https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 30 Apr 2026 15:34:08 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-made-you-decide-to-stay-home#post-2903631 Mon, 25 Nov 2019 18:53:05 +0000 SweetiePie 2903631@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cake2017: some days yes and some days no :-) I enjoyed it more before my 2nd was born and my older one was in school 9-12 every day. Haha. I don’t hate it but I know it’s not what I want to do forever. I can’t imagine being being home when my kids are grown and I know it’ll be easier to get back into it now vs years from now. </p> <p>Some things I absolutely love - I’m a homebody and introvert. I love being in charge of my own schedule. I love being there for pick up for my older one. But the days are loooooong. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-made-you-decide-to-stay-home#post-2903629 Mon, 25 Nov 2019 18:40:21 +0000 cake2017 2903629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: Do you enjoy being home? @LadyDi: Yeah if you aren’t happy at work that’s a great reason to stay home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-made-you-decide-to-stay-home#post-2903624 Mon, 25 Nov 2019 17:52:38 +0000 SweetiePie 2903624@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I first got pregnant with my first son almost 6 years ago, I was at a new job (4 months) and didn’t like it at all. When I took the job we were starting IVF so I knew that if I got pregnant I had an out. So when I did get pregnant I knew I didn’t want to stay. I waited till I was about 3 months from my due date and told them I didn’t plan to come back. They begged me to. Added some perks, raise, etc. but I just didn’t want to commit to an actual maternity leave and then feel like I had to go back (its just in my dna, I couldn’t take a paid mat leave and then not go back). Well, I should have 😂 by the time I left (2 months from my due date) I started to love the job and when I was 2 months PP I was begging them to take me back. But since I was officially not employed by then anymore, and they were in a reorg/hiring freeze, they couldn’t give me my job back.<br /> So it started as choice and ended as forced.<br /> At 1 year PP an old colleague reached out about a job opportunity at a new company (new to me). It sounded perfect on paper - 25 hours a week for the first 3 months then a slow transition to full time. Yeah, not the case. My first DAY on the job they asked me to fly to London the next WEEK for a full week. And it was the week leading up to my sons 1st bday. Since I had just started I felt I couldn’t say no. And that set a precedent. The 25 hours a week almost instantly turned into 35 hours a week, conf calls on my days “off”, asking me to switch days off (I had already made plans with my son on my days off). I left that job after about 3 months. My husband and I agreed it wasn’t worth it. I hated it. Oh, and my boss was a grade A douche bag asshole. </p> <p>I’ve now been out of the work force for 4 years and I have a now 21 month old in addition to the 5yo. I am considering going back in the next few months but it’s very daunting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-made-you-decide-to-stay-home#post-2903591 Mon, 25 Nov 2019 15:03:17 +0000 LadyDi 2903591@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I decide to SAH while I was pregnant with my second. I was pretty unhappy in my job but I was offered a promotion and instead of feeling excited about it I mostly felt dread and anxiety. I took that as a sign that I wasn’t in the right place so I decided to step back and spend more time with my kids. Then I quickly and unexpectedly got pregnant with DS3 when DS2 was 9 months old, so right now I’m home with a 4 yo, 21 month old and 5 month old. I’m not going going to lie, the transition to 3 kids has been really hard. I had two under control but 3 has rocked my world a little. I tell myself a lot that In a year things will be easier but right now it’s tough. I also miss things about work, like thinking critically and feeling good at something. I don’t necessarily feel like I’m a good mom all of the time. But, I wasn’t happy in my job and my bad days at home are never as bad days there. I do plan on going back to work in some capacity in the next couple of years. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-made-you-decide-to-stay-home#post-2903576 Mon, 25 Nov 2019 14:10:18 +0000 Littlebit7 2903576@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DHs demanding job made the decision to stay home much easier for me. He travels a TON for work (and when I say travel, I mean...he can be gone for months on months on months, brutal travel in which he tries to make it home on the weekends no matter where in the world his client is based)<br /> Anyway, that affords us to be in the financial position to not depend on my salary at all. Daycare is also insanely expensive where we live. So that is a luxury to not have our hand forced. I do miss the interaction at work, and i DONT enjoy being home with both kids (almost 5 and almost 2) together. But if its 1:1 with the 2 yo and me, I enjoy it. I also feel thankful that I don't have a lot of the scheduling or sick day complications that my friends do. I can always do pickup/dropoff, sick kids are an annoyance but not a schedule changer.</p> <p>BUT what has made my SAH life better is having a regular sitter for the younger one, so that every week, i have a few hours to do what i need to do without a kid in tow. It is good for my mental health, my sanity, my energy levels, my efficiency, and general well-being. Again, a luxury, but i also feel like I'm sacrificing a bit of my career and sense of self to do this for my family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-made-you-decide-to-stay-home#post-2903503 Mon, 25 Nov 2019 10:02:21 +0000 cake2017 2903503@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mama Bird: I hear ya on health! It’s a lot. Told DH i will make a doctors appointment for me this week to follow up on some testing. We need to take care of ourselves so we are there for the family. Take care of yourself mama! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-made-you-decide-to-stay-home#post-2903479 Mon, 25 Nov 2019 09:02:40 +0000 Mama Bird 2903479@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know if I really count as a SAHM. I also take long maternity leaves, and my latest leave was supposed to be a year but unexpectedly ended up longer. I'm planning to go back to work at some point this winter, but there's no fixed date yet, so...</p> <p>OK, the good: no more worrying if my school-age kid ate in afterschool (because no more afterschool). No more worrying if his homework is done and he understands the material. No more worrying about school days off. Incidentally, school is so much worse than day care about this - our day care was closed maybe 7 days a year, but school has upwards of 20 holidays, not counting early dismissal and snow days. The kids got tons of outside time this year, got to sleep in most of the summer, and grew several inches - last year, the oldest barely grew, and I'm convinced it's because he often missed school breakfast and "had no time to eat" in afterschool. I'm usually tied up with caring for the baby, but I still have way more time to do fun trips/school-related projects/reading and math with the older kids than when I was at work.</p> <p>The bad: I hate having to ask my husband for money. I didn't expect to still be dealing with major sleep deprivation one year in - I need my little catnap on the commute to work so badly. And I have major health anxiety - if anything happens to me, who will watch the kids? I've been putting off doctor visits because I basically can't afford to afford the time investment of following up if the doc says I need some kind of treatment. I haven't been away from the baby for more than four hours, even at night, and I'm feeling pretty suffocated. All told, maybe me being home is good for the kids, but it's messing up my health and I won't be able to keep it up long-term. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-made-you-decide-to-stay-home#post-2903469 Mon, 25 Nov 2019 06:17:08 +0000 caitcat 2903469@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm home with my two kids at this stage, but had initially gone back to work after my oldest was born. I taught middle school until I got pregnant with my second baby. We got to the point where we could swing it financially for me to stay home with my husband's income, which was basically what we were waiting on. He travels a lot for work, and having me home has simplified things so much for us as a family. Also, two kids in daycare would have been about as much money as I'd have brought in teaching where we live...so cost-wise, me going back to work after a second baby would have been a wash! I loved teaching, but had become disillusioned with many of the changes in our school district in my last couple years and was kind of ready for a change anyway...so in that sense, it felt like the right time to leave too.</p> <p>Once my second daughter was born, I struggled a LOT with being home though. My oldest wasn't old enough for preschool yet and I was in the throws of all the young toddler/baby stuff with no real relief. I felt so overwhelmed at that stage, but it's gotten so much better and I'm really happy with our setup at this point. My four year old is in preschool a few times a week, and my two year old is a pretty independent, easy-going kid. They generally play well together when they're both home and I feel like I don't have to be "on" them at every point anymore. We have a decent rhythm to our week with my oldest's ST/OT appointments, music/dance classes, preschool, etc. I'm definitely more introverted and content to be home more often than not, which I think helps it feel more doable to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-made-you-decide-to-stay-home#post-2903464 Mon, 25 Nov 2019 01:04:08 +0000 cake2017 2903464@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pachamama: I go back in a couple of months too! I look forward to it but ofcourse will miss hanging out at home with baby. Toddler is in school part time but will return full time(4 days) when I go back. He loves it and it’s important to us that he gets that whether I SAH or not.</p> <p>@DillonLion: so wonderful to read!</p> <p>I know every role has it’s up and down! nice to read you enjoy it though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-made-you-decide-to-stay-home#post-2903406 Sat, 23 Nov 2019 20:59:07 +0000 catgirl 2903406@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For us there were a few reasons: the cost of daycare was very high compared to what I was making, DH works a non traditional schedule that is very inconsistent so I would have always had to be the flexible/available parent, I wasn't in an actual career yet just a job that I didn't really like, and, honestly, we both just loved the idea of a parent being home. </p> <p>I absolutely love being a SAHM! Don't get me wrong, some days are brutal but I have never regretted it or wished that I were working. And it has been amazing for our family. DH has been able to focus on work in a way he wouldn't have been able to. He brings up all the time how happy he is with our set up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-made-you-decide-to-stay-home#post-2903405 Sat, 23 Nov 2019 20:58:38 +0000 DillonLion 2903405@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was pregnant with my second when my husband got a job offer out of state that was more than we each made combined. He took the job and we moved. Being a SAHM is outstanding. I've been daydreaming of doing this for a really long time. </p> <p>I will say, I am NOT a homebody, so if staying home meant we would have to pinch pennies and I had to spend all my time at home with no spending money, it wouldn't be worth it. But the combination of working for years to get debt free plus this great job offer paved the way for this new life for us. We've never been happier. I'm so much less resentful than I was. And my husband is surprised with how happy he is with this setup. It has been unexpectedly wonderful for all of us.</p> <p>ETA: there's a big age gap with my kids: nearly 7 years. So my oldest is at school all day while I'm home with the baby. This is a lot more doable for me vs. say two toddlers at home with me all day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-made-you-decide-to-stay-home#post-2903404 Sat, 23 Nov 2019 20:51:45 +0000 pachamama 2903404@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sounds like you have a nice little set up!<br /> I have a very conflicted relationship with staying home with my almost 4 and almost 1 year old. I usually do not enjoy it, then feel guilty for feeling that way. I SAH because we have no good daycare options, and my teaching job allowed me to take a year leave. My first son was sick constantly at daycare and I wasn't happy with the care he got there. And I love my job- it fulfills me and the pay and hours are very reasonable. If I had a job I didn't love, I could never imagine leaving my kids in subpar care for it!<br /> (Also, I left work when 28 weeks pregnant because I didn't feel safe. My school was undergoing a huge construction project and we live a few miles from a Superfund site and I couldn't relax so I took mental health leave. Everyone says the construction project has been a nightmare (is there any other way) so I was sort of glad to be away from that!}<br /> In general, I find being home tedious and stifling. I also have a masters degree and 2 certificates so I kinda would feel like I wasted a lot if I stayed home! But I absolutely love going out every day with the boys (we do something every single day), I love being there for my baby when he wakes up from his nap looking for me, I like running around with my preschooler and reading his favorite books. I will miss this time so much when I go back in Jan. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-made-you-decide-to-stay-home#post-2903403 Sat, 23 Nov 2019 20:48:43 +0000 RKitty 2903403@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son was regularly getting kicked out of daycare for biting.</p> <p>My daughter was due in the fall. And Daycare for both was going to cost around 2k a month with them at separate locations. Thats assuming I could even find a place that would take a biter and a place to take a newborn...</p> <p>Between most of my money going to daycare and the time spent for transportation and a few other factors we decided to go the SAHM route. </p> <p>But 75% of the decision was the cost of daycare. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-made-you-decide-to-stay-home#post-2903400 Sat, 23 Nov 2019 19:36:15 +0000 Petitduck 2903400@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always wanted to do it and came from a home with a mother who did. I feel very lucky I’m able to. Also, I don’t make much money so I would basically be paying to put my kids in daycare; I didn’t love my job, and my job was taking care of other kids so it seemed silly to go take care of other people’s kids instead of my own. I miss it a little bit sometimes because I did like the location and coworkers and kids. </p> <p>Some days are super stressful and I get nothing done. I have no time for me really ever and my husband works a lot, but this is our life and I still love it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-made-you-decide-to-stay-home#post-2903395 Sat, 23 Nov 2019 17:44:07 +0000 bhbee 2903395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always wanted to SAH, maybe because my mom did until I was in first grade. We did it after our second was born and we had recently moved to a lower COL area so we could swing it and daycare would have doubled. I am an introvert and homebody which I think helps but it definitely gets overwhelming at times or you feel down about how things went that day - especially with a fussy baby! (Or basically regularly since we had a third :silly: )</p> <p>I think to a degree you have to embrace the chaos to like staying home, you have to find a loose schedule that keeps you sane, you have to accept there are hard phases and wonderful moments and everything in between and you get to experience it all (often by yourself). I would not change it, but definitely advantages to working too like having quiet and speaking to adults and using your brain that way. I also think my dh’s involvement would be higher if I worked too (maybe) ... he works alllllll the time so I solo a lot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sahms-what-made-you-decide-to-stay-home#post-2903393 Sat, 23 Nov 2019 16:58:36 +0000 cake2017 2903393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hello! </p> <p>Curious! I take long maternity leaves and have a very very flexible work schedule etc. </p> <p>Although being home is nice working is best for our family. I enjoy my job and the benefits are outstanding as well. My toddler attends a great school and my newborn will be home with a close family member until I get home. Being home right now is a blessing but I get overwhelmed a lot and I just wish I didn’t. It makes me feel down and I feel like I probably wouldn’t be good staying home full time. Just my feelings as of right now. So I was wondering....</p> <p>How did you decide to SAH? What were your reasons? Do you ever get “down” or wish you could go back to work? </p>