https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 25 May 2026 20:14:27 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1788138 Tue, 29 Jul 2014 20:45:10 +0000 pui 1788138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm essentially coping-and-pasting my post from another thread about this:</p> <p>I agree with some of the anti-sharing article.</p> <p>I do not think children need to share things they own if they don't want to, at least not immediately upon someone else showing interest in it (like her example of a bringing a toy to the park). However, in the case of communal toys that belong to everyone, I think it's wrong to teach a child they can just hog a toy forever without letting any other child have a chance. That toy isn't theirs and I think "I had it first" is a poor reason to not share it with anyone else. As an adult I am annoyed when, say, someone hogs the air hockey machine at the arcade without letting anyone else have a turn. It's a shared machine, so it should be shared. It's rude not to.</p> <p>On the flip side, I do see the value in teaching a child to be patient when someone else is using something and not to feel entitled to it. Sharing doesn't mean you can just rip something out of someone else's hand because you want it.</p> <p>I think it's a balance. The second article sums it up perfectly:<br /> "How about this? Instead of teaching children to absolutely share or to absolutely not share, why not teach children to avoid being complete assholes." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778993 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 13:41:37 +0000 looch 1778993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I try to model compassion and empathy. I don't cut in the line at the supermarket but I know how to share. I know that if someone comes to school without a lunch, I will ask everyone to give up a little piece for that person. </p> <p>My son brought a toy truck to the playground the other day. A much older boy tried to snatch it out of his hand. That's not okay. I teach my son to stand up for himself and not be a pushover. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778972 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 13:36:15 +0000 ShootingStar 1778972@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm somewhat anti-sharing. I don't like the attitude that if your kid has something someone else wants, they have to immediately give it up. I agree that we're fostering a culture of if you want it then the other person must share it. And that doesn't jive with the real world. I really liked her sunglasses example - how weird would it be if someone on the street wanted a turn with your sunglasses and pulled them off your head? Or what if you were on public transportation and the guy standing while you're sitting says "ok, my turn to sit - you get up." </p> <p>I hope to teach my kids not to be assholes, but at the same time not teach them that anything anyone else has is up for sharing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778872 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 13:06:54 +0000 immabeetoo 1778872@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with what @Arden said.</p> <p>It is really hard with LO as not a baby but not a preschooler. So often moms make their older kids immediately give up whatever they have if LOncomes by and I'm like no! That is not sharing. </p> <p>I really appreciate the library and playgroups as good places to practice. I try to focus on praising good behavior; it warms my heart when he gives a toy to someone else! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778773 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:48:16 +0000 swurlygurl 1778773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: Yes! I will share a drinking fountain, but I'm not going to share my water bottle! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778759 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:44:43 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 1778759@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I strongly disagreed with the anti-sharing article. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778748 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:42:32 +0000 fairy 1778748@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: +1 well said :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778719 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:37:27 +0000 Alivoo01 1778719@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lawbee11: Yes! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778693 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:29:33 +0000 Arden 1778693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I believe in teaching LO to take turns and share things that are public property (playground equipment, library toys, etc). </p> <p>But for her own personal property? It's her decision, I will not force her to share. I will praise unselfish and giving behavior, but I will not force her or punish her for keeping her belongings to herself. </p> <p>I take turns with other adults for the water fountain, share my space on the public bench, and occasionally give away something of my own free will. I do not however allow random strangers to grab my cell phone because they want to use it. It is my property, and I'm not comfortable with sharing. That is my right.</p> <p>I try to raise my daughter with the same standards and rules I follow myself. After all, I'm creating a future adult. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778636 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:15:36 +0000 fairy 1778636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I thought the first article was interesting because I never thought of things that way, but I don't like her examples. I don't expect any kid to feel entitled to specific toys and if my DD tries to snatch toys from another kid, I say "not nice" and give the toy back to the other kid (at 13 months that is about all I can do). When she is older I will try and teach her to ask to play with toys and to come up with compromises without adult intervention if they both want to play with the same thing. I do agree that they need to learn how to deal with disappointment, but they also need to learn how to be empathetic people lol. So yeah.. pro-sharing but not necessarily pro-forced-sharing like some of the "examples" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778629 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:14:02 +0000 Freckles 1778629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: The one other thing i wanted to add was i think the anti-sharing mom was referring to the type of sharing you see happening a lot these days...where moms force their kids to give up whatever they're playing with RIGHT AWAY to accommodate the other kid. I am not a fan of that kind of sharing. I think sharing, waiting, taking turns, etc. all have to be taught. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778622 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:11:57 +0000 birdofafeather 1778622@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i am pro-sharing, but i agree to an extent about not HAVING to give up your thing just because someone asked.</p> <p>@Freckles: we had an instance like this where DD wanted to go in a cozy coupe with her friend last night, but he didn't want her to. it was an interesting dynamic to watch and i did think about that article while i told DD that it was her friend's car and he was using it and redirected her to another car. i think park/public things are trickier, but i really hope to instill a sense of sharing and compassion a la @Smurfette: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778613 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:09:24 +0000 T.H.O.U. 1778613@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@swurlygurl: I agree with this. When my daughter asks to bring toys to school, we just tell her no, because then she would have to share and we know its her special toy that she doesn't want broken. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778610 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:08:47 +0000 T.H.O.U. 1778610@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also want to make sure my daughter knows that even if she is blessed with something in life and it is hers that she learns to share and help others. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778607 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:07:35 +0000 MamaMoose 1778607@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: I agree. This is exactly what we do. We don't immediately make LO give up the toy. But we let her play for a few minutes, then the other child gets the toy, swing, etc for a few minutes, and then LO can have her turn again if she wants to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778604 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:07:22 +0000 .twist. 1778604@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Pro-Sharing. and Pro-don'tbeanasshole. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778601 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:06:25 +0000 MrsH 1778601@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: agreed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778600 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:05:51 +0000 swurlygurl 1778600@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm generally pro-sharing, but with guidelines I guess.</p> <p>In the example in the article of the kid with his car at the playground - I think there's a difference between personal property and 'shared' property. I think there is a benefit to children learning the difference between the toys that are appropriate to share and not share. I would have told my child that the other child brought his own car from home, and if he doesn't want to share that it's okay and there are other toys to play with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778599 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:05:19 +0000 Freckles 1778599@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't really like the poll options. I am not anti shaing but I'm also not for making my kid immediately give up the toy as soon as someone else wants it. I ask the kid if it is okay to wait until DD is done and I ask DD if the kid can have a turn after x minutes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778595 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:04:41 +0000 swedishfish 1778595@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Absolutely pro-sharing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778590 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:03:23 +0000 Adira 1778590@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lawbee11: Agree 100%. I'm pro-sharing for exactly the reasons "John (Dad)" laid out in his article! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778589 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:02:37 +0000 Mamaof2 1778589@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't read the articles but I am for sharing - however, I don't make my kids share everything. DS has some toys that DD likes to play (and take apart) with and DS isn't happy about it so I tell him if he doesn't want to share that toy then it has to go in his room. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778584 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:00:53 +0000 Boheme 1778584@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am pro-not being a jerk. I am trying to teach C to share, but also trying to teach him to not go up to other kids and take toys. Easier said than done with a toddler :silly: I do a lot of re-direction with other toys! I want him to grow up to be kind and compassionate! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778583 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:00:36 +0000 NovBaby1112 1778583@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>pro-sharing. The anti-sharing article also rubbed me the wrong way. It just seems like the moms want an easy way to avoid teaching their children how to interact and play with eachother- which includes taking turns and sharing. It seems kind of like a cop out strategy to me. Putting hard work into your children by teaching them valuable and important life lessons will help your children to not grow up entitled, not by having them adopt a "no sharing" policy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778582 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:00:20 +0000 Dandelion 1778582@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lawbee11: yes, this. Being considerate of other people's feelings is the best way to say it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778579 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 11:58:50 +0000 Smurfette 1778579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The first post rubbed me the wrong way too. I think your take on the line at the grocery store is spot on. I want R to grow up to see a person in line behind her with 3 things, to let them go in front of her with a whole cart full. Share leads to compassion for others, in my book. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778578 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 11:58:19 +0000 MamaMoose 1778578@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lawbee11: That was my favorite line too : ) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778575 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 11:56:05 +0000 lawbee11 1778575@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Pro-sharing. I much preferred the "In Defense of Sharing" article. This was my favorite quote: "How about this? Instead of teaching children to absolutely share or to absolutely not share, why not teach children to avoid being complete assholes." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing#post-1778553 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 11:49:08 +0000 MamaMoose 1778553@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There is a blog post making the rounds on facebook from a mom who doesn't encourage sharing:</p> <p><a href="http://moms.popsugar.com/Should-You-Teach-Kids-Share-27333250" rel="nofollow">http://moms.popsugar.com/Should-You-Teach-Kids-Share-27333250</a></p> <p>And I found this blog post in response:</p> <p><a href="http://www.askyourdadblog.com/2013/03/In-Defense-of-Sharing.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.askyourdadblog.com/2013/03/In-Defense-of-Sharing.html</a></p> <p>Most people on my facebook are supporting the anti-sharing mommy but her post totally rubbed me the wrong way. I find her examples to be not very well thought out. She suggests that by teaching our children to share that means we are teaching them that people can have something just because they want it. So they will grow up to be adults who cut the line at the grocery store because they want to. Teaching children to take turns (ie to SHARE) seems to be to be directly in line with taking turns at the cash register. If we directly applied her ways of thinking, I could "save" the cash registed at the store and no one else can use it even when I'm away because it's MINE and it needs to be immediately available for me whenever I want to use it. </p> <p>What are your thoughts? </p>