https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 28 Apr 2026 05:45:34 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharingaggression-issues-with-cousin#post-1532091 Sun, 30 Mar 2014 07:41:28 +0000 mrsmate 1532091@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wonderstruck: It's awkward to give unsolicited parenting advice, but I think in your situation, it's OK to say something bc your LO could get hurt.</p> <p>I agree with you that hypotheticals don't work with 3yo's, so I'd also encourage your SIL to read to your nephew lots of books about being a good friend. That will make the concepts more concrete. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharingaggression-issues-with-cousin#post-1528567 Fri, 28 Mar 2014 08:03:42 +0000 wonderstruck 1528567@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsmate: I'm sure it is tougher for her - she broke down crying to me last time he hit another kid. I think you're onto something with paying attention to the one who got hit - she does remove him from the situation and saying time out, but she ends up staying by him and basically coaching him on his apology, so all the attention stays on him, which is definitely something he likes. But even when she is breaking down and so frustrated, I'm never sure if I should give advice just because I haven't actually had a toddler yet, so I can see how that would be annoying for her. But maybe if I framed it as, "When my friend was having this problem, here's what worked for her..." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharingaggression-issues-with-cousin#post-1528552 Fri, 28 Mar 2014 07:55:54 +0000 mrsmate 1528552@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm in a local childcare coop with 3 other families. The kids are now 3 or almost 3; the oldest is a January baby, the youngest is a July baby. The youngest is also a boy (the other 3 are girls), and he lagged behind the other kids verbally, so he'd hit and push out of frustration and for attention.</p> <p>The 4 moms met and we worked on a strategy, bc we wanted to be consistent. What we decided to do was when he or anybody showed undesirable behavior, we would give our attention to the "victim" to make sure they were OK, then remove the aggressor from the play area, and saying "You can come back when you can play nicely." This meant picking up the kid and moving him/her about 10ft away from where all the other kids were, not putting the kid in a room by him/herself.</p> <p>It took 1-2 weeks (we were meeting 2x/wk at that pt) before everyone got the message. It even helped the kids who were being hit, to remove themselves from a situation where they didn't like their playmate's behavior.</p> <p>Good luck! I feel bad for your SIL, I think it's a tougher situation for the parents of the aggressor. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sharingaggression-issues-with-cousin#post-1528522 Fri, 28 Mar 2014 07:42:43 +0000 wonderstruck 1528522@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've been dealing with some difficult issues between LO and his older cousin (LO is almost 1, the cousin is 3), and I'm just wondering how other parents have handled either side of this issue.</p> <p>For the most part, what we're dealing with is pretty typical toddler stuff from the 3 year old - he thinks that all of the toys at grandmas house are his, even the baby toys that he hasn't played with in ages, and he flips out whenever he has to share. There can be a room full of toys, but of course the toy he always wants is the one LO has, so he takes it. You give LO a different toy, and he screams and tries to grab that one too. Eventually he'll give up, but often his mom is not there because my MIL babysits him a lot, and it's exhausting toeing the line between not parenting him but not letting him be mean to LO. </p> <p>And when his mom is there, sometimes it's even worse - she'll tell him he has to give the toy back to LO and he screams and throws it at my son! Thankfully he has terrible aim, but I do worry he's really going to hurt L someday. She puts him in time out and makes him apologize, but the behavior never changes - when my nephew is in the daycare center with other kids, he's forever targeting the younger/smallest ones and smacking/hitting/punching/pushing if they have a toy he wants, or they touch a toy he's playing, or frankly if they just get in his way or look at him wrong. He's hit kids for playing with my son because "that's HIS cousin and only he gets to play with him." Seriously.</p> <p>I know my SIL is really frustrated - she's pregnant and obviously concerned about how he'll be with the baby. She says that she pretty much just has to follow him around and remove him from a situation when he's getting mad, but he gets mad easily and often and she doesn't know what, if anything she can do about that. Her husband figures that at some point a bigger kid will hit him back and maybe that will help, but I seriously doubt it - he's 3, he doesn't connect the whole "I wouldn't like it if someone did that to me, so I shouldn't do it to them." That gets a majorly blank stare.</p> <p>Is there anything you would suggest my doing here? In the situations where my nephew hurts other kids for playing with L, I tell him that he can't play with L either if he's being mean to the other kids, and I follow through and we leave if it happens, although that doesn't feel fair since L isn't the one hitting! But I don't know what more, if anything, I can do when these problems arrive. Yesterday he screamed bloody murder for over 10 minutes and hit my MIL because she wouldn't let him have all the toys and said L needed something to play with too. I know lots of toddlers hate sharing, but this is driving me crazy - and it only seems to be getting worse as L gets older. Sorry that was a novel. They see each other at least weekly and I just don't know how to promote sharing between the two of them without over-stepping. </p>