https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 25 Apr 2026 09:49:33 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2885479 Fri, 24 May 2019 10:08:04 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2885479@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>okay so first of all I am right in your shoes because I am a hot head by my very nature and having a tantrum is my weakness in life. My experience is that anticipating triggers is the most important thing for me. my biggest trigger is getting overwhelmed so the goal for me is to avoid experiences of overwhelm as much as I possibly can. for example yesterday I was trying to move a water table full of water from the driveway to the grass and my son wanted to talk to me about whether or not a tornado was going to hit our house. sounds bizarre I know but he is obsessed with natural disasters and calamities right now and we live in an area of the country that frequently gets tornadoes in the spring. I was trying to entertain these questions and move the water table and I dropped the part of the water table and the big toy on the top of the water table flew up and hit me right in the head. I ended up screaming at my son I do not want to talk about tornadoes right now! of course I felt bad afterwards but the truth is that I should have either told him before I started doing the work that I did not want to talk while I was doing the work or I should have gotten done with the tornado conversation. at the time my husband was working late and I was trying to do something to keep them entertained before bed. Anyway it is always some sort of combination of environmental factors that gets me emotional. So for me the biggest thing is to take care of those external factors as much as possible first. Of course you can't always control your external factors so I think that the second step is trying to walk away from the situation if it's safe to do so. right now with my younger son my biggest flashpoint is getting him in the car. so once I get him in the car sometimes I will just take that 10-minute drive to be totally quiet. no music etc and I will explicitly tell my boys that I don't want to talk right now. By the time we get to our destination I'm usually feeling much better. Another thing I try to do is to make my screaming about me. So for example use I statements even when screaming! and I have actually heard my kids follow me on this. They will scream things like "I am really upset right now!" no screaming is not the solution, but it's baby steps right? I also try to have a very flat and accepting attitude when my kids scream. That way even if we do have an episode we resolved it fairly quickly. Most of the time they are willing to extend this grace to me as well. I also agree with other posters that having hard consequences that you already have lined up for bad behavior is a way to give you a sense of control that doesn't require raising your voice. I think is also really helpful for me to acknowledge that as other posters have said it does me no good to scream because all it does is create a power struggle and then whatever the original issue was gets lost in all of the drama. So if I have an issue it is better for me to come up with some sort of solution or consequence and implement that instead of letting it go in the moment and then whenever it comes up again, getting angry. Or I can just accept that he's too immature or too young for the issue to get any better and then it does not have the same power over me. I don't know what your kids situation is but my kids are approaching the end of their school year and I can tell they're absolutely worn out. It is making bedtime miserable and it is making getting up in the morning miserable. I am truly looking forward to everyone having a little bit of a break from school schedule and extracurriculars. a lot of my flashpoints have to do with scheduling getting out the door etcetera and I do have to acknowledge that I exacerbate these problems by keeping us over scheduled! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2885377 Wed, 22 May 2019 22:30:16 +0000 ALV91711 2885377@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you do timeouts? DS is 6 and I don’t have to do them often but if he’s really not listening then I’ll say to him you either need to do x or go to your room for a time out. A lot of the time he will choose to listen. If he goes to the time out it gives us both a few minutes to cool down and then we can talk briefly about what was wrong and carry on. </p> <p>I know DS has a hard time sitting to finish dinner when he is excited or looking forward to something after dinner. Especially on these nice nights when he wants to go play outside with his friends. He will try and get up. We’ve just been reminding him he needs to eat until he’s full. If he just won’t finish/really isn’t that hungry then we let him go from the table and remind him that he has to finish his dinner before he can have a bedtime snack. He usually happily finishes dinner later on. To us it isn’t worth the fight to make him sit and eat. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2885376 Wed, 22 May 2019 22:30:13 +0000 Andrea 2885376@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For your dinner example, I would take the dinner away after several warnings. I think my kids tend to fool around when they’re not really that hungry anyway. So I say dinner is over and it’s time to shower. They will rarely say that they are hungry later on so maybe your son is already full? And in general, perhaps your son needs more consequences for misbehaving rather than just hearing you yell? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2885375 Wed, 22 May 2019 22:00:04 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2885375@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a yeller. What has helped me recently is when we were having a HUGE issue with behavior (we are living with my parents between selling g our home and moving to a new one so it's understandable but unacceptable behavior). So we set up "family rules". Obey. Be kind. Be a helper. We run all out behavior through this lens and talk about examples that either fit the family values or don't. They are trying to earn a trip my mom wants to take them on and I want them to go. So it makes it really easy for me to immediately begin gently reminding them of our family values instead of screaming at them. </p> <p>This is honestly the most patiently and kindly and gently I've ever parented. I really do yell a lot myself. Having these family values set up and discussed in a time of calm + working toward a goal that "good" behavior can get us if we work as a team is a huge help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2885270 Wed, 22 May 2019 08:10:53 +0000 josina 2885270@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: Your dinner table frustrations are totally me and 4 YO DS... he is constantly on the go and it's so hard to get him to sit still. DH can use a stern voice and get results, but I feel like I have to yell to get him to listen at all.<br /> Last night DH was like... you need to stop yelling, it's not working, try something else... it was kind of an epiphany for me, because it's NOT working.<br /> I am trying to ask him to look at me, and respond 'yes mom' and so far that works better but we're only on day 1, lol.<br /> This morning DS wanted a 'game' (kids you tube) and I said he had to be 100% ready first.. he ended up not being ready in time so it was his own consequence, and he actually forgot all about it once it was time to leave. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2885268 Wed, 22 May 2019 08:04:40 +0000 erinbaderin 2885268@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: I think it's situational but for me, in the situation you've described above, I would say "Are you done? If you're not done you need to come back to the table." Give it a minute and then say "Ok, it seems like you're going. I'm going to count to five and if you're not back at the table I'm going to put your dinner away." Then I count to five and put dinner away. It seems like he doesn't take you seriously without getting angry because the only consequence is that you get angry.</p> <p>I also think you need to remember that 7 is still very young! You say you understand meltdowns because of tiredness when he was young, but he's still young! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2885261 Wed, 22 May 2019 07:46:48 +0000 irene 2885261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all -- I really appreciate the advice and thoughts, and the book reference. Sorry for not replying as I was out, and also I enjoy reading without constantly interrupting your ideas.</p> <p>It has a lot to do with my triggers, my fears (when I lost control of a situation), and my expectation. It got worse as DS grows older as more expectation comes with age. I am in general very tolerable when I understand why there is a meltdown (eg. when he meltdown because of jet lag, or hungry, tired when he was little) but now my thinking is, at some situations, how are you still doing it when you are 7 yo? Then, there are so many times we ended up in a bad situation because HE made a bad choice. For example, bedtime was at 8:30pm and supposed to go to sleep by 9. There was a period of time he wouldn't go to sleep until 10 or 11 (!!!) Then, the next morning he wouldn't wake up, and/or he wakes up in a bad mood, and started screaming at me. That is one of the big triggers - when the natural consequences hits ME instead of him all the time. </p> <p>My fellow Yoda moms, how do you ride above that?</p> <p>One more question: What do you do when your LOs do not listen, and there is nothing works that can get them to listen? Say we are eating dinner. He got off and pretended to be a bouncing ball around the house. I said you gotta come back sit down and finish your dinner. He ignores me. You count 1, 2, 3, works for 2 minutes then he bounced off again. Then you raised your angry voice and he sat for maybe 10... or I have to make everything really serious and the vibe of "mommy is mad" for him to realize I better sit down and eat. He doesn't take me seriously unless I am angry. Not a good solution (not a solution at all) but nothing works! It happens every day on eating and everything else. What do you do to get your LOs listen? Don't think about your own LOs as they might listen better. Think about what if your child truly does not comply? How do I turn the ship around?</p> <p>Thank you and I hope you guys are still reading this... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2885117 Tue, 21 May 2019 05:38:32 +0000 Elizabear 2885117@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm mostly successful try to remember that I am the model for my child when feeling strong emotions. How can I expect a child to not scream or show strong emotions if I am as the adult? I grew up in a screaming "Do as I say not as I do" house and I don't want that for my daughter which is where my motivation comes from. For me, screaming comes from a loss of power or control in a situation, so I feel powerful when I know that my calmness is teaching her how to manage her emotions. Screaming doesn't make any situation better ; it brings emotions higher. I want her to learn that. It also helps that my husband is the calmest person so I have him as my model for how this is totally possible when I didn't grow up that way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2885073 Mon, 20 May 2019 14:04:46 +0000 hellobeeboston 2885073@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, this is me. I hate that I lose my temper and end up screaming, but I find it happening more and more often, usually in the mornings as we're trying to get out the door. I have tried to recognize what is causing it (typically it's that we're running late) and try to set us up for success, but it doesn't always happen. The other trigger is when they DON'T LISTEN. Drives me completely bananas. TV is another trigger so I have to severely limit their time on it, or not allow it at all....</p> <p>@SproutBee: Thanks for the book reco - adding it to my list. It's funny, I'm the opposite with my kids. My older one triggers me SO quickly. My little one can pretty much get away with anything and I'm un-phased. I feel terrible that this is my mindset with them, and I KNOW it's not fair. I need to figure out a way to shift my thinking..... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2884918 Fri, 17 May 2019 22:25:07 +0000 SproutBee 2884918@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Solidarity, sister. My mom was a screamer. I am a screamer. It’s a daily battle to break the cycle. </p> <p>Interestingly my oldest son very rarely triggers me, but my youngest son triggers me SO OFTEN. </p> <p>The book “Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids” by Dr. Laura Markham really helped me process my yelling and put things into perspective. I think I’ve gotten much better since reading it. Not perfect- but better. I try my best to breathe when I feel myself frustrated and force myself to talk in a regular volume. Once I escalate it’s nearly impossible to bring myself down, so I work hard in the moment on preventing the escalation. </p> <p>It’s not perfect. My 3 year olds tantrum last night at bedtime put me over the edge. So maybe I need to read the book again. :-/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2884916 Fri, 17 May 2019 21:04:35 +0000 lamariniere 2884916@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Another recommendation for therapy. I have had a lot of anxiety for the last few years and I’ve done CBT twice, most recently ending this past December. I never realized how much my anxiety (about seemingly unrelated things) was linked to me yelling, but was definitely affecting it. I have been much calmer for the past 6 months and don’t let the little things get to me as much. Occasionally, I do still yell, but now it’s more of an end of my rope situation when my kid has disobeyed after multiple warnings. Also, I totally agree with @Andrea: about meditation/mindfulness. I try to do short (2 minute) mindful breathing exercises twice a day and it really helps. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2884882 Fri, 17 May 2019 14:27:40 +0000 cyoung 2884882@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely therapy could help. I have awful axienty which can turn into irritability. I personally deal with being bipolor. I get overwhelmed easily as well. Therapy has helped so much! My therapist has really helped me see different ways of thinking and given me tips. My mom is also bipolor and was a yeller as well as physically abusive to me. (Not saying you are) I find myself taking on those personality traits besides the physical. I get loud at times and irritable and my fuse can be short. I've gotten better. I'm on my meds (I have to be on something being bipolor) and with therapy I've gotten a lot better. I've also looked up podcasts on "calm parenting" there is a lot of tips out there. Books are hard for to read. I dont have time but I can do a YouTube video or podcast </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2884877 Fri, 17 May 2019 13:50:22 +0000 JennyPenny 2884877@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I used to be really bad at this myself, and I second the recommendations of books others put up there. It's definitely helped me shift and be calmer, and DS acts up less as a result. Another practical tip that helped is I started apologizing if I lost my cool and yelled loudly. I think the act of telling him I was sorry for it helped me in the future to keep from doing it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2884876 Fri, 17 May 2019 13:49:47 +0000 Foodnerd81 2884876@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: yeah, when I hear my kids playing pretend and the “mommy” sounds frighteningly like me, it’s a wake up call. But then big sister hits little sister and I lose my mind again. </p> <p>@irene: as usual, I totally get it. And I’ve read most of the books people have mentioned. And not to sound totally crazy, but my daughter really truly is harder than most kids, combined with the fact that I’m generally stressed and don’t have the best coping skills myself, and yeah, I’m in a bad pattern of screaming way too much. But for me there are certain things i can’t ignore- like there has been a lot of hitting between the siblings. My almost 6 year old is old enough to know better than to hit her 3 year old sister, but she doesn’t have the ability to stop herself somehow. Just like I’m 38 and old enough to know better than screaming at my kids... I apologize when I lose it, and I do take time outs for myself and tell the kids that I need to be by myself to cool down. That helps when we are at home at least. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2884873 Fri, 17 May 2019 13:16:22 +0000 Andrea 2884873@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't read the responses, but have you tried to meditate? When I remember, I take a few minutes to do so before leaving my bedroom and dealing with the morning rush. I've found that if I start the morning off yelling then it really snowballs into the rest of the day. And there's no worse feeling than sending your kids off to school in a bad mood so I hate starting the morning off with yelling! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2884869 Fri, 17 May 2019 12:35:32 +0000 Mrs. Pajamas 2884869@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: I totally struggle with this because I'm the world's most impatient person so my kids (both DDs, 4.5 and almost 2) get to me AAALLLL the time. I've been happy with how I handle things so I thought I'd throw in some other ideas and definitely agree with others/you that screaming at your kids is not helpful for anyone (though it feels good for a minute--oh how I understand that!). </p> <p>Take a step back and remember that when your kids scream/are annoying it's because they want attention. If you yell back, you're giving them what they want and encouraging the behavior. I do NOT want to encourage them to be loud/rude/annoying when I'm busy, so I mostly ignore my kids when they piss me off because I want to send the message that I'm not interested in that behavior. If it's hard to ignore, like they are nagging me, I often turn on music or sometimes say to DH "did you hear something? I didn't". Ha! super obnoxious but it does tend to work.</p> <p>And then I always make sure to lay on the attention/positive feedback/hugs and love when they do something nicely or respect my space and don't interrupt. I try to channel Janet Lansbury who encourages positive attention over negative reactions. It's my biggest challenge as a parent right now but I know it will pay off in the long term. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2884867 Fri, 17 May 2019 12:20:40 +0000 jape14 2884867@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Echoing others that therapy (particularly CBT) would be useful. Ultimately it's a self-regulation problem and when you're in a "hot" state (emotions running high, tired, frustrated, hungry, etc), it becomes really hard to have a "cool" even-tempered response, especially if that's not your typical response pattern. </p> <p>I do think some parenting books (like 1-2-3 magic mentioned above) have good "scripts" for these situations. I really enjoyed the books "Ignore It!" and "How to talk so (little) kids will listen" for ideas/scripts for responses in these sorts of situations. So until you can get with a therapist and start really working on these general response patterns, I think those might be helpful to give you ideas for what you can do instead of screaming. </p> <p>One self-regulation strategy that is pretty effective that may work for you is something called implementation intentions. The basic idea is that you spend some time thinking about how you'll respond before the situation arises (when you are in a "cool" state) and come up with an "if-then" plan. So it might be something like "IF my son yells at me and I feel frustrated, THEN I will tell him I need a minute and leave the room (or insert whatever response is desired)." And you do this repeatedly until the response behavior is so associated with the cue (ie your kid yelling) that it starts to become your dominant response pattern. It takes practice but it's shown to be very effective, especially in the area of emotion regulation (which is what you seem to say you struggle with).</p> <p>Finally, while it's true that some people are naturally "better" at this kind of emotion regulation, it's not just a predetermined "I'm good at it or not, and I can't change" thing. The fact that you recognize these behavior patterns aren't good and you want to change them is a good first step!</p> <p>(Disclaimer: not a therapist, but I study self-regulation.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2884865 Fri, 17 May 2019 11:25:13 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2884865@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>IDK...I just accept that LO is his own person and will do things that irk me because he had a mind of his own and very few cares in the world. What I mean by that is he has little regard for keeping to a schedule he isn’t the one trying to- we are. Natural consequences affect him sure, but short term gains are what’s on his mind most often than not. </p> <p>Recently LO wanted to play pretend where he was mommy and it was a wake up call on my mean tone. Here I thought I was being stern and giving clear, concise instructions and what he parroted back was irritability. I’m a work in progress too. When I feel unheard and exasperated I ask LO questions “what does mommy want you to do?” Followed by “what are you doing?” Making him aware of his actions has helped him refocus to the task at hand. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2884860 Fri, 17 May 2019 11:04:40 +0000 Madison43 2884860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: basically therapy, a lot of therapy. Until I could figure out what was actually triggering me to lose my temper (it’s not just that they are not listening - that’s annoying on its own but there’s always something behind it), I had absolutely no space to take a deep breath or walk away or whatever. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2884856 Fri, 17 May 2019 10:28:34 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2884856@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: your conversation with @gotkimchi made me actually think of cognitive behavioural therapy. I do it for my anxiety with a therapist. Think of your screaming as a pattern. It’s second nature to just react and your brains familiar pathway takes over. Through seeing a therapist it could help you take more control over your thoughts and that instinctive pathway. You have more control than you think, you just have to create a way to reroute the pattern.</p> <p>For example, when I feel anxiety I have 3 or 4 phrases that I use to snap myself out of it. They are like questions: how do I feel? Why do I feel like this? What would I rather be doing? It takes a LOT of practice and it’s not perfect but it has helped a lot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2884853 Fri, 17 May 2019 10:12:20 +0000 Ajsmommy 2884853@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I employ something like what your husband does and somehow it just works.. trust me I am a yeller/swearer and b!tch in my real life.. and I have ZERO patience for things.. Honestly I was worried when I had kids that I'd be a ragey, yelley, mean mommy. Somehow though I have the utmost patience for my kids and I think it's bc I just always tell myself they are KIDS, they don't know any better and when they do the things that make me ragey it's usually them just exploring their world or trying to learn something new... ie: throwing their yogurt all over the floor or dumping a bowl full of crackers onto the floor and then stomping on them.. ugh.. normally I'd be screaming but I tell myself they are learning and testing things out... </p> <p>And sometimes I do yell or get snappy.. usually when we are rushing.. that's my hot temper time. If I do get yelley or snappy I just remind myself once I've cooled down and I make myself apologize to them. I admit I am wrong and I explain why I did it and what I should do instead. Kind of turn it into a learning time for all of us. </p> <p>Don't be so hard on yourself. Some people just yell. DH does.....</p> <p>ETA: when DD does get an attitude with me, you know like she's 15 already and she gets that tone... or the eyeroll.. honestly I just laugh and then she usually laughs too.. situation defused. Or i'll say "woah little miss sass a frass" or something to make her laugh and then we are ok...</p> <p>if she's yelling at me I tell her that it's not nice and to please use a nice voice. If she doesn't then i'll sometimes jokingly YELL back but not in anger more in a funny/look this isn't necessary way and then again the situation is usually defused. </p> <p>If she's really out of her mind screaming/crying then we tell her to take some deep breaths to calm down so we can talk.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2884852 Fri, 17 May 2019 10:06:13 +0000 Jess1483 2884852@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wasn’t a screamer, but I was a lecturer. I found the system 1-2-3 Magic to be really efficient for changing my approach. The system requires that all you do for a known offense (like being screamed at) is give warnings (that’s 1, that’s 2, take 5). No more conversation or lecturing. Not right for every kid or every parent, but I wonder if the strict “rules” of the system would help you to not scream. I also find it a good one to use with your partner. When I would start to lecture again, my husband could just say “take 1” (or whatever). It sounds like he’s backing me up, but he’s really reminding me to stop talking ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2884851 Fri, 17 May 2019 10:06:03 +0000 ALV91711 2884851@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DS is 6 and what has been working lately for both DH and I with him is when either he's in trouble or one of us is getting frustrated is to walk away for a minute or two to calm down and then connect with DS and talk about what he did wrong or what was frustrating us.</p> <p>For example last night DS was outside playing and came in crying, I was upstairs with the baby. He wouldn't talk to DH and tell him what was wrong. Usually DH would just get mad and yell. Instead he sent DS up to his room to calm down and this gave him a couple minutes to calm down. After a few minutes he called DS down and they talked about what was going on and DH also told DS how what he was doing frustrated him and he couldn't help him when all he was doing was crying and not talking (he wasn't hurt, just upset and not talking).</p> <p>I was really impressed with this as usually DH just loses it and yells. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2884850 Fri, 17 May 2019 09:50:50 +0000 irene 2884850@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: Thank you, this is good advice. Again I have heard it before, I guess I have to write it down and read it every night to remind myself! Or keep a note on my phone and when I am about to explode i open it to read it lol. </p> <p>Honestly, it is like, say, it comes to most of you naturally how to blink. It doesn't to me and I need to understand how you guys do it...</p> <p>I thought I need therapy too, I just need to find a new therapist and haven't had an opportunity to do that... :-( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2884849 Fri, 17 May 2019 09:43:31 +0000 gotkimchi 2884849@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: ok huh I guess I just “choose” to not let it bother me. Like I literally am just in my head like it’s fine keep doing my thing fake smile deep breaths be zen the whole thing. So I just try really hard to channel all of that. Like you know what your triggers are so today after school be prepared for it and choose to not let it bother you.</p> <p>Have you ever done therapy? I’m sure a professional could give more coherent advice then that :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2884847 Fri, 17 May 2019 09:35:44 +0000 irene 2884847@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: The thing is I can not calm down, I react.... One morning in order to stop I had to drive out of the house (DH was in the house) and I parked and calm down in a parking lot for half an hour :crying: Again. Not blaming anyone, I have issues. Just wonder if you guys have smart advice on what do you tell yourself when you are at the point of exploding. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2884846 Fri, 17 May 2019 09:30:13 +0000 gotkimchi 2884846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: when my kids are being like this I just ignore them and repeat things like if you want to scream do it in your room. Or I’ll say I don’t understand screaming you can talk to me nicely and then ignore them until they calm down </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2884845 Fri, 17 May 2019 09:28:27 +0000 irene 2884845@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jennlin821: Usually my triggers are, say we talked about something extensively why it is wrong to do, why it wasn't OK, and then he does it again anyway the next day when we literally just talked about it the day before. Or, when I get screamed at by DS because he was in a bad mood first thing in the morning or when I pick him up at school. </p> <p>I really gotta stop the screaming because guess where DS got the screaming from.... yours truly. Not proud of that and desperately need to change... but nothing works.... It gets especially worse when I am single parenting.</p> <p>Say for example, this morning, I got up and walked downstairs to make breakfast. He ran out of his room and screamed and said I gotta go back upstairs to take a shower. I said dude it is getting late, I'll make breakfast for you and I'll go shower! He said (yelled at an annoyed voice) I want to make my own cereal! You gotta go back to take a shower right now! It got me really upset because we almost talk about it every evening that mommy doesn't do well when he screams at me in the morning or when I pick him up from school. Then guess what, I walked upstairs and I talked to him in a very angry manner stating it wasn't ok to scream at me in the morning. I scream to stop him screaming. Very intuitive. :bummed: Just that at the moment I find it really really hard for me to calm down and ignore :crying: I need ideas .... Well we apologize to each other after that, but this is a vicious cycle that needs to be stopped (mostly by me).</p> <p>ETA: Or should I put it this way, everyone in this family (DH, DS, myself) does not know how to communicate when we get frustrated because we can not get our point across effectively. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2884840 Fri, 17 May 2019 08:35:15 +0000 jennlin821 2884840@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Could you give a specific example?<br /> My DD is only 2.5 so I haven't really gotten to the yelling/discipline part of parenting yet.</p> <p>But what comes to mind are the few times that DD has run away from me (in the front yard too close to the street). I've yelled "STOP!" Loudly and Angrily. Then I get down on her level, take a deep breathe and tell her to "look at me"<br /> Then I calmly and firmly say whatever I need to.<br /> So I guess what I'm trying to say is I yell them important part "STOP!" to get her attention. then the next few seconds allow me to calm down and speak reasonably. </p> <p>However, I don't know if this will work in the future with an older child :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/screaming-1#post-2884839 Fri, 17 May 2019 08:25:17 +0000 irene 2884839@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am posting again about parenting... but it is more self help tips I need help with, because the problem is me - and how to self discipline my behavior. </p> <p>When all your buttons are pushed and you are about to scream, what do you do so you can choose not to scream ?</p> <p>I feel like I posted about this a thousand times and I am not fixed. I have tried taking deep breaths, walk away. It helped a little but it fails almost 80% of the time. DH said for him he really remembers DS is a child. And let it go. And honestly he screams way less than me (and we are both screamers!). Some people said just remember how when they grow up and they won't want to call you anymore because of all the negative childhood experience...etc. etc. but at the moment my dinosaur brain can not thing of so many things. I need more ideas that potentially would work for me... thank you for the help...!</p> <p>ETA: I apologize if I can't reply immediately / may not be able to reply but I read every one of the comments - thank you :heart: </p>