https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 17 Apr 2026 04:47:05 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-be-offended#post-100017 Fri, 23 Mar 2012 10:32:55 +0000 HabesBabe 100017@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you're making this too much about yourself, and not enough about your SIL. Maybe ask your MIL about it (your husband's and SIL's husband's mom, right?) since it's still bothering you so much.</p> <p>I think 3 people is the most that should be involved with planning a shower-- after that, it's almost like too many cooks in the kitchen. And, sorry, but it makes sense that those three women are the mom-to-be's mother, mom-to-be's sister, and mom-to-be's MIL.</p> <p>Maybe they felt you weren't "immediate" enough to be involved with the planning of this shower. I think I would agree with them, even if you were SILs directly (as in, if she was your husband's sister or if she was your brother's wife-- to me, you guys are more like SILs once removed). You mention that you two are close; are you best friends? If not, maybe you and her BFF can plan another shower if you are feeling left out with being involved with coordinating an event. But to me, you're making it sound like you care more about planning a party than just celebrating with her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-be-offended#post-99924 Fri, 23 Mar 2012 09:28:35 +0000 Adira 99924@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Chillybear: I'm sure it wasn't intentional! Most likely her sister and mother started planning and included your mom and just didn't think to include you. I would try not to be offended if I were you. It's unlikely that your SIL planned her shower herself and/or requested you not be included in the planning. She probably had little-to-nothing to do with it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-be-offended#post-99912 Fri, 23 Mar 2012 09:23:20 +0000 Chillybear 99912@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As I mentioned before my SIL and I are very close. We live 5 min from each other, were in each other's weddings, and hang out socially almost every weekend. Our Husbands (brothers) have a very small family its only them and their parents and her family is small too (Extended family lives in Italy). We all (my parents, her parents, my inlaws) vacation together every year etc. I can't figure out if its just an oversight or intentional and I've been putting off calling her mom or sister because of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-be-offended#post-99890 Fri, 23 Mar 2012 09:03:53 +0000 mediagirl 99890@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can see how you would feel hurt but I think it depends on how close you are with them? I did not clear my shower dates with my sisters-in-law. We're not very close but I would still like them to come. They live out of town, so it also isn't just assumed that they will come. I would just try not to let it bother you and hope your SIL has a great time even though it may not be her preferred shower.</p> <p>Just think, since you aren't part of the planning, she can't get upset at you that it's at a restaurant instead of at a house, like she asked for. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-be-offended#post-99881 Fri, 23 Mar 2012 08:54:43 +0000 Chillybear 99881@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I finally got my invite...</p> <p>i just feel really left out of the loop. I am going to be this baby's Aunt too. I think its mainly her sister that just really took this whole affair over and she's so overly concerned with what she thinks SIL should have that she's not considering what SIL would actually want. </p> <p>I'm a little hurt that MIL didn't suggest including me from the start. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-be-offended#post-99868 Fri, 23 Mar 2012 08:35:26 +0000 tequiero21 99868@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i think i'd be sad, but not offended. my bro and SIL told me they'd throw me a shower. i didn't ask them and told them i didn't need a shower.</p> <p>what i don't get is why you didn't receive your invite yet? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-be-offended#post-99866 Fri, 23 Mar 2012 08:34:40 +0000 regberadaisy 99866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't be offended.<br /> Honestly, in the chain of things with so many females on her side you are last on the list of people to ask to plan the party. As her sister she probably is super excited and want to help plan all of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-be-offended#post-99861 Fri, 23 Mar 2012 08:31:13 +0000 mamabolt 99861@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is it possible her sister/mother took charge of it and wanted to keep it to fewer people being involved in the planning? You could always get in touch with them and ask if there's anything you could help out with, but I wouldn't worry about it if they say no, just go and enjoy yourself! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-be-offended#post-99857 Fri, 23 Mar 2012 08:28:05 +0000 dc yoga bee 99857@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@eeh: Couldn't have said it better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-be-offended#post-96710 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 16:45:49 +0000 eeh 96710@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My feelings would probably be hurt if I wasn't included in planning my SIL's baby shower. Unfortunately I don't think there's much you can do though. Is it the only shower she will have involving both sides of the family, friends, extended family, coworkers, etc.? Or is there a way you can throw her a separate shower involving a different group of people? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-be-offended#post-96664 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 15:45:43 +0000 heffalump 96664@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that you shouldn't be offended. I didn't pick who planned my shower, and I'm sure she didn't either. Could you call someone and offer to help or bring something? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-be-offended#post-96629 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 15:20:24 +0000 HabesBabe 96629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think you should be offended-- and SIL doesn't get to determine where the shower is held (even though she prefers a "house shower", a shower is still a gift in itself and the hosts can have it wherever they want to).</p> <p>I would be offended if I didn't receive an invitation, but I would just enjoy the party-- it's the Moms' grandkid and Sister's niece/nephew-- they're much bigger roles in SIL's life and seem like the natural hosts for the shower. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-be-offended#post-96628 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 15:19:54 +0000 runsyellowlites 96628@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're husband is probably right that your SIL really has no part in that.</p> <p>I didn't include my SIL in the planning, BUT then felt bad b/c my MIL pawned off some of her tasks on SIL. =/ It upset me that I wasn't aware of that before making the invites &amp; naming the "hosts".</p> <p>I personally would let it go &amp; not worry about it. Showers are generally on someone else so the "guest of honor" doesn't get alot of say on how it's handled OR should be handled. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-be-offended#post-96616 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 15:13:40 +0000 Chillybear 96616@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The thing is we are super close. We hang out most weekends and live within 5 min of each other. We really bonded over our engagements (we married within 2 months of each other). ANDDDD i love to plan parties and do diy and cook/bake.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-be-offended#post-96610 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 15:06:42 +0000 LuLu Mom 96610@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can see how your feelings are hurt, however I would just put on a smile at the shower and remember that it's about her. If you get any weird feelings from you MIL or her family I would address them at a later date so the attention isn't taken away from the mom-to-be. Sorry you feel left out, it's never a good feeling. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-be-offended#post-96607 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 15:05:36 +0000 MamaMoose 96607@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't be offended. If you two aren't super close they probably thought you might not want to help out. I would just show up with a gift and happy face. I don't think it's worth stressing yourself out over. I'm sure they didn't mean to make you feel left out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-be-offended#post-96595 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 15:00:20 +0000 Chillybear 96595@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sister in law (husband's brother's wife) Is due to give birth in June. The shower is being planned for the end of April. I have not been included in the planning and I haven't been asked about clearing dates. My inlaws family is very small and my SIL has one unmarried sister. My mom got her shower invite over the weekend (I haven't gotten mine yet even though i live in the same town). She showed it to me and i was very surprised to see that not only was it being held at a restaurant (when SIL specifically asked for a house shower) but the Hosts were Mom, Sister and MIL. </p> <p>I feel pretty hurt that I wasn't included (at all) in the planning or asked about the date. Husband says i'm overreacting and that its her sister that is being inconsiderate. His mom probably isn't even really involved except for signing a check to the restaurant.</p> <p>Thoughts? </p>