https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 22 Apr 2026 02:10:54 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/selective-listening-at-19-months#post-2253856 Tue, 04 Aug 2015 07:07:53 +0000 illumina 2253856@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD is 22 months and I definitely don't trust her not to run off/into danger...but what makes a difference with her listening is to tell her before you let her go/put her down that she needs to stay put and it's a very dangerous place etc. whilst she is already running, she won't stop! GL! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/selective-listening-at-19-months#post-2253645 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 20:26:58 +0000 matador84 2253645@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So when my DS was DD's age now, we could tell him to stop, if a ledge was approaching, or a stair, or some foreseeable danger that he would need to exercise caution and wait for us. He would always listen to us. DD on the other hand does NOT. She just has no fear. She's always covered in bumps and bruises from falling and just overall being more wild than our DS was. Usually if big brother is around and she sees him model the behavior, she occasionally will too, but most times she just doesn't care (17 months old). I feel like at this point there is only so much I can do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/selective-listening-at-19-months#post-2253619 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 20:01:36 +0000 catomd00 2253619@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Repetition. I show LO (17 months) where she can walk alone without my hand (grass and sidewalk) and everywhere else she needs to hold my hand. After a few weeks she caught on. She now waits by the car door for me to take her hand, then let's go when we get to the sidewalk. It isn't foolproof 100 percent of the time, so I still keep a very close eye of course, but she's learning. Sometimes her impulses get the best of her and she runs off, at that point I do firmly say No (we reserve no for dangerous situations) and explain why she can't do it and show what she can do.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/selective-listening-at-19-months#post-2253588 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 19:26:12 +0000 Tanjowen 2253588@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our LO kept trying to run out on our road around 16 months, and wouldn't listen to us AT ALL. So I told him that if he went to the road, we were going inside. It took about 4-5 times of picking him up and immediately going inside for him to get the picture (after a lot of tears/tantrums). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/selective-listening-at-19-months#post-2253562 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 19:04:25 +0000 mrbee 2253562@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlejoy: Oh I forgot to mention the other possibility if she can't listen and stop... the ever-controversial backpack leash! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/selective-listening-at-19-months#post-2253535 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 18:21:36 +0000 PurplePeony 2253535@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, my DD is 20 months and is the same way -- it's like she has a little switch in her ears that flips to "off" whenever I say something she doesn't want to hear (and we just had her post-ear tube testing done so I know her hearing is perfectly normal). And she thinks discipline is hilarious. I haven't found a good way to get through to her yet, I just keep repeating myself and correcting the behavior or taking her out of the situation (i.e. lifting her down off the chair if she stands in it or putting her in the stroller if she won't walk nicely). But at the next opportunity, she's back at it, pushing my buttons and testing her boundaries. I don't even think training walks would work for her, she would conveniently "forget" by the next time we went anywhere. The "freeze" thing works now and then, but only if she's in a mood to hear what I'm saying -- if she's determined to do whatever it is I don't want her to do, she's just as deaf to that as she is to anything else I say. Or she hears me, laughs at me, and keeps doing it until I physically go and stop her. Hopefully at some point she'll grow out of it... Anyway, no advice but lots of commiseration. It's tough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/selective-listening-at-19-months#post-2253507 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 17:23:15 +0000 Freckles 2253507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would also try and stop using "can you," and just say, "please do x..." When it came to safety, I have no issues with raising my voice. At 19 months it is hard to explain/reason with them. I actually love the game that @Rockies11: mentioned! So simple yet effective! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/selective-listening-at-19-months#post-2253473 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 16:36:04 +0000 mrbee 2253473@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rockies11: We do something very similar! Our kids' daycare taught them "go sign" and "stop sign"... so if we shout "STOP SIGN" really loudly, they will immediately stop in their tracks!!</p> <p>Well at least, they used to... over time, that stopped being as effective alas. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/selective-listening-at-19-months#post-2253472 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 16:35:03 +0000 littlejoy 2253472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rockies11: That's awesome! Thanks!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/selective-listening-at-19-months#post-2253469 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 16:32:15 +0000 Rockies11 2253469@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I accidentally stumbled upon a brilliant solution for this with my 2 year old and it's been working for about 4 months now. At gymboree they have a song where you shake these maracas or pound on a air filled thing and then the teacher yells "stop" and everyone freezes in this exaggerated freeze tag like stopping position. Anyway, after a bit of that game, on the street I realized that if I said stop in the fun gymboree song way, she actually stopped and froze in the freeze tag position and thought it was hilarious. So we practice it a lot outside, and she will stop now when she makes a break for it in the parking lot if I say stop, which actually gives me the time to come and get her. Nothing else we did before that worked - not discipline, not stroller threats, not a panicked shout, nothing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/selective-listening-at-19-months#post-2253468 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 16:24:14 +0000 littlejoy 2253468@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lemong: I like that in theory ... I just don't want to make anything related to traffic safety seem like a game. The consequences could be so scary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/selective-listening-at-19-months#post-2253466 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 16:23:33 +0000 littlejoy 2253466@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: Sure ... Though, I couldn't open the door without putting her down. In fairness, our driveway is really long, and I had plenty of time to get her. In a parking lot, I would never put her down without holding her hand. I look at both the same way I guess ... it's still a situation where my very communicative kid is totally ignoring me. </p> <p>I am curious when a child learns to listen. I definitely don't trust her to be responsible for her own safety, but I do think it's entirely reasonable to wonder if a 19 month old has the capacity to understand "Stop!" or whatever directive we use. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/selective-listening-at-19-months#post-2253461 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 16:13:26 +0000 mrbee 2253461@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlejoy: Yah we have the same issue here too, with walkable but dangerous streets! </p> <p>I would establish the immediate consequence. Then you could wait a few minutes, and try again! I used to train dogs growing up, and training like this worked wonders with them!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/selective-listening-at-19-months#post-2253459 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 16:11:57 +0000 lemong 2253459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our friends use the game "red light, green light" to teach their kids to stay out of the street (or to stop at the corner or driveways). I think it worked pretty well for them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/selective-listening-at-19-months#post-2253458 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 16:10:23 +0000 ShootingStar 2253458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In truly dangerous situations (parking lots, proximity to a hot grill, etc) I would never trust my 20m DS. When we're in a parking lot I always assume he's going to try to wander off. I don't think it's a listening thing, at this age he just doesn't have the maturity to be trusted. In your situation I would have set down the bags and immediately put her in the carseat and secured it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/selective-listening-at-19-months#post-2253453 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 16:03:14 +0000 littlejoy 2253453@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: That sounds perfectly reasonable. We try to be gentle with parenting, too, but I have no qualms about using a very firm tone (and the hand on shoulder seems like a good, physical (kind) reminder that you are talking to them). </p> <p>She's still a bit too young for Daniel Tiger (I've tried), but I really think the "owie" thing would translate well (versus trying to say "the car can hit you"). Thanks for the advice!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/selective-listening-at-19-months#post-2253439 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 15:47:22 +0000 jedeve 2253439@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So a lot of the time we are pretty gentle in our parenting and take the time to explain what and why we are asking. But when it comes to streets and other dangerous situations, all LO gets is a very firm (not mad or frantic, just clear and with import "STOP" and a firm hand on his shoulder. I think the difference makes him pay attention. </p> <p>On our walks (not at the intersection), we talk a lot about how we hold hands crossing streets, how red lights and stop signs mean stop, how we listen to stay safe. (Daniel Tiger has an episode about that.) He doesn't get that a car could hit him, really, but he knows he could get an "owie" and has to listen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/selective-listening-at-19-months#post-2253433 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 15:35:21 +0000 littlejoy 2253433@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: That's a good idea. I think that would be effective. We live in a really walkable area in Portland, but there is sooo much traffic ... it worries me so much that she just doesn't listen. Obviously the other examples of touching hot things, etc. are important too, but this issue is the biggest!! One second could make the difference between her safety or getting injured! </p> <p>I wonder if just saying, "We are going to go outside. You need to hold mommy's hand and listen. If you don't listen, we have to go home!" will work ... Then, if she does walk away and stops listening, should I remind her?? Or just immediately go home? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/selective-listening-at-19-months#post-2253429 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 15:31:25 +0000 mrbee 2253429@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlejoy: Could you possibly setup short walks near your home, for the express purpose of training?</p> <p>Then when she doesn't listen, you can immediately bring her home - maybe that way, she would make the connection! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/selective-listening-at-19-months#post-2253423 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 15:25:42 +0000 littlejoy 2253423@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I don't think she cares. Ha. If I say, "You need to stay by mommy, or you won't be allowed to walk.", she'd just ignore me, and walk away -- In that case (like this morning), I picked her up, and told her that we are getting in the car now, and reminded her that she shouldn't walk away. She didn't cry or care that I picked her up.</p> <p>On the flip side, I'd hold her (which isn't always possible), and she wouldn't care that she's not down on the ground. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/selective-listening-at-19-months#post-2253418 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 15:19:55 +0000 mrbee 2253418@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlejoy: I found it helpful to setup the consequence for not listening upfront! I would tell my son that he needed to listen to me when we were out and about, otherwise he wouldn't be allowed to walk on his own. Then when he broke the rules, if he was no longer able to walk... I felt like that made the point better than anything I could've said to him! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/selective-listening-at-19-months#post-2253417 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 15:18:09 +0000 littlejoy 2253417@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Any specific tips on communicating "danger" to a spirited 19 month old?</p> <p>Our little lady doesn't listen at all ... It's literally like she can't hear (she can) when we are outside of the house. I totally understand and respect that she's outside, and it's amazing, but I need to find a way to ensure she's listening to me. </p> <p>Things like: walking right towards a ledge, a hot grill, the street, etc. Obviously, my goal is that I always hold her hand, or can be there to intervene quickly, but when can I realistically expect her to listen?? </p> <p>This morning, I put her down to load bags into the car, and she immediately started walking towards the street. I told her, "Stop!" ... "Can you please turn around?" ... "That's dangerous!", before I had to run over to grab her. She doesn't bat an eye.</p> <p>Girlfriend can understand "Can you please go to your room, get your jammies, and put them on?", so I know she knows how to "stop" ... She's just sooo not into listening. </p> <p>Help!! </p>