https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 09 Apr 2026 11:12:30 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2850119 Tue, 09 Oct 2018 12:46:02 +0000 periwinklebee 2850119@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't really go out in the evenings as the logistics are challenging, as I do daycare pickup, breastfeed, and DH sometimes can't get home until 7 or later. There's also what you mention, chores to take care of in the evening and I'm tired. And I do really cherish the time with DS. However, as he gets older and is weaned, i think it will be good for me to sometimes have a break... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2850115 Tue, 09 Oct 2018 12:37:34 +0000 autumnleaves 2850115@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think how many people were invited factors in and how upset the friend might be. If it is just you and her or a handful of close friends - it would be nice if the timing of it was to occur after your LO went to bed or if you could meet them after you put LO to bed but if it is so many people that she is not going to notice or be able to connect with you I would not worry about it. Also if you are too tired or someone in your family is sick - anything can happen at any time - it is understandable.<br /> I have said no a bunch of times to not going out during the week and I definitely think it has hurt my friendships - I think most of my friends get it but at the same time I have become that undependable friend because my focus is my family and I wish I could be there for everybody.<br /> As the kids have gotten older, I have been able to get it out more in the evenings during the week and I am hoping to prove myself a friend/dependable again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2850017 Tue, 09 Oct 2018 09:11:22 +0000 snowjewelz 2850017@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have mixed feelings about this. I totally understand why you don't want to go, and I generally don't either. I work full time and I so feel you about never having enough time with the kids. My reservation about going out on a weeknight is also more logistical; as they're a little older now it's easier for DH but I know we both try not to be away for dinner/bed time. If I have to go out after they go to sleep, I totally would as I never do anyway! </p> <p>So that brings me to the next point, if I never go out anyway, this might be a good excuse to actually say you know what, I am going to go and enjoy myself and be there for my friend! But I think it's also okay to tell your friend no, but I would absolutely make another plan with her and treat her to something nice, just the two of you. And I agree with someone else, if you can get send a bottle of something to her on you at the venue, that would be a very nice touch! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849973 Tue, 09 Oct 2018 06:57:31 +0000 hilary 2849973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I tend to go to things after my kids go to bed (but they go to bed super early)if at all possible. It's a hard balance. If it's a good friend and I decide to skip, I've called the restaurant ahead and bought a bottle of whatever they like as a surprise. I think it's little gestures (could be a card and a little treat or flowers on her actual birthday) that show that you still prioritize the friendship even though coming to the dinner doesn't work for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849967 Tue, 09 Oct 2018 06:16:45 +0000 nana87 2849967@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I often have events for work on weekday evenings which means I don’t get to see my girls, and I hate it at the time but they’re important professionally. I’d feel the same about social events; I hate missing the evening but my social circle has gotten smaller and smaller after having kids and also being in a transient work environment, so I would try to maintain friendships that I can </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849963 Tue, 09 Oct 2018 05:56:02 +0000 ElbieKay 2849963@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I almost never went out on weeknights when I was nursing my son (~14mo) because the logistics were too complicated and I didn’t want to bother.</p> <p>Then I started to go out occasionally, sometimes for work events and sometimes for social events. Eventually by the time my son was four I was probably out 1-3 times per month. In almost every case, my husband is home to run point instead.</p> <p>But we pretty much never go out or use babysitters on the weekends.</p> <p>Now I am nursing infant twins so the clock has reset.</p> <p>In your case I would probably try to go. But it is ok to skip too. I share your views on adult birthdays btw. Maybe as a compromise you could suggest making plans to see your friend one-on-one so you can really catch up with her instead of being in a group setting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849945 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 20:46:39 +0000 Mrsbells 2849945@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsBAM: I would just say you cant.make it because your weekday schedule is hectic and ask if you can something to celebrate her birthday the weekend after. I personally believe that its important to explain boundaries to friends rather than suffer silently </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849929 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 19:23:14 +0000 erinbaderin 2849929@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me, it would depend. What time did the dinner start? If I’d still have time to spend some time with my baby I might consider it. That being said, my kids are 4 and 2 and I still hate to miss bedtime with them! I try to make my plans so that I can leave at 7:30 once they’re already in bed. And I also get up at 5 and it would basically take an act of God to get me to be out later than 9 on a weeknight. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849927 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 18:40:08 +0000 SweetiePie 2849927@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>To answer your first question, I would definitely go. It’s 2 hours out of a lifetime. I get that the time during the week is precious, but so are friendships. You likely wont ever look back and say “man I wish I hadn’t missed that 2 hours of dinner and bedtime routine”. BUT you might look back one day and wish you had nurtured your friendships more.<br /> While I get that you want her to be understanding of your lifestyle, I would also try to be understanding of her lifestyle. You didn’t say if she’s married, just that she doesn’t have kids. But either way, this is her life right now. She doesn’t have kids and she wants to celebrate her birthday with friends. It doesn’t really matter if you don’t think bdays are a big deal anymore, it’s clearly important to her so I would make it a priority. As an example, I have a good friend who is still single (one of my only ones at 38) and she has a huge bday party every year. Massive. Like rents out a bar and covers everyone’s drinks. I personally don’t care for that for my bday anymore, nor do I care for the people who show up to her parties, but it’s what she wants to do for her bday so I oblige. It’s one night a year.<br /> I SAH now, but I did work when my son was 1yo and he had a super early bedtime. 6pm. So if I didn’t rush home I didn’t see him. Yeah those nights were a bummer but looking back it was a blip on the radar. We made the most of our weekends. </p> <p>Now, all that being said - that’s my opinion! And you are entitled to yours! If you truly don’t want to go and think you’ll regret it for weeks or months to come, then don’t go. I would just tell her that weeknights aren’t great for you these days, but You’d love to take her to breakfast or brunch one weekend morning during a nap - one with a mimosa or two ;-) Thay way she knows that you value her and her friendship, it’s truly the weeknight thing that held you back. </p> <p>And I’ll just add - I get that as parents we feel like people without kids have it easier and it’s easier for them to bend for us. But I also try to remember that I was childless once too (and not necessarily by choice) and when you don’t have kids there’s truly no way to understand what it’s like to have them. And it was frustrating when it felt like everyone around me had kids and expected me to cater to them. And that when you don’t have kids, your priorities are different - like maybe going out more on weeknights. So if I expect her to occasionally go out of her way and come to me because she “has it easier” logistically, then I can occasionally go out of my comfort zone and have a weeknight dinner.<br /> When everyone around you has kids (and I don’t know if that’s the case for her, per se) it can feel lonely or isolating. Just my two cents! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849926 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 18:32:51 +0000 Becky 2849926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yea I hate it too. Usually I’ll go, but my husband and I have 5 separate overnight work trips within 5 weeks so I just declined something today. I try to make things late—like 7pm so I barely miss bedtime. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849912 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 16:30:44 +0000 agold 2849912@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsBAM: It's great to have understanding friends. The baby stage doesn't last long over the course of a long term friendship. If you miss a few birthdays, it shouldn't matter. I'd meet up with her for a Sunday brunch during your baby's nap to make up for missing her weekday birthday dinner. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849906 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 16:00:14 +0000 wrkbrk 2849906@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsBAM: I don’t personally feel this way but it’s completely understandable that someone would. I’d just tell her the truth - you’re in the busiest season of life and you rarely commit to anything on a week night. Totally legit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849900 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 15:47:45 +0000 daniellemybelle 2849900@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's fine to say no. People say no to invitations for all kinds of reasons! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849851 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 13:47:12 +0000 pachamama 2849851@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You don't need to justify anything. I sooo am with you on not going out during the week. These early years are tough. I literally tell my friend, "I'm lame, I don't go out on weekdays!" So they know to never invite me and life is good. None of my mom friends do anything during the week. I'm sure your friend will be the same when she has kids Like maybe 5xs in my son's 2.75 years have I been social without him during the week. And I don't regret it tho I do wish I was more flexible and social but it's just not how I am- at this point in my life! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849848 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 13:42:12 +0000 josina 2849848@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It took me a long time to get over the guilt of going out on a weeknight! DH and I make Thursday nights our 'date night' and I still always rush back home because I miss the kiddo's (almost 4 and 2-1/2). So I get it!<br /> I have a group of girl friends who will occasionally go out on Friday nights and I would sometimes take off early so I'd still get time with the kiddos before I went out. Its easier now that they're older. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849842 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 13:33:50 +0000 Foodnerd81 2849842@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like this is an introvert vs extrovert thing- some people get recharged from this kind of thing and would go and deal with missing bedtime and being a little more tired. Some people (me) it would just take a lot out of them and they’d be feeling the effects all week. </p> <p>I know you already declined, but I would probably do the same thing- not even for the guilt of not seeing LO, just for being that tired for the rest of the week. Maybe you can get together for a bday celebration the next weekend. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849811 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 11:54:49 +0000 Mama Bird 2849811@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm more relaxed about this now, but I used to feel so awful if I came home late and missed bedtime. It's really coming from the kids - when I knew someone's probably crying for me, I couldn't enjoy parties at all. Now I know they're most likely getting an awesome bedtime story from DH and not that upset, so I'm not as bothered about the (very rare) late night out.</p> <p>It sounds like you'd be miserable if you went, though. Don't feel guilty about saying no. You don't even have to go into details, just thank her for the invitation, say that going out on weekends is hard for you these days, and that you hope she has a great party! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849807 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 11:28:55 +0000 Mademoiselle3 2849807@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I may be in the minority here but when I'm invited somewhere after work, like a happy hour or dinner, I usually go. It's important for me to find balance, and not to mention, it's good for my mental health to take some 'me' time, even if it is during the week. </p> <p>I actually prefer doing things on weeknights because LO is sleeping most of the time and I don't have to worry about nap times, logistics, etc. DH and I have a good system if the other goes out. </p> <p>So if you would like my opinion on what I would do, I would say hells yes, go out. </p> <p>But that doesn't work for everyone. So I say "you do you" and if staying home is the better option for you, then hells yes, do it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849806 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 11:28:27 +0000 MsBAM 2849806@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Iced Tea: this is how I feel too. He’s growing so fast!! She actually understood and isn’t upset. So I’m thankful for friends that understand :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849804 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 11:21:54 +0000 Iced Tea 2849804@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’ve finally found peace with skipping events while my kids are little. Sometimes it’s just too much to ask, plus I remind myself this stage is only a couple of years long. Soon I will be more available again; this is temporary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849796 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 10:58:01 +0000 MsBAM 2849796@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SupernovaJ: @cake2017: very true!!! We are good enough friends that she wouldn’t hold it against me. The mama guilt is so real. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849794 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 10:55:30 +0000 cake2017 2849794@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsBAM: Nothing wrong with saying no. I would for the same reasons! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849793 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 10:53:54 +0000 SupernovaJ 2849793@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I rarely make exceptions to go out during weeknights for the same reasons. I WOH full time and feel my time is so limited with my little ones! So unless it's a very close friend's birthday or someone is visiting town, I rarely go out M-F. They will stop asking eventually! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849792 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 10:49:57 +0000 MsBAM 2849792@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Madison43: I feel the same. Going out has a ripple effect on the rest of the night and the next day too unfortunately. That’s why I feel weekends work best but I don’t expect anyone to change their schedule for me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849791 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 10:47:57 +0000 Madison43 2849791@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsBAM: I’m the same as you...I almost never went out during the week when my kids were very little and if I did, it was after bedtime, which was miserable for me the next day. It is what it is. I would just say that you wish you could join, but weekdays are just too chaotic right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849790 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 10:46:00 +0000 MsBAM 2849790@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@kiddosc: I don’t think it will damage the friendship. She’s a good friend and wouldn’t use that against me. And I have no problem with weekends. I have a friend that has kids and when I didn’t have a LO yet, I always went to her during the week bc I knew she was busy. I think this friend that asked me wouldn’t be upset! I just feel guilty. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849788 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 10:45:27 +0000 MsBAM 2849788@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: makes me feel better! If it was a weekend I would go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849787 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 10:44:59 +0000 kiddosc 2849787@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsBAM: That's fine if you feel that way. Each person has their own priorities and you are confident in yours. But know that it's likely to damage your friendship with this person. It's not really fair to expect to only see her if she comes to you just because you have children and she does not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849786 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 10:44:24 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2849786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’d probably skip too. During the week anything abnormal like a dinner out off throws off my schedule. My som’s bedtime at 8 pm is basically my bedtime too. She probably selected a bday dinner that is conveneient for her, but since it’s not for you just say so. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849785 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 10:41:00 +0000 MsBAM 2849785@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@kiddosc: I don’t mind spending the time, like if she came over during the week. It’s the going out part that’s a bit chaotic bc then I’m prob up even later and still getting up at 5 and not seeing my LO for almost 2 days. Maybe most people think differently than me, but I don’t want to leave my LO knowing my time during the week is already so limited. I have greater guilt about that that not going out for her birthday. :sad: </p>