm really hoping we can turn things around. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahd-is-depressed-any-experiences#post-2798021 Thu, 18 Jan 2018 14:46:13 +0000 MrsSCB 2798021@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you're going through this. Both of you. My dad suffers from severe depression, and I know it can be difficult to navigate how to support a family member in that situation. It sounds like you're being very sensitive, and it's great that your MIL can help. I wish I had something insightful to say, but just wanted to express that I'm thinking of you. And please remember that you can 100 percent support him while also finding it stressful and hard. Make sure to take care of yourself however you can as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahd-is-depressed-any-experiences#post-2798020 Thu, 18 Jan 2018 14:37:10 +0000 annem1990 2798020@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hugs.<br /> I too went through a period of severe anxiety and depression a few years back. It was soooo hard. I had to stop working, my parents had to take turns staying with me for weeks at a time (while I was married!) because I couldn't be alone when my DH was at work. I lost 20lbs in one month. Mental Illness is no joke. I'm so sorry your DH is going through this. </p> <p>I can tell you there is hope. He will get through this. I attended an Intensive Outpatient Program like you described and it was life changing. It's not just "therapy." It's intense work. It's challenging and you have to push yourself but once you come out the other side you are stronger than you ever thought you could be. Do everything in your power to make it happen. It's a lot of money, but think of it as an investment. It will be so worth it. </p> <p>Also, give him hope that he will find a medication that works for him. I had to go through a couple that did not make me feel good. It feels like an eternity while you are waiting for something to work, but don't give up :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahd-is-depressed-any-experiences#post-2798011 Thu, 18 Jan 2018 13:57:46 +0000 Adira 2798011@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nutmeg36: I totally totally get it!! I also have limited vacation and have already used half of it in January due to kids' illnesses, blizzards, and school closures! I'll earn more throughout the year, but I totally understand the feeling. No need to feel guilty that you need me time too! The only way us moms can support our families as well as we do is by taking some time to for our own mental health needs (whether taking a vacation, going out for drinks with friends, or spending the day binge-watching Netflix by ourselves)!</p> <p>Taking care of babies is hard enough, I can't imagine having to also worry about your husband's mental health. I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this and hope you find some really helpful resources. It sounds like you're already doing everything you can and everything right! &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahd-is-depressed-any-experiences#post-2798010 Thu, 18 Jan 2018 13:51:32 +0000 smuckers 2798010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: Yes, I am already on approved FMLA after his attempt in September. I can take leave for 3 days / week until mid-March. The problem is that I don't want to exhaust my PTO during the first quarter of the year. </p> <p>It may seem a little selfish, but it is basically the only self-care I have been allowing myself (that is, saving at least 2 or 3 vacation days for actual time off, not just therapy or doctors appointments). With the baby being born during the middle of last year, I've basically had 2 years where my PTO was dedicated wholly to baby doctor's appointments, 6 weeks of maternity leave, and then DH's crisis appointments. Obviously, if I was concerned that he or the baby were in danger, I would take time off. </p> <p>For the record, I realize I became super defensive about this topic for no reason. I know that's not where your comment was coming from! It's definitely me struggling with feeling selfish about it (Mom needs a vacation while Dad needs help to survive? Really mom?). I hope I didn't project that on to you (and if I did I'm sorry!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahd-is-depressed-any-experiences#post-2798004 Thu, 18 Jan 2018 13:42:08 +0000 Adira 2798004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nutmeg36: Just want to send you some love. &lt;3 This sounds like so much to deal with, on top of an infant at home. I can only imagine.</p> <p>Have you looked into whether you can use FMLA if you felt like you needed to be home more to help care for your husband and child? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahd-is-depressed-any-experiences#post-2798002 Thu, 18 Jan 2018 13:34:02 +0000 smuckers 2798002@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Autumnmama79: Support right back to you :heart: it's hard to describe exactly how hard it is to other people (because in the same breath, I start talking about how much harder it must be for my husband). I'm so, so sorry you're going through something similar, but (selfishly) it's nice to know I'm not alone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahd-is-depressed-any-experiences#post-2797987 Thu, 18 Jan 2018 13:01:05 +0000 Autumnmama79 2797987@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nutmeg36: Just want to send some support your way. :heart: We've been dealing with DH's depression and unemployment for going on two years now. Its incredibly hard. And frustrating. And sad. Great job on seeking the services and meds available and I hope you're able to reach a decision soon on the outpatient clinic. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahd-is-depressed-any-experiences#post-2797954 Thu, 18 Jan 2018 11:59:27 +0000 smuckers 2797954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: I'm so glad things worked out for you guys. It helps to hear about people on the other side.</p> <p>I would LOVE for DH to get a job right now (for a lot of reasons). However, his depression isn't situational, it's chemical... he lost his job as a result of his depression, not the other way around, if that makes sense? I don't think he's capable of going through a job hunt (read: rejection) right now, and I could not tell you if he was capable of holding a job right now. </p> <p>Just as a general statement: he has NOT been this bad since September. Honestly, things have kind of been amazing for the most part. This has just been a really bad week (and the last really bad week ended catastrophically). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahd-is-depressed-any-experiences#post-2797947 Thu, 18 Jan 2018 11:51:40 +0000 codeitall 2797947@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry. This is a really tough spot to be in. While not officially diagnosed and not as severe as your husband's, my DH also had a bout of depression when he was a SAHD with the kids. Most of it stemmed from school not working out as planned and not having a social life other than me and the kids.</p> <p>Honestly, we ended up making the call that he would not be a full time SAHD anymore. He got a part-time job that he kind of likes that lets him socialize and get out of the house while feeling that he is contributing to the family. Sure, life has gotten much harder with two parents out of the home, but after the first month, I can say his depression has largely lifted.</p> <p>It was super hard to get him to recognize it as depression and treat it seriously. Just when he begrudgingly decided to see a therapist, he got a job offer and it kind of became a moot point.</p> <p>From your perspective, I'd get him on board with a plan of action and do all you can to accomplish it. It sounds like you're already doing a great job pursuing treatment options and talking to his therapist. Keep it up! You can do this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahd-is-depressed-any-experiences#post-2797941 Thu, 18 Jan 2018 11:37:04 +0000 bubblegum 2797941@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nutmeg36: Ugh the hoops they make people jump through. The fact that he's trying is all anyone can ask. Hang in there, both of you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahd-is-depressed-any-experiences#post-2797937 Thu, 18 Jan 2018 11:26:48 +0000 smuckers 2797937@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bubblegum: Unfortunately they didn't get him in to see anyone until late December, so he's only had 2 sessions with her (lots of demand for MH assistance in our rather rural area, unfortunately). But he IS trying, which is the most that I can possibly ask for at this point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahd-is-depressed-any-experiences#post-2797930 Thu, 18 Jan 2018 11:11:00 +0000 bubblegum 2797930@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nutmeg36: That's really rough. Hopefully his therapist it giving him all the tools he needs to get through it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahd-is-depressed-any-experiences#post-2797915 Thu, 18 Jan 2018 10:48:07 +0000 smuckers 2797915@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Lahela017: Thanks. I have a call in to the program to get details. DH hasn't agreed to it yet, but I think if I can work out all the details, he'll be more likely to agree to it. </p> <p>@bubblegum: Thank you. He says he loves being a SAHD, and I work really hard to give him Dad-time (he's an introvert, so NEEDS at least some alone time). Still, it's definitely hard; DH has had depression for his entire adult life, but having the baby definitely put a magnifying glass on it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahd-is-depressed-any-experiences#post-2797899 Thu, 18 Jan 2018 10:23:36 +0000 bubblegum 2797899@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This a lot for anyone to deal with so I think you're handling it with much grace. Being a stay at home parent is grueling to say the least. DH is a SAHD and I just try my absolute best to make sure he has time away and time for play but it's never easy. You're a rockstar mama. Keep doing what you're doing. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahd-is-depressed-any-experiences#post-2797887 Thu, 18 Jan 2018 09:55:54 +0000 Lahela017 2797887@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm really sorry you and your family are going through such a hard time. It sounds like you are doing the right things, and I hope things turn around for the better for your both soon. I agree with PP that you should talk to the people that run the program to see if they know of any other programs they can recommend for assistance. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahd-is-depressed-any-experiences#post-2797886 Thu, 18 Jan 2018 09:54:46 +0000 smuckers 2797886@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: Thank you :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahd-is-depressed-any-experiences#post-2797885 Thu, 18 Jan 2018 09:46:53 +0000 gotkimchi 2797885@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We haven’t dealt with this but it sounds like you’re doing a great job. Def talk with people at the outpatient program and see if there are any assistance programs or other things they can recommend. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with such a hard time right now </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahd-is-depressed-any-experiences#post-2797883 Thu, 18 Jan 2018 09:39:55 +0000 smuckers 2797883@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband, a SAHD, is severely depressed and attempted suicide after losing his job in September. Since then, he has been taking lots of steps to try to get better (medication, seeing a therapist, all that good stuff). </p> <p>However, he's definitely in a "valley" right now and we cannot afford for me to stay home from work (I have PTO that I've been using here or there, but I don't want to exhaust it in January). I don't think he (or the baby, 7.5 months) is in danger, but I am 100% sure he's not being the best parent he can be right now. His mother has been coming over to help out as much as she can (bless her), but she can't be there all the time.</p> <p>We're considering putting him in an intensive outpatient treatment, which is 4 hours per day 4-5 days per week. Which we definitely cannot afford financially. Unfortunately, I make too much money for us to be able to qualify for any assistance (literally, I make $50 per week too much to qualify for WIC, which has the loosest requirements). </p> <p>I'm not really asking for advice... I think we're doing everything we need to be doing or can be doing right now. Just looking for some commiseration. Has anyone else gone through something like this? I am 100% behind him, but it's definitely really, REALLY hard right now.</p> <p>ETA: I forgot to add a big thing that happened today. I spoke with his therapist this morning to let her know that he's having a hard time. She was very nice, but let me know that if he gets any worse and I left the baby alone with him while I'm at work, it could go into child neglect territory and she would have to file a report with DHS. Which is basically top 5 in my worst nightmares. </p>