https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 22 Apr 2026 00:31:58 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2639831 Thu, 20 Oct 2016 15:48:32 +0000 honeybear 2639831@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: That works for me. I agree with your last sentence in particular, but I do care what others believe--I'm still going to pray (in private) for atheists and agnostics! ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2639809 Thu, 20 Oct 2016 15:08:54 +0000 AprilFool 2639809@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am trying to make this same decision. Our closest primary school is a Catholic school and I don't know how comfortable I am sending her there. For now, it will be our back up school and we will make the decision if we need to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2639808 Thu, 20 Oct 2016 14:57:57 +0000 youboots 2639808@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are lapsed Christians- more agnostic than anything. DD goes to a Catholic daycare that is hosed in a prek to 8th grade private school. I'm not shure how long we will stay at the school. We love it overall. I'm going to talk to the director about the preschool curriculum before enrolling her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2639801 Thu, 20 Oct 2016 14:47:50 +0000 birdofafeather 2639801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i think if someone wants to take advantage of a school that is rated higher for whatever reason, then that person should be prepared to accept how the school runs its program and respect the instruction that the school gives. not wonder why they are teaching about religion, etc. </p> <p>so it sounds like a religious school wouldn't be a good fit for your family for this reason. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2639738 Thu, 20 Oct 2016 13:22:30 +0000 looch 2639738@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@honeybear: No, I wasn't beginning from the point that I thought the perspective was reasonable.</p> <p>Let me put it this way...if I was faced with choosing a school for my child and I knew that my husband wouldn't be able to provide a neutral response, I wouldn't enroll my child in that school because I wouldn't want something that my husband said to be repeated by my child and in turn, reported to the other parents. That is disrespectful and I think about how I would feel if I received that kind of information from my son, as said by another child, about our beliefs.</p> <p>I think we are on the same side of the issue. I personally do not care what other people believe, but I do believe that we all deserve not to be belittled, made fun of or treated rudely when it comes to those beliefs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2639722 Thu, 20 Oct 2016 13:12:39 +0000 honeybear 2639722@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Looch: I saw your response, but I’ll clarify my response to your up-thread concern because I think they cover the same basic terrain: I think you're asking the wrong question. The question isn't "How much of a bunch will the Anglicans get their knickers in if a child in their school challenges the existence of God?" The right question is "Why would someone who belittles the Anglicans as worshippers of the 'sky fairy' even entertain the notion of sending his child to be educated by people for whom he holds such open and complete disdain?" It seems to me that you start from the position that his perspective is reasonable and the situation to be managed is the response of the potentially irrational zealots and how unpleasant that might be, when I think that his attitude is obnoxious and intolerant and that's what needs to be corrected. </p> <p>I think most adults who believe in God and attempt to pass on that faith through educating children are fully prepared to answer a child's questions about God's existence. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2639482 Thu, 20 Oct 2016 05:58:34 +0000 looch 2639482@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <br /><p><i>This comment has been deleted by the original poster.</i></p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2639343 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 19:58:20 +0000 ShootingStar 2639343@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm an atheist and DH is agnostic. I'm very against religious schools for our kids. I don't want my kids learning things that go against my beliefs, and I feel like there's too much opportunity for that. Whether it's the existence of god or anti-gay sentiment, there are things I don't want legitimized in a school setting. </p> <p>I also don't want time wasted on religious instruction, as mentioned above. DH went to a catholic high school and while he had regular religious classes and required masses, he didn't have things like a basic health class. He once questioned whether you could get AIDS from a mosquito bite. I notice lots of gaps like that in his learning. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2639316 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 18:06:21 +0000 honeybear 2639316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jmarionsmith: Please do not misunderstand me. I was definitely not suggesting that everyone who sends their child to a school of a religion/denomination that they are not part of is accusing their child's teachers of harboring dangerous and stupid delusions. I would expect that parents in this situation would be respectful of the views of the people they have entrusted with taking care of their children and educating them. </p> <p>But it sounds like that's not very likely to happen in this situation. (Not from Cherrybee herself, but calling God the "sky fairy" is childish and clearly intended to be offensive.)</p> <p>@looch: I think you're making an incorrect assumption that Christians are offended by the existence of atheists or suggestions of atheism. The only atheist that offends me is the rude one. </p> <p>I'm happy to entertain respectful, intelligent discussions with atheists about why I believe God exists (and for my child to have such discussions). I'm not happy to try to have a discussion like that with someone who is trying to be as obnoxious as possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2639308 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 17:43:23 +0000 ScarletBegonia 2639308@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't personally. I wouldn't call myself a "staunch" atheist, but I don't want any of the time my children could use to learn about science, history, english, etc to be used learning about religion (in any form). I am a teacher at a Catholic private school and although I've agreed in my contract to uphold the ethos of the school, it drives me NUTS when my students are taken out of my classes for liturgies, or they have to spend hours writing homilies for masses, or they preferentially study for their religion exams over my subject's exams because they are compulsory. Granted, this is High School so higher stakes.<br /> Anyway - I wouldn't - if I were you I would probably take a chance on the second school you mentioned - one thing I've realised working in education for 15 years is that one teacher or one administrator can make all the difference - even in a "bad" school. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2639276 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 16:14:49 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2639276@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The more I think about this and replace the Church of England (Christian) with another religion I don't know or even loosely affiliate myself with I would not do it. For instance, I have little cousins that attend a Muslim school. I would not be comfortable with even broaching the questions that my child may have centered around their religious instruction. I remember the homework another cousin received that attended Catholic school and the religion and values were definitely taught. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2639124 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 13:01:43 +0000 looch 2639124@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: So then how would you handle the phone call (if one comes at all, I don't know how offended they'd be) that your kid has told kids in the class that "god isn't real" and they've gone home and told their parents, and the other parents are up in arms over it? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2639112 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 12:48:42 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 2639112@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jmarionsmith: Yes, good point. I think this is only doable if you are committed to being respectful about those beliefs when your child asks about them, and instead of flat-out saying "God isn't real," go for a more nuanced answer. Personally I kind of liked getting the opportunity to have that discussion and introduce the idea that different people believe different things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2639101 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 12:37:20 +0000 jmarionsmith 2639101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our experience has been almost exactly the same as @Mrs. Yoyo: </p> <p>I'm fine with exposing my child to bible stories, which is about as far as it goes in preschool. But I would not be ok with him learning about Hell or Satan or sin, which is why, for our family, any church affiliated schooling ends at preschool. </p> <p>We certainly aren't telling our son that his teachers are delusional morons, just as we don't think or talk about our religious family members like that either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2639093 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 12:23:57 +0000 honeybear 2639093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not send my kid to be taught by a group of people with clearly stated and rational beliefs, and then turn around and tell him that they’re delusional morons. Particularly when the subject of their so-called delusions is something that they will say is the single most important thing to them. That’s not expressing disagreement, that’s being deliberately offensive. </p> <p>Forget about that message being confusing to a child (which it is, of course), but it’s also an implicit statement that school is basically all bulls***, which is maybe not the message you want to convey. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2639092 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 12:22:16 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 2639092@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are not religious but my DS went to a Methodist preschool at 3 and 4 years old. The vast majority of preschools here are church-affiliated. Those that aren't are typically very expensive. </p> <p>Our experience was fine. I was comfortable with a Methodist school because they are, er, much less intense about it than a lot of our other options (Baptist is a big one here). He asked a couple of questions about God, and I answered honestly: "Some people believe, some don't, and you are free to make up your own mind." Once he yelled at us to say grace before a meal, which was kind of amusing. Maybe if it had happened repeatedly it wouldn't have been funny.</p> <p>Anyway, I would have preferred a secular program but it wasn't a big deal for us at such a young age. I don't think I'd be comfortable with a religious school beyond preschool, however. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2639086 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 12:15:33 +0000 irene 2639086@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Here!!!</p> <p>DH and I both were in Catholic and Christian schools growing up, but we grew up to become more as an atheist (him more than me). We recently enrolled into a nice Episcopal school for DS' pre-k. Yes he does come home and inform us that God made him as a baby, God made everything, God is love and God loves all of us. I was a little irritated at first (for me I just feel weird to brain wash a 4 year old into one religion only and he is not given a choice of making an "informed decision" for himself in terms of religion &lt;--- please know that I am only speaking of my feelings as an atheist so I hope I am not offending anyone) but surprisingly DH was more going along with it. Now I just accept it too. We do talk about God when DS brings it up. I guess I am glad that I did grow up in a Christian school environment and I am OK with that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2639042 Wed, 19 Oct 2016 10:58:25 +0000 Cherrybee 2639042@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wheres_c: nope. There are approx 5k CofE schools in the UK, out of approx 25k. </p> <p>@catlady: the Church of England doesn't really teach that stuff in the main. It's very nicey nicey. </p> <p>@lawbee11: I'm more worried about what he will say in response, rather than if it will be a "problem" for him. I don't want her going into school and refusing to sing to the "sky fairy" (his words). </p> <p>@looch: agreed that Catholic school would definitely not be an option because of the reasons you mentioned. Church of England schools are just normal schools except for the weekly assemblies, where there are hymns and prayers. </p> <p>@LBee: hahaha! You know us so well! Yes, if she got an inkling it annoyed mummy or daddy, she would be all over it!.</p> <p>@Smurfette: We would both be fine if she chose to believe it of her own accord when she grows up. I'm more worried about explaining to a small child that what is being discussed as fact at school is actually a matter of opinion. How do you even explain that? If she asked Daddy does God love naughty people? ", for example, and DH answers" God isn't real". Like, how confusing is that? But he wouldn't be able to just say "yes, darling, He does. Everybody deserves another chance". </p> <p>Thanks everyone. I have called the school and arranged to meet the Head teacher to discuss. We will be attending the weekly "worship assembly" to see just how goddy it is and, importantly, whether DH can stomach it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2638771 Tue, 18 Oct 2016 20:45:13 +0000 Mrs. Goose 2638771@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I and my siblings (5 of us) went to Catholic schools from a young age and none of us have ever spouted anything religious or have any Catholic beliefs today as adults and teenagers. I never did as a child either. Our family is atheist I guess...I hesitate to put a label, but we're nothing religious. I went to a Catholic school from age 7-13 and we sang songs about god every morning, had religion classes everyday, said the Lord's Prayer every morning with the national anthem, and participated in regular masses. Honestly, it has had zero impact on me either way and my parents sent us to one of the schools because it was a nice school. One of my siblings is currently super anti-religion, but I think that's to do with personality and age right now. </p> <p>I think it's good to be exposed to be different ideas and beliefs so that you can hopefully be a more well-rounded and accepting person. Also, if it's not something you practice at home I doubt it will play a huge role in her life. I disagree with comments about homosexuality and women's roles being presented in a negative light because for me they were not at all-they weren't even discussed. Perhaps if I had continued going to a religious school after age 13 it would have come up.</p> <p>However, you know your child and husband best and need to think about how it may play out. I know it wouldn't make much of a difference to me or my husband if our child went to a Catholic school even though we are not at all Catholic (though he was raised in a Catholic family). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2638752 Tue, 18 Oct 2016 19:39:59 +0000 wheres_c 2638752@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Aren't all schools in the U.K. Church of England?<br /> Growing up, my family wasn't religious at all but the COE schools were the only option in my villages. We sang hymns and had a prayer during assembly, and we had RE class where we learned about all different religions.<br /> I thought all U.K. School kids had the same experience. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2638288 Tue, 18 Oct 2016 08:40:29 +0000 Foodnerd81 2638288@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't imagine that would work well long term for your dh. Personally I would be ok with it but it sounds like a problem for him. I hope she gets into the better local school! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2638278 Tue, 18 Oct 2016 08:28:18 +0000 catlady 2638278@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't do it. I'm pretty vehemently against religious teachings though. I don't mind the "God is Love" stuff but I really do mind conservative thoughts on homosexuality, birth control, the role of women, etc. On the other hand, I have relatives who send their kids to Catholic school even though they aren't religious and it seems fine for their family. I think it depends on how much you or your DH care. It sounds like your DH would have a real issue with it, so probably not worth it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2638269 Tue, 18 Oct 2016 08:17:55 +0000 yoursilverlining 2638269@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not be comfortable sending my child to a religiously affiliated school. Like pp have said, kids are sponges. She will pick up a lot more than "God is love". How will you respond to requests to pray at meals at home? How will you explain why you don't attend church, or why you don't do X or Z. Just things to think about. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2638266 Tue, 18 Oct 2016 08:11:15 +0000 FaithFertility 2638266@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I think you two as parents need to think about what your tolerance level for things she might pick up in school is.</p> <p>Ex: DD's sitter is very Christian based and DD will say her little prayer before we eat! We pray at dinner but always in our heads so she definitely picked it up there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2638263 Tue, 18 Oct 2016 08:03:06 +0000 lawbee11 2638263@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, she will come home singing songs about God and telling you religious stories. Whether that is a problem is up to you and your DH (sounds like it would be more of a problem for him). I have no issue with my LO being exposed to religious concepts, but I'd want her exposed to several of them so that she could decide for herself and that's not what would happen if I sent her to a religious school (she would be taught that the beliefs of that particular church/religion are fact). DH and I are both atheists and would not consider sending our LO to a church-affiliated school. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2638261 Tue, 18 Oct 2016 08:00:53 +0000 looch 2638261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Based on what you've written, @Cherrybee, I can't imagine it would be a good fit long term. If your child comes home and says or does something, your husband calls it nonsense, she goes back to school and repeats that, imagine the phone call you're going to get from the administration.</p> <p>I sent my son to a daycare on the grounds of a religious school, with the intent to enroll him in the preschool. One day, my son came home and was praying. It was at that moment that I realized that long term, religious school wouldn't be an option. I was thinking more along the lines of participating in the sacraments...at this particular school, the children in second grade prepare for their first communion as part of their school day. My son would have to participate, or be pulled out and I didn't want that to be his experience. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2638257 Tue, 18 Oct 2016 07:53:15 +0000 lamariniere 2638257@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are both atheists and I would not be ok with sending my child to a faith-based school, even for preschool. I went to faith-based daycare, kindergarten and 1st grade (where religion was taught as fact) and I still remember it. While it wasn't a bad experience, I remember really questioning it, even when I was fairly young.</p> <p>I'm not anti-religion, I would just want my child to be able to explore religion when they are old enough to have a true interest and curiosity and really be able to understand it and decide for themselves what they believe. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2638251 Tue, 18 Oct 2016 07:47:12 +0000 MOMTOLITTLEB 2638251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are religious and religious education is important to us. In your case, I don't think the Christian school would be a good choice. My son goes to a Christian preschool now and I don't think he's picked much up (he's not yet 3) but my nephew did also and I remember him learning a lot at a young age. It might be ok with you but if your husband feels very strongly about her not receiving those messages, I think it could be confusing for her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2638249 Tue, 18 Oct 2016 07:42:35 +0000 LBee 2638249@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm going to be the dissenter and say I don't think a religious school sounds like it would be a good fit for you guys. </p> <p>I went to a religious school until 8th grade (as did my husband) and my son is currently in a religious preschool / MDO. He is two and has learned a lot - shapes, colors, etc - but also religious stuff. Children are sponges. He now insists we pray before meals (requesting for us to sing, "God our Father") and often walks around the house singing, "Who built the Ark? Noah, Noah!" While I agree with @Smurfette: that you shouldn't force your personal beliefs (or disbeliefs) onto your child, having been on HB for several years and feeling like I "know" your family / child, I have concerns that singing religious songs could become your child's new way or torturing you guys (specifically your husband). Especially if your husband shows open disdain for them. Just something to think about.</p> <p>I do think that there are tons of kids who go to religious schools - Jewish, Christian, etc - that don't take on the religion and parents don't believe in said religious. With that said, I am 100% confident that she will be exposed to religious principles there and you need to decide whether you want to begin that discussion (what Mom &amp; Dad believe) in your house right now. I think saying something like "oh, they are teaching rubbish" (putting on my British hat) could be detrimental and confusing for a young child, so y'all would definitely want to strategize and develop a party line.</p> <p>ETA: We are a Christian family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sending-your-child-to-a-church-affiliated-school-when-you-are-an-atheist-family#post-2638233 Tue, 18 Oct 2016 07:14:34 +0000 Smurfette 2638233@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be ok with it. I think it is good to expose your child to it. What if it is something they choose to believe as they get older? Just because it is something you don't (or do) believe, doesn't mean that you child has to. </p>