https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 28 Apr 2026 15:53:19 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2484456 Fri, 04 Mar 2016 13:32:46 +0000 tofuwad 2484456@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think someone else posted this on HB sometime before but I think about this all the time! </p> [attach=6016/16/o3j26m.480x600.image.jpeg] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2484264 Fri, 04 Mar 2016 11:09:56 +0000 daniellemybelle 2484264@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't had this specific question but when I talk to friends about the should we / shouldn't we (usually more in the context of now or later rather than ever) I usually contradict myself. :silly: Because on the one hand, parenting is no joke and I feel like you shouldn't rush it if you aren't ready. On the other hand, no one is ever totally "ready" and I feel like I personally stressed a lot about what it meant to be "ready" when I should have chilled out. </p> <p>AND: The biggest thing I do tell friends is you have no idea how indescribably wonderful and rewarding it is to love your own child. I mean, it's just beyond words. So, it's impossible to factor that aspect in before you become a parent. Once you do, I can't imagine having any regret or any other feelings other than genuinely feeling so grateful. (Not to say I haven't had a lot of hard moments and days but the intense love and joy just so outweighs the tough stuff.)</p> <p>So, I guess I do give it rave reviews but it's not like I encourage them to go for it if they don't want to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2484217 Fri, 04 Mar 2016 10:20:39 +0000 ShootingStar 2484217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoJoGirl: Yeah, it's pretty much impossible to explain to people without kids how it feels when things are good, and how the love makes up for the tantrums and exhaustion. </p> <p>Usually at night DS can be kind of a bear, and dinner is rough. Last night we went out to Moe's, and he was amazing. He didn't want to sit in the high chair (which normally means trouble) and instead going back and forth to each side of the booth telling DH and I "want hug" and giving us giant hugs and said "I love you" unprompted for the first time. He was happy, and just a joy to be around. To someone without kids, the story doesn't really land I think. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2484087 Fri, 04 Mar 2016 08:32:34 +0000 JoJoGirl 2484087@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I get myself in trouble with this question because my brother is CFBC, and is *constantly* asking me if I regret having kids. He gets some kind of sick satisfaction (smugly feels right) when he sees me struggling/exhausted/broke/dealing with tantrums. The "pros" to having kids is really just not understandable or explainable, so it makes explaining to other people why it's "worth it" really hard, in my experience. </p> <p>I explain it to him like this - why did you choose to get married? You have fights, you have to spend money on dating and a wedding, traveling with her, gifts for her. And your wife can be a big PITA (which he knows). Wouldn't it have been easier and less complicated to stay single? But you're happy anyway - why? And he says something along the lines of "I don't know, I didn't want to be alone." And I tell him that's how I feel about having kids. Yes, you can make a column of all the reasons why it sucks, but ultimately "I wanted a family" is the hard-to-grasp pro column. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2484057 Fri, 04 Mar 2016 08:06:43 +0000 Truth Bombs 2484057@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly if someone asked me this question I would probably say no. Having a kid is really really hard and not something I would recommend unless you feel strongly about it. If you're unsure if you really want them, best to wait. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2484040 Fri, 04 Mar 2016 07:19:43 +0000 Eko 2484040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raindrop: I have a friend who really isn't into kids. She likes some kids, but not really a lot of them. She isn't even sure if she wants to be a mom. Usually I give a rounded picture. Like yeah it is hard to wake up at night, or listen to them cry for hours, etc. But there is such joy that comes with it. But I usually leave off with you have to want it. I think, well for me at least, this is something I really wanted and through that it gives me the patience to deal with all the bad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2483597 Thu, 03 Mar 2016 16:19:06 +0000 Raindrop 2483597@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Eko: Haha I think the reason they ask is because they are on the fence about that question!</p> <p>@SweetiePie: That is so funny and so true! I'm actually pretty open and honest and now thinking about it maybe that's why people ask me this question. They know for me that parenthood is not rainbows but at the same time they know I love it! Hehe. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2483566 Thu, 03 Mar 2016 15:58:55 +0000 SweetiePie 2483566@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When someone asks me this I try to be brutally brutally honest about the downsides to it (sleep, free time, etc). I had a pretty rough time for the first six months. Maybe PPD, maybe just a hard time adjusting. But I'm very open and honest with people about it. However I then go on to tell them that despite all of the hardships and doubts that I felt in the first six months, it is continue to get better and better and of course he's the love of my life. So I do tell them that I think it's worth it, but I try to be very transparent. And I will sometimes say that I don't think not having kids is a bad thing either. It just depends on what kind of life you want to have.</p> <p>I do this because I think that many times people gloss over the hard stuff and just say having a kid is the best thing I've ever done in my life. And it makes it seem like it's much more glamorous and fun than it is on a day-to-day basis. Like this comic depicts :-)</p> <p>[attach=3764/16/o3hea7.337x600.image.png] </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2483551 Thu, 03 Mar 2016 15:50:13 +0000 Raindrop 2483551@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@artsyfartsy: So funny! So true. One of my co-workers who is CFBC, asked me once how having kids was... this was coming back from maternity leave and I said HARD! He laughed and said that all his friends tell him it's sunshine and rainbows and that I'm the first person to say it was hard. I'm like don't get wrong though I love it! :) He laughed some more.</p> <p>@Happygal: I know it's so personal I didn't expect someone to ask me either! :)</p> <p>@erinbaderin: Haha that's a cute answer!</p> <p>@Mrs. High Heels: That was nice! Great way to address the question.</p> <p>@JenGirl: You are really right! I bet they are asking a bunch of other people. I tend to worry a lot. Haha.</p> <p>Boo on the internet comment... these are big choices! I was on the fence about college... did that mean I shouldn't have gone to college? (I mean going to college and having kids is not the same but it's still a big choice!) :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2483546 Thu, 03 Mar 2016 15:47:23 +0000 Eko 2483546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I usually just say "I don't know, do you want to have kids?" And that usually fields a more specific concern. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2483443 Thu, 03 Mar 2016 15:01:21 +0000 JenGirl 2483443@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. High Heels: This exactly! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2483441 Thu, 03 Mar 2016 15:00:43 +0000 JenGirl 2483441@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raindrop: I'm sure they really appreciate that you are taking the question seriously and trying to think and give a thoughtful, honest response.</p> <p>I wouldn't worry about anybody blaming you if they decide to go one way and regret it. I guarantee you aren't the only person they're asking. And, unless it's your spouse, I can't see them thinking your opinion matters so much to sway things one way or another. Your opinion just gives them another thing to think about and evaluate. I mean, these people presumably know you have kids, so they know what you ultimately decided for yourself.</p> <p>The only actively unhelpful thing anybody ever told me (and this was online, not IRL) was that if you have to think about if you want to be a parent then you shouldn't be one. That is absolutely untrue and hurtful. But beyond that, open and honest responses are helpful on both sides of the argument. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2483423 Thu, 03 Mar 2016 14:54:59 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 2483423@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been asked something similar, but more along the lines of, "how did you know you wanted to have kids and be a mom?" - so I just answered from my personal experience. I think that is always a good approach because you're just sharing your personal experience while acknowledging that it might not be the right choice for everyone. Then they can hum and haw and ponder and add that to their pro/con list as they figure out their decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2483308 Thu, 03 Mar 2016 14:14:07 +0000 erinbaderin 2483308@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Somebody asked me this once and I said "If you enjoy having personal time or being able to leave the house without a 30 minute prep period, then no." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2483306 Thu, 03 Mar 2016 14:13:50 +0000 Happygal 2483306@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have never been asked that question! Maybe someone has asked me if they should get a pet, but never about children! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2483300 Thu, 03 Mar 2016 14:12:35 +0000 artsyfartsy 2483300@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I like this picture.</p> <p>I find explaining how damn hard it is and how joyful it is at the same time really difficult.</p> <p>"Do you want to never have a single moment to yourself ever again? Do you want to be so sleep deprived and stressed that you don't recognize yourself anymore? Do you want to love something so much that just seeing their little face makes you so happy? Then yes." Lol</p> <p>[attach=3847/16/o3h9d0.515x600.motherhood.jpg] </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2483231 Thu, 03 Mar 2016 13:47:43 +0000 Raindrop 2483231@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: So I can say anything and it should be okay? Hehe. I like you answer. I somewhat wish I had kids earlier!</p> <p>@JenGirl: Thank you for your response. I'm trying to be thoughtful in my response and I think that's the reason they asked me. But it's one of the few times I was actually speechless because I didn't want to sway them either way... Like if they decided not to have kids will they blame me when they are older? If they decided to have kids will they blame if their kids are tough and they are unhappy? I just feel like it's so tough to say anything. </p> <p>Your idea to guide them sounds super useful! I will try that. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2483213 Thu, 03 Mar 2016 13:39:54 +0000 JenGirl 2483213@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As the person who asked this question to a lot of people - they aren't looking for a yes or no answer, but what sorts of things you took into consideration when deciding if you, yourself, wanted to have kids and what you see as the pros/cons of having kids. </p> <p>When my husband first started talking about getting married, I realized that I needed to figure out if I wanted to have children, because my husband definitely wanted children and I was on the fence. I spent a lot of time thinking about it and I asked a ton of people for their thoughts. I really appreciated it when people took me seriously and actually talked to me about being a parent.</p> <p>Unfortunately, in my experience few people can offer helpful advice because when asked how they knew they wanted to be parents most people say "I've just always known I wanted to have kids". Which isn't really helpful if you're the person who hasn't always known. But still, it's helpful to talk to people, honestly, about the struggles and benefits of being a parent. </p> <p>Personally, one of the things that really helped me was that I spent a week pretending I was going to be CFBC and never have kids. Then I spent a week pretending that I had a kid or two at home and imagining what that might be like. Ultimately, I decided that while I could probably be happy being CFBC, I was excited about the idea of having a child. I thought it would make my life more interesting. I thought it would give me an excuse to go to zoos and children's museums and scavenger hunts. I thought it would be amazing to watch my husband become a dad (he's an amazing dad). So that's what we did! I love being a mom and I really appreciate all the people who took the time to help me talk through and think through the implications of being a parent and come to the decision that that's what I wanted to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2483183 Thu, 03 Mar 2016 13:31:54 +0000 gingerbebe 2483183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ha. I hate/love this question. I think whatever answer you give people validates what they are thinking anyway.</p> <p>I generally tell people to have kids sooner rather than later because DH and I are soooo tired being first time parents in our 30s and wonder how much better it would have been when we had the boundless energy of our 20s. I told my cousin and brother yes, you have less money now, but you end up needing all the stuff and expensive things when you're older because you are just so tired!! :-P</p> <p>I tell them it took me 3 years to have my son and he was very much wanted and we love him to death, but that I wont sugar coat it, he was also the HARDEST EFFING NEWBORN and at 18 months I'm still exhausted all the time. I have a super career oriented cousin who isn't sure IF she wants kids at all and I was like start with a puppy then because no matter how easy a baby you end up with, your ENTIRE life - finances, time, living situation, everything - ends up having to prioritize this tiny person and its a big big shift even if you really want them. A dog, especially a puppy, while totally not on the same field, inconveniences you in similar ways. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2483120 Thu, 03 Mar 2016 13:14:36 +0000 runnerd 2483120@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd probably just say they make me laugh and smile like nothing else in life, and they make me cry and angry like nothing else in life lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2483098 Thu, 03 Mar 2016 13:04:15 +0000 Raindrop 2483098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: LOL :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2483094 Thu, 03 Mar 2016 13:01:59 +0000 Adira 2483094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My response would probably be, "I don't know. Do you LIKE kids?" :P </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2483093 Thu, 03 Mar 2016 13:01:08 +0000 Raindrop 2483093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: I had people ask me how it's like to have kids... funny some of those are the same people asking if they should have kids. *ponders* </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2483085 Thu, 03 Mar 2016 12:58:22 +0000 snowjewelz 2483085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like most people that ask the question is not really looking for an answer... Prob just looking for other's experiences to add to their own pro/con list? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-have-kids#post-2483079 Thu, 03 Mar 2016 12:55:28 +0000 Raindrop 2483079@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Does anyone else get this question? -&gt; “Should I have kids?”</p> <p>How do you answer?</p> <p>A few friends and co-workers have asked me this fairly recently. I’m like um… that’s up to you! I think they want more but I really have nothing to say. I’m not even sure why they asked me. It seems like such a personal choice! For me it was a calling /feeling and not everyone has that same feeling.</p> <p>I did some googling though to see if there was any helpful advice and I can’t seem to find anything that I would want to say. I did see an interesting one that said… if you can pretend that your child will grow up to challenge all the things you hold dear (faith, politics, anything) and still love and support them (you can still argue and disagree), you will be a great parent so you should have kids. Again it was interesting but I’m not sure if I would ever tell someone that!</p> <p>Anyways what would you say if someone asked you this question? </p>