https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 04 Jun 2026 09:20:49 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070936 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 19:25:25 +0000 MrsBucky 2070936@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really feel for you because I have no idea what I would do, but I don't think you're crazy. I'm so grateful my parents- who were heavy smokers my whole life- quit long before I became pregnant. I would have had an easier time laying down the law with my own parents than I would with my in laws. Mostly I'll cross my fingers you and your husband can get on the same page- would showing him independent research about the impacts of third hand smoke help him understand? I know sometimes when my husband and I aren't on the same page, reading through research together helps us get on the same page bc then it's not about opinions anymore. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070926 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 19:10:12 +0000 MrsADS 2070926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with you 100%! Thankfully no one in our families smokes. Honestly, if I had a friend who was a smoker who wanted to hold the baby or something I would say NO! Sorry! I mean, this isn't the 50s where people don't know the risks and damage of secondhand/thirdhand smoke. People can choose to do what they want but I am not exposing my child to it.</p> <p>There are a lot of ppl at my work who smoke and they stand outside the employee entrance and do it. If I'm coming into the building and they are out there, I walk way out in the parking lot instead of on the sidewalk so I don't have to walk past them. And I'm sure they think it's rude, b/c everyone always says hi and chats, but I don't care! I am not exposing my unborn baby to cigarette smoke. I don't care if it's family or friends or whatever. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070844 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 17:36:28 +0000 msplatypus 2070844@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband works at a casino, well a hotel attached to a casino and because of gaming laws the casino is a smoking zone, when he comes home he has always reeked of cigarettes. We take precautions because of it, he changes and showers before holding the baby. I think asking your family to clean up before visiting or holding th baby is reasonable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070841 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 17:32:13 +0000 MamaG 2070841@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a tough topic, and I think it's a very personal one and relationship dynamics play into it. We have family that smoke. They live four states away. They do not travel to us. The only time they see us is if we travel to them. We don't have much choice to visit their homes (that they smoke in). Our kids see them on a very limited basis and they do not smoke in front of the kids. I don't like it. But I do want them to know their family and smoking isn't something I will get them to stop. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070830 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 17:17:38 +0000 blackbird 2070830@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Madison43: good luck to your dad quitting! My dad's cardiologist gave him an ultimatum and my dad (supposedly) just up and quit with e cigarettes. I haven't seen him since November so I don't know if he's having them sometimes. My mom has used chantix in the past, but last time I saw her, she was sneaking cigarettes so I don't think she has a strong desire or motivation to quit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070812 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 17:00:13 +0000 stiletto_mom 2070812@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Madison43: No, I didn't and won't actually say the bit about sewage and not trusting them to their faces. That is only the dialogue I'm having here with HB.</p> <p>I haven't said anything to the extended family yet. I only brought it up to DH and he reacted very emotionally. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070811 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 16:58:44 +0000 stiletto_mom 2070811@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I think the point I'm trying to make is that if you are dirty, you'd sanitize and clean yourself off before exposing yourself to someone with a vulnerable immune system. I don't think smoke is much different than that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070807 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 16:54:05 +0000 Madison43 2070807@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@stiletto_mom: ok, so I agree with you about second hand smoke and I would never take my child of any age into a house where people smoked inside. But, I think you'll get much farther with people framing the issue nicely i.e. I understand that you choose to smoke but because of the known risk I'm more comfortable with you visiting the baby at our house, etc.... rather than comparing their habit to rolling in sewage and/or telling you husband that they can't be trusted (assuming smoking is the only issue, but it honestly sounds like you and your ILs might have other issues). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070804 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 16:47:53 +0000 Madison43 2070804@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: no. He's quitting under he supervision of a doctor, and they started him off on the patch. Fingers crossed! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070801 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 16:38:16 +0000 mrbee 2070801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@stiletto_mom: I am with you on not exposing kids to secondhand smoke, but I don't think it's equivalent to playing in sewage!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070795 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 16:26:51 +0000 stiletto_mom 2070795@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarac: I don't think I'm willing to compromise there. Until at least the child is a toddler. </p> <p>And I don't think the rest is a stretch. If you were playing in dirt or sewage, you'd still wash your hands and change before holding a newborn or infant. With smoke, everything clings, so I'm more than happy to provide a clean top/sweater/blanket so they can hold the baby.</p> <p>As for going over to their smoke filled house. Hell no. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070793 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 16:21:19 +0000 Astro Bee 2070793@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think you're being extreme or over-reacting at all. My MIL smokes outside only, but I fully plan to set some rules with her regarding handwashing, shirt-changing, etc. I definitely don't want her going from smoking directly to holding the baby. I think she'll be okay with it, given that she's been so respectful of my intolerances to cigarette smoke thus far. Pregnant or not, it makes me feel nauseous. I would definitely expect my husband to side with me if it were an issue, though. The health of your future kids has to come first. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070757 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 15:31:42 +0000 mrbee 2070757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Madison43: Has he tried e-cigarettes? I've heard it's a pretty smooth transition! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070740 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 15:05:35 +0000 Madison43 2070740@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I agree that there are more resources than ever if you want to quit smoking, but I don't think it's easy. My dad has been smoking for 50 years and is being forced to quit because his health is imminently on the line. Even with that "motivation" and all the resources, it still has been extremely difficult for him to quit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070736 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 14:57:44 +0000 sarac 2070736@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I might give up on the no smoking for an hour and changing their clothing requirement. I'm really anti smoking, but that's pretty extreme, to be honest. You might be more likely to get the rest of your wishes honored if you can relax on that one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070733 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 14:54:16 +0000 stiletto_mom 2070733@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you everyone for the support. </p> <p>I know he is reacting emotionally, so we'll talk about it later. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't being unreasonable and it seems like many of you are/were doing what I proposed to him in the first place.</p> <p>I'll try bring up the topic again when he's calmed down. But if that doesn't work, I'll definitely bring it up again when we see a pediatrician. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070712 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 14:25:52 +0000 mrsjyw 2070712@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a former smoker, my dad still smokes and I think it is absolutely not okay for your Dh to stand up for his family about first, second, third hand smoke.</p> <p>My dad doesn't smoke indoors and always showers before he comes over to see Ds. He didn't even hold hi the first month of his life (moreso cause he thought he was so lil) and even then he came over in fresh clean clothes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070692 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 13:56:57 +0000 mrbee 2070692@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would also stand firm on this! It's never been easier to quit smoking, with nicotine patches and e-cigarettes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070676 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 13:25:17 +0000 wonderstruck 2070676@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would have your DH attend an appointment with you, either a pediatrician one or even with your OB, and ask about the effects of second and third hand smoke on a baby (or heck, on a pregnant woman!) Maybe hearing it from an impartial third party will help, because you are absolutely right about this. He's taking it personally, but it's not a personal thing - it is how you feel about ALL smokers, regardless of who they are. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070675 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 13:24:27 +0000 Tanjowen 2070675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I am very allergic to smoke, and if I am in someone's home that smokes, my eyes swell shut. There is no way I would have LO smelling like smoke.</p> <p>My DH is also pretty touchy about his family. I'd let him call down and explain it doesn't mean they cannot see the baby, but these are the rules (Wash clothes;shower, etc.) before they can be around LO. </p> <p>My mom wore heavy perfume and bright red lipstick she would smear all over my LO. He broke out in a rash from it and I told her she couldn't wear the lipstick around him anymore. Grandparents do a lot of things for their grandbabies it turns out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070670 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 13:12:23 +0000 matador84 2070670@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My inlaws are heavy smokers. In the house, outside, in the car, ashtrays, it is completely disgusting. I had a very hard time with it with my first child because I told DH sorry, but they are not going to be able to hold their grandkids. I did cave at the hospital under the stress I was getting about it. They could only hold the kids if they had another blanket over them. </p> <p>I've lightened up about it since having my second child, but it still really makes me mad. They don't have the decency to not even not smoke in their car on the way to our house so if they come over they smell disgusting. I really limit the time the can hold or when they can touch the kids. We do not go over to their homes with the kids unless we are in backyard only. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070657 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 12:57:24 +0000 Torchwood 2070657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just to be clear, we would probably consider letting LO go to MIL's house on a very limited basis when she's older if it were just the smoking issue. But last time we went over there it was early evening, and MIL had no pants, no teeth (hers are almost all fake), and she was clearly super high on pills. So it's a bit more extreme. But even with just the smoking LO would have to be 5+ at LEAST and we wouldn't leave her unattended because I don't trust MIL or her husband to not light up around her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070653 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 12:47:53 +0000 Torchwood 2070653@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL and her husband are heavy, heavy chain smokers. LO will NEVER go to their house unless it's to drop by and be there for a second. But she also pops pills and is an alcoholic, so that's not an environment I'd expose a kid to no matter what. We will have strict rules about holding LO. </p> <p>Thankfully, SIL had a kid first, and dealt with all of this. She had a huge fight with her mom recently because MIL picked up our niece (now 4) while smoking. She argued that our niece climbed in her lap, but that didn't fly with SIL. So I'm really glad she's having these fights with her own daughter (who is also her favorite kid) before us. </p> <p>In our case though, DH is totally on board with it. That seems like a massive overreaction on the part of your husband. Maybe he's been worrying that you wouldn't want his family around LO, so as soon as you brought it up he jumped to that conclusion? I guess just wait till he cools down then have a straight conversation with him. Maybe insist he let you finish before responding, then give him the same chance to talk without interrupting? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070650 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 12:45:22 +0000 blackbird 2070650@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents smoke heavily. I asked that they wash their hands and mouths before touching and cuddling on my newborn/infant. They still smelled sometimes. And my dad acted like I made a big deal out of hand washing and wouldn't hold her. Fine. When my mom came to visit, she wrapped her hair in something and wore a "smoking jacket" and was respectful that i didn't went my newborn smelling like an ashtray. Unfortunately, she still wore perfume against my wishes, so E sorta smelled like a whore house sometimes. </p> <p>You can always make your pediatrician be the bad guy, too. I would imagine he or she will suggest similar rules </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070645 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 12:36:37 +0000 stiletto_mom 2070645@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Leialou: Yes, I know it was probably a knee-jerk reaction to what sounded like criticism. And logically I know it makes no sense for me to feel insulted. =/</p> <p>I know we'll probably talk it out civilly later. I'm just also hurt that the implication is that I want keep my kids away from his family like I'm a selfish outsider. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070630 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 12:13:55 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2070630@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think you are unreasonable. A majority of my family smoked (my mom included) until a year ago. If they hadn't stopped I would have had the same rules about changing tops and washing hands. Being around second hand smoke is miserable. </p> <p>I'm sure your DH is upset because it's hard to not take a family criticism personally. Hopefully when you have a baby you'll be able to find a solution without getting upset with each other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070625 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 12:09:27 +0000 stiletto_mom 2070625@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also know for a FACT, that when SIL was pregnant with her first, the whole family said they'd quit. (I wasn't expecting that they would anyway). Lo and behold, no one quit. </p> <p>Then they resolved not to smoke indoors. But this past x-mas break, we went to visit and they were smoking inside while their grandson (now 2) was there.</p> <p>I can't trust them to follow through with anything that comes out of their mouth. I KNOW that they'll just slowly "slip back" into old habits. But what I really can't get is why DH got so offended about it saying that I want to keep our kids from his family. =/ I really didn't appreciate that. </p> <p>He didn't listen and stormed out of the house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070614 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 12:00:20 +0000 loveisstrange 2070614@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I mean, Id be alright personally as long as the person washed their hands and changed clothes before holding my baby. And I wouldn't want them in a house or vehicle where someone smokes inside (the car is 100% non-negotiable. No one will smoke in a vehicle with my kids in the car. Ever.) I dont think it's unreasonable to not want the contaminants though. Smoking is disgusting (and I say this as a former smoker) and they are finding out new things about how bad second and third hand smoke is all the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070613 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 11:59:07 +0000 ShootingStar 2070613@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I have asthma and my son has a tendency towards wheezing when sick and is on daily meds for it. I'm guessing he'll eventually develop asthma too. So to me, smoke us a HUGE deal. I refuse for either of us to be around it. There's no way in hell I'd subject either of us to second hand smoke. And I really really dislike 3rd hand smoke too. </p> <p>I have one relative, my 80 year old grandma, who I gave a pass on the third hand smoke. But she's not a smoker (my uncle smokes around her) and mostly only her jacket smelled. We only saw her once while he was really little and she didn't hold him for long. </p> <p>But I wouldn't be able to deal with a room full of smokers wanting to hold DS and pass him around. I'm very against smoking and I don't care if people are offended by that. My baby's health is way more important to me than an adult's feelings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-and-third-hand-smoke#post-2070611 Sun, 15 Feb 2015 11:57:22 +0000 Foodnerd81 2070611@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think you are unreasonable. I don't know many smokers so I didn't really have a problem with this but I'm on your side. My friend had her mom only smoke outside and have one shirt she always wore for smoking, which she took off immediately. This at least kept the smoke to a minimum inside. </p>