https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 01 May 2026 12:20:43 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/same-fight-over-and-over-again-like-a-broken-record#post-1840884 Thu, 28 Aug 2014 15:40:02 +0000 Honeydew 1840884@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all for your advice. I just wanted confirmation that I wasn't crazy for bringing up the same issue over and over again. My DH and I do discuss this during our calm moments. Things get re-ignited when I think we are making progress and then it digresses back to square one. Extremely frustrating.</p> <p>It is really a minor issue currently. I want to address it now before it manifests into a bigger issue. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/same-fight-over-and-over-again-like-a-broken-record#post-1840746 Thu, 28 Aug 2014 14:26:33 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 1840746@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Honeydew: while it's not this specific issue, we have the same fight over and I've again. In fact, I think we really only argue over one issue (which is my personal issue), even if its wrapped up in different circumstances. After a long time of arguing I figured out the root of what was bugging me and explain it to him. Now we argue about it less because A) I can "see" the problem more clearly and not react so emotionally B) HE knows my issue, so he doesn't react defensively, can learn from his "mistakes", and works towards not doing the thing that sets me off. It's not perfect. We'll probably always butt heads over it (its a Love Language problem). But the fights are decreasing. </p> <p>I'd say, think about what the core of the problem is for you. Do you feel rejected? Ignored? Try to explain it to him calmly and -very calmly!- point out to him when it happens in the future. Be patient with yourself (its ok to be upset), be patient with him (it is hard to change behaviors), &amp; be fair/admit if you misjudged a situation (sometimes I find myself being too hard on my husband). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/same-fight-over-and-over-again-like-a-broken-record#post-1840238 Thu, 28 Aug 2014 11:12:16 +0000 gingerbebe 1840238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Aw, man that's so hard. I feel like you need to get to the root of the issue - the WHY part of the problem. There's got to be a reason he gets so excited about doing stuff with his friends months in advance while he wont plan anything with you. Figure out the reason and get solutions-based instead of feelings-based.</p> <p>Approach the issue when you're not in the heat of a fight, come in calm and nice, and frame it like "I was thinking today about how its hard to make plans with each other to do stuff and I feel like a lot of times, it ends up with you feeling annoyed and me being hurt. I'm tired of feeling that way, but I realize that just giving up on planning stuff to do together is really bad for our marriage. And yet on the other hand, if this is the way its going to be, we're just going to keep having this annoying fight over and over and its just going to make planning dates and stuff worse in the future. Honestly, it just makes me feel like dookie. I feel stuck. I feel like I'm being a nagging wife and it sucks. I would like to be pursued and wooed and loved and instead I feel rejected or that I'm a drag to be around. I don't want you to associate going on dates with me with feeling annoyed or hassled. I want us to both look forward to spending special time together. So I'd like to talk about what you think we can do to fix this, because I really love you and want to look forward to doing things together."</p> <p>Perhaps you can suggest newer ways to handle the issue. For example, maybe instead of initiating all the planning, give him a list of things you would like to do with him or a list of expectations you have for time together. Like, "every six months, I'd like to go on a fun weekend trip together that involves _________" or "I would really like to have a monthly date night that involves a restaurant nice enough to get pretty for" and then ask him to plan it. Or maybe its that he finds your idea of bonding time (like a weekly date) mundane, but WOULD find planning a big annual vacation more exciting. If he doesn't like your suggestion, then say "Okay, well why don't we stick a pin in the conversation for a few days so we can think about a better solution and regroup on Tuesday, okay?" and move on without pouting. Bring it up again a few days later like "So, have you had a chance to think about what we talked about the other night?" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/same-fight-over-and-over-again-like-a-broken-record#post-1840224 Thu, 28 Aug 2014 10:56:19 +0000 HLK208 1840224@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be annoyed by that too :(</p> <p>DH and I had our first big argument in a long time but it's actually over a political issue that were both passionate about. It always ends the same way, ugh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/same-fight-over-and-over-again-like-a-broken-record#post-1840214 Thu, 28 Aug 2014 10:49:26 +0000 jhd 1840214@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Could you talk to him when you are not upset and tell him that planning your dates in advance is important to you? I know for me half the fun of any trip or special date is the planning. I just love the planning &amp; anticipation. I love having something on my calendar to look forward to. My DH doesn't always make plans with me or understand this excitement. When it comes to his family he has to be the one to make plans or people don't really get together. So maybe when it comes to making plans for us he is all planned out. Does that make any sense? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/same-fight-over-and-over-again-like-a-broken-record#post-1840206 Thu, 28 Aug 2014 10:35:34 +0000 Mama Bird 1840206@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I suppose everyone has one of these things that you just can't resolve because both people feel strongly about it. We have the same argument over and over about how I want to be home with DS more, and my husband thinks I will do the family more good building my career.</p> <p>We haven't really agreed on a compromise yet... but at least we got through to each other that both of these things are really important to us and we will need to find a middle ground or one of us will be miserable. I guess it helps to remember that we're not trying to make each other's life difficult, just trying to make the best of a lose-lose situation.</p> <p>Sorry I don't have much advice... other than maybe bringing this up when you're not upset, and putting a positive light on what you want. Like instead of complaining that you never go out, it sounds less accusing if you say it would be great if you could go somewhere together this weekend :) And maybe meet him halfway and go to a game together, unless you'd be bored to tears there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/same-fight-over-and-over-again-like-a-broken-record#post-1840176 Thu, 28 Aug 2014 10:07:14 +0000 Foodnerd81 1840176@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, we have variations of the same fight over and over. There is slow improvement. It's similar to yours-- he can't commit to family things in advance because "it's too stressful" but when his buddy texts him about golfing he has no problem committing. Its frustrating but I guess it's better that we just have a couple of points of conflict, vs everything being a fight? Right? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/same-fight-over-and-over-again-like-a-broken-record#post-1840175 Thu, 28 Aug 2014 10:06:52 +0000 TheSwissWifeStyle 1840175@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think you're being silly about it. I'd be pissed. Sorry ::hugs:: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/same-fight-over-and-over-again-like-a-broken-record#post-1840165 Thu, 28 Aug 2014 09:49:52 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 1840165@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We acknowledge that it's the same fight, at least then OTs normally shorter and more focused on the "new" aspect of the problem, and it's easier to bring it up as an issue when we're not actively pissed off. Our fights are about him working too much, and there's no way to change that for us right now, so maybe it's different when it's more under his control... Sorry, I'm no help! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/same-fight-over-and-over-again-like-a-broken-record#post-1840127 Thu, 28 Aug 2014 09:08:37 +0000 Corduroy 1840127@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Honeydew: I could have written your post. I look forward to other's suggestions. We have a vacation coming up and he undid my plans with no suggestions of his own. Argh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/same-fight-over-and-over-again-like-a-broken-record#post-1840117 Thu, 28 Aug 2014 09:04:09 +0000 LuLu Mom 1840117@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We usually have the same recurring right as well, what works best for us is sitting down and trying to stay calm (he has a German temper and I have an Irish one, never a good combination.) But it's usually me needing some extra love and he usually is pretty good at recognizing that and makes an effort to show it more, it doesn't always come easy to him. But I'm someone who needs affection. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/same-fight-over-and-over-again-like-a-broken-record#post-1840106 Thu, 28 Aug 2014 08:57:03 +0000 Honeydew 1840106@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you feel like you and your SO have the same fight over and over again?</p> <p>My DH and I always have the same argument on how his excitement/effort/planning level(s) is not the same as when he goes out with his friends as they are when he goes out with me. i.e. His calendar has been planned out for the rest of the year with golf outings, a trip to Vegas, and a handful of football games. I encourage him to spend time with his friends, it is healthy. Yet he scoffed at me in getting a reservation for dinner for our respective birthdays saying it is 2 months away (it really is 5 weeks). I also mentioned we should get another date night on the calendar and he said we just had one (that was Aug 3). *rant*</p> <p>Am I being silly by always bringing this subject up? Obviously we are having this re-occurring issue, because it hasn't been resolved. I've voiced my opinion and my feelings on several occasions and still no resolve. Do any of you bees have advice or similar issues? </p>