https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 26 Apr 2026 07:31:31 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first/page/2#post-2716742 Mon, 27 Mar 2017 10:42:10 +0000 snowjewelz 2716742@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I mean, it's not true in ALL cases... </p> <p>In my life... Yes. My sister is 7 years younger but am I thankful that she did come along! </p> <p>In DH's life... Also absolutely. There are 3 of them and they've all gone through really hard stuff and supported each other through it. Esp since DH doesn't have a lot of friends; so family is really his major support system</p> <p>For my DD's, I sure do hope that they will be gifts to each other for the rest of their lives! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first/page/2#post-2716705 Mon, 27 Mar 2017 10:00:52 +0000 bubblegum 2716705@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sister and I are 8 years apart (I'm older) and she was for sure a gift to me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first/page/2#post-2716354 Sun, 26 Mar 2017 08:25:04 +0000 Alba4 2716354@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would never phrase it like that. We wanted 2 kids, but I do think having a sibling is pretty awesome. Both my husband and I got along very well with our siblings and wanted a similar experience for our children.</p> <p>It has been so fun seeing my older son grow to love his baby brother. They have a special bond already and I can't wait to see their friendship develop as they grow. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first/page/2#post-2716325 Sat, 25 Mar 2017 23:42:14 +0000 Mrs.Panda 2716325@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a 2 year old Q, as well :heart: </p> <p>We want to have another very much, but I do worry about how it will impact my Q. That said, I loved having siblings growing up and wouldn't trade it for the world! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first/page/2#post-2716313 Sat, 25 Mar 2017 21:40:58 +0000 pinkcupcake 2716313@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, and I think it's kinda offensive to say so. The second child is their own individual, not a gift / playmate to someone else. </p> <p>I love my brothers and treasure our relationship. I can't imagine my life without them and I am so glad to have them but they were not a "gift" to me </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first/page/2#post-2716307 Sat, 25 Mar 2017 21:03:03 +0000 LemonJack 2716307@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think I've thought of it that way before, but I guess I agree with her. I appreciate having my siblings so much as an adult. We are all very different, but there are no other people in the world who truly understand my childhood (and in a sense, a part of me) in the way they do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first/page/2#post-2716305 Sat, 25 Mar 2017 20:47:13 +0000 Anagram 2716305@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope. That's my short answer. =)</p> <p>It's too much of a blanket statement. I mean, there are so many really toxic and abusive families out there, even to extremes where one siblings will sexually abuse another. On the other hand, you can have a really lovely relationship with a sibling. Since nothing is guaranteed, I would just say my answer is no, and if siblings end up getting along in adulthood, that's just an extra icing on the cake. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first/page/2#post-2716303 Sat, 25 Mar 2017 20:41:47 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2716303@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son is 3 and cannot stand his 9 month old sister (for the most part). </p> <p>Eventually, I am sure they will be happy to have each other. </p> <p>My siblings and I fought alllllllll (literally allllll) the time growing up. We aren't super close now, but I'm glad I have people besides myself that aren't my parents that are in my family, if that makes sense. I can't imagine having no siblings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first/page/2#post-2716246 Sat, 25 Mar 2017 17:42:50 +0000 dolphin 2716246@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes! I think siblings are the best gift to each other. That's the main reason we decided to have a third. Seeing the growing bond between our first two is the best so that motivated us to want to add another to share their love! And yes, I know that there is no guarantee that they will be best friends when they grow up but at least I'm giving them a chance to build that strong friendship and no matter what they can count on each other for life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first#post-2716243 Sat, 25 Mar 2017 17:27:05 +0000 Greentea 2716243@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes. The baby has made my daughter's life infinitely better. She is her favorite thing and they are best friends. This has nothing to do with my own siblings because I am nothing like my own parents. The answer depends upon you as a parent. I think how kids relate has to do with how parents treat them.</p> <p>It was very difficult at first, having 2, but for us parents, not for the kids! I believe, depending on you as a parent, kids are a gift to one another. (I grew up with parents that made us enemies of one another, favoritism, encouraging competition, treating kids differently, that's the place I am coming from and what I am referencing, so... The answer is also determined by personal experience.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first#post-2716189 Sat, 25 Mar 2017 13:19:40 +0000 CatchAFallingStar 2716189@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow. It's so interested reading through all of your varying responses. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first#post-2716160 Sat, 25 Mar 2017 11:44:18 +0000 Pumpkin Pie 2716160@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think my 2 girls are a gift to each other. </p> <p>It'll be different for everyone. My 1st child was a huge factor in our decision to have a 2nd child. Life was great with 1 kid after the infant stage. It was getting easier and easier, she was a great kid, fun, and we had some of our freedom back. So, it was tempting to keep our family just the 3 of us. But, when think of the future, I wanted my kids to have each other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first#post-2716137 Sat, 25 Mar 2017 09:52:25 +0000 Mrs. Pen 2716137@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: hahaha exactly this 😂👌🏽 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first#post-2716136 Sat, 25 Mar 2017 09:51:47 +0000 Mrs. Pen 2716136@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No offense to anyone, but I think this idea is absurd! I don't owe my child a sibling and I bristled whenever someone said that to me because Cobi was an only child for five years before we had our second. I received so many comments from people that I needed to give my child a sibling. No, the only thing I need to give my child is love, stability, a home/food, etc. not a person. People are not gifts to be given, IMHO. </p> <p>Even though my son begged me for two years to have a baby, I could not do it without knowing I'm 100% okay with it and it took me a long time to reach that place; mentally, emotionally, and physically... and yes, financially. It's such a big decision to create another life and it's so multi-faceted. </p> <p>I adore being a mother to two children now, and my son loves having a baby brother. But he wasn't a gift to my first. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first#post-2716132 Sat, 25 Mar 2017 09:22:29 +0000 jhd 2716132@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: lol at the fish :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first#post-2716131 Sat, 25 Mar 2017 09:17:27 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2716131@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hear people say this sort of thing all the time. The first one is for the parents because they really want a child. The second one is for the first because having a sibling is a must. BULL! I am colored by my own relationship with my sibling, but I don't see him as a gift at all. If we have another it will be because we really want another child not as a false hope of creating a lifelong bestie for LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first#post-2716126 Sat, 25 Mar 2017 08:34:42 +0000 Cole 2716126@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We waffled hard about a second and giving my daughter a sibling was definitely in the list of reasons to go for it. The second hasn't been born yet so no clue how it's going to pan out for us though. It was basically a combination of the sibling element and that we had always said two kids and wondered if we'd regret not going for it because we were in a good or for a small window of life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first#post-2716122 Sat, 25 Mar 2017 08:26:59 +0000 runnerd 2716122@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I absolutely feel like #2 was a gift to #1. He adores him (#2 is 9mo, and #1 will be 3 in July). Their relationship has been so special so far. That said I absolutely wouldn't have a second child only for the sake of the oldest. Seems like setting yourself up for frustration or regret. Wanting our son to have a sibling was a factor for us and has worked out well so far, but it was one of several factors. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first#post-2716113 Sat, 25 Mar 2017 07:44:55 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2716113@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope. There is no guarantee siblings will grow up and like each other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first#post-2716112 Sat, 25 Mar 2017 07:43:05 +0000 matador84 2716112@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes! Giving a child a sibling is a wonderful gift to give. Our two are absolutely best friends. I can remember just sitting there watching my oldest when he was about 7 or 8 moths old while playing and just thinking how he really needed a sibling to play with and what a gift that would be to give him.</p> <p>Now our two have been asking for about a year for a baby brother or sister and we are so thrilled to give the gift of another sibling to share life with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first#post-2716107 Sat, 25 Mar 2017 07:22:01 +0000 wrkbrk 2716107@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've always found it really strange when people say they're having a second kid for their first kid, not for themselves. Like ... get the first kid a fish?</p> <p>I mean I get the sentiment I guess but hopefully parents are not making their decision on this basis alone. I feel that the parents really truly must want a second child in order to have one! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first#post-2716096 Sat, 25 Mar 2017 06:36:41 +0000 looch 2716096@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think if you really want to answer this, you have to look at the long game. When the kids are in middle age, are they talking to each other? I know we all picture these idyllic family scenes, but the reality of it is that we're not all functioning that way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first#post-2716086 Sat, 25 Mar 2017 04:52:55 +0000 Cherrybee 2716086@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This was most certainly a factor in our decision to have a second child. I was an only child and I was so lonely (you absolutely can ensure an only child does not feel this way but my mother didn't). As an adult, now, I long for a sibling to share the responsibilities and frustrations of caring for my mother. </p> <p>My second daughter has brought so much joy to our family. I'm watching my girls' bond grow every day. I do think she has been a gift to her big sister. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first#post-2716060 Fri, 24 Mar 2017 22:03:18 +0000 maddyz 2716060@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel so grateful for my siblings. Its super hard for two year old to share me right now, but in learning to share love and space there is a lot to learn and soon the baby will be a companion. I grew up in a big family and have always enjoyed the space because in not the only one. Someone else always takes the attention when you have had enough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first#post-2716059 Fri, 24 Mar 2017 21:47:18 +0000 cornucopia8 2716059@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, definitely. Having a sibling is an education in itself and a greater gift than any I can give my first child. I saw this NPR article a few years ago that solidified my feelings on having at least two:</p> <p><a href="http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/11/26/457236382/your-adult-siblings-may-hold-the-secret-to-a-long-happy-life" rel="nofollow">http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/11/26/457236382/your-adult-siblings-may-hold-the-secret-to-a-long-happy-life</a></p> <p>"The literature on sibling relationships shows that during middle age and old age, indicators of well-being — mood, health, morale, stress, depression, loneliness, life satisfaction — are tied to how you feel about your brothers and sisters." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first#post-2716039 Fri, 24 Mar 2017 20:42:43 +0000 bhbee 2716039@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's a gamble to view it that way as said above. We had more because we wanted to, and I hoped they would enjoy each other. And so far it is true, it gave #1 a best friend and playmate, though I know it will change as she gets older. Actually that might be a gift to me because they keep each other busy even if it gets crazy. I really like having a brother but we also drove each other crazy many years. Regardless though always a bond and could always rely on each other especially through some difficult things as adults. My mom and her older sister though were adversaries almost from birth. Just personality clash. She also has a younger brother she is much closer to, so luck is a big factor. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first#post-2716035 Fri, 24 Mar 2017 20:25:52 +0000 Portboston 2716035@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My older sister and I have never been close. when we were very little, we played together but from the age of maybe 5 and 8 through present day, we are not close and never will be. So I don't think I was a gift to her. </p> <p>And for that reason, the whole "giving DS a sibling" will not be a factor in TTC for #2 (or not) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first#post-2716028 Fri, 24 Mar 2017 20:03:27 +0000 gingerbebe 2716028@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It wasn't a consideration when we had our second but he's been a gift to our FAMILY. We all love him and I'm glad they will have each other. My boys are 20 months apart. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first#post-2716027 Fri, 24 Mar 2017 19:59:22 +0000 BabyBruins 2716027@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have always said the greatest gift my parents ever gave me was my sister. I have 2 brothers too, but my sister is my best friend.<br /> Granted I didn't say this until I was in college, but I still vividly remember the moment I found out my mom had a girl ( I was 5) and being overjoyed that I had a sister. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-a-gift-to-the-first#post-2716022 Fri, 24 Mar 2017 19:50:59 +0000 Mae 2716022@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not in the first year probably afterward for sure. I am having a lot of guilt about splitting my attention from LO when I have #2 in the fall, but I know overall it will good for her. I don't think they will necessarily be best friends, or even friends at all. But family is everything. I'm not close to my brother, we can go months without speaking, but I'm so glad he exists in my life and I feel more anchored having him out there knowing he'd always be there for me if I needed him. Having more people who love you is always a good thing. There are lots of ways to expand your child's family though, so I don't think that you need to have a second if you're only doing it for your first... but I absolutely do believe that our second will be overall a blessing to our daughter. </p>