https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 13 Apr 2026 09:40:12 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1111107 Wed, 25 Sep 2013 16:49:40 +0000 sarac 1111107@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: I say exactly that. When another child comes along clearly expecting to 'share' (meaning they just want the toy), and my daughter has said no, I just tell them to back off. Politely, at first, and then firmly, if they need it. </p> <p>I am always shocked at the rude children who think that just asking politely means that they get whatever they want. I recently had this girl hassle my daughter to give up the toy dump truck she was playing with in a sandbox. All of the trucks like it were in use, but plenty of other toys were around. She came over and rudely said 'can I have a turn now???', and then when my daughter just ignored her, she looked at me incredulously and said 'I ASKED her for a turn!'. So she keeps bugging her, while my daughter kept saying, 'No, no no, that's not yours!'. I eventually just told her to back off, and that there were plenty of other toys for everyone to play with. She then went and hassled another kid who was made to give it up. No, no no. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1111095 Wed, 25 Sep 2013 16:44:46 +0000 sarac 1111095@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pinkcupcake: YES. Exactly this. If some kid asks her for something and she says no, then too bad. Obviously this changes if there is only one of a toy, but in general, no. Same with her wanting to play with something another child has. I usually try to draw her attention to something else fun, but I always make sure to honor her disappointment (which rarely lasts long). </p> <p>I think a far better lesson to teach is that you don't always get what you want, and that this is disappointing, but life goes on, and there are a million other fun toys in the world. I always feel awful when another parent pries a toy out of their child's hand to give to mine. That just is not how the world works. Collaborative play develops with age, not by force. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1110364 Wed, 25 Sep 2013 13:29:49 +0000 banana 1110364@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: Yeah, it's hard when another kid wants to play with your LO's toy and your LO doesn't want to share! Especially when the mom is right there. Some moms are pretty cool and will talk to their LO about having to wait until later or trying to distract them. But some moms just stand there waiting for my LO to hand over the toy and I feel so awkward and bad! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1110362 Wed, 25 Sep 2013 13:27:57 +0000 Freckles 1110362@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@banana: I totally don't want to be that mom too! But that's a good way of phrasing it, wanting to see how it'll play out. Sometimes, before a parent can say anything i say, "No, right now it's her turn. Please wait your turn. You can play with it when she's done. AFTER." But i'm not sure what i would do if another kid wanted to play with LO's toy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1110235 Wed, 25 Sep 2013 12:45:32 +0000 banana 1110235@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pinkcupcake: Your DD is only 19 months so I can understand why you'd want to get involved (for her safety!). My son is 3 so he can handle these situations on his own. He's as big boy! He's just starting to understand the concept "taking turns", which I think is a lot easier to grasp than "sharing". When it comes to toys or rides, I don't force him to share but I will encourage him to "take turns". The biggest issue is when it comes to food because you can't really take turns with food! haha. I'm a lot more pushy when it comes to sharing food though. To me, food should always be shared (or at least offered). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1110145 Wed, 25 Sep 2013 12:18:46 +0000 pinkcupcake 1110145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@banana: I know! I try not to intervene, but my LO is tiny for her age so I keep an eye on her when other kids approach her. She gets pushed often because she's so small :( There have been many times when someone comes up to try to take something my LO is playing with quietly, and I try not to say anything until they get aggressive, or try to hit/push her to forcibly take it from her. Like you, I say something like, "L was playing with that, and I think she would like playing with it a bit longer. Maybe we can ask her in a little bit if she would like to share?" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1110126 Wed, 25 Sep 2013 12:11:08 +0000 banana 1110126@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pinkcupcake: Yes, that happens all the time! My son will want a toy and the mom will pry it from their LO's hands and give it to my son. Meanwhile, that kid is crying and his mom is lecturing him that he needs to learn to share. Makes me feel horrible for the child! And my son just learned that if he asks for something, he can get it no matter what. :( </p> <p>I also feel like a horrible mom when my son doesn't automatically share his stuff because I don't force it. It's kind of awkward though. I don't know what to tell the other kid in that situation. Usually I'll say something like "Oh, you know what? X doesn't want to share right now but maybe he will want to later. Maybe we can try again?" Ahhhhh. I feel like such a b*** mom though! Not sure what else to say! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1110095 Wed, 25 Sep 2013 12:01:21 +0000 pinkcupcake 1110095@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarac: yeah, I totally get what you are saying. It always makes me uncomfortable when my LO reaches for someone else's toy and the caregiver basically forces them to give it up. I would never force my kiddo to give up something she was playing with. Sometimes I feel like other moms stare at me like I'm a *b* because i don't do that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1110092 Wed, 25 Sep 2013 11:59:32 +0000 banana 1110092@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@scg00387: I say the same! Sometimes, if a parent comes in to intervene, I'll "ask" them for permission to let it happen. Like "Oh, I'm trying to teach my son to cooperate and share. Do you mind if we let this play out a little bit? He really needs to learn." I've never had a parent say no to that. I guess it's because I'm asking for a favor and most parents are supportive of it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1110079 Wed, 25 Sep 2013 11:51:55 +0000 sarac 1110079@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pinkcupcake: I agree with that desire, but I think that it is something that children develop, not something that adults need to teach them. Playing together is more typical of children age 2 and above, and I see a lot of parents trying to force their younger children into it in a way that just doesn't make developmental sense. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1110061 Wed, 25 Sep 2013 11:44:23 +0000 pinkcupcake 1110061@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarac: I see where you are coming from, but I think there's some good in children learning how to play with something *together.* At my daughter's age (19 months), she's too young to really understand the concept of playing alongside someone, but when she gets a little older, I hope to teach her that while she doesn't have to *give up* a toy, she can allow another child to play cooperatively with her, both with the same toy together. While the "real world" may not exactly mirror that situation, I think sharing in this sense (not giving up something, but rather, using it together) can teach children how to work in groups, communicate, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1110046 Wed, 25 Sep 2013 11:36:16 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 1110046@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@googly-eyes: Montessori method uses the same approach.<br /> "That's her work. You should find a different work. Do you want me to help you find one?"<br /> Developmentally kids aren't ready to share until they get to the early childhood level (3-5)... and frankly, if someone came up to my computer at work and wanted me to give it up to them, it would be considered inappropriate.</p> <p>In toddlerhood in our family we don't work on sharing, but instead respecting each other. Lala is finally at an age where sharing is a reasonable (but still challenging ) consideration. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1110028 Wed, 25 Sep 2013 11:26:36 +0000 sarac 1110028@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@scg00387: That's hard. I don't usually say anything, honestly, because other parents don't understand. But I try to cultivate regular playmates with parents who share my approximate views. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1109895 Wed, 25 Sep 2013 10:30:27 +0000 immabeetoo 1109895@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarac: I am working on how best to word my feelings on the subject... so far I mostly say "no no, they're fine- no one is crying, right?" and usually they leave it alone. I just don't get where they're coming from and I hate feeling like I'm the jerk for watching my kid (10 months) and NOT intervening. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1109104 Tue, 24 Sep 2013 21:24:52 +0000 sarac 1109104@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@scg00387: YES. I hate that! I'm a huge fan of letting my daughter work it out to a large extent. I hate it when parents come in and mandate solutions - it's such a missed opportunity for them to learn to solve problems politely. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1109101 Tue, 24 Sep 2013 21:22:50 +0000 immabeetoo 1109101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is something that drives me nuts about playgroups - parents being weird and intervening when kids are figuring stuff out on their own... which does NOT sound like what you saw and your LO experienced! That is rude and bullying. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1109099 Tue, 24 Sep 2013 21:21:32 +0000 sarac 1109099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, my daughter is not required to share in that way. If she's playing with a toy, she gets to play with it. She has the power to say that no, she would not like to share it. Now, if she's monopolizing the only one of something, I'll eventually encourage her to move on and play with something else. But she is absolutely not required to 'share' if sharing means to give whatever she's playing with to someone else, even if she doesn't want to. That just is not how the real world works, and I'm firmly opposed to requiring children to do it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1108650 Tue, 24 Sep 2013 17:46:47 +0000 Maysprout 1108650@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's not sharing. I want LO to learn to share but it's more like not every toy is yours. If you're not playing with something then other kids are allowed to play with it and if it's a big something like a train table then multiple kids can play at once. But just taking something because you decide it's your turn is a big frown. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1108610 Tue, 24 Sep 2013 17:32:37 +0000 banana 1108610@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: I love this perspective! Yes, sharing should involve some degree of compassion. I don't ever force my son to share but I will suggest it and try to have him picture the receiver's feelings. I don't know if this right but if he doesn't want to share, I just leave it at that. =\ I'll encourage it but not force it. I've seen some moms force their kids (literally take the toy away from their hands and hand it over to my son). I don't want my son to be a spoiled brat and expect everything to be shared with him! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1108598 Tue, 24 Sep 2013 17:27:49 +0000 banana 1108598@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's not sharing. That's straight up bullying! UGH. Makes me upset for you! :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1108451 Tue, 24 Sep 2013 16:11:25 +0000 pinkcupcake 1108451@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree w/ @shopaholic: that this is more like bullying. I think for smaller toys where you can play together (thinking blocks, legos), kids can share and play cooperatively, but with bigger toys/swings/slides, it should be about patience and taking turns. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1108442 Tue, 24 Sep 2013 16:07:37 +0000 deerylou 1108442@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Turn taking with more independent toys and activities should be taught first. Sharing is a more abstract concept, and (should) involves a more advanced level of compassion (i.e. splitting your brownie with your little brother, because he's upset his fell in the grass, or giving a friend a pile of legos from a larger set, so you can both build, etc). What the kid did was just rude and aggressive. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1108436 Tue, 24 Sep 2013 16:06:39 +0000 googly-eyes 1108436@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I should clarify- by 5 you can introduce it but expecting children to just hand things over is not ok and many children won't truly "get" it..so adjust expectations accordingly. Taking away and pushing is not ok. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1108426 Tue, 24 Sep 2013 16:00:49 +0000 googly-eyes 1108426@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: where I work (0-5) the children are told to wait. Sharing is actually not age appropriate yet. Hopefully they just didn't see because not saying anything to the child that knocked her down wouldn't be an appropriate response. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1108410 Tue, 24 Sep 2013 15:54:09 +0000 Freckles 1108410@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: What do you mean "when you were little?" I still end up with no gum at lunch because i have to offer it to everyone at the table!!</p> <p>@littlek: He is in the older baby room (which she will be joining next month). I think he's about 20-22 months old. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1108400 Tue, 24 Sep 2013 15:51:33 +0000 Mrsbells 1108400@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>they have to strike the balance between sharing as well as learning to wait your turn </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1108372 Tue, 24 Sep 2013 15:45:12 +0000 littlek 1108372@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: What age was the child? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1108313 Tue, 24 Sep 2013 15:30:54 +0000 MsLipGloss 1108313@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Whaaaa? There is a huge difference between sharing and waiting your turn. I hate that for your LO! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1108307 Tue, 24 Sep 2013 15:29:06 +0000 Kimberlybee 1108307@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry for your LO to have to give up her spot. That care giver should have not given in. We made a pact for our generation that it's First Come First Serve and wait your turn! Growing up the older cousins or siblings almost always had to hand over the toy to the younger, crying brattier one. So it really taught the younger ones that being a brat or demanding the toy is all you have to do. It really was unfair for the older child to always have to share or give in while the younger ones did not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharing-is-overrated#post-1108265 Tue, 24 Sep 2013 15:20:53 +0000 blackbird 1108265@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@freckles, awww she tried! The boy was mean. I'd mention it to the teacher--it's probably not a behavior that he's new to, ya know? And it's really not OK to be grabbing and throwing other kids! </p> <p>It'd be one thing if they were going to play together with the toy. That's sharing. But sharing is not giving it to another kid. </p> <p>It's like when we were little and you "shared" your pack of gum. Did you end up with no more gum because you shared with everyone? No, just me? lol </p>