https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 27 Apr 2026 13:23:28 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-7#post-2897382 Fri, 20 Sep 2019 08:42:23 +0000 LadyDi 2897382@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pachamama: there is something nice about having everyone out of the house! I like MDO too because I didn’t have to coordinate with a sitter or grandparent. I could just drop them off and do what I wanted. If I ask our parents to watch the kids, I always feel like I need a purpose. Like to run errands or go to a dr appointment. Even though that’s completely self imposed, I’m sure they would still want to babysit even if I was just going to Starbucks for an hour. That stinks about they daycare. Hours of time to fill in the winter is just the worst. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-7#post-2897373 Fri, 20 Sep 2019 06:33:20 +0000 pachamama 2897373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah maybe he'd do better with a sitter at your house? Tho I always loved when my kids were OUT of the house so I could put it back together (for an hour 😆).<br /> Looking back at my time with my 3buear old and newborn, my life would have been dramatically better if I had more help and time to myself. My son's daycare got shutdown a few weeks into mat leave, and it was middle of the winter NY. IT SUCKED. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-7#post-2897357 Thu, 19 Sep 2019 21:02:00 +0000 LadyDi 2897357@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bhbee: Thanks, I appreciate the solidarity. I did mention to DH that if this doesn't work out maybe I should try to hire a sitter for a couple hours a week...our parents live close and are always willing to babysit but I think he needs to get used to a stranger.<br /> @periwinklebee: I'm glad you found a system that works for your son!<br /> @peaches1038: Love Daniel Tiger. Is there anything he doesn't address? I'll have to look up the episode this week. @gotkimchi: I am not sure if he'd be able to do more than one day a week. Thursdays are the only day available for 1-2 year olds. They have other days for 2-3 year olds and I'd have to ask the director if they would let him in....my guess is no. I do think one day is part of the struggle.<br /> @cake2017: I've been trying to focus more on self care since having my third...I started taking an evening yoga class so the kids can be with DH and I can get out for a bit. Now that summer is over I am hoping the grandparents can babysit more consistently. We do see them pretty regularly but they are all retired and travel quite a bit in the summer.<br /> @Mrs. Champagne: These are really helpful, thank you. I haven't thought of physically handing him to a teacher. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-7#post-2897355 Thu, 19 Sep 2019 20:08:25 +0000 bhbee 2897355@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh one more idea - if you can’t make mdo work, although I hope the ideas mentioned help! - not sure what your area is like, but I see posts on our local moms fb group about nannies who are looking for a few extra hours while their usual charges are in preschool or elementary. I find daytime sitters really difficult to find, but that might be an option. It would be more limiting since the toddler was home, but you could nap with baby, work on your laptop in your room, take baby out for errands or a walk, etc. It would be a bit more expensive here than mdo, but a small price for mental health!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-7#post-2897348 Thu, 19 Sep 2019 19:40:37 +0000 Kemma 2897348@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This sounds like really normal and developmentally appropriate behaviour for a young toddler and I’d perhaps pull him out of the programme until he’s a wee bit older. My other thought would be to find another Playgroup or activity where you can be there with him but he can manage himself to gain some confidence and learn to navigate his independence. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-7#post-2897347 Thu, 19 Sep 2019 19:30:26 +0000 pachamama 2897347@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry, this is the WORST feeling. But you need a day off too and I do believe it's good for your little guy to be away from mom every once in a while.<br /> I found my son cries if we go once a week. It's too infrequent for him to get used to. Can you go twice a week for an hour maybe, the build up like someone suggested?<br /> Another thing is maybe the room is very overstimulating. The KidsCare at my Y is the stuff of sensory nightmares and it really stresses my son out.<br /> Do they take him outside? That seems to help too.<br /> Good luck. Please don't feel guilty about granting yourself some time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-7#post-2897346 Thu, 19 Sep 2019 19:12:26 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2897346@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So we have a really great preschool in town. It’s run by a parent board that I’m part of, so I might be biased, but the teachers have some really awesome tips I will share. </p> <p>1) keep drop off short. If getting him changed into shoes etc is too hard then you need to give him a kiss and let a teacher do that and you bolt. My son went through this bad. The best thing to do is “you are safe and I love you and I will be back to get you” and HAND him to a teacher. You placing him in their arms helps him understand you trust them. Don’t let the teachers pull him from you. Do not linger. </p> <p>2) if he’s having a good day (not crying) have the teachers call you to get him early. Then he knows: happy = mom. Instead of: crying my head off = mom. </p> <p>3) if it’s possible to do more than one morning, that will help him adjust quickly. </p> <p>4) good luck. I have totally been there.</p> <p>5) 2 to 3 is a rough transition. So many kids. So little hands and time. Stick it out to keep your sanity! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-7#post-2897341 Thu, 19 Sep 2019 18:14:32 +0000 cake2017 2897341@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LadyDi: This is hard. I’m sorry. When my lo was 18months he went to preschool for a few days cause I went back to work. He was home and with me and my mom his entire life. The first two weeks were rough. </p> <p>I would talk about it a lot and tell him you always come back.</p> <p>I know you sah but try to have him spend more time with DH and gparents?<br /> I am a firm believer of self care and you need your time. So I know how you feel when it comes to balancing and trying to make that work.</p> <p>I hope it works out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-7#post-2897340 Thu, 19 Sep 2019 17:15:41 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2897340@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: I also agree with this. He’s transitioning to this new place and it probably will take him a few weeks but it’s more of a shock to go just once and then a big break until the next time so it’s like starting over again. Also agree with the transition period of time where you stay with him for an hour, the next day he tries a little longer, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-7#post-2897338 Thu, 19 Sep 2019 17:13:12 +0000 SweetCaroline 2897338@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @gotkimchi: I see quicker adaptation in children who consistently and frequently are presented with the separation (and then they thrive in the program).</p> <p>I sympathize with you...my DD started a new daycare at 3-1/2 and cried at every drop off for MONTHS. Like, kicking people who tried to hug her, alligator tears, etc. The good news is, she started Pre K at a new school a year later and 2 days in, she started demanding I drop her off in carline and no longer walk her in. There's hope. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-7#post-2897336 Thu, 19 Sep 2019 16:55:16 +0000 gotkimchi 2897336@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m not sure if this is a possibility with mother’s day out but could he go more days? Sometimes one day per week is the hardest </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-7#post-2897333 Thu, 19 Sep 2019 15:43:45 +0000 peaches1038 2897333@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We watched the Daniel tiger episode about parents always coming back A LOT. We talked a lot about how mommy always will come back and I started saying “mama always....” and he would reply “Comes Back!!!!!!”</p> <p> I also told him that I would be back after snack time. Giving him a concrete event helped him much more than me saying “later” or “in a little while”. </p> <p>We also talked (and by we, I mean, I talked and he maybe listened) about how trying new things can be scary, but they can also be fun. I also would tell him where I’m going “I’m going to go grocery shopping while you’re at school and I’ll be back after snack time to pick you up.” I think it helped to know that I was doing something specific and would be back afterwards. </p> <p>I agree that lingering makes it worse, especially if you are worried or anxious. So I’d keep doing what you’re doing.</p> <p>Just a little story to show you there’s hope: Yesterday, DS (who is almost 4 and in a mixed age classroom) told me he was playing with a little one who was really wanting her mama. And I said yep, sometimes we all miss our mamas. And he said, I don’t miss you while I’m at school. And I thought to myself ‘well that kinda sucks’ and then he goes “I know where you are when you’re not with me and I know you always come back!” So that made me feel good that he trusts me and that he’s actually listening when I talk! </p> <p> It’ll get better, you’re an awesome mama and doing great! Hope this helps a little 💚💚💚💚 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-7#post-2897332 Thu, 19 Sep 2019 15:40:31 +0000 periwinklebee 2897332@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry :heart: The only thing I would suggest is that lingering there for a bit could help. </p> <p>Different, but at my son's full-time daycare when there are new kids in the center a parent is required to stay with them for the full time they are there for the first several days, only gradually leaving for short periods of time over the first week, and for the first week they are only their part-time. They say this makes a big difference for adjustment. And for the existing kids, who'd been in the center for a year and moved up all together (with one of their teachers), they still required parents to spend extra time at drop off the first few days. My son is the same age as yours, is a big mamas boy, and was still pretty upset about moving up the first month, even though all his friends and one of his old teachers were there, and it is just next door to his old room, which they get to go visit. Our routine now is for me to read a few books (his favorite thing) at drop off and it's made a big difference. He's usually still a bit anxious when we first arrive, but then relaxes a lot as I spend a bit of time with him in the classroom; I think it gives him a chance to feel safe and relaxed there before i leave. I know it's different with just one day a week and may be harder to adjust, but could be worth a try... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-7#post-2897328 Thu, 19 Sep 2019 14:51:20 +0000 bhbee 2897328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just wanted to say - solidarity. My 13mo just got kicked out of her one day MDO because she was inconsolable. I think she is really not ready but 19mo might be able to adjust more. It’s definitely hard when they expect to be with you 24/7. Could you try working up to it? Going an hour, then 1.5, etc? Maybe give the teachers a little break and see if he can adjust over time. Do the teachers have other ideas? Unfortunately our preschool did not offer any other ideas :bummed: but maybe yours would.<br /> I just sympathize on all counts. 2 to 3 was by far my hardest transition and I have had two serious clingers!! Hugs :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-7#post-2897325 Thu, 19 Sep 2019 14:40:43 +0000 LadyDi 2897325@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Alternate title: Am I torturing my toddler?</p> <p>I enrolled my 19 month old in a one morning a week mom's morning out program at my older son's preschool. I SAH and he's definitely clingy and a mama's boy. When I leave him with his dad or his grandparents he usually cries when I leave for a few minutes then gets distracted and goes back to playing. Well the past two weeks at the morning out program have been ROUGH. I try to leave pretty quickly because I didn't think lingering would help. I give him a hug and a kiss and try to give him a toy and then say bye. Both weeks he's cried almost the entire time (3 hours). Last week he was better during music time and snack time but this week he kept trying to open widows to get to me, he won't let anyone pick him up or touch him to comfort him, and he would sometimes start to play with something for a minute or two but then go back to crying. When I got there to pick him up he was just standing under a window crying. </p> <p>I have no idea what to do to help him. His biggest comforting object is his pacifier, which he had this week. When he's really upset at home he never wants a lovey or a blanket, usually I just hold him or give him a pacifier until he calms down. Or I distract him with TV. I also have a 2 month old so it's hard to give him the attention he wants. I've been so upset and guilt-ridden since I picked him up today. Normally I would say kids need time to adjust but he's only 19 months old so maybe he just isn't ready for this? I am also really sad for myself because I really wanted this one morning a week to myself (and my newborn). The transition to three kids has been harder on me than having the other two and this one morning "off" was supposed to be my breath of fresh air. I know if he doesn't calm down or if we can't work through it then they are going to suggest I pull him out...which I totally understand. I am sure he's ruining the experience for the teachers and other kids in the class. Any suggestions???? </p>