https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 12 Apr 2026 03:31:10 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2877074 Mon, 18 Mar 2019 10:32:33 +0000 periwinklebee 2877074@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jennlin821: Love it! Hah, though a piece of chocolate cake is also sounding good right now :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2877060 Mon, 18 Mar 2019 09:20:45 +0000 jennlin821 2877060@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This pic/quote was the first post in my Facebook this morning. As an extreme introvert, I don’t completely agree however I immediately thought of this thread. </p> [attach=7686/19/pokful.337x600.F6D27CCA-FD83-4AEB-9F64-A876D7B03AFB.png] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876864 Sat, 16 Mar 2019 08:32:03 +0000 fuzzypeaches 2876864@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Awhile ago, I worked with a training life coach and it was really interesting but the number 1 thing I got out of it is that “self care” doesn’t have to mean leisure time. </p> <p>For example, making the tasks you must do more enjoyable so that they are not guilting you while you are taking leisure time. </p> <p>How I’ve translated this until practice (imperfect system): </p> <p>1. I workout while kids awake - depending on activities/work schedule I either have them play LEGO or whateve beside me or often I let them watch a to show for 40 min. I set them up with snacks and milk and make everyone pee before I start and they both know (3 and 5y) that unless someone is dying they should try not to interrupt. </p> <p>2. I usually have paperwork/housework to do after kids go to bed. I put on sons great music, pouf myself a tea or a glass of wine depending on kg mood, and I just go for it and try and enjoy the vibe. Being able to stay caught up on those things has been life changing. </p> <p>I woh full time (but shift work) and dh works out of town m-f; so this is what I’ve come up with so far 🤷‍♀️ work in progress always. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876631 Thu, 14 Mar 2019 19:51:44 +0000 periwinklebee 2876631@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jennlin821: @MamaCate: Thank you so much for the detailed suggestions and perspective! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876441 Wed, 13 Mar 2019 22:43:18 +0000 MamaCate 2876441@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: I think your mention of “fitting it in here and there” is a good place to start. I agree with others that self care isn’t about super indulgent pampering etc. but about what you need to still feel like you are meeting some of your needs/goals in the midst of the busyness.</p> <p>That means you need to figure out what you wish you could do if you had more time and see if there are ways to squeeze that in.</p> <p>Here are some things that worked for me:<br /> -I do a lot of household stuff after the kids are in bed (lunches, dishes, laundry etc). I can make that more fun for me by either watching a show on the iPad that comes with me from room to room or listening to a podcast while I do all the things.<br /> -find a small treat for when I sit down after doing all the things. (Not sitting down until I am done helps me be efficient.) this can be a small chocolate, a beer, or a book<br /> -I wanted to read more so I started getting books from the library on my phone. I can read for a few minutes here and there while waiting for something and the library automatically takes the books back when the loan is up and I am not having to add another task.<br /> -I wanted to work on spirituality but didn’t know where to put it so I ended up reading the daily bible readings on my phone while I dry my hair<br /> -for exercise I used to go to the gym for like an hour 3-4 days a week pre kids. That is not an option. But I do 20 minutes of something a bunch of days instead. I had to work up to this but I now run 4 days a week and do HIIT in my living room two other days.</p> <p>Little changes can give you positive momentum to build toward bigger ones.</p> <p>I also echo the recommendation for best of both worlds and would add the happier podcast too!</p> <p>And then remember that this is a phase. It’s not going to be like this forever, which is good and bad. I didn’t get into a consistent exercise routine until my baby was 2. But once there was more space in my life, I knew what I wanted to do with it so that helped. Good luck mama! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876268 Wed, 13 Mar 2019 08:41:58 +0000 jennlin821 2876268@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd like to pop in to say that I've recently discovered that self-care is more than splurges or time for yourself. </p> <p>I hate taking off my makeup at night. HATE IT. and I have never flossed in my life (lucky with good teeth). However as I'm getting older and struggle with bad breath, I've started a new nighttime routine. I do it no matter what, after everything is done and before I go upstairs. </p> <p>I think that's what helped me, I moved my makeup remover and teeth supplies to the downstairs bathroom. Now I put on my audiobook, remove my makeup, floss, brush teeth. Its maybe 5 minutes and tells my body/brain that we can power down. Then I head straight up to bed. </p> <p>Its been 8 weeks of this routine, and I feel better. I know that my skin is better for it, my breath and teeth health are better. I love me a little more, and its starting to feel less like a chore. </p> <p>I've started getting up early to exercise. This is always been a failure; time after time I try to wake up early to exercise, but I always prioritize sleep. But this is my third day of getting up at 5am to do Pure Barre On Demand, and I think I might be able to stick with it. :)</p> <p>So if you are struggling with self-care, try to start small, and make it a routine. Maybe its a longer shower, new makeup, or in my case just brushing your teeth!! If you can carve out 5 minutes for that little something, you'll find 10 more minutes someplace else. </p> <p>Thanks for letting me share! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876201 Tue, 12 Mar 2019 19:20:01 +0000 periwinklebee 2876201@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HappyBaker: Thanks for sharing the link, great article! And the perspective! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876199 Tue, 12 Mar 2019 19:10:21 +0000 HappyBaker 2876199@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I love this article and feel like my view on self care has changed over the past year. <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/tamiforman/2017/12/13/self-care-is-not-an-indulgence-its-a-discipline/#551ba2d1fee0" rel="nofollow">https://www.forbes.com/sites/tamiforman/2017/12/13/self-care-is-not-an-indulgence-its-a-discipline/#551ba2d1fee0</a></p> <p>We had our 3rd kid last year and I’ve really made myself a priority for the first time in YEARS in terms of taking care of myself and my needs instead of just drowning under everyone else. I feel like I’ve figured out the small “indulgences” I need to keep me going (reading on my lunch break, true crime podcasts on my commute, and some Real Housewives once a week), and I’ve prioritized the more discipline type things that help me feel like a human like going to bed on time and washing my face. At the same time I’ve given up on the idea of the perfectly clean house, and works with DH to offload the house tasks I truly hate to do that he doesn’t mind. All of this together doesn’t seem like much but for the first time in a long time I’ve been feeling really great. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876196 Tue, 12 Mar 2019 18:57:36 +0000 wrkbrk 2876196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Monthly mani/pedi. Instead of mom self care, I really think of it as a work obligation to be professional / presentable! Lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876119 Tue, 12 Mar 2019 12:00:54 +0000 LadyDi 2876119@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: @jape14: We don't have a cleaner anymore, but I would consider it self-care. I think it depends on perspective! Mostly because I was the one who wanted the cleaner and felt stressed out by cleaning. DH would have continued to clean on the weekends, but I really hated and resented spending my time doing it when I worked all week. So, while he appreciated it, it was definitely something "for me." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876114 Tue, 12 Mar 2019 11:42:59 +0000 JJ2626 2876114@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don’t do much. I would love to exercise but knowing that means sacrificing time at night hanging with DH or sleeping it’s tough. But-LO has an early bedtime and DH and I eat dinner together and watch a show or have a glass of wine most nights which is nice. I do see making time for DH as self care since I like being with him! We also go date night every other week. I am trying to schedule more weeknight dinners with girlfriends too, something I did a lot pre-kids. But I’m going to try harder too; it’s easy to ignore yourself with work, kids, house, etc taking up all your energy! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876105 Tue, 12 Mar 2019 10:58:18 +0000 periwinklebee 2876105@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetCaroline: @jape14: This sounds awesome, thanks for the recommendation! </p> <p>And agree that the most practical way to make time is to either just let some of the household management stuff slide or figure out what else can be hired out... (or get DH to do it!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876103 Tue, 12 Mar 2019 10:40:35 +0000 LCTBQE 2876103@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jape14: haha, if hiring a house cleaner isn't self-care my list is down to one thing ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876102 Tue, 12 Mar 2019 10:37:45 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2876102@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, and I get Starbucks WAY more often than I should. 🙈 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876099 Tue, 12 Mar 2019 10:37:23 +0000 jape14 2876099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetCaroline: yes! I was going to recommend her books and also her podcast Best of Both Worlds. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876097 Tue, 12 Mar 2019 10:32:56 +0000 SweetCaroline 2876097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Something that really helps me with making time for self care and date nights is Laura Vanderkam's ideas. One of her books is 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think. I love all her books, but this one in particular really made me think twice about how I was spending my time and helped me be creative in "finding" more time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876090 Tue, 12 Mar 2019 10:26:08 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2876090@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I solo parent (most of the time) a 3 year old and 10 month old, plus I'm in a master's program and working 3 days per week. My time is pretty limited and self care can feel like one more thing I "should" do. I know how important it is, though, so I try to do little things. Right now I crochet and watch TV for maybe 30 minutes before bed. I also take my parents up on their offers of dinner on most of my work days to make the after work rush a little less crazy. I also spend my work lunch break locked in my office scrolling mindlessly on social media or something similar, alone. I try to make time once a month or so for lunch with a coworker/friend. And I vent to certain safe people via text about whatever. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876089 Tue, 12 Mar 2019 10:23:02 +0000 jape14 2876089@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My kids have early bedtimes (both in bed by ~7:15) so that is my number one recommendation for making self-care a priority. I get one-on-one time with DH pretty much every night (we cook/eat dinner, watch a show or basketball game, do random home improvement projects, plan trips, I read, etc). We do date nights at least 1-2x a month but I would like to prioritize that more! I also feel zero guilt about taking a few hours on the weekend for some solo time while DH has the kids. Even though I WOH, I still see and spend a lot of time with my kids and I don't really feel bad about taking time to myself on the weekends!</p> <p>Anyway, some things I do for self-care:<br /> - get a manicure once a month or so, occasionally more frequently. I either sneak out of work a little early or go on the weekend and leave the kids with DH.<br /> - tack on a browse/shopping trip (TJMaxx, Target, etc.) to my usual weekend grocery shopping trip maybe once a month or so.<br /> - have a daily AM/PM skincare routine that I love and leave time to do (it only takes a few minutes). a few times a week I will do a face mask before bed and I usually do one at least one weekend morning while doing laundry.<br /> - go to a GNO with friends/neighbors about once a month, sometimes more when the weather's nice.<br /> - use my commute to listen to podcasts I enjoy!</p> <p>ETA: I don't consider things that mutually benefit the household as self-care. Cleaning the house is not just my responsibility, so I don't consider a twice a month house cleaner self-care. DH benefits just as much as I do! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876087 Tue, 12 Mar 2019 10:21:57 +0000 SweetCaroline 2876087@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I like to think I am pretty good at self care. However, in reality it's a balance over the long haul--some weeks I do awesome, others I do awful.</p> <p>-I get my hair cut every 8 weeks on a Friday on my lunch hour. The salon is 1 block from work. I rarely take an actual lunch break.<br /> -When I'm doing a crap job of self care, I'll put a podcast on at lunchtime and go for a walk.<br /> -I bought a massage package that expires to force myself to do self care. I was going to go once per month. Turns out it expires soon and I did not abide by that, so I'm going every other week.<br /> -When I was on maternity leave, every Friday when DH got home I would hand him baby and take a bath.<br /> -I very rarely watch TV. We do not have cable, NetFlix, Hulu, etc. For me it is easy to veg out in front of TV but it is not rejuvenating. So, for me it's all about choices. I dont watch TV so I have more time for self care.<br /> care.<br /> -I set a reading goal for myself to read 40 books this year. It's a really tough goal, so I have to focus on it and not waste time browsing my phone, etc.<br /> -To free up more of my time, I do grocery pickup and put everything in the dishwasher except sharp knives.<br /> -DH is incredibly supportive of self care as I am of him procuring his own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876083 Tue, 12 Mar 2019 10:01:17 +0000 SweetiePie 2876083@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LadyDi: i consider it that! Because it’s taking time to make yourself feel better and it’s not something we HAVE to do. Obviously if I was working I would HAVE to do that stuff. So I wouldn’t consider that self care. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876081 Tue, 12 Mar 2019 09:52:01 +0000 LadyDi 2876081@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: I guess I didn't consider this self-care, but I get dressed in real clothes and put on makeup basically every day (I sah too). I need to get dressed to feel like a real person. Sometimes just concealer and mascara but it makes me feel so much better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876079 Tue, 12 Mar 2019 09:48:43 +0000 LadyDi 2876079@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Champagne: I know, I need to just let go of the guilt. It's completely self-imposed. Plus I am having a baby this summer so I know the time when everyone is napping and I am kid-free for an hour or two is waning, so I need to just take advantage of the next couple of months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876077 Tue, 12 Mar 2019 09:23:29 +0000 SweetiePie 2876077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>- Dinner with friends once a week (after kids in bed or at least the baby)<br /> - 1-2 nights a week I don’t do chores after the kids are in bed. It took a while for me to be ok with that because I hate going to bed with a mess. but I finally realized that if I had a rough day with baby napping poorly or my 4yo hulking out on me, no one will die if I leave the dishes till tomorrow AM or don’t pick up toys for the 5th time that day. On these nights I say “F it” and I just lay in bed and watch tv from like 7-10/11 and I love it.<br /> - very recently (last few weeks) I started sending out laundry. In NYC it’s super super common, it’s not much of a luxury. But we have a washer/dryer in our apt so I always felt like I HAD to do it. After a year of baby laundry plus 4yo laundry plus my man-child’s laundry I gave up. I still do a fair amount myself (my own stuff that I am particular about, a bunch of baby stuff we need to wash more frequently, my 4yo’s favorite items, one-off stuff that got messy and I don’t want to wait to send it) but I send a big load once a week that they wash and fold. Honestly the folding is what I love them doing the most! It was building up and felt like as soon as I got around to folding, it was time to do another load.<br /> - my MIL comes one day a week so I can leave the apt alone and do some things for myself. Sometimes it’s a hair appt or mani/pedi. Sometimes it’s lunch with a friend. Sometimes it’s a doc appt or returning something to a store that’s just easier to do without a baby in tow.<br /> - a couple nights a week (usually the ones I decide not to do chores) I do some extra stuff in my skin care routine. I exfoliate with a really good exfoliator and do a masque or two. Or I’ll do a deep conditioning hair treatment or take the time to take a long shower and do a really nice scrub and let a body oil soak in. Stuff I don’t have time to do normally when I get ready in the morning.<br /> - I always always always dress in real clothes and makeup in the AM (I sah). Even if I’m just taking my 1yo to the grocery store for milk that day, or not going anywhere at all! I feel better all around if I’m in jeans and a sweater and have a fresh face. I just do. It’s not like I’m doing a Smokey eye and contouring. I just do my bb cream and bronzer and mascara and I feel good.<br /> - not as often as the above, but I take childfree trips 2-3 times a year. Sometimes it’s with a friend. Sometimes I’m just going to stay with my parents without my kids. Once or twice it’s DH and I. I love it.<br /> - not sure if it counts since it’s with DH but we go to dinner/date night almost weekly. We have a standing Saturday night sitter. We both really look forward to that all week. </p> <p>What I NEED to fit in somewhere is exercise. Fortunately I’m back to pre-baby weight but I feel like I need to tone up and also for health reasons - but that would mean waking up very early or losing time in the evening to unwind and right now I’m not willing to do that. I downloaded an app yesterday for stuff I can do in my livingroom while the baby naps. Now I just need to motivate to do that because naps are when I shower, get ready, clean up the apt, etc. Something has to give but I haven’t figured out what yet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876066 Tue, 12 Mar 2019 09:00:50 +0000 ALV91711 2876066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Right now with DS2 being 6 months it’s not much. I try once a week after I put him to bed to use my charcoal mask and read for 20 min. I also go to bed early, especially since he’s up a couple times a night still. </p> <p>Before DS2 I went to the gym two nights a week after dinner while DH handled bed time and clean up. I look forward to having the energy for that again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876063 Tue, 12 Mar 2019 08:58:23 +0000 josina 2876063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't do much... I do get a 1-hour lunch break so I read during that time or take a 20 minute walk in warm months.<br /> I read for a half hour before bed nightly.<br /> I will take off work early on occasion to get some solo shopping time while the kids are in daycare, and do have the occasional girls day/night.<br /> DH and I also have a standing Thursday night date night where we go out to dinner. Luckily, my step-daughter can babysit for us, wouldn't happen without her! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876060 Tue, 12 Mar 2019 08:46:18 +0000 nwm 2876060@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>like @lamariniere: for me getting back into exercising has been the critical piece of self-care that has been making a huge difference since i started prioritizing it about two months ago. i have always been very active, and before LO1 was regularly running half marathons, etc. between LO1 (3yrs) and LO2 (8 months) i was basically 100% off the wagon. i'd say i got out for a run like 1-2 times per month at most. i've found that i just need to carve the time out of work. even if i feel guilty about being away from work, it's so worth it, it makes me feel great &amp; healthy and honestly improves my mood and self confidence and i am better at EVERYTHING. if you have anything like that for you, sounds like fresh air/hiking/walking might be it, i definitely recommend trying to let go of the guilt and make time for it when you already have child care built in. even if i'm technically taking away ~2 hours from work each week, i'm a more productive employee the rest of the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876058 Tue, 12 Mar 2019 08:38:01 +0000 snarkybiochemist 2876058@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: sometimes I prioritize selfcare and alone time over housework, not that I live in squalor but maybe something doesnt get put away or I let dishes soak extra long. My sister on the other hand would have my parents pick up my nephews and she would clean every room in her house, but to her that was self care. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876051 Tue, 12 Mar 2019 08:22:47 +0000 periwinklebee 2876051@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I like these ideas! </p> <p>I found self-care easier in the summer, probably because the best thing for my mental health is fresh air. We could walk to get to work/daycare, rather than navigating the subway (gross), heaps of filthy unplowed snow (gross), and ice. And I would take DS out for short hikes/runs on the weekend, he'd sleep and I'd feel refreshed. We do have a reasonably early bedtime but DS is also an early waker - he's just never been very high sleep needs, and I feel like there is a never ending list of household tasks and work that I'm behind on. All the sick days from daycare have made this worse... So @LCTBQE: , yeah, very little now...I feel very similarly... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876050 Tue, 12 Mar 2019 08:14:08 +0000 Ajsmommy 2876050@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I make sure to take a lunch break while at work every day. That is my me time. I used to read or run errands. Recently a friend/coworker has started to go with me every day. It's a little annoying bc I miss that alone time.. but its fun to chit chat and gossip too so for now it's ok. I think if I need me time I will just tell her I am going to lunch alone </p> <p>I miss being able to be completely lazy and just stay in pj's and watch crap tv all day but I know some day i'll be able to do it again.... this is just a phase </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/self-care#post-2876044 Tue, 12 Mar 2019 07:54:33 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2876044@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’ve accepted that at this stage, there isn’t a lot I can do to really focus on self care for hours at a time. So I take little steps: I started prioritizing my health this year and saw a naturopath for dietary changes and supplements. I changed the way I’m eating to give more energy and hopefully lose some weight. We have early bedtime for both kids at 7 pm and we either eat without them (order out 1x per week) watch a movie or read on our phones until bed. I take our dog and sometimes our youngest for a longer walk 3 days per week. I saw a therapist for CBT before our 2nd was born 6 months ago. I cut my work schedule to 4 days per week and only work one evening now.</p> <p>While I would absolutely LOVE to get a gym membership and go 3-4 days per week, it’s not feasible right now. I would feel too guilty and there just isn’t time in the day right now. It would negate any good effect. So I’m focusing on things I can change now for my health and energy and realize that in a year or so, I will hopefully have more time to add other things. </p>