https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 26 Apr 2026 17:19:29 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2739574 Wed, 24 May 2017 12:29:48 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2739574@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I think we have two issues here. 1) being guilty about spending as much when there's overall less money and 2) those who feel guilty about spending because their name<br /> isn't the one on the paycheck. The former makes sense, everyone has to be on their budget, but the latter is what I'm saying I don't feel guilty about. Fwiw I only made a fraction of dh's income and we (just being honest!)spent a lot of my money on things that allowed me to work and on eating out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2739052 Tue, 23 May 2017 12:48:05 +0000 arosebyany 2739052@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I guess, the difference is Weve never dealt with a lag in our income because I've always only ever made a 4th or 5th of what DH made. So when I was working, my paychecks were literally just direct deposited into the savings account. we still lived off what DH made, and still usually put half of his checks in savings also. He's had two raises since I've left my job, which have resulted in the total of what my income was before DS. We have. Been putting less money in savings though then we did, and I swear to god it all goes to old navy 😂😂 I love thier little boys clothes! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738922 Tue, 23 May 2017 08:51:31 +0000 looch 2738922@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@arosebyany: Right, but at some point, at least for me, there was a consideration that something has to give and I couldn't just spend like I did before. I was making half of our household income, and while we were more than fine on my husband's alone for the day to day and some savings, we couldn't be as aggressive as we wanted to with our long term savings goals. I get that everyone has different financial goals, but a $125 haircut, for example, didn't make sense to me when I wasn't working. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738908 Tue, 23 May 2017 08:39:54 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2738908@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For us having only one income was/is a serious financial strain so I mostly hated having to budget everything tightly and not afford any extras. I'm working PT now but my job ended for the summer and I am already obsessing over budget. </p> <p>I hate not being able to afford private education for my kids if we decide to do that (right now we are not planning to do so, but you never know).</p> <p>I tend to have a lot of anxiety and I need something to latch onto​. I don't like latching onto home stuff because I feel like projects at home are never really "done," so as a SAHM you're setting yourself up for disappointment if you are expecting to get much done to completion. So I try not to put my energy into home stuff. But when you're a SAHM it is hard not to internalize​ home stuff. </p> <p>I miss interacting with non SAHMs! I really love my working mom friends and at the risk of sounding scandalous I enjoy relationships with men as well. I feel like convos with women often turn to kids and that eventually bores me.</p> <p>I teach English at a community college so when I am working I'm pretty immersed in stuff that matters to me: education, politics, local community, culture, etc. When I'm not I feel like I'm not contributing to that world as much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738878 Tue, 23 May 2017 07:06:22 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2738878@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: This is only true if daycare doesn't cost more than your paycheck! ;)</p> <p>I am going to be a SAHM again soon, and I am definitely going to miss uninterrupted time to do stuff and my commute by myself. My 4 year old never stops talking ever. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738862 Mon, 22 May 2017 23:50:52 +0000 daniellemybelle 2738862@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been both and being a SAHM is pretty awesome overall, honestly. I always wanted to SAH so I was that working mom envying the SAHMs strolling the aisles of Target. </p> <p>Having said that, I do think about how baller our life would be right now on two incomes! We're more than fine on one, but increasing our household income would obviously be fun 😜 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738842 Mon, 22 May 2017 21:21:15 +0000 JerricaBenton 2738842@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@arosebyany: @2littlepumpkins: yeah I agree with you both on spending lol. No guilt here! My role at home supports my husband in being able to earn more at work and relax more when he's home. Being primary caregiver and taking care of the house, cooking, shopping etc is my job. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738789 Mon, 22 May 2017 19:06:25 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2738789@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@arosebyany: yeah dh has always been the breadwinner whether or not I'm working but my not working and my support has played a big role in getting him where he is.. so I don't really honestly feel bad for spending because he makes more. (I mostly break even on my PT job.) I just feel bad if it's only on me and not on the kids or on DH, if that makes sense. We alternate! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738787 Mon, 22 May 2017 19:03:58 +0000 arosebyany 2738787@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>These post are really interesting to me. I worked a salaried 50hr a week job for 6 years before DS, and I always spent a shit ton of money on myself, and that seriously hasn't changed since we had him. Now I just spend a shot ton of money on both of us. :silly: just because I don't make cash in hand, doesn't mean I don't "earn" what I spend, and boy do I spend. The way I see it Every dirty diaper and projectile vomit is considered overtime and I pay myself accordingly in the form of new roses for my garden lol. DH would never say anything, but if for some reason the universe decided to conspire against me and he did, I would just remind him how much he spends on his hobbies, and that I acted accordingly.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738769 Mon, 22 May 2017 18:32:16 +0000 caterw 2738769@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@skipra: I am the exact same way! I feel awful buying clothes for myself, getting haircuts, or splurging on anything at all that isn't lunch with DD or mayyyyybe the occasional drink out with a girlfriend (like once every other month). My husband thinks being a SAHP is the hardest job ever, and he always tells me to treat myself but I just can't. This year I asked for bed pillows for Christmas because we needed new ones and I couldnt think of anything I wanted that didn't seem wasteful. So I miss the feeling of a big financial cushion (but my salary would be used almost entirely for daycare so we would be in the same spot but I would never see our babies). </p> <p>I miss being able to pop out for errands on my lunch... And just lunch breaks in general! I adore being home with my kids. I tried to go back to work after DD1 and it was NOT for me, so I don't really want to get a job (FT or PT) until the baby is in prek or k. But I do miss that hour of me time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738768 Mon, 22 May 2017 18:20:33 +0000 JerricaBenton 2738768@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There's not too much I envy. Especially now that lo is in preschool, I can get in that solo errand/coffee meet-up/gym time pretty easily. I guess it would be being able to concentrate on a project. I'm a creative type and used to love to get lost in a project and I definitely can't do that right now. I can only do things in drips and drabs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738754 Mon, 22 May 2017 17:42:14 +0000 Boogs 2738754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FancyGem: Yes, it's so rude! I miss respect. People really don't respect the hard work that goes into it.</p> <p>I've stayed home the whole time I've had kids, but one thing I think would enjoy would be having alternate child care options. But at the same time that was one of my worries and one of many reasons why I wanted to SAH because there are so many weirdos in the world lol. </p> <p>Another thing I've thought of, people always assume SAHM's have all the time in the world. I've been dealing with a lot of stuff lately for some relatives and other relatives haven't helped me out because they assume I have time to run to a ton of appointments and be on the phone for hours dealing with business. It has been non-stop exhausting all year. I'm jealous that isn't assumed for others. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738738 Mon, 22 May 2017 17:01:35 +0000 mrs.kiwi 2738738@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sunshine: yes my husband is really good about it too but I'm harder on myself 😔 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738692 Mon, 22 May 2017 15:31:28 +0000 Littlebit7 2738692@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@arosebyany: yep, this completely. Every type of parent has struggles and challenges that don't fit into a neatly labelled box. At times I reminisce about my kid-free days. Don't get me wrong, i fiercely love my child, but I also loved my relatively "carefree" days pre-kid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738685 Mon, 22 May 2017 15:23:06 +0000 Portboston 2738685@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@arosebyany: preach sister!!!!! I couldn't have said it better myself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738602 Mon, 22 May 2017 13:29:34 +0000 FancyGem 2738602@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wish that people didn't assume that I have tons of free time, and that I'm wasting my degrees. The passage aggressive comments I have heard over the years have been ridiculous. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738591 Mon, 22 May 2017 13:16:02 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2738591@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with PP, despite the fact that my DH almost never questions me at all, I feel like I can't spend money ever. I get guilt to the point of being sick to my stomach for days about it if I don't deem it as an absolute need in my mind. I've been a SAHM my entire parenting life so it's hard to say but I think I'd love to work part time. That seems like the ideal balance to my unknowing mind. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738575 Mon, 22 May 2017 13:01:33 +0000 mrs.kiwi 2738575@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ineebee: yes tothis! I feel like some people think I have all the time in the world as a SAHM .. yes I am more flexible and maybe I *do* really have more time but please respect my time and schedule still please </p> <p>I'm jealous of a lot of little things that ppl mentioned (child-free time, going to bathroom eating lunch alone) but I think the number one thing is not having that income and feeling guilty about spending. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738572 Mon, 22 May 2017 13:00:06 +0000 Mrs. Goose 2738572@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <br /> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738570 Mon, 22 May 2017 12:57:29 +0000 IRunForFun 2738570@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Meh. Both SAHM and WOHM have their own challenges so I don't know if I could say I'm overall envious of WOHMs. </p> <p>Sometimes I think it would be nice to use my brain for more than reading children's books and singing ridiculous songs, and to be able to eat lunch and use the bathroom without worrying about where to put the baby and listening to her cry. But then I also think I don't miss the pressure of things like deadlines or eating lunch at a desk. </p> <p>I envy two paychecks, maybe! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738555 Mon, 22 May 2017 12:39:40 +0000 ineebee 2738555@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@skipra: Yes! The other thing that sucks about it is -- I'm going to ask my husband to watch the kid while I'm out, and I'm gonna spend that precious opportunity doing something as mundane as getting a haircut??? I'd so much rather use that time for something truly relaxing and life-giving, but the haircut needs to get done. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738549 Mon, 22 May 2017 12:34:29 +0000 skipra 2738549@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: @ineebee: yes, this is hard! I am lucky to get a haircut once or twice a year because I feel guilty not only spending money my husband earned for it but asking him to watch the kids on top of it. But he doesn't care! It is just me that thinks it's outrageous lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738544 Mon, 22 May 2017 12:24:06 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2738544@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ineebee: this what I meant on the other thread about people helping out and accommodating us.. it's not just that our family actually offered babysitting for things like appointments when I was working, it's things like being seen as able to constantly work around everyone else because you're "not busy." Ugh! Thankfully people are ok now because we have two kids and one on a school schedule and I work PT.. but when it was just me and lo1 at home all the time, yep. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738540 Mon, 22 May 2017 12:18:54 +0000 ineebee 2738540@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One thing I envy is having backup childcare for the mundane things like haircuts, doctors appointments, etc. For example, we had to coordinate SO many different people's schedules just so DH and I could go to the RE to discuss next steps for a FET. And then considering all THOSE appointments, lugging DS around for monitoring, blood tests... It's daunting. We'll see if it even happens. :P </p> <p>This is kind of a different thing, but I also envy that the schedules of people who WOH are often seen as sacred, but the "schedule" of those who SAH is often seen as less so, and therefore is more often interrupted and changed. It's along the lines of the whole respect thing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738532 Mon, 22 May 2017 12:11:13 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2738532@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do work PT now so I'm sort of in between. But things I miss about working FT are a better sense of routine, my own paycheck/more family income (although with #3 coming this wouldn't necessarily be the case anymore), adult conversations, being more respected as a working mom- somehow I feel more exhausted on my at home days yet I'm "just" staying home. I also miss my lunch hour! Haha</p> <p>In the interest of fairness, some things I DONT miss about being at work FT are being at the mercy of my boss' whims and lives- I once had to reschedule a parent teacher conference three times in a day because I couldn't get away from work and my boss didn't give a crap, I don't miss coming home just in time for bedtime, and having virtually no family time (dh and I both had the kids on our off days but our off days barely coincided). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738526 Mon, 22 May 2017 12:04:58 +0000 skipra 2738526@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do miss the money from working but to be honest I never loved my job. Even before kids I regularly had existential crises over why I was wasting my life miserable in an office. Yes, being around my kids in my messy house does drive me nuts but I am never as unhappy as I was working. Since I left work, DH has really stepped it up and gone from a dead end job to a real career and it has totally boosted his confidence (and pay check) so we are super fortunate to have enough money but I would like to have my own - so I don't have to feel guilty about buying a new pair of jeans that actually fit or going out for lunch or whatever. And although we are making ends meet, we can't afford nice vacations and have to diy a lot of stuff around the house or wait a long time to save up. So yeah, just envious of the second salary but I do know daycare costs would eat it up anyway so it would never be worth it to me until all the kids are in elementary school. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738520 Mon, 22 May 2017 11:52:10 +0000 KayKay 2738520@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. blue: @pinkcupcake: i tell people i'm retired! :) and often get side-eye or comments about "using my degree". seriously, though, i worked (and worked hard!) for 10y and am happy with what i accomplished in my field during that time. and now i don't need to work to support/contribute to our family financially and there are other things (kid-related and not) that i would rather do with my time. why is it acceptable for people to say they want to/plan to retire by 30/40/whatever, but not for me to say that i did? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738501 Mon, 22 May 2017 10:55:09 +0000 GoGoSnoGirl 2738501@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know if it's even true envy, but I do miss earning my own salary, bonuses &amp; getting great benefits. Of course my job now as sahm is incredibly rewarding, but I was a successful career woman for a long time &amp; got used to the tangible rewards of working hard. I also had formed my identity based on my career, so it has been a big change to identify as "just" a sahm/housekeeper, though I feel incredibly fortunate to spend all my time with our amazing little girl. I don't know when I'll go back to work, or whether I'll go back to the same industry, but I can be patient &amp; just enjoy this phase. 😊 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738484 Mon, 22 May 2017 10:31:08 +0000 Silva 2738484@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I work one day a week and it's awesome. I'm really happy with our balance. The only thing I feel jealous about is money, but me working wouldn't really add that much (I have a social work degree) and isn't what I want to do right now<br /> I worry about stuff like rejoining the field, my student loan debt, etc. but I continue to choose staying home because even with those worries it's what I want to do and feels like the right fit for our family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-do-you-envy#post-2738482 Mon, 22 May 2017 10:30:14 +0000 looch 2738482@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like my experience staying at home from when my son was born to 2 years of age was really difficult for a ton of reasons, but the thing I really was missing was the paycheck. I had a very difficult time spending money when I wasn't making money. I had an identity that I was used to, I had worked full time for 13 years, so to yank myself out of it, I was lost.</p> <p>My son is 6 now, and I am back at work, but if I were to stay home now, the circumstances are totally different and I doubt I would have the same issues I did previously. </p>