https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 27 May 2026 12:19:46 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1987241 Tue, 16 Dec 2014 16:50:21 +0000 cat620 1987241@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@GoGoSnoGirl: Unfortunately, I don't have any family that live nearby or could come for just that weekend. I have friends in town, but they all have their own kids, so they would just be dropping by. </p> <p>@AmandaB8: Not sure yet about DH taking the 2 year old without me. He's never actually been alone with him for longer than a few hours, and I'm not sure if it would be too much hassle with all the wedding activities and the reception potentially going late. Our son becomes a terror if he doesn't get a good nap and go to bed at a decent time. Also, I don't have any family that could come for the weekend to help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1987231 Tue, 16 Dec 2014 16:46:04 +0000 cat620 1987231@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that I shouldn't expect them to change their date for me, but I feel like they should know there is a possibility I won't be there or maybe even DH if something goes wrong. If it were extended family or a friend, I wouldn't care so much, but since this is DH's brother whom he is very close to, I think he would want to know. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1987195 Tue, 16 Dec 2014 16:21:04 +0000 mrs. wagon 1987195@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I would bring up your due date when they start finalizing the details of the wedding, just mentioning that you may or may not be able to make it since it's so close to your due date. Obviously you shouldn't try to get them to change their date, but If I were the bride, I'd want to know if a family member was an uncertain guest. You never know what might happen... you might feel great and everything will be fine, but you might not. I had complications 2 weeks after delivery and was in no shape whatsoever to be going anywhere, even just a 2 hr drive to a family wedding. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1987177 Tue, 16 Dec 2014 16:13:26 +0000 AmandaB8 1987177@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't say anything. It's not your wedding. </p> <p>Honestly, I would have been pretty upset if someone had requested I not have my wedding on a certain day because of a due date being a month ahead of time. Plus, labor day weekend is very popular date for weddings, especially if people live out of town. </p> <p>Could DH take your 2 yo with him and have family help out, and consider it bonding time with the newborn? Or, could you plan for your parents to come into town to help? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1987107 Tue, 16 Dec 2014 15:37:10 +0000 MapleMoose 1987107@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't say anything now. You won't have to reply until they send the invitations anyways. And if you end up not being able to go even though you RSVP yes, I'm sure they will understand why.</p> <p>I took my 2 week old to a wedding 2 hours away (one-way) and it was fine. We kept her covered in her infant carseat and left after dinner. The drive wasn't too bad. We pulled over on the way home to feed her and she slept the rest of the way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1987048 Tue, 16 Dec 2014 15:12:46 +0000 GoGoSnoGirl 1987048@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: I'm dealing with a similar situation with my DH's cousin who we see all the time. I thought they were very considerate to make sure they knew when our due date was in order to pick their date, but last Sun they came back with a date less than 2wks after my due date. :bummed: ...With my 1st. I have no freakin idea when I'll actually deliver! I decided that having grappled with setting a wedding date ourselves &amp; the hassle of planning around lots of other people's lives, that they should just pick what works for them. But in your situation, you sound like your whole little family will be more impacted than in my situation. As pp's have said, I'd offer that you hope to be able to make it, but that you can't be certain until very close to the date. If they haven't yet made solid plans &amp; were able to/inclined to change the date they can, &amp; if they don't, at least they get plenty of notice that your DH (&amp;LO) may not be available if things don't go smoothly, or that you may choose to skip it if you aren't feeling up to it. Do you have someone that would be willing/able to come to stay with you that weekend? :goodluck: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1987005 Tue, 16 Dec 2014 14:50:47 +0000 pui 1987005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I gave birth just 3 weeks before my SIL's wedding (I was due 4 weeks before) LO was just 20 days old at her wedding. The day was exhausting as I was a sort of "unofficial" bridesmaid and was with the bridal party the whole day, but I managed. I don't think you can really request that the couple move the date for you... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1986995 Tue, 16 Dec 2014 14:48:33 +0000 cat620 1986995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@babynumber1: I'm trying for a VBAC this time. Hoping everything goes smoothly! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1986609 Tue, 16 Dec 2014 12:11:49 +0000 babynumber1 1986609@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: Are you planning on a repeat C section? If so, just plan it for 39 week, That will give you 5 weeks to recover. By that point, I was up for getting out of the house and socializing and felt much more like myself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1986333 Tue, 16 Dec 2014 10:08:51 +0000 T.H.O.U. 1986333@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: Well I would suggest to DH that it may have to be part of the compromise. He can be in the wedding and go without you, but it may just have to be a single day-of type thing. Maybe he has to miss the rehearsal or something. Point being, I wouldn't make it an all or nothing deal. Just have him tell his brother he wants to be there to help, but can't fully commit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1986328 Tue, 16 Dec 2014 10:06:17 +0000 cat620 1986328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for the responses. I think I'll have DH mention it to his brother, since the conversation will come up when he asks DH to be a groomsman. I realize the wedding is 4 weeks after my due date, but there is no guarantee I will deliver then. Also, if DH goes without me, he wouldn't be gone just a day, but the entire weekend with all of the pre-wedding activities. Unfortunately, I don't have family in town that could help me if I'm home alone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1986283 Tue, 16 Dec 2014 09:46:44 +0000 blackbird 1986283@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If it comes up in conversation, I'd let DH mention it. It's his brother, right? Otherwise, maybe just have your mom in town or ask a friend to come over that day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1986264 Tue, 16 Dec 2014 09:36:46 +0000 autumnlove 1986264@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't say anything. I hope you can make it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1986262 Tue, 16 Dec 2014 09:34:39 +0000 Jess1483 1986262@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had to tell my SIL that if she schedules her wedding in June, we'd likely be unable to make it. I'm due June 19th. We will do our best to send DH, depending on when it is and how I'm doing. We did tell her before she made solid plans because DH is really important to her. She's considering changing the date, but we told her she certainly didn't need to do so. It's going to be a very small wedding, and it also is impacted by when her grandmother can fly in from Japan. </p> <p>We were very clear that we would be in no way offended if she chose to go ahead with whatever plans she'd already made, we just wanted to be clear that we may not be able to attend (3 hour plane flight, 1.5 hour drive after).</p> <p>All of which is to say, as long as you say it with no pressure and a "wait and see" attitude, if you're close to them, it may be worth mentioning. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1986231 Tue, 16 Dec 2014 09:22:21 +0000 LuLu Mom 1986231@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't say anything, honestly after my C-section I would have been up for a wedding 4 weeks later, not all recoveries are tough and you can't really predict. And it being a family wedding, you might have plenty of help once you get there (aunts, cousins, ect.) If it's anything like our families, I would have plenty of people to give me a hand with my 2 year old and even the baby. </p> <p>However, if you aren't up for it and they want LO1 in the ceremony and your DH is in it, then they both go to the wedding and you and new baby stay home, DH can handle him since he will be at the church early as well, and there should be plenty of other people to give a helping hand. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1986132 Tue, 16 Dec 2014 08:00:50 +0000 Mamaof2 1986132@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: I had a c/s with both kids and traveled 3 hours at 4 weeks - I felt pretty good and it was so nice to get out of the house. You could wear the newborn so no one can touch him/her :silly: </p> <p>I would commit with the caveat that if you are just not feeling up to you then they might not see you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1986113 Tue, 16 Dec 2014 07:36:44 +0000 MrsBananaGrabber 1986113@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If I were the bride I would want to know. You could just tell them that you want to be there for them, but you won't be able to give a firm RSVP either way until you're closer to the due date (and that you hope that doesn't make their head count too difficult!) because you don't know what will happen with your pregnancy. Maybe they'll just like knowing in advance that you'll have to RSVP "maybe," since dealing with RSVPs is so frustrating anyway. Maybe they'll want to change the date to ensure that your whole family can be there. They may even want to change the date because they won't want their wedding to be too close in time to your delivery, as that would certainly take attention away from their wedding. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1986039 Tue, 16 Dec 2014 00:57:06 +0000 Snowdrop 1986039@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would have DH say how you are really hoping you will be able to make it. That way you don't imply that they should change but you give them the option to. I actually think not mentioning anything is rude as it takes the choice away from them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1985902 Mon, 15 Dec 2014 21:40:19 +0000 78h2o 1985902@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd have your husband mention it casually to his brother or his mom (and let her pass it along). He could say that he doesn't expect them to plan around you, but that it's very possible that part of his family might miss it and he just wanted to let them know upfront. I think it's very possible that someone without kids might think one month after your due date is a safe bet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1985900 Mon, 15 Dec 2014 21:36:43 +0000 luckypenny 1985900@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You never know how you may feel. I thought recovery was a lot easier the second time around and my toddler had me out if the house and at the playground on day 2. So if it works out, great! If not, oh well. Or could you get a sitter for your toddler and just bring baby? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1985882 Mon, 15 Dec 2014 21:19:50 +0000 Mrs.KMM 1985882@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't say anything. They shouldn't feel like they have to schedule their wedding around you and your due date. So unless they bring it up and ask you directly, let them plan with what works best for them and then you plan around it the best you can. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1985872 Mon, 15 Dec 2014 21:08:04 +0000 Madison43 1985872@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's a hard one. Have they mentioned having your son involved in the ceremony? If so, that gives you an opportunity to casually mention that with your due date so close, you aren't sure that you and LO 1 and 2 will be able to make it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1985850 Mon, 15 Dec 2014 20:52:03 +0000 Baby Boy Mom 1985850@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would have your DH bring it up in passing at least. For me a wedding is a family oriented event so unless things are booked it's worth throwing it out there and maybe they will take that into consideration. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1985799 Mon, 15 Dec 2014 20:27:07 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1985799@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't say anything and just accept that your DH may have to go without you. I personally would rather stay home than bring a newborn to an out of town wedding. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1985781 Mon, 15 Dec 2014 20:22:36 +0000 reverie 1985781@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe I'm alone in this but I think you're over thinking it. I think going to the wedding is totally managable. It sounds like all your inlaws would be there so there would potentially be plenty of help while your husband did wedding party stuff. Ultimately, you won't know until the date so I wouldn't really go into it until that time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1985763 Mon, 15 Dec 2014 20:15:09 +0000 Rockies11 1985763@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>yeah I agree - I had a wedding 3 weeks pp that was 2 hours away. When it was rsvp time, I emailed the bride to ask whether it would be too stressful to make a decision closer to. She said no and we agreed that I would let her know the day before the final head count for catering date - which was very close to the wedding. I had the baby 2 weeks before my due date and an easy recovery, so going was no problem! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1985752 Mon, 15 Dec 2014 20:10:02 +0000 Mrs.ThinMint 1985752@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had this same issue. My SIL started talking about a wedding date 2 weeks before my due date. The wedding was 2.5 hours away. I just nicely texted her that I understood how hard scheduling a wedding was, but I just wanted to let her know that my due date was 2 weeks after her wedding and that my husband and I wouldn't be able to attend. This was all before she booked anything and it was before we announced I was pregnant. So, she didn't know when she was talking about the date. She ended up picking that date anyway. Our plan was that we would just decide closer to time what we would do. But I was leaning towards letting DH go and have someone stay with me. Unless we had already had the baby of course It ended up not mattering because I had the baby at 27 weeks. He was still in the NICU, so we both got to go. It actually really annoyed me though when she set that date knowing her brother possibly couldn't go. I obviously would have never told her that though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1985743 Mon, 15 Dec 2014 20:07:36 +0000 T.H.O.U. 1985743@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would commit but say you will need DH to help you through out the day and at the wedding. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1985724 Mon, 15 Dec 2014 19:56:41 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1985724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: I wouldn't say anything. Their wedding has nothing to do with you, though both are very exciting and celebratory occasions!</p> <p>I had a RCS with my second (planned) and felt pretty good at 3w PP, but still, was in no position to travel that far distance by car. I was okay to be alone with the baby by myself - probably even alone for the weekend - but definitely not by myself for 3 days with two kids.</p> <p>I wouldn't mention anything about the days UNTIL they brought it up themselves, someone directly asked you, the date was set in stone and got closer, invites are sent &amp; you have to RSVP, and/or you've given birth and actually have to make a decision . </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-bring-up-concerns-about-wedding-date#post-1985718 Mon, 15 Dec 2014 19:50:37 +0000 youboots 1985718@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, I would throw it out there. It depends on so many factors.... The weather, the venue, the reason they chose a 3 day weekend. Now is the time to say something. Also if they would be devastated if you could possibly not make it, now is the time to give them the chance, not after the save the dates. I am a wedding photographer, life happens, and I have seen it from both sides. I think not talking to the couple about concerns people may think is best, but ultimately in my experience the bride and groom would want to know. </p> <p>One of my best friends chose her wedding date so I would be able to attend around my schedule. But there were only 40 guests, and no wedding party. </p>