https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 04 Apr 2026 11:14:13 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1418459 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 15:50:41 +0000 SugarplumsMom 1418459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We wag our finger and say 'uh-uh' or nah-ah! She knows she not supposed to do things and sometimes mocks us and starts wagging her finger when she sees us noticing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1418447 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 15:47:56 +0000 luckypenny 1418447@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@scg00387: agree! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1418430 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 15:40:54 +0000 immabeetoo 1418430@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'll give another example, of what PP means to me, from this morning. LO wanted some of the cake at a party; I didn't want him to have it because it had red dye in it. Instead of saying "no, you can't have the cake" I said "the cake isn't an option, would you rather have a clementine or cheese?". In our experience, the "no you can't have the cake" triggers tears whereas the latter is greeted with a calm toddler who picks a different snack.</p> <p>I certainly dont' think he will be an angel baby who does this all the time, but at least at this point (14 months) I think I see demonstrable instances in which phrasing things this way avoids tantrums, for my son :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1418419 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 15:38:04 +0000 immabeetoo 1418419@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@luckypenny: Yeah, I guess to me none of that reads as positive parenting; more like bad parenting :P. Avoiding no and phrasing things positively doesn't mean a lack of discipline or excusing away bad behavior, in my book at least! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1418311 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 15:10:43 +0000 mfa_lady 1418311@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have a LO, but I thought I'd share this story. My parents never said no to me when I was a little one - and then five years later, they tried the same technique on my little brother. Except then, I was around, and I told him no ALL THE TIME. My mom said I was so bossy and was always yelling "NO, J!" and it was super frustrating for her. Oops!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1418294 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 15:03:16 +0000 luckypenny 1418294@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@scg00387: I wasn't saying positive parenting was coddling, sorry if it came across like that. I agree with everything you wrote in your post. I just meant when she does things that I feel warrant a "no" in the first place (hitting, biting, etc...) I'll say no. I don't use it much in my everyday vocabulary with DD because she typically doesn't act like that. </p> <p>It kind of reminds me of something I saw while waiting for the train the other week. This mom with her maybe 8 year old boy were waiting near us for the next train. Suddenly, a police officer comes up and approaches them. This is the discussion:</p> <p>Cop: Was someone playing with the phone<br /> Mom: Yes, my son was...why?<br /> Cop: Well he dialed 911 and we are here making sure there is no emergency and that everyone is okay.<br /> Mom: Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't know he was doing that.<br /> (Boy has his back turned to police officer and is acting shy/knows he did something wrong).<br /> Cop: Yes, I suspected it was him because he ran away when he saw the cop car approaching. Just for future reference, 911 works.<br /> Mom (to the boy): Can you turn around and say sorry<br /> Boy refuses....<br /> Cop: Have a nice day!<br /> Boy starts whining and acting sad<br /> Mom: Oh its okay honey. I'm sorry. He wasn't mad. We're not mad.......etc etc etc.</p> <p>I would have absolutely made my kid turn around and apologize for being irresponsible and wasting the police officers time and presented it as a teaching opportunity for how it's inappropriate to joke around with 911 when it could interfere with someone who actually needs their services. Instead, she "coddled" him and seemed scared to say, "No. Your behavior was wrong." I just feel like sometimes people take the positive parenting to just not discipling their kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1418184 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 14:29:16 +0000 HLK208 1418184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I try to phrase it in a way that teaches her the right way to do things...but I don't have that much time every day lol so I do end up saying no more than I'd like. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1418171 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 14:25:18 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 1418171@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I personally don't think there is anything wrong with saying 'No'. I say it whenever necessary. </p> <p>That being said: Sometimes I feel like a broken record, so I try to mix it up and say "uh-oh, let's not do that" or "throwing food isn't OK". I just don't want LO to tune me out because I am constantly saying "no" 100x a day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1418138 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 14:17:17 +0000 immabeetoo 1418138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@luckypenny: I definitely wouldn't consider positive parenting as coddling. But obviously it's a matter of opinion. </p> <p>@mediagirl: @NurseMommy: @MamaMoose: What I've taken away isn't that you're avoiding 'no'; you're lessening it. I think this is a good, unbiased summary of the thought process behind it: <a href="http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/say-no-without-saying-no" rel="nofollow">http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/say-no-without-saying-no</a></p> <p>It is just common sense to me that my 14 month old is less likely to touch the dog's food when I tell him " that is for the dog, not for you -- why don't you play with this instead" instead of "no, don't touch the dog's food". I don't treat "no" as a dirty word - I just use it sparingly, and it typically gets his attention much more quickly when I use it. </p> <p>It definitely took us aback how often we were saying no, once we decided to pursue a different route. He doesn't get whatever he wants - and I don't see it as an introduction into long debates/negotiations once he is older. It's really nice now that he is a little older and we can say "we can go downstairs and play after we change your diaper" and he will go to his changing pad and wait whereas before we'd say "no, we can't go downstairs right now, you're wet" and he would cry through the diaper change. At least for him, it's almost like "No" shuts down hearing the rest of what we're explaining. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1417781 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 12:06:28 +0000 googly-eyes 1417781@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: @loveisstrange: and everyone else who talked about explanations.. Agreed.</p> <p>I don't always say yes but we say "yay!" and I acknowledge things like "you stacked four blocks!" or whatever. We're always talking about what were doing or not doing. Ok not 24/7 but often! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1417776 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 12:04:16 +0000 rachiecakes 1417776@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjyw: my husband is very big on this! I'm a little more "there are things you need to say no to" about it.<br /> For the most part we try to redirect, tell him to "stop", say "please don't" or "please stop". It's worked pretty well! He doesn't say 'no' to us, but will shake his head no sometimes when he's being whine-y but it's not often.</p> <p>Anytime there's danger (stairs, stove, etc.) I have told him, "no, absolutely do not" and get down on his level. He knows that "no" means serious business. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1417720 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 11:46:58 +0000 sandy 1417720@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: yes! I've read that kids that young don't always understand when you tell them not to do something but can more easily understand when you tell them what they should be doing. So instead of "no hitting"' it's more helpful to say "gentle touching" or when they open the cabinet doors don't just say "no, don't do that" rather "please close it" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1417715 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 11:45:25 +0000 LuLu Mom 1417715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well I didn't say no, and would say "E stop touching" or "please stop that." Well her first phrase was "stop it." which in my mind is no better than her now saying "no no" all the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1417711 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 11:44:57 +0000 hilsy85 1417711@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The blog post today about postive parenting kind of explains why @mrsjyw: might not want to say "no" all the time, and why she might be looking for a way to rephrase things...I think saying no a lot can create a kind of negative environment, especially if you have a kid who is constantly testing limits/boundaries and doing things that they need to be re directed away from--like my LO! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1417705 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 11:44:18 +0000 edelweiss 1417705@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>it's hard not to say it. i try to say "dangerous" or "careful" or "dirty" in a "don't do that" kind of tone. these days i usually have to couple it with physically removing him from whatever he's trying to get into and distracting him because whereas before my warnings would make him hesitate, he is beyond that now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1417703 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 11:43:59 +0000 mrsjyw 1417703@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Beehive: A does that too ;)</p> <p>I think overall, we are saying the same things that others here posted. We say No, we don't grab Bailey like that, an then redirect.<br /> No, that's not a toy, No, you should be gentle. No, you shouldn't play on that, you'll fall and hit your head, etc.</p> <p>I just feel like in general, we say NO a lot and don't want everything to seem off limits. Since we don't verbalize every action that IS okay. Like of course we praise him, but I don't think we say YES as often daily for when he's doing the right things, yanno? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1417702 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 11:43:55 +0000 NurseMommy 1417702@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't really get why we're not supposed to say no? I had a friend whose daughter was 2.5 and was going to grab a breakable ornament off the Christmas tree. I was out of range and said "no, x!" She immediately started BAWLING. I was freaked out. Lol. Her mom mentioned that they never use "that word". I personally feel that it's necessary sometimes.</p> <p>@Looch: explained while I was typing. ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1417701 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 11:42:49 +0000 looch 1417701@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The issue isn't that they're being told no, the issue is that sometimes, kids need to have it explained to them what appropriate behavior is. They're not hitting the dog because they think it's bad, they hit the dog because the dog reacts (or maybe doesn't, dependning on the dog). So, I find it more effective to say "this is how we pet the dog" rather than "no, we don't hit the dog." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1417699 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 11:42:34 +0000 mediagirl 1417699@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Why don't you want to say no? We say it all the time. She knows what "no" means and even if it means a tantrum is coming after saying it, it helps all of us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1417692 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 11:40:51 +0000 hilsy85 1417692@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Beehive: ha L does the same thing! He'll see the scissors and say "no no no" at the same time, lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1417654 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 11:28:58 +0000 Beehive 1417654@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe I'm doing this wrong, but we say no and it has been working well at the moment... I want J to clearly know what's a "no no", by setting limits and being consistent. He's picked up on it well too - he will look at things I have consistently told him not to touch (plugs, cords, the AV receiver, the TV) and say "no no" (and usually walk away). When he does walk away and not touch those things, we praise him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1417635 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 11:25:36 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 1417635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that as long as you do what @MamaMoose: said, you're fine. Saying "no" with an explanation as to why they shouldn't do it helps them to understand why it's bad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1417629 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 11:23:56 +0000 luckypenny 1417629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: agree. I don't think "no" is a bad word. If she's doing something worthy of me telling her "no" in the first place, it's probably appropriate to use and I don't want to coddle her by saying "mommy doesn't like it when you hit her" or "please dont throw things at mommy". I think never hearing no would be doing her a disservice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1417614 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 11:20:35 +0000 lilyann 1417614@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I try to switch it up sometimes, but I still say "no" a lot. It is hard not to since that is how I was raised. "No, let's not play with that, you can play with this though." Is something I find myself saying a lot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1417611 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 11:20:03 +0000 littlebug 1417611@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We say no, but then explain, like @MamaMoose: says. We'll say, "D, no, it's not nice to throw your cup." Sometimes "no" is just necessary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1417607 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 11:19:18 +0000 mrs. tictactoe 1417607@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @MamaMoose on this one. We say no sometimes, but my philosophy is to say it once (no hitting) and then redirect him quickly. My husband will sometimes just keep saying no over and over and expect him to just stop and I'm trying to show him that it's easier to distract him than to just keep repeating himself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1417605 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 11:18:49 +0000 loveisstrange 1417605@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: Agree.</p> <p>We are "free range" parents and like to let her be independent and explore, but when she is doing something bad we tell her no. "No, we dont color on the wall", "No, we don't hit". I try to follow up with what she's doing that she shouldn't be when we say it though. So it's not just a straight "no" all the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1417602 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 11:18:27 +0000 rattles 1417602@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're in the same stage, and it's so hard! I don't have a problem saying no to her, but I'm trying to teach/guide where I can. I try and explain then redirect, e.g. "Ew, L, the toilet is yucky and we'll have to stop playing to wash our hands! Why don't we have a dance party instead!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1417592 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 11:15:36 +0000 MamaMoose 1417592@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Meh. We say no to M when it's necessary "no, we don't hit the dog"... "no, we don't throw our food on the floor". No one is ever going to get through their whole life without ever being told no, so I don't really see the big issue with it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no#post-1417590 Wed, 12 Feb 2014 11:15:27 +0000 pinkcupcake 1417590@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No (hehe), sorry, I don't have any advice but is feel ya! I try to just let my almost 2yo explore whatever she wants to so long as it's not dangerous or beyond messy (example: pouring juice out of her cup into her play cooking pans and then slurping it - gross). The good thing is- since we don't say no often, she usually listens the few times we do say it. </p>