https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 22 Apr 2026 12:08:40 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-at-bedtime-help#post-2785472 Thu, 09 Nov 2017 17:03:52 +0000 MrsSCB 2785472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cake2017: he would sometimes pick him up. Other times he'd just rub his back. My son would usually be calm when he was in there rubbing his back. Waiting for the move sounds like a good plan, just so you don't have to do it all over again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-at-bedtime-help#post-2785391 Thu, 09 Nov 2017 13:43:02 +0000 cake2017 2785391@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: We are moving in 3 weeks. So pediatrician stated to wait to train too. i like this idea. did your husband pick him up when he cried? </p> <p>His crib is in our room now but he will be transitioning to his own room as well. So a lot here but we will take one step at a time. </p> <p>Thank you for answering even though he’s older! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-at-bedtime-help#post-2785351 Thu, 09 Nov 2017 12:00:01 +0000 MrsSCB 2785351@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cake2017: He's almost 15 months old now, and I am still nursing at bedtime, but no longer to sleep. What helped was putting him into his crib awake. We actually recently had to sort of sleep train again -- we moved, and I think that threw him off, being in a different bedroom. The way we did it was I would nurse him and put him to bed awake. We'd let him cry for 10 minutes, my husband would go in and soothe him and then leave again. And we just repeated that process. My husband went in, because we thought if I was there he would just want to nurse. The length of crying got shorter and shorter until now when I'm able to put him in his crib awake and he rolls over and goes to sleep. Hang in there! I know sleep issues can be so, so hard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-at-bedtime-help#post-2785347 Thu, 09 Nov 2017 11:51:38 +0000 cake2017 2785347@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: Such an old post but how did this go? I am in this right now with my almost 5minth old! thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-at-bedtime-help#post-2726722 Thu, 20 Apr 2017 10:57:24 +0000 MrsSCB 2726722@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Update: He cried for 25 min last night before falling asleep. We went in a few times in that period to reassure him and lay him down (he is pulling to stand in his crib now). Then he slept until 6:30! It is so hard, though, I'm afraid I'll cave...Tonight we're trying to put him down without nursing to sleep right from the beginning (last night I nursed to sleep but he woke 15 minutes later, and that's when the crying started). Argh, so hard, I'm just hoping it's worth it :-( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-at-bedtime-help#post-2726311 Wed, 19 Apr 2017 12:39:50 +0000 MrsSCB 2726311@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlejoy: @LBee: thank you, honestly it would make me feel better to think of it not as separation anxiety. I was thinking maybe that because he cried recently when we left him with our friends to go out for my husband's birthday. He's fine when I drop him off at daycare, though, so maybe he was just grumpy that day. He definitely cannot go to sleep easily on his own at this point, but the weird thing is that once he gets to sleep he does pretty well. Last night after he was finally asleep, he slept until 6:45. Occasionally he will wake at night and be up for an hour or hour and a half though...</p> <p>I'm thinking of maybe trying to sit in there with him tonight...last night we ended up going in and out a bit and he cried off and on until he finally fell asleep :bummed: I just didn't know what else to do. Hopefully this doesn't sound terrible, but I really need that time to myself after bedtime. Struggling for a couple hours to get him to sleep, then basically just going to bed myself is difficult for my mental health.</p> <p>@Mrs. Pickle: I was thinking this seemed like what you guys went through, I'm glad the sleep training helped. I know it'll be better in the long run for him to be able to go to sleep on his own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-at-bedtime-help#post-2726304 Wed, 19 Apr 2017 12:27:43 +0000 littlejoy 2726304@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LBee: Totally, totally agree!! Ours didn't start sleep regression issues until 8 months, and then hit them HARD at every expected age. It was just our way of knowing we had to sleep train (DH and I both work full time, and just happened to be blessed with a good sleeper until 8 months) ... we chose the route that worked for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-at-bedtime-help#post-2726289 Wed, 19 Apr 2017 12:02:26 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2726289@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That sounds just like what prompted us to stop nursing to sleep and to sleep train. It was a great decision for us. R was doing the same thing for hours in the MOTN too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-at-bedtime-help#post-2726286 Wed, 19 Apr 2017 11:58:16 +0000 LBee 2726286@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I read the first line and thought the same thing as @littlejoy: - this doesn't sound like separation anxiety, it sounds like the inability to self soothe. There are a lot of ways to address this and depending on the way you select there are tons of bees who will give you advice. I personally did sleep training, but that was because it made the most sense for our family. </p> <p>I want to provide the context that I am a full-time working mom (I think you are too?) and I totally understand how hard the crying is. I think you are creating some unnecessary "mom guilt" by making yourself think it's separation anxiety. From an outside perspective it really doesn't sound like it - it sounds like a child that is unable to put himself to sleep and is thrilled when his means of getting to sleep comes in to alleviate his upset. You either need to commit to continuing the crutch or try to break it. People have rocked both ways!</p> <p>ETA: I will say my kid went through some weird stuff at 8 months. I remember just thinking he was freak until I think @gingerbebe wrote that her kid did too. He started waking up really early in the morning inconsolable, seeming legitimately hungry (he had STTN since 10 weeks and was sleep trained at that point). We powered through and he went back to normal. So, my advice could be totally wrong and this could just be a stage. Babies are crazy. There are tons of people that never have to sleep train their kids and the whole "inability to self soothe" thing seems to be bull shit. My kid wasn't one of those, but here's to hoping for the next one! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-at-bedtime-help#post-2726273 Wed, 19 Apr 2017 11:38:40 +0000 littlejoy 2726273@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sounds like he doesn't know how to fall asleep on his own (without the crutch of feeding). We went through this at the same time, and ended up doing assisted sleep training. </p> <p>We would stay with her while she fell asleep, but we removed the feeding from bedtime (fed her before we did the bedtime routine). We'd lay her down when she was sleepy (not over-tired is key). We'd pat her back and sit with her while she figured it out. If we tried leaving the room, she would lose her shit (understandably), so the sitting with her until she was out was a good solution for us. </p> <p>It was rough for a few days ... bedtime took 2+ hours the first time (not freaking out crying the whole time), but she just didn't know what to do. By the 5th night, things were much better. I ended up sitting with her for a few weeks, which allowed me to read several novels I had been wanting to read. ;) </p> <p>After a few months, we were able to just put her down, and she'd fall asleep on her own. </p> <p>BUT, she's 3 and still sucks at sleeping, so maybe my method sucks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/separation-anxiety-at-bedtime-help#post-2726200 Wed, 19 Apr 2017 09:31:40 +0000 MrsSCB 2726200@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son is eight months old, and lately bedtime has become a major struggle. I nurse him to sleep, which has been great...until now. I put him in his crib asleep, like I always have, but within 30 or so minutes he wakes up and screams. So I go in and try to put him back down, but as soon as he touches the mattress, he starts to cry. I think it might be some kind of separation anxiety, because if I go in there and pick him up, he is totally fine. Happy, smiley, etc.</p> <p>Anyone deal with this? What do I do? Is it time to break the nursing to sleep habit? I'm not opposed to the idea of sleep training, but the crying absolutely breaks my heart, because he basically never cries otherwise. And I don't know if it would just make the separation anxiety worse, since he's crying because we're not there? But it's been taking two to three hours to get him to stay asleep, and that's not good for either of us. </p> <p>Help! </p>