https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 28 Apr 2026 23:18:37 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2467175 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 22:10:48 +0000 deerylou 2467175@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. D: Yeah, seems like a lot of the people in my circle are expecting, right now, as well. Definitely trying to be mindful of hormones.</p> <p>@Greentea: I'm not sure she can relate, but she knows we've been having trouble and that it's been discouraging and painful for me. I admit that she doesn't know about the CP. It was recent, and we've been kind of out of touch, lately, which is why I thought I'd see if anyone had advice. It's been weighing on me! And I totally want to give her the benefit of the doubt, too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2467167 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 22:03:36 +0000 Greentea 2467167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: does she realize what you are going through? It sounds like she might be a little clueless... or self obsessed, but being that she is a good friend I want to give her the benefit of the doubt and not assume she is obtuse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2467138 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 21:44:34 +0000 Mrs. D 2467138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>SOOO many of my friends are preganant right now, and none of them know we're TTC.<br /> So I just keep in mind that they all have raging pregnancy hormones, and LET IT GO. Go with the flow. or whatever, lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2467129 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 21:40:24 +0000 deerylou 2467129@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rachiecakes: Thank you, for this. I agree. :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2467126 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 21:38:30 +0000 rachiecakes 2467126@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: :heart: if my friend was hurting I'd want to know how I could help<br /> it's not the easiest situation to be in, but I think that true friendships can make it through anything </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2467111 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 21:29:39 +0000 deerylou 2467111@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rachiecakes: you make a really solid point about talking it out. I think I'm just so hesitant to offend her, or make her feel like I am, in fact, totally disinterested in her pregnancy. I know, I know, I have a right to feel respected and considered, as well. I'll give it a shot. You sound like a really good friend, and I think it's great you and 2nd are so inclusive of your 3rd friend, despite being on different pages, in some arenas. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2467092 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 21:13:50 +0000 rachiecakes 2467092@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: I have two best friends. The three of us are all the same age. Two of us got married within the same year, and the same two (me &amp; A) got pregnant and had babies 10 months apart. The third friend has been with her BF for 15 years. Me and, we'll call her '2nd', talk about how we can be more inclusive, question whether something might hurt her feelings, and if we suspect there's something amiss with any one of us, we talk it out.<br /> I would talk to your friend. Be honest.<br /> This: "I get that infertility (of any kind) and loss aren't comfortable topics of conversation. I try not to let my desire for a second child define me, my family, or my entire life. This particular situation just highlights it, and it doesn't feel great."<br /> Maybe if she heard it from you, she'd try to be more understanding? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2467076 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 21:03:11 +0000 deerylou 2467076@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: That sounds like a truly difficult situation, and I feel for you. I know what you mean about not exactly being the type of friend you'd like to be, even if I do think my own friend is being a little over the top. I'm really, really glad that you two were able to rekindle a close friendship, in the end. Gives me hope! </p> <p>@Makingbabyw: I'm sorry you find yourself in a similar spot! I'm happy to hear that your friends have been able to come from a place of sensitivity and support. I can relate, in regards to feeling especially emotional about it. Hugs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2467047 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 20:39:33 +0000 Makingbabyw 2467047@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband and I are going through this right now. Meh grew up with his best friend, families are super close, every holiday together... The whoooole nine yards. For the past nine years of our relationship we have, as couples, dreamed and talked about having kids together and the blessing that it will be to have our children continue the friendship. We started TCC at the same time and they are pregnant- we are still trying. It's been hard because while we are SO happy for them, we feel like we are missing going through this experience together with them. Thankfully we are really open with them and they know it's hard on us, they are supportive and we are supportive but I especially am emotional about it.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2467017 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 20:18:35 +0000 erinbaderin 2467017@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a semi-similar situation - I had been trying to get pregnant for 5 years, my oldest friend started trying about 3 years into that time. We both had miscarriages about the same time, but then she got pregnant again pretty easily and I was still doing fertility treatments. I had to withdraw a little, I wasn't the kind of friend I would have liked to be, but it was what I needed to do for myself. Once she had her baby things got somewhat better, and then I got pregnant. Once I got pregnant she told me that she was glad we were close again and that she wished we could have shared her pregnancy more, which I actually resented (still kind of do) because I feel like she should have been more understanding of what I was going through. That being said, we're good friends again now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2466958 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 19:19:49 +0000 deerylou 2466958@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: Thanks so much for that important reminder. Self preservation is indeed important, and I'll try to give myself some room for that. :heart: </p> <p>@catomd00: That's just it; she even admits she's not as excited, this time around. That somehow she "needs" the people in her life to fill that void, so it inspires her to get on board? I really don't know. It seems like a ridiculous and bizarre expectation, to be honest. I'm sorry you lost a friendship to emotional neediness. I really, really hope that isn't the outcome to this situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2466945 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 19:11:33 +0000 catomd00 2466945@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I honestly think she's being a bit ridiculous in her expectations regardless of whether you were trying to get pregnant or not. I guess I can't relate to her feelings because I'm pregnant with my second and even I'm not as excited or focused about it. I'm just too busy and half the time I forget I'm pregnant! It sounds like this is on her not you. I had an emotionally needy friend like that - key word had. I eventually had to step away because I just couldn't give her whatever it was she needed and it was impacting my own family time dealing with her all the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2466937 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 19:05:31 +0000 IRunForFun 2466937@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: I totally get it! I struggle with not wanting to feel bitter and project negative feelings onto her. (Did I mention she got pregnant literally the first try, like never even had a withdrawal bleed after going off BC?) There have definitely been times I've gotten off the phone with her and cried. I just try and remember my feelings are valid but in the end have nothing to do with her specifically, even though it feels like they do. Self-preservation is important no matter what you need to do to achieve it. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2466933 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 18:55:59 +0000 deerylou 2466933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: I so appreciate you sharing your feelings and can relate to so much of what you said. I think I just feel disappointed in myself for being jealous of something my friend really had zero say in (that I'd have trouble, and she'd get pregnant the first try). I just wish she'd be a little more mindful about what I might be feeling, especially considering I've shared my lows with her. I get that infertility (of any kind) and loss aren't comfortable topics of conversation. I try not to let my desire for a second child define me, my family, or my entire life. This particular situation just highlights it, and it doesn't feel great. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2466928 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 18:46:46 +0000 deerylou 2466928@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs.kiwi: Thank you for sharing your story. I imagine it was a very difficult time for you, as I am sure you felt you couldn't connect with your sister, entirely. </p> <p>I don't want to risk losing the friendship, but I also don't want to perpetually disappoint her, if I am somehow not conveying the support and excitement she needs. I'd rather offer a little distance so we hopefully can return with a little more understanding, for each other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2466926 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 18:43:49 +0000 IRunForFun 2466926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: So, I realize this isn't exactly the same situation because neither of us has kids yet, but my BFF is currently pregnant...and I'm not, even though I want to be. The reasons I'm not are pretty hard on me and I've had some rough times, which my friend knows all about. </p> <p>From the time she got pregnant every single conversation we've had has been about her pregnancy or something related to the baby. And I get it, I really do. It's a monumental thing, it's new, it's exciting, and of course she wants to share it with me. But sometimes it's like she completely forgets that I'm still her best friend, that I still have stuff going on in my life (not just bad stuff, good stuff too, like a new job!) that I might want/need to talk about and not just an impartial sounding board for her.</p> <p>She hasn't done anything like ask if I'm excited for her, and I have told her that at times I feel sad that it isn't me who's pregnant, and she's been fine with hearing that - but it hasn't changed anything about the way she interacts with me. </p> <p>I've decided to just try to stop taking it personally, and assume that maybe she doesn't have someone else that is willing to listen or talk about it was much as she wants to. Or to think of it from a different perspective, like maybe she feels so close to me that I'm one of the only people she can feel comfortable revealing her pregnancy obsessiveness with. </p> <p>I'm a bit worried about what happens after the baby comes, but I guess we will cross that bridge when we get there. </p> <p>Anyway, you're not alone and there's nothing wrong with the way you're feeling. If a little distance is what you need then take it. I definitely stopped initiating contact for a little while in the beginning when it was really tough for me to hear some things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2466915 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 18:33:59 +0000 mrs.kiwi 2466915@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmm a similar thing happened between me and my sister. She's just a year older than me and she had just gotten married and I had been married for a couple years with two recent miscarriages. They got pregnant soon after their wedding and unlike your friend she wasn't asking for attention but.. I could tell she really wanted it. Like she would send me and a couple others an email describing every little symptom she had and asked us to indulge her like she's the only pregnant lady in the world. She's not a demanding person but she is a little needy in my opinion and likes attention and compliments, etc.</p> <p>Not too bad. She didn't do anything wrong. At the same time she was kind of immature and insensitive but to this day I don't blame her for it.. I jut think she was immature And inexperienced dealing with others' losses.</p> <p>Maybe it was also this way because she wasn't really a source of undertanding and comfort during my miscarriages.. Which again I didn't blame her for- I just assumed she didn't know how to help r didn't have experience knowing how to comfort someone or even know what t feels like to lose a pregnancy. But we probably could have connected more over her pregnancy if she had been there for me through my losses..</p> <p>Anyway I thought it would be healthier for our relationship if we didn't talk about her pregnancy too much. I love her and I wanted to be there for her but I knew I couldn't be that person for her to gush about every little pregnancy thing with, you know? There were a couple times talking w her when I would tear up remmebig my lost babies and I don't think that would be the most supportive thing for her u know?</p> <p>It was never a spoken thing but I think she probably got the hint bc I stopped encouraging pregnancy talk and kept more distance (which was easy to do bc we were not local).</p> <p>Again my sister is a very good sister and all that- but I guess I'm this one area she was never there for me and I wasn't able to be there for her. Fast forward a couple years and they lost their second daughter at 7 weeks (I mean out of the womb). If she never understood loss before she surely does now.. I am now on the other side hoping I can be of support and help to her when I don't personally know how it feels to lose a living child.</p> <p>All this to say keepin distance Can definitely be a healthy thing.. But if she would be totally not undertanding of it I guess you risk losing the friendship. I would never ever wish a loss or difficulty getting pregnant or anything bad on your friend but even if she doesn't understand why you choose to distance yourself now she might gain more understanding later. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2466912 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 18:29:04 +0000 deerylou 2466912@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@youboots: Gotcha. What a bummer; sorry for that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2466911 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 18:25:03 +0000 deerylou 2466911@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Eko: Well, she's halfway through her pregnancy, so it isn't brand new. However, I do realize the entire 9+ months are significant. I just feel like she gets to the point where she has a strict expectation of my excitement level, and then something gets lost in translation...I don't know. Less communication seems to be the theme here, so I'll see how that goes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2466907 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 18:22:33 +0000 youboots 2466907@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: I confronted her about her behavior. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2466902 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 18:19:31 +0000 Eko 2466902@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you try to redirect the conversation? I know everyone is different but her sole conversation doesn't need to be about pregnancy. Even in my first that was not all I talked about. I don't think it's anyone being selfish or unsupportive. I'm sure if you talk daily it probably comes up a lot. Plus in the first few weeks it's exciting an gets talked about. Maybe for now you don't need to talk to her everyday? I'm sure there will be periods where all she will talk about is the pregnancy and baby. So I think there is a happy medium that can be obtained. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2466897 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 18:17:08 +0000 deerylou 2466897@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raindrop: @gingerbebe: I appreciate you both sharing your advice and agree that perhaps we just need a break. I don't want it to be permanent and will say as much, but perhaps neither of us are really giving the other what they need, at this very moment.</p> <p>@Mrs.Pinecone316: Eh, she's kind of a vibrant, social butterfly, so attention comes naturally to her. I wouldn't say she has acted this way in the past, no. Which is why I am so confused. Again, temporary distance might be the ticket. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2466895 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 18:13:23 +0000 Mrs.Pinecone316 2466895@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>She sounds like she is being insensitive and honestly, a little annoying! Has she always been the type of friend who needed a lot of attention and validation or is this new to this pregnancy? Your asking her how she is feeling and what she is doing with the nursery, what else does she want? I went through infertility and it took a lot to get pregnant so it always dumbfounded me when people would complain about their pregnancy in front of someone who they knew was trying to get pregnant too. I personally just temporarily distanced myself from them when I just couldn't deal with it anymore. It was never a permanent wedge in our friendship or anything though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2466893 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 18:12:51 +0000 gingerbebe 2466893@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like this is a situation where both of you are like being too polite or passive and not being real with each other. She obviously wants you to be okay with the situation so she can lean on you like the close friend that you are and she's trying to gauge if she CAN be that way with you, and you're not wanting to really fully admit that its hard to deal with your own feelings of loss and desiring another baby when your friend is all up in your face about her baby. I feel like even if it means a temporary break from each other, its better to be honest about it and just say let's mutually agree we're each in a stage of life where it sucks for the other person and the more loving thing to do is take an intentional break and then reassess later on. Is it possible the distance will grow? Yes. Is it better than a gradual fade over time where both of you are unsure what exactly went wrong? I think so. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2466891 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 18:12:34 +0000 deerylou 2466891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: She doesn't. I've hesitated to tell her, as I don't want to hold her response against her. It seems she's supportive of my situation, but tends to make a lot of, "it'll happen when you least expect it" comments that aren't exactly inspirational. </p> <p>@ShootingStar: That's pretty much how I feel, which is why I find this whole situation so difficult and bizarre. I realize she's acting in a selfish manner, but hesitate to label her as a selfish person, as she's always been so wonderful, to me. </p> <p> @youboots: I am sorry to hear about your friendship. You don't have to share specifics, but what made the friendship end? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2466890 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 18:11:02 +0000 Raindrop 2466890@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is tough! It kind of sucks when friends “get” stuff that you wanted. For me though I think it’s really a big test of friendship, some of them I’m still good friends with but some of them I’m not in situations like this. Good friends will stand by you even if you are not your best self.</p> <p>For me, I just need time to breathe and a lot of people will understand that. Also a lot of people will take that a sign of you not caring about them or ending the friendship.</p> <p>I knew once I had something that a good friend of mine was desperately wanted (like you I was having my second kid and she has been trying to have our second since I had my first kid). I gave her space and she finally got her second kid and we are better than ever.</p> <p>-------------------------</p> <p>I had a friendship ending pretty badly over a big misunderstanding… when I was younger a good friend of mine was getting married like we were middle school friends and we were then in our early 20s. (30s now!) I didn’t like how her future husband treated her and she took that as me being jealous of her getting married which was somewhat true because I really did want to find someone and get married but I didn’t want to settle. I was happy for her but I thought she could do better and we were so young so why rush into it. She thought I was holding her back so she could be as unhappy as me… I wasn’t unhappy! She totally dis-invited me to the wedding and never talked to me again. I think she was stressed out about getting married and she thought I was being negative which I totally understand (I didn’t think I was but I can see it from her point of view). As sad as I was … I tried to reach out to her but I also had to accept our lives were just too different and maybe ending the friendship was best for both of us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2466888 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 18:08:22 +0000 youboots 2466888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly one of my closest friend of 10 years got pregnant several months after I did and she had some weird issues develop with me and we are not friends anymore. Not the exact same thing, I never would have thought it would happen.</p> <p>Sounds like you need some space from the situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2466879 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 18:01:12 +0000 ShootingStar 2466879@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>IDK she sounds pretty selfish to me. I'm pregnant with my second and I don't hound my friends expecting them to be excited for me. A couple of my really close friends are single and getting to the age where they may never have kids and I would never bug them just to make sure they're excited for me 🙄. The only people I expect to be excited about every pregnancy update are my parents, because they're over the moon at being grandparents again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2466877 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 17:58:39 +0000 MrsSCB 2466877@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Does she know about your CP? Sounds like she's not being very sensitive to your situation at all, and I'm sure that's hurtful. I also don't really see the point of essentially asking, "Are you sure you're happy for me? Are you SURE?" but I'm also not that interested in being the center of attention. I'm pg with my first and I don't really feel the need for people to be bringing it up all the time...How did she respond when you said you wished you were in her position? Was she sympathetic or supportive? I'm not really sure how to handle things from your end, because all I know is if I was aware a friend was struggling I'd probably make an effort to NOT talk about my own pregnancy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shes-pregnant-youre-not#post-2466872 Thu, 18 Feb 2016 17:52:49 +0000 deerylou 2466872@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not sure if this is the right place to post, so feel free to move it where it's more applicable. </p> <p>I feel like I'm just missing the mark with one of my dearest friends, lately. We've been tight for well over a decade, often going through major life milestones (the good and the bad), alongside each other. Last year, at slightly different times, we both decided we'd like to add a second child to our family. While she got lucky, right away, I, well, I'm still here and not pregnant. I experienced a CP recently, so I've admittedly been in a bit of a funk, on that front.</p> <p>Back when I initially found out my friend was pregnant, I was truly ecstatic for her; sent a card and flowers. We live several hours apart, but chat almost daily. Lately? Not as much, and it sucks. Several times, my friend has asked me if I was *sure* I was excited for her, or if I was just feeling resentful. It caught me off guard, but I reiterated that I was indeed happy, but also wished I was in her position.</p> <p>I guess I just feel like her expectations of me, at this time, are a little higher than I can manage, on the daily. She is constantly saying things along the lines that being pregnant the second time is rough because no one is giddy about it, and you don't get that extra attention. I'm really trying my best to ask about her pregnancy, how the new nursery is coming along, how she's feeling - trying to show I really care. But I feel like sometimes, the conversation just revolves around her and how she needs this pregnancy to be special, and my situation is a mere afterthought, or just ignored. </p> <p>Of course, I recognize that I could be, and likely am, overly sensitive around the issue of pregnancy. We want this so badly, and it's tough to be patient and hopeful, all the time. However, I also want to be a good and supportive friend, despite all of that. I would love some advice on how to manage that.  </p> <p>Has anyone been in this position before? Did you get past it, and resume the friendship, as before? I don't want something as wonderful as a new baby to be a wedge, between us. </p> <p>Thanks, in advance. </p>