https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 16 May 2026 09:01:03 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/setting-boundaries-or-just-accepting-on-ignoring-long-vent#post-177592 Sun, 03 Jun 2012 19:44:10 +0000 heffalump 177592@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always have DH deal with his family if it really bothers me. For actual health things, I would tell her that we asked the doctor (even if we didn't) and this is what he said. But that article does sound pretty silly. When LO couldn't move, I put her in the bouncer so she'd have a place to sit while I did things like pee. Now that she's bigger, I just plop her on the floor.</p> <p>My MIL likes to constantly talk about healthy food to me. I know she means well and just wants us all to be healthy.... but sometimes it's a bit much. I just listen, smile, and then go home and eat some cookies :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/setting-boundaries-or-just-accepting-on-ignoring-long-vent#post-177518 Sun, 03 Jun 2012 17:33:33 +0000 Mrs. Pen 177518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I like what the pp's said.</p> <p>"Hmm that's interesting, thanks for the concern!"<br /> "I appreciate your concern for our baby - I'll talk to our doctor about this."</p> <p>that's totally weird about the articles too. It's obvious none of us put our babies in there for even the majority of the day! </p> <p>I'm sorry. I know that's hard. although not as critical, my MIL likes to offer her opinions too. It gets old. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/setting-boundaries-or-just-accepting-on-ignoring-long-vent#post-177498 Sun, 03 Jun 2012 16:14:23 +0000 SugarplumsMom 177498@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: I've been trying out similar responses with her on other subjects pre-pregnancy but it hasn't really helped - she hasn't gotten the hint. I'm starting to think that it's just the way she is and she's gotten away with it for years so she never had to consider anyone else's feelings.</p> <p>@chopsuey119: That's the thing, DH isn't at all bothered by her recent comments (she used to say worse things when it was just me and her but I quickly learned to stay away from being in that situation). I guess DH doesn't take her words as seriously, he's the type of person that doesn't really care about stray opinions in general. Unless she's outright rude and she's never outright rude (that he's heard) =/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/setting-boundaries-or-just-accepting-on-ignoring-long-vent#post-177488 Sun, 03 Jun 2012 15:52:24 +0000 mediagirl 177488@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I like the idea of comments like @Mrs. Jacks said. Especially, "I'll think about that, thanks you." That's honestly what I plan on doing when my MIL comes to visit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/setting-boundaries-or-just-accepting-on-ignoring-long-vent#post-177471 Sun, 03 Jun 2012 15:23:07 +0000 chopsuey 177471@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Does she make these comments in front of your Dh? If she does, have him give her a call or tell her to chills in private </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/setting-boundaries-or-just-accepting-on-ignoring-long-vent#post-177457 Sun, 03 Jun 2012 15:02:12 +0000 sorrycharlie 177457@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh..I feel for you. We've been getting comments up the wazoo from everyone and their mother...including the cashier at the Hanes outlet.</p> <p>I like Mrs. Jack's suggestion of citing the pedi, but I've also been just saying, "we're totally expecting that different things will work for different babies, we plan to try _____ (fill in the blank) first, and we'll make adjustments as needed" or something similar. </p> <p>I first try a simple, "thanks! I'll keep that in mind" but it gets difficult when the person in question takes that as an invitation to then criticize everything else. if the person is not getting the hint, or being too much, I'll move on to a firmer statement. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/setting-boundaries-or-just-accepting-on-ignoring-long-vent#post-177456 Sun, 03 Jun 2012 14:57:24 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 177456@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Good phrases are, "I'll give that the consideration it deserves" and "We are going with our pediatrician's recommendations on this one."</p> <p>Lather, rinse and repeat until she gets the idea. If she doesn't, it's your husband's job to run interference!</p> <p>Hang in there. I suspect it may be even harder when your little one makes an appearance. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/setting-boundaries-or-just-accepting-on-ignoring-long-vent#post-177449 Sun, 03 Jun 2012 14:45:36 +0000 SugarplumsMom 177449@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>"You can't control how other people behave - only how you react." Or in my case, what other people say ...</p> <p>Before I go on, I have to say that my MIL is a good cook, has a beautiful smile, and has sewed for our baby a lovely bassinet cover. She's also raised a pair of fine sons. But she always has an opinion on everything and more often than not, her comments are criticisms. I should just go out and admit that a previous post I made about how to deal with negative comments isn't about a friend, it's about my MIL. Well tonight they were briefly over and she make a comment that has really gotten me concerned for when the baby arrives.</p> <p>As she was looking at the infant bouncer my grandma has gifted us, she gives me a newspaper article saying there's a story in it about the use of "these new baby things that are inclined" and she should have given me the article a long time ago. </p> <p>The article is about a theory a person has about how new baby gear that wasn't available years ago can hinder development and cause dyslexia and ADHD. The article itself was poorly written and very brief, it criticizes baby gyms especially because "it frustrates a baby" because the baby wants to reach for the things but can't and bouncers and things that strap the baby limits their mobility. I've read criticisms about the Bumbo and such and relayed it to her, but those criticisms don't go as far as linking it with dyslexia and ADHD, especially since there are a multitude of activities that babies engage in everyday (it's not like a parent just straps a child in one of those things for an entire day, and it they do, the child would have a lot more serious problems)!</p> <p>I question if the person that wrote that article even has children because the developmental stages it mentions isn't aligned with the time you actually use those items for the baby or a baby is no longer interested in those items. For instance, a newborn has limited vision for the first few weeks isn't going to want to stick everything in it's mouth right away!</p> <p>I can no go on about the article, but it's MIL's way of always preaching about things that truly frustrate me. When she saw the playpen, she mentions how a baby can't be so heavy when we use it. I told her we weren't planning on leaving a toddler in there for hours at a time. BIL made a joke about it that made everyone laugh. When she saw the mattress I personally cut to fit the bassinet, she comments on how it's high and we'll have to use something else after 3 months -- the bassinet is small, we don't intend to use the thing for that long anyway!</p> <p>It's so frustrating because she has not gifted a single thing to us but yet criticizes my family's gifts for the baby! She did sew us the bassinet cover (that I am very thankful for) but we barely got the bassinet tonight -- at 36 weeks.</p> <p>How do I deal with this? I've responded to every one of her comments (and not staying quiet like I used to). But I'm afraid she'll continue to be insistent with her "advice" because that seems to be her way of doing things. Do I just meditate and ignore it? I can't force someone to not have opinions. Or is there a way to set some boundaries for her to understand that her incessant negative comments aren't welcomed. </p>