https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 19 May 2026 07:27:13 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sensitive-subject-cautionary-tale-about-internet-pornography#post-461036 Fri, 21 Dec 2012 20:48:42 +0000 sarac 461036@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are so brave for sharing this. I share your views on pornography - I consider it to be a positive thing if it's having a positive effect on a relationship. Since it isn't, I think it's amazing that your husband is so willing to try to make a change. Do you have a therapist or a pastor or some trusted and neutral third party who can help you through this? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sensitive-subject-cautionary-tale-about-internet-pornography#post-460976 Fri, 21 Dec 2012 20:11:27 +0000 jedeve 460976@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hugs. You aren't alone. I dated a guy who was addicted to porn and mastrubated 5x a day to it. Your guy is willing to take steps, which is awesome. There might be some setbacks at some point, but you will get through. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sensitive-subject-cautionary-tale-about-internet-pornography#post-460964 Fri, 21 Dec 2012 20:06:11 +0000 autumnlove 460964@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry! Sounds like things will work out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sensitive-subject-cautionary-tale-about-internet-pornography#post-460931 Fri, 21 Dec 2012 19:42:39 +0000 Ash 460931@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@throwawaybee: How tough. :( I'm sorry you're going through this. I think being in denial about it this whole time would be easy to do. I hope you guys can work it out.. it sounds like you're on the right track! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sensitive-subject-cautionary-tale-about-internet-pornography#post-460897 Fri, 21 Dec 2012 19:19:39 +0000 T.H.O.U. 460897@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First of all I think you are off to a great step if he was wiling to acknowledge the problem and tell you. I hope you can resolve this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sensitive-subject-cautionary-tale-about-internet-pornography#post-460783 Fri, 21 Dec 2012 17:53:14 +0000 throwawaybee 460783@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not mad at him about it. He first brought it up two nights ago when we were snuggling in bed but I was fighting a losing battle to stay awake and didn't understand what he was trying to tell me. </p> <p>Last night I grasped it, but had a hard time processing it. There were long stretches of time where I just didn't know what to say. It was a shock that what I thought I knew/understood/accepted was false. I was mad at myself for being passive about it, and hurt. </p> <p>But I'm very grateful to whatever he read that gave him this revelation about himself, and very optimistic about our marriage moving forward. I'm also glad he decided to talk to me about it...he didn't have to, and he debated just quitting it and not bringing it up to me, but he thought it was important that I know, even though I'm sure it was a very hard thing for him to admit to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sensitive-subject-cautionary-tale-about-internet-pornography#post-460762 Fri, 21 Dec 2012 17:45:24 +0000 Boogs 460762@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you're going through this. The fact that your husband is trying to open the lines of communication with you sounds like it a great step in the right direction for your relationship. Best of luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sensitive-subject-cautionary-tale-about-internet-pornography#post-460760 Fri, 21 Dec 2012 17:44:45 +0000 Rubies 460760@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so glad that he has figured it out that it was affecting your marriage. He sounds like he really loves you and wants to save whatever has been wrong. I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope you rebuild your sex life in a loving and satisfying way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sensitive-subject-cautionary-tale-about-internet-pornography#post-460756 Fri, 21 Dec 2012 17:42:10 +0000 Dapple Grey 460756@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you for coming forward and having the courage to share your story. I think this type of situation happens more than we want to believe...</p> <p>I'm thinking of you and sending my best for both of you, as I hope you can work through this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sensitive-subject-cautionary-tale-about-internet-pornography#post-460754 Fri, 21 Dec 2012 17:41:52 +0000 MaisyMay 460754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm glad that he was able to make the connection and that through this, hopefully, your relationship will improve, not just the bedroom aspects. If he finds this to be harder than he has anticipated, you may need to find somebody to talk to about it. Maybe a counselor or a pastor. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sensitive-subject-cautionary-tale-about-internet-pornography#post-460753 Fri, 21 Dec 2012 17:40:22 +0000 Bao 460753@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First of all, I am sorry you are going through this. The good news is, it sounds like your DH is willing to work on it, which is great! It's awesome that he can admit this to you and you guys can work through this together. I know my DH watches porn, but I don't think it has any affect on our sex life. Sure, we have sex less often than we did pre-baby but we are both so tired and busy, it kind of comes with the territory. Hopefully things turn around and you guys can get back on track with your intimacy, and I think things are heading in the right direction. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sensitive-subject-cautionary-tale-about-internet-pornography#post-460748 Fri, 21 Dec 2012 17:38:06 +0000 Mrs. Pen 460748@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry you two are going through this. IMO porn should have no place in a marriage because it can set unrealistic expectations or situations like yours. </p> <p>I hope you two can work through this and I applaud your husband for being open and honest about it with you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sensitive-subject-cautionary-tale-about-internet-pornography#post-460740 Fri, 21 Dec 2012 17:34:35 +0000 throwawaybee 460740@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have gone back and forth about posting this. It's a sensitive subject and even posting about under an incognito account is embarrassing. But this was something that had the potential to seriously hurt my marriage, so I wanted to share. </p> <p>I’m going to preface this by saying that I’m absolutely not trying to attack internet pornography (or any pornography). Until last night I had zero issues with DH watching it from time to time. In fact, I occasionally watched it myself, both solo and with DH. </p> <p>Last night, though, DH told me his new years resolution was to quit watching internet porn. It turns out he’d been…enjoying it…about 4-5 times a week. This probably wouldn’t bother me much, except I’ve been under the impression that DH had a low sex drive because we really only had sex MAYBE twice a month, except when we were TTC, and then we really only had sex during ovulation week. </p> <p>I don’t have a terribly demanding sex drive, so the infrequent sex never really bothered me. I didn’t try to figure out why we didn’t have sex very often, or do something about it, the past year especially. Pregnancy + baby has really done a number on my libido. We’d talked about it a few times, two or three years ago, and DH told me that if it every started to bother me he’d see a doctor about ED. </p> <p>Anyway, last night he tells me that often times when I had been in the mood and made a play at him he would demur…because he had already gotten off to internet porn that night. It has been affecting our sex life for a long time, but I didn’t realize it. He said that he didn’t make the connection between our sex life (or lack thereof) and his habits, because…well I don‘t know why, but knowing DH he really didn‘t make the connection until a few nights ago. It was never that he was in the mood and chose porn over sex with me, but that he would get bored and decide to entertain himself (usually, but not always, when I was otherwise occupied). </p> <p>He read an article the other day about how this is a problem a lot of guys apparently have. They suggested he try to masturbate without using porn, just using his own thoughts. He couldn’t. And that freaked him out, so he decided to quit it cold turkey (the porn, not masturbating, although the latter will probably be impacted for a while). </p> <p>I don’t have a problem with him taking care of himself, especially if I’m not in the mood or busy with the baby, I don’t. But knowing now that I’ve spent YEARS thinking that he just had a low sex drive or the tiny tiny voice in the back of my head suggesting that maybe I just wasn’t sexy enough/pretty enough/enough to interest him…that stings. I’m mad at him and at myself for not being proactive/letting things go.</p> <p>Anyway, I needed to vent. I’m hurt that our sex life has been negatively impacted by this. I’m mad at myself for being passive about it all. I’m hopeful that him cutting it will reset our sex life moving forward (as good as it can be with an infant, anyway). And wanted to put a warning out there--if your SO watches a lot of porn and your sex life is pretty dry, don’t be blind to it like me, there’s a decent chance they’re connected. </p> <p>Again, not trying to rag on porn, or open a debate. Just wanted to share, because I’m willing to be there are other women here in a similar situation. </p>