https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 29 May 2026 16:38:53 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-gets-short-end-of-the-stick#post-2462362 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 17:33:13 +0000 Foodnerd81 2462362@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: yeah there is plenty of guilt to go around when a second kid comes along! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-gets-short-end-of-the-stick#post-2462358 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 17:30:36 +0000 Cherrybee 2462358@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think its par for the course with a second child. I said to my DH the other day that Im going to have to go to great lengths to be a crapper parent to #2 than I was to #1 - we never went anywhere and I didn't make a single puree! </p> <p>I'm more worried about E missing out because I'm tied to the baby. :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-gets-short-end-of-the-stick#post-2462084 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 13:52:20 +0000 megjay18 2462084@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>yes, i feel like this all the time. my youngest is 9 months and oldest is 3 years. when my oldest was a baby, we went out of our way to schedule our lives around his naps. for our baby now, we're just like "meh, she can sleep in the car or stroller" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-gets-short-end-of-the-stick#post-2461990 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 12:56:45 +0000 JoJoGirl 2461990@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are expecting #2 so I can't say for my kids, but I will say I am a second-born and in my memory I never felt 'less than'. :) Well I did sometimes, but that was my brother's fault, not my parents', ha ha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-gets-short-end-of-the-stick#post-2461956 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 12:29:45 +0000 blackbird 2461956@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I figure this....sure, T gets the shaft on some things. But you know what? He's happy. He's healthy. This need to constantly provide meaningful stimulation and experiences with all our children is such an exhausting concept. It's Ok to just "be" and be what your family is in the moment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-gets-short-end-of-the-stick#post-2461947 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 12:14:38 +0000 hilsy85 2461947@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: @Foodnerd81: oh my gosh I totally feel the same way. I feel SO MUCH GUILT about how much less of my time my 2nd child gets. Her older brother is just so demending and needy (as many 3 year olds are) that when I have both of them (which is almost all the time), I find that most of my energy is directed toward him, and I am just carrying her around but not necessarily interacting directly with her, or plopping her on her mat or in the boucer (in fact, she has a flat spot on her head--totally feel like she has it because she spends too much time down on the ground as a 2nd child!! my first didn't have this at all.). I also feel intense pressure to "make the most" of any tme I have with just her, so I'll read like 4 books and sing a bunch of songs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-gets-short-end-of-the-stick#post-2461923 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 11:43:51 +0000 Ms maths 2461923@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't do a lot of those things with LO1, so I don't have the particular guilt you are experiencing. But as @Greentea said, I don't think those kind of experiences are a necessity in general. I actually sometimes worry that LO1 lost out because he didn't have the kind of character-building experiences that LO2 has regularly. (Like having to wait 5 minutes to get something he wants :))</p> <p>And to address your specific question: Yes, I think it's normal for LO2 to often tag along, although I think it may change for you. Our #2 is now 11 months and better able to express her own interests and preferences, so sometimes we do what she wants. (Nothing major, but sometimes she wants to play in a different room than LO1 and will just go in that room and yell at us to come there :), rather than the room that LO1 picked.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-gets-short-end-of-the-stick#post-2461909 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 11:25:33 +0000 catomd00 2461909@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think it makes a big difference at 6 months. I didn't do a mommy and me type class until DD was almost 2 and could really enjoy it and participate. I'm also probably super sensitive to these things bc I was a second child and def feel like I've been shafted my whole life. DD2 is still cooking, but I'm already planning how I will ensure enough individualized time and attention for both girls, for my guilt and sanity in the early days and for their benefit when they're a little older and more able to understand! Like everything, it's a balancing act! Could you do a mommy and me on a weekend morning when your SO is home to watch #1? Or maybe hire a mothers helper one afternoon a week and you can focus only on baby? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-gets-short-end-of-the-stick#post-2461907 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 11:23:42 +0000 cat620 2461907@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for the replies! I agree that baby classes aren't necessary, but I think I miss that one-on-one time that I had with my first child. It seems like a baby class is something special that you can do with your baby. My oldest son stopped napping, so I rarely have one-on-one time with my youngest, but I don't think he minds right now. This should change after my oldest starts preschool. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-gets-short-end-of-the-stick#post-2461860 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 10:52:58 +0000 Greentea 2461860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I personally don't think those things are necessary- that's just my personal opinion. I don't think babies need to be going to classes. Baby is getting social interaction with you and big sibling, so in a way, baby 2's life is even richer! :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-gets-short-end-of-the-stick#post-2461852 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 10:49:33 +0000 ElbieKay 2461852@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think Mommy and Me activities benefit mom by helping her get out of the house just as much if not more than they benefit babies, especially when they are under a year old. I only have one child right now but if anything I expect to feel guilty about less one-on-one time for baby #2, period. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-gets-short-end-of-the-stick#post-2461822 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 10:26:15 +0000 Foodnerd81 2461822@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are in the same boat. I would say we definitely get out to activities way more often now than when my older one was a baby, because OMG toddler cooped up in the house! So in that sense I think this baby has it better. She started going to music class at 4 weeks- I didn't get around to that with my older one until she was a year. And honestly I feel like most "baby" classes are for the parents anyway. Does a 4 month old baby care if you are at the story time aimed at infants vs toddlers? I doubt it. Or at least that's what I tell myself. </p> <p>The things I do feel a little bad about are just not paying as much attention to the baby. Not only is she the second, but this baby is so much more laid back than my first, so I can set her in the rock and play while I'm doing stuff with the older one and pretty much ignore her. When my first was so little, she wouldn't tolerate being put down most of the time anyway, so I was so aware of the first smile, and coo, when she first reached for a toy. Now I'm like, whoa! Did she just smile? Has she been doing that? Wait can she reach for toys yet? </p> <p>But when I feel guilty I try to remind myself how amazing it has been for me to have sisters and how glad I am that they each have a sister to grow up with. That's more important than a baby sign language class. Right? :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-gets-short-end-of-the-stick#post-2461817 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 10:21:11 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2461817@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's totally normal as well and also don't feel badly about it. The first has the opportunity of being an only child. The second hasn't ever known anything different than having a sibling. There just isn't enough time to do all of the same things individually with the second that you did with the first, and that's ok. </p> <p>Our youngest loves watching his big brother run around and play. It's what keeps him entertained. They're 3 years apart, so it's a little different in that our oldest is doing bigger activities, but our youngest just observes and loves it. It's not like he's being neglected...the experiences are just different. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-gets-short-end-of-the-stick#post-2461808 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 10:10:24 +0000 Anagram 2461808@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's totally normal and have never felt bad about it. I feel bad about other things, like the fact the I have to leave LO2 crying longer sometimes when I am doing something for LO1, but I don't feel even a smidge of guilt about the stuff you mentioned . :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-gets-short-end-of-the-stick#post-2461807 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 10:10:16 +0000 Maysprout 2461807@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's def different but mine are 2 and 4 and they are best friends. My oldest would have loved having her best friend over constantly when she was 2. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/second-child-gets-short-end-of-the-stick#post-2461785 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 09:54:39 +0000 cat620 2461785@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm starting to feel guilty, because my second child is 6 months old, and I realized I didn't do the same things with him that I did with his older brother. For example, I took his older brother to Gymboree classes once a week starting at 4 months of age and swim classes once a week starting at 6 months of age. We also were part of a weekly baby playdate, so he was constantly around other babies his age. </p> <p>My second son and I haven't done any mommy and me type classes or attended any baby playdates. His older brother is home with me full time, so we just go wherever is fun for him. So my youngest spends a lot of time at the park, bounce houses, around really loud 2/3 year olds at toddler play dates, and watching his older brother go crazy at home. I assume these experiences might be interesting to him, but I feel bad that they aren't the same experiences his brother had. Moms of 2 or more kids, did you go through something similar? Do you feel like it's normal for the second born to have to do whatever the oldest does and not get the same baby centered activities? </p>